First Communion Dresses

[kalt]

What do you think of the First Communion dresses that most of the girls wear today. For those of you who haven’t been to a First Communion lately, the dresses look like miniature wedding gowns. Many of the girls wear veils with attached tiarras.

One parish near me recently tried to ban white dresses altogether, because the pastor was disgusted by the extravagance. He was trying to tone down the look-at-me/fashion show/playing wedding dress-up that the First Communion had become.

The parents balked.

I wonder what most Catholics think of the new dresses. I also wonder what non-Catholics think of the stress on clothing, especially the dress-up/fashion show aspect.

If I can quickly find a link to the type of dress that most girls here wear, I’ll post it.

myfirstcommunion.com/pd_alexa_first_communion_dress.cfm

Found a picture. I hope the link works.

 

[emeraldcoast]

kalt,

These are not your simple white dresses any more are they? I know last year at my children’s Catholic School, the children made their First Communion at their home parishes not as a class. Needless to say, some how it worked out that the kids were able to wear their outfits to school for the May Crowning as well as First Communion.

I agree with the priest after seeing the amount of expense that parents spent on these outfits for a couple of hours. The focus is lost on receiving Jesus to looking like a princess. It would make a lot more sense to send that money to Catholic Charities and have the First Communion girls where a nice simple dress.

God Bless!

 

[4elise]

there are uniforms for just about everything else - perhaps this could be ‘controlled’ a bit if there were a simple white dress that all the girls wore? I’m 53 and I remember how special I felt in a white dress and veil at 8 - it was simple - but the day was so special, and as a Church that puts our priests, altar servers, etc. in vestments, etc… there could be some ‘uniform’ white dress - still allowing the garment to help set the day apart

 

[zaffiroborant]

kalt,

**These are not your simple white dresses any more are they? ** I know last year at my children’s Catholic School, the children made their First Communion at their home parishes not as a class. Needless to say, some how it worked out that the kids were able to wear their outfits to school for the May Crowning as well as First Communion.

I agree with the priest after seeing the amount of expense that parents spent on these outfits for a couple of hours. The focus is lost on receiving Jesus to looking like a princess. It would make a lot more sense to send that money to Catholic Charities and have the First Communion girls where a nice simple dress.

God Bless!

Anymore? When I celebrated my First Communion my family was living with my grandparents in their huge old house that still had many of the the things my dad and his sisters had grown up with. Among them was the most beautiful First Communion dress I could imagine (at 7 years old) It was a princess dress, embroidered, pearled and covered in lace falling just below the knees with a matching pearled tiara. I dearly wanted to wear that dress for my First Communion. But my mother wanted something more up to date. And so I ended up wearing a “simple” dress my mom loved and I hated and not the dress that had been in the family. Oh and the big fancy princess dress was used in about 1943(during rationing I believe) so the fancy dress for First Communion is not some new innovation.

 

[kalt]

Anymore? When I celebrated my First Communion my family was living with my grandparents in their huge old house that still had many of the the things my dad and his sisters had grown up with. Among them was the most beautiful First Communion dress I could imagine (at 7 years old) It was a princess dress, embroidered, pearled and covered in lace falling just below the knees with a matching pearled tiara. I dearly wanted to wear that dress for my First Communion. But my mother wanted something more up to date. And so I ended up wearing a “simple” dress my mom loved and I hated and not the dress that had been in the family. Oh and the big fancy princess dress was used in about 1943(during rationing I believe) so the fancy dress for First Communion is not some new innovation.

1943, a very good year. The year my spouse was born.

My mother made her first communion in the 30’s, during the Depression when her father was out of work. They had enough money to pay the principle on the mortgage only, but saved their house.

Her dress was very nice. Elegant even. There is no question that the family sacrificed to get a dress that was appropriate for the day. The veil reached the hem of the dress that was just below the knee.

Still, this looked nothing like the dresses today. She did not look like a bride–not by any stretch of the immagination. The dress was appropriate for a child’s body. It did not have a bodice that looked like it belonged on a person with breasts, for crying out loud.

IMO, the girls can look ridiculous today. It looks like a dress-up party, not a First Communion.

I am proud to say that the girls in my family had beautiful dresses that looked like First Communion dresses for 7-yr-olds. They had simple veils, wore children’s shoes (no heels!), and the bodices were conservative and child-like.

We saw a beautiful First Communion dress at a local department store. It was being sold as a Spring dress or an Easter dress. It would be perfect as a First Communion dress, but I doubt anyone will buy it for that. After all, it was only $35, so how could it be right.

I think people spend money needlessly, and their daughters end up looking foolish. They might as well wear a white Cinderella costume.

 

[kalt]

Anymore? When I celebrated my First Communion my family was living with my grandparents in their huge old house that still had many of the the things my dad and his sisters had grown up with. Among them was the most beautiful First Communion dress I could imagine (at 7 years old) It was a princess dress, embroidered, pearled and covered in lace falling just below the knees with a matching pearled tiara. I dearly wanted to wear that dress for my First Communion. But my mother wanted something more up to date. And so I ended up wearing a “simple” dress my mom loved and I hated and not the dress that had been in the family. Oh and the big fancy princess dress was used in about 1943(during rationing I believe) so the fancy dress for First Communion is not some new innovation.

Was clothing or fabric rationed? I’m thinking that silk must have been, for obvious reasons. Maybe cotton was, too.

I know that rationing was a problem, but the rich (it seems that your family was fairly wealthy) always had the finer things. Even during the Depression, young rich girls were dressed to the nines.

My mother tells us about the rich girls (elementary school age) who came to church in furs during the Depression.

 

[kalt]

there are uniforms for just about everything else - perhaps this could be ‘controlled’ a bit if there were a simple white dress that all the girls wore? I’m 53 and I remember how special I felt in a white dress and veil at 8 - it was simple - but the day was so special, and as a Church that puts our priests, altar servers, etc. in vestments, etc… there could be some ‘uniform’ white dress - still allowing the garment to help set the day apart

That’s a very good idea. Boys never look ridiculous like the girls do. No self-respecting boy would be caught dead in a Little Lord Fauntleroy (sp?) get up.

Can you imagine dressing a boy today in a Prince Charming outfit for First Communion?

Yet, mothers (admit that men have nothing to do with this nonsense) dress their daughters as if they’re playing dress-up with them.

Maybe the Church should enforce strict guidelines. The dress can’t be longer than X, can’t have more than a X inch girth to the skirt. The bodice must be appropriate for a 7-yr-old, for Church, and for a First Communion. No beading. Sleeves are a must. No overly puffy sleeves.

It’s terrible that people have to be told not to dress their kids as fairy tale characters for something as important as First Communion.

 

[Jerusha]

If the Catholic Schools have contracts with uniform companies, even rentals, perhaps they should also rent First Communion dresses, only approved styles. Parents are only allowed to rent those, or, if they want, imititate only those styles. That should control the problem.

I have seen those dresses, and I agree with you that it is out of control. They should portray innocence, not !$$@%$

However, doesn’t this thread belong in another forum?

 

[kalt]

If the Catholic Schools have contracts with uniform companies, even rentals, perhaps they should also rent First Communion dresses, only approved styles. Parents are only allowed to rent those, or, if they want, imititate only those styles. That should control the problem.

I have seen those dresses, and I agree with you that it is out of control. They should portray innocence, not !$$@%$

However, doesn’t this thread belong in another forum?

I was hoping to get the opinion of non-Catholics, too.

For all the false things they complain about (worshiping Mary, cannibalism, etc), they don’t seem to say anything about this, which I think is a legitimate criticism.

 

[conflicted1]

It’s terrible that people have to be told not to dress their kids as fairy tale characters for something as important as First Communion.

Thank heavens my mom and the other moms didn’t have the “soccer mom” mentality that seems to pervade our culture these days. I remember at my communion we all pretty much had the same dresses and lace tea-towels instead of veils and sandals with white socks. It was winter in South Australia so it was blazing hot. I think I even had a sunburn. I will have to ask my mom to email me the photos.

After looking at the site you linked to I see how much times have changed in just three decades. Actually, the dresses reminded me of the hispanic La Quinceañera parties. Those dresses are appropriate for a “coming out” party but not for First Communion. At the time I took it very seriously, it was not a “dress-up” day for me or my parents. Perhaps it was different for me because I was a bit older. Most of us were between 10 and 12 years of age.

We had uniforms in school and my 10 year old niece wears one to so I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to have a Communion uniform.

I just took a gander at wikipedia and this is what I found: “In Switzerland, both boys and girls wear plain white robes with brown wooden crosses around their necks.”

Not a bad idea IMHO. It is much more appropriate than the “little bride” dresses.

 

[emeraldcoast]

I was hoping to get the opinion of non-Catholics, too.

For all the false things they complain about (worshiping Mary, cannibalism, etc), they don’t seem to say anything about this, which I think is a legitimate criticism.

We have a Children’s Choir “Joyful Noise” and the children all wear matching white choir robes. For Confirmation, do your canidates wear white robes?

I think that you have touched on a topic that goes across many Churches on what one thinks is appropriate attire for Church. Great topic!

God Bless!

 

[puzzleannie]

in my experience this is more of a cultural thing, the dresses the children wear vary more by geography and ethnicity and it is not possible to make a generalization. whatever is appropriate in the place, time in culture is fine with me. I remind parents there is no requirement whatever except that the dress be a dress, be modest, and be age appropriate. it does not even have to be white, and does not have to be new. If the godparents what to spend a lot of money, let them, but it is not required. IMO the child should be consulted if possible and the family provide what is affordable. we always have a great selection of beautiful used dresses at St. Vincent de Paul but few families, even the poorest, avail themselves.

 

[kalt]

We have a Children’s Choir “Joyful Noise” and the children all wear matching white choir robes. For Confirmation, do your canidates wear white robes?

I think that you have touched on a topic that goes across many Churches on what one thinks is appropriate attire for Church. Great topic!

God Bless!

Confirmation is much more reasonable. Once the kids hit the teen years, they’re more self-conscious about looking like they’re wearing a costume. Still, the teens don’t understand appropriate dress. They want to wear sleeveless or low-cut numbers. The church sends home a note, telling the teens that they have to have sleeves or wear a shrug. The dress can be no shorter than X, etc. The boys are told that they can’t wear jeans and sneakers, and that they can’t wear t-shirts w/ logos, etc.

Wouldn’t it be great if they did a similar thing with the First Communion kids?

 

[kalt]

in my experience this is more of a cultural thing, the dresses the children wear vary more by geography and ethnicity and it is not possible to make a generalization. whatever is appropriate in the place, time in culture is fine with me. I remind parents there is no requirement whatever except that the dress be a dress, be modest, and be age appropriate. it does not even have to be white, and does not have to be new. If the godparents what to spend a lot of money, let them, but it is not required. IMO the child should be consulted if possible and the family provide what is affordable. we always have a great selection of beautiful used dresses at St. Vincent de Paul but few families, even the poorest, avail themselves.

You see a lot more lace and ruffles in the Latino sections of the city, for sure. But those dresses are also a lot less expensive than the Cinderella ball gowns you see in the burbs. And, though they look like beauty pageant get-ups, at least they’re child-like.

What’s with trying to make our 7-yr-old First Communion candidates look like fairtale princesses (adults who are marrying their knights in shining armor) or prom queens? Neither is age or event-appropriate.

 

[puzzleannie]

did not notice choice of forum when I posted, is there a reason for discussing this on non_Catholic religions? my reply dealt with first communion for Catholic children. If I should be responding to a particular concern of non-Catholics, let me know.

I repeat, why worry about the choices other parents make as long as the dress is modest and they are not asking me to pay for it? I don’t believe in placing any more demands and restrictions and requirements upon the parents and families beyond what is specified in canon law and particular law of the diocese, so I won’t be laying down any stricter guidelines for the present

 

[emeraldcoast]

Confirmation is much more reasonable. Once the kids hit the teen years, they’re more self-conscious about looking like they’re wearing a costume. Still, the teens don’t understand appropriate dress. They want to wear sleeveless or low-cut numbers. The church sends home a note, telling the teens that they have to have sleeves or wear a shrug. The dress can be no shorter than X, etc. The boys are told that they can’t wear jeans and sneakers, and that they can’t wear t-shirts w/ logos, etc.

Wouldn’t it be great if they did a similar thing with the First Communion kids?

I know that my Episcopalian children have uniform and haircut guidelines that they must follow for the Catholic School. I think that guidelines would be awesome. One must also remember that not all the parents of Catholic children grew-up Catholic and know what is the standard dress for First Communion.

God Bless!

 

[samcarter14]

I have a picture of my grandmother at her First Communion–she was about 9, I think, and it was in the late 1920s. She is wearing what looks to me like a fairly simple (non poofy) white dress, knee length, with elbow-length sleeves. She also has long white gloves on. Her veil is very long in the back and quite poofy on her head! Probably not as fancy as nowadays, but I"m sure back in the Depression era this would have been a dress that was saved for, probably hand-sewn and treasured.

It doesn’t have pearls, though, or sparkles. No satin. No crinoline to make it stand out all poofy like a princess dress. It’s just a simple, modest, white dress for a young girl.

When I look at First Communion dresses online, and see the prices, it makes me feel slightly faint and very grateful that I have boys.

 

[Jennifer_J]

There are a wide range of choices, styles, and cost for parents and children to choose from.
From here, for instance–wide ranges:
onesmallchild.com/category/Communion-Dresses/172/first-communion-dresses.htm

This is the one we bought for our oldest to be handed down (and yes, it was on sale then, too, what a bargain!):
ballerinacollection.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=D2133&Category_Code=FGSO

The boys also can wear full suits or jackets or even just an oxford shirt and tie–again a wide range of styles, cost and choices.

Are there inappropriate dresses, sure. Generally, the fashions of today are very inappropriate for girls this age. You have to search and hunt. Many parents have become immune to what is appropriate or not. General guidelines are good, however, I think the idea of a “uniform” or “robe” is just terrible. Some families have these dresses handed down for generations. They are family history. Most families choose wisely, why ruin the special day for them because a few can’t pick a decent dress? I also see nothing wrong with letting the girl get a fancy, reasonably priced dress (and reasonably for me is different than for another family, more than likely). It’s a special day.

 

[emeraldcoast]

There are a wide range of choices, styles, and cost for parents and children to choose from.
From here, for instance–wide ranges:
onesmallchild.com/category/Communion-Dresses/172/first-communion-dresses.htm

This is the one we bought for our oldest to be handed down (and yes, it was on sale then, too, what a bargain!):
ballerinacollection.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=D2133&Category_Code=FGSO

The boys also can wear full suits or jackets or even just an oxford shirt and tie–again a wide range of styles, cost and choices.

Are there inappropriate dresses, sure. Generally, the fashions of today are very inappropriate for girls this age. You have to search and hunt. Many parents have become immune to what is appropriate or not. General guidelines are good, however, I think the idea of a “uniform” or “robe” is just terrible. Some families have these dresses handed down for generations. They are family history. Most families choose wisely, why ruin the special day for them because a few can’t pick a decent dress? I also see nothing wrong with letting the girl get a fancy, reasonably priced dress (and reasonably for me is different than for another family, more than likely). It’s a special day.

I understand what you are saying about family history. In our family all the babies have been in same gown and bonnet for their Baptism.

God Bless!

 

[kalt]

There are a wide range of choices, styles, and cost for parents and children to choose from.
From here, for instance–wide ranges:
onesmallchild.com/category/Communion-Dresses/172/first-communion-dresses.htm

This is the one we bought for our oldest to be handed down (and yes, it was on sale then, too, what a bargain!):
ballerinacollection.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=D2133&Category_Code=FGSO

The boys also can wear full suits or jackets or even just an oxford shirt and tie–again a wide range of styles, cost and choices.

Are there inappropriate dresses, sure. Generally, the fashions of today are very inappropriate for girls this age. You have to search and hunt. Many parents have become immune to what is appropriate or not. General guidelines are good, however, I think the idea of a “uniform” or “robe” is just terrible. Some families have these dresses handed down for generations. They are family history. Most families choose wisely, why ruin the special day for them because a few can’t pick a decent dress? I also see nothing wrong with letting the girl get a fancy, reasonably priced dress (and reasonably for me is different than for another family, more than likely). It’s a special day.

That dress is adorable. A little too much skirt for my taste, but the bodice is perfect. It’s far better than 90% of the dresses we see every year.

I wanted to add that that dress is prefectly age and event-appropriate. It looks like it was designed for a 7-yr-old. It’s not costumey at all.

You have very nice taste! I bet your daughters are thrilled with it.