First Communion - Big deal or no?

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Joannm said:
As part of my research for my dissertation I conducted a survey of 2nd grade parents. One of the questions was “why do you want your child to receive FHC.” I was shocked at the number of people who said simply “because we are Catholic.” Some said for cultural reasons and one said that she didn’t believe that the Eucharist was Jesus but that the grandparents insisted and offered a nice “gift” to the child." At least a few said that it was because they wanted their child to receive Jesus and that the sacrament was important to their faith. Many of the parents said they don’t go to Mass weekly or even monthly.
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My daughter sort of had this attitude. They do go to church most of the time, but she does not believe it’s a big deal to miss Mass now and then for reasons other than grave. When my grandaughter received her First Communion I pointed out the fact that while she might be entitled to her own opinions on the matter (even if they are wrong), her daughter had a RIGHT to attend Mass and receive the Eucharist as a Catholic, and when she is too lazy or busy to attend Mass, she is depriving the child of that right. That put things in a different perspective for her–it was not all about her anymore. They have been much better about attending Mass regularly since, my daughter even went to Confession when the child made her first Confession, and have even gotten involved somewhat in parish activities. To tell the truth, I was surprised this approach worked, but it seems it did, although not without some “attitude adjustment”.
 
CB_Catholic said:
My daughter sort of had this attitude. They do go to church most of the time, but she does not believe it’s a big deal to miss Mass now and then for reasons other than grave. When my grandaughter received her First Communion I pointed out the fact that while she might be entitled to her own opinions on the matter (even if they are wrong), her daughter had a RIGHT to attend Mass and receive the Eucharist as a Catholic, and when she is too lazy or busy to attend Mass, she is depriving the child of that right. That put things in a different perspective for her–it was not all about her anymore. They have been much better about attending Mass regularly since, my daughter even went to Confession when the child made her first Confession, and have even gotten involved somewhat in parish activities. To tell the truth, I was surprised this approach worked, but it seems it did, although not without some “attitude adjustment”.
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Actually, at her age your granddaughter has more than a right, she has an obligation to attend Mass on Sundays. When your daughter is too lazy to take her, the sin against the third commandment is hers alone since her daughter is not old enough to get there by herself. Sometimes it takes that kind of “slap upside the head” statement to wake up some people.
 
PatriceA said:
Still, your Cathedral Parish already had the “special” in the day because you had the Bishop presiding. What about parishes where there isn’t any difference in the mass, no mention of any of the children receiving their first communion, no photo ops with the Bishop or the priest.
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Well, sorta. I don’t mean to de-emphasize the honor of having Bishop there (It’s a great honor), but he’s there quite regularly, so it wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary.
 
Joannm said:
As part of my research for my dissertation I conducted a survey of 2nd grade parents. One of the questions was “why do you want your child to receive FHC.” I was shocked at the number of people who said simply “because we are Catholic.” Some said for cultural reasons and one said that she didn’t believe that the Eucharist was Jesus but that the grandparents insisted and offered a nice “gift” to the child." At least a few said that it was because they wanted their child to receive Jesus and that the sacrament was important to their faith. Many of the parents said they don’t go to Mass weekly or even monthly.
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I’m not sure how you worded your question but when people answer “because we are Catholic” they might have meant it as shorthand for “and as Catholics we believe Jesus is present in the Eucharist and receiving the Eucharist is a sacrament.”

Just wanted to point this out- I know several busy parents who would not have thought to explain what is second nature to them.
 
Kat127 said:
I’m not sure how you worded your question but when people answer “because we are Catholic” they might have meant it as shorthand for “and as Catholics we believe Jesus is present in the Eucharist and receiving the Eucharist is a sacrament.”

Just wanted to point this out- I know several busy parents who would not have thought to explain what is second nature to them.
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I should have pointed out that many of those who answered this way also answered that they do not attend mass regularly or that going to mass wasn’t important.
 
it might help us as we prepare our children for sacraments to look again at thread title.

What makes first communion “a big deal” is the action of Jesus Christ in the sacrament, and the Mass itself which is the context, not any of the peripherals we humans add. If the parents, and the rest of those responsible for bringing the child to the sacraments have not already demonstrated that Jesus Christ himself is the big deal in their teaching and manner of living, the way the day is celebrated is not going to convey it to the child. It is neither more or less a big deal for the child if he approaches the altar with his parents during Sunday Mass, with his class at another time, or even as a special needs child in our class who will be receiving at daily Mass next week, along with confirmation, before her critical surgery. Let us focus on what we are teaching the child about Jesus Christ and his encounter in the sacraments, not on the non-essentials.
 
puzzleannie said:
it might help us as we prepare our children for sacraments to look again at thread title.

What makes first communion “a big deal” is the action of Jesus Christ in the sacrament, and the Mass itself which is the context, not any of the peripherals we humans add. If the parents, and the rest of those responsible for bringing the child to the sacraments have not already demonstrated that Jesus Christ himself is the big deal in their teaching and manner of living, the way the day is celebrated is not going to convey it to the child. It is neither more or less a big deal for the child if he approaches the altar with his parents during Sunday Mass, with his class at another time, or even as a special needs child in our class who will be receiving at daily Mass next week, along with confirmation, before her critical surgery. Let us focus on what we are teaching the child about Jesus Christ and his encounter in the sacraments, not on the non-essentials.
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Excellent point. If receiving Jesus was the most important part of their lives they would be at Mass each and every Sunday and if the parish only had FHC at SUnday Mass then it really should not be that big a deal if all the pageantry is not part of it. The reception of Jesus for the first time should be the focus.
 
i do certainly agree with Joam. The big deal is receiving Jesus and not to get distracted about pretty dressses, parties, etc. Everytime we go to mass and receive communion, it is a big deal, a joyous experience! Let’s forget about all the pomp and put more emphasis about what it means to receive Him, specially for the first time. It is not the appearance of a churchf or a dress that is going to make the action beautiful, it is the presence of our Lord within us. It does not matter if it is the most beautiful church in the world or the most important one in our country, what it matters it is the great gift of receiving Jesus. The rest is secondary, terciary or not important at all. Thinking so much about dresses, guests, music, etc, we easily forget the main purpose of such an event.
 
I guess then I’m the dissenting opinion because I do think the nice white dress and a nice party afterwards for family and friends are important. I feel the same about weddings by the way. I think receiving the sacraments in the Church should be marked as a special occasion and not treated like other masses in the Church.
 
nobody is saying there is anything wrong with those things, but if they become the focus, First Communion really becomes No Big Deal when the focus shifts away from Jesus. I guess I am the dissenting opinion because the damage I see is done when the focus is on the “my special child or our special children” and away from Jesus. The sad thing about the Saturday afternoon Mass is I know for an absolute fact, from sad experience, half those children and parents will not return to a regular Sunday Mass, that weekend, or even the next, and the next. That really is a big deal.
 
puzzleannie said:
nobody is saying there is anything wrong with those things, but if they become the focus, First Communion really becomes No Big Deal when the focus shifts away from Jesus. I guess I am the dissenting opinion because the damage I see is done when the focus is on the “my special child or our special children” and away from Jesus. The sad thing about the Saturday afternoon Mass is I know for an absolute fact, from sad experience, half those children and parents will not return to a regular Sunday Mass, that weekend, or even the next, and the next. That really is a big deal.
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I agree, the lack of regular mass attendance is a HUGE deal. And I too experienced the “over the top” approach to First Communions, especially when I saw one mother go up with her child dressed in her own rinestone encrusted evening gown. I saw it when DD received her first reconciliation and the priest had to actually come out of the confession and reprimand people for chatting it up in the pews. DD was the only one that went into the pew after her reconciliation to prayer and do her penance, most families just walked out.

That is a an issue though I don’t think is going to be solved by either giving a special communion mass OR having first communion during a regular Sunday mass. The time to actually reach those families has long passed by the time the planning for the first communion has come around.

The thing is though, there are cradle Catholic families, that do understand the signigicance of the day and the focus on the Eucharist and do have a proper perspective on not “going over the top” and still wanting to mark it as a special occasion. I am one of them. I actually wish I had done just a little bit more for DD’s first communion. I treasue the pics from that day, with all the girls in their white communion dresses with the smiles on their faces. That pic sits next to mine from my first communion.

I just don’t like to see the pendelum swing too far the other way after things getting too out of hand with too much bling.
 
PatriceA said:
The thing is though, there are cradle Catholic families, that do understand the signigicance of the day and the focus on the Eucharist and do have a proper perspective on not “going over the top” and still wanting to mark it as a special occasion. I am one of them. I actually wish I had done just a little bit more for DD’s first communion. I treasue the pics from that day, with all the girls in their white communion dresses with the smiles on their faces. That pic sits next to mine from my first communion.
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I could be reading it wrong…

But I got the impression from the OP that her parish seems (to her) to have lost sight of the fact that First Communion is a big deal for ANY reason. To the OP the parish isn’t just de-emphasizing dresses, community, pictures, and pomp. The parish isn’t emphasizing that Jesus is the reason First Communions (and all receptions of communion afterward) are a big deal.

Ideally the children’s reception of First Communion at a regularly scheduled Sunday Mass should seem as joyous an occasion to the community at large as it does to the First Communicants. The OP is not perceiving that this is the case. She may or may not be right. 🤷
 
PatriceA said:
I agree, the lack of regular mass attendance is a HUGE deal. And I too experienced the “over the top” approach to First Communions, especially when I saw one mother go up with her child dressed in her own rinestone encrusted evening gown.
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The last First Communion I went to, the girls were dressed in what appeared to be mini-weddng dresses. They looked like mini brides with their hair and make-up all done up, and their big gowns for dresses, and multi-tiered veils.

Then I remembered my FC. My mom did my hair hair up in rag curlers the night before, and made my dress and veil (it was made out of a coat hanger and tulle.) My how things changed.
 
Love_Divine said:
The last First Communion I went to, the girls were dressed in what appeared to be mini-weddng dresses. They looked like mini brides with their hair and make-up all done up, and their big gowns for dresses, and multi-tiered veils.

Then I remembered my FC. My mom did my hair hair up in rag curlers the night before, and made my dress and veil (it was made out of a coat hanger and tulle.) My how things changed.
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When my girls received FHC I bought an inexpensive dress and made their veils and their bouquets our of silk flowers (they still have them and they are adults). It all cost less than $75. Their parties were in the backyard with homeade food and a 6 foot hero from the deli.
 
I made my FHC in 1956. It was a big deal back then, with the entire class dressed in white (even white suits for boys). My dress was very fancy and frilly. A small family party afterwards. However, the emphasis was on Jesus, and we understood very well what it was all about. The Sisters saw to that. I remember that the fancy dress was not worn just for FHC. We used to have processions at church fairly frequently, and we would get dressed up in our dresses for them (no veil) and carry flowers in the processions. Also, it became a Sunday dress, with perhaps a colored sash added around the waist. Nobody bought a dress you could only wear one time (except brides). Also nobody had huge parties, etc, unless you had a huge family. It was just family and close friends. The emphasis was more on the spiritual than it is today, I think, but FHC was still a big deal.
 
SMHW said:
I could be reading it wrong…

But I got the impression from the OP that her parish seems (to her) to have lost sight of the fact that First Communion is a big deal for ANY reason. To the OP the parish isn’t just de-emphasizing dresses, community, pictures, and pomp. The parish isn’t emphasizing that Jesus is the reason First Communions (and all receptions of communion afterward) are a big deal.

Ideally the children’s reception of First Communion at a regularly scheduled Sunday Mass should seem as joyous an occasion to the community at large as it does to the First Communicants. The OP is not perceiving that this is the case. She may or may not be right. 🤷
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Thank you! YES! THIS is what I was trying to say…

1.) My daughter will NOT look like a “mini-bride.” Her planned dress is simple, not ostentatious, and will be very tasteful. Most likely, no veil…extremely simple.

2.) Party? Not really. Maybe just a lunch at our house afterwards because we will have family visiting…but no big party like a birthday or anything.

3.) Pictures during Mass??? NO WAY!!! I’m appalled at how some on here perceived my original post…I probably worded it wrong and for that I apologize. Pictures afterwards? Totally fine.

I have NO PROBLEM having First Communion during a regular Mass…spreading it out over eight Masses I question. Having the “POMP” is not what I want. I WANT the focus to be on Christ…on the Holy Eucharist. And the way they do things here just doesn’t seem to be on a level that a SEVEN year old would understand on why that day is so special; on why partaking in the Holy Eucharist is so special on ANY day. I get it. My HUSBAND gets it. But will she? We teach her at home, she gets the information at school. But at our other parish, my son UNDERSTOOD because the focus was on his first meeting with Christ…not the new suit he wore, not the number of family in attendance, not the cool 1st Eucharist pin he received from us…we saw him turn from a kid bored with Mass to one who held US accountable to our own actions, both in and out of the building and Masses. He’s beyond excited for his sister…

Regular Masses at our church seem to be somewhat un-focused…“his mike is too loud.” “how many announcements can we fit in before people bolt.” “why is the choir singing before Mass starts.” “who’s kid is that screaming?” In a room full of over 900 people, the focus seems to have been lost. That’s why I question this…

sigh I’m probably still coming across as a brat…🤷 I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I slink back to my corner now…
 
Our parish does first communion on two different Sat. mornings…one for our Catholic school students the other for the CCD students…it is a special day for the children and their families…and the next day at Mass they are acknowledged by the parish…

stormy
 
stormy99 said:
Our parish does first communion on two different Sat. mornings…one for our Catholic school students the other for the CCD students…it is a special day for the children and their families…and the next day at Mass they are acknowledged by the parish…

stormy
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The problem is, in many parishes around here, is that we don’t see the kids the next day, or the next Sunday, or the next Sunday. In fact sometimes we don’t see them until they are ready to receive Confirmation…but that is for another thread.
 
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