First Communion Dresses

[kalt]

I understand what you are saying about family history. In our family all the babies have been in same gown and bonnet for their Baptism.

God Bless!

I’ve never seen a girl in a Communion dress that was handed down from a previous generation. Christening gowns are used like that, but apparently not First Communion dresses.

In my generation, the dresses were just knee length–to the top of the knee cap. No girl would want to wear that style today–they would call it a mini skirt, I think.

Our ties weren’t the right width, either. No boy today would wear our ties and high-waisted, pleated pants. And they certainly wouldn’t wear that big bow on their arms.

 

[maryjk]

General guidelines are good, however, I think the idea of a “uniform” or “robe” is just terrible. Some families have these dresses handed down for generations. They are family history. Most families choose wisely, why ruin the special day for them because a few can’t pick a decent dress? I also see nothing wrong with letting the girl get a fancy, reasonably priced dress (and reasonably for me is different than for another family, more than likely). It’s a special day.

I remember the dress I wore, in fact I still have it. It was floor length. Covered with lace. It had long sleeves, since it was cold where we lived. I made my first Communion in the 70’s. My sister also made her’s in the 70’s, but chose a just below the knee length dress with shorter sleeves. My dress was like a sheath, her’s was puffy. We both saved our dresses for the next generation. I had a son, no daughters. She left the Church.

This is not a new innovation. People have been dressing up for First Communion for a long time. I have a picture of my Mom making her First Communion. Puffy white dress, long veil, gloves and white shoes. It would have been the early 50’s.

The solution is easy. If you have a girl, don’t buy what you don’t like. If you don’t, don’t worry about.

 

[kalt]

I remember the dress I wore, in fact I still have it. It was floor length. Covered with lace. It had long sleeves, since it was cold where we lived. I made my first Communion in the 70’s. My sister also made her’s in the 70’s, but chose a just below the knee length dress with shorter sleeves. My dress was like a sheath, her’s was puffy. We both saved our dresses for the next generation. I had a son, no daughters. She left the Church.

This is not a new innovation. People have been dressing up for First Communion for a long time. I have a picture of my Mom making her First Communion. Puffy white dress, long veil, gloves and white shoes. It would have been the early 50’s.

The solution is easy. If you have a girl, don’t buy what you don’t like. If you don’t, don’t worry about.

That’s a cop-out.

Certainly you wouldn’t say that if some of the girls came dressed in white halters and white hot pants. Oh, those fashionable 70’s!

For a few years here in the 70’s, white dresses were banned. Some kids wore them anyway. Girls wore gowns–simple long dresses or to-the-knee dresses.

No one is saying that dressing up is new. Wearing white has been a tradition for a long time.

It’s the costumey dresses of today that we’re talking about. It’s really over the top. Even the priests are balking at the parade of dress-up attire.

 

[Jennifer_J]

That dress is adorable. A little too much skirt for my taste, but the bodice is perfect. It’s far better than 90% of the dresses we see every year.

I wanted to add that that dress is prefectly age and event-appropriate. It looks like it was designed for a 7-yr-old. It’s not costumey at all.

You have very nice taste! I bet your daughters are thrilled with it.

Thanks

emeraldcoast:I understand what you are saying about family history. In our family all the babies have been in same gown and bonnet for their Baptism.

God Bless!

We had an heirloom baptismal gown on my dh’s side of the family. The first great grandbaby to wear it (that would be our son) pooped in it and ruined it. Great granny bought a new “heirloom” style gown and nearly all the great grandbabies have worn it! Hurray for passing things down!

 

[emeraldcoast]

Thanks

We had an heirloom baptismal gown on my dh’s side of the family. The first great grandbaby to wear it (that would be our son) pooped in it and ruined it. Great granny bought a new “heirloom” style gown and nearly all the great grandbabies have worn it! Hurray for passing things down!

I hope that your son’s diaper accident took place after the Baptism! Your post gave me a nice giggle–Thank you!

God Bless!

 

[maryjk]

That’s a cop-out.

Certainly you wouldn’t say that if some of the girls came dressed in white halters and white hot pants. Oh, those fashionable 70’s!

For a few years here in the 70’s, white dresses were banned. Some kids wore them anyway. Girls wore gowns–simple long dresses or to-the-knee dresses.

No one is saying that dressing up is new. Wearing white has been a tradition for a long time.

It’s the costumey dresses of today that we’re talking about. It’s really over the top. Even the priests are balking at the parade of dress-up attire.

Which part is a cop-out?

The 70’s quote was to tell you that girls have been wearing long white dresses for a long time. Example: I wore one, and it was the 70’s. What is funny is that my wedding dress was very much like my First Communion dress.

Where were they banned? In the US? Or at your Parish? Was it the Bishops that banned white dresses or your priest?

If you look at pictures of girls in past years, they also look like they are dresses up in a costume. By “we’re,” who are you talking about? I work at the store at my parish. No one has said anything to me or that I have overheard about the dresses or the veils. And I overhear a lot. I stand in the hallway, while parents are taking their children to Sunday School. I also order many of the veils. If there was talk at our parish, I would know about it. And one priest balking does not count as “even the priests are balking.”

 

[JanetF]

My mother made my daughter’s First Holy Communion Dress. It was beautiful in it’s simplicity. Plainer then the other’s but made more special because Mom made it.

I was born in 1964, my dress was home made and plain…“dotted swiss”??

My mother told me at the time of my DD’s FHC in 2003 that the trends seem to skip a generation, as her dress was fancy.

Overall, I agree with previous comments about the outlandishness currently happening. I have no idea how large families can afford these sort of expenses.

I hope and pray that my mother is still alive and able, to make the confirmation dress in 2 years and again it will be simple yet elegant…although I don’t think it’s as outlandish as the communion dresses.

 

[Jennifer_J]

I hope that your son’s diaper accident took place after the Baptism! Your post gave me a nice giggle–Thank you!

God Bless!

Nope, right before the baptism, which was after Mass, of course. the gown was 2 layers and his aunt and I carefully changed him out of the onesie and bottom layer, cleaned him up and replaced the outer layer. When Granny washed it later, it fell apart, it was just sooo thin. I was mortified that we had ruined it…but Granny was sweet about it and just bought the new one

 

[tundramom]

Our daughters were able to wear both baptismal and first communion dresses that my MIL made. All 8 of her children were baptised in these gowns and all the nieces and nephews as well. The first communion dress was worn by each of the girls who could fit it.
The gown is very simple, but beautiful. Each of the girls got to choose their own veil and the gloves that my children wore were my own grandmother’s. Although she was a Mormon, she had some beautiful fancy gloves that she had back in the 20’s and 30’s.

in Christ
Steph

 

[MarysRoses]

I taught first communion classes for many years…

This conversation happened in one form or another every single year. My own opinion has gone from one extreme to the other and back again.

Some observations for thought…

The extreme of having a uniform or robe for everyone. Low cost, everyone is the same, no no angst about “the dress”. I’ve been in a parish that did this back about 1978 - 1982.
Things I remember … parents and grandparents heartbroken because they could not incorporate their family traditions about the dress into the celebration. I felt at that time they were foolish and missing the point that it was about receiving Jesus for the first time, not their customs of frilly dresses. Little girls upset over wearing a heavy, hot “choir robe” get up instead of the pretty dress. Boys too! In my area… .boys typically get their first “grown up” suit for first communion. They also wear an elaborate white satin bow on one arm of the usually dark suit. One year the DRE had parents help the children decorate a stole to wear with the robes to personalize the day…( I now find this far more inappropriate than a frilly dress or suit.)

The other extreme… I was teaching at a parish that was largely hispanic. The local tradition was that the Godmothers (many of them for each girl, some named just for this event) take upon themselves the buying or making of all the various items. The girls would show up in mini-bride dresses heavily decorated and embroidered with long trailing trains and veils with rhinestone tiaras, etc, including hoop slips. I found myself more than a bit frustrated many times on the big day, managing wardrobes, trying to keep the big hoop skirts from flying up when little girls forgot how to sit in them properly. I often wished for rules to “keep it simple” but our parish priest would tell the families to keep it simple, yet never enforced anything.

Time has a way of passing before you know it. I never was able to have a daughter, complications kept me from having another child after my son. Out of the blue, we were able to adopt a little girl from korea. An answer to prayer. All too soon, she was old enough to make her first communion. We had a new priest! YES! finally we’d get down to having simple clothing for first communion. I was sure our new priest would help cut down the excesses. His actions in clearing out clutter and his preference for simple vestments made me confident he would be more cooperative. My own daughter didn’t like frilly clothes, I planned to shop for a simple white dress. The other teachers and I approached Father about some dress guidelines, hoping to get some firm directives about simple but appropriate dress.

His answer. NO. He explained his reasoning. While he sympathized with our viewpoint, the elaborate preparations of some parishioners was part of their culture, and he was not going to interfere with it. Outfitting the children is a cooperative effort of the entire extended family and local community. Restraining this activity would harm family and community ties. He also explained that he felt dressing as a princess is appropriate, our daughters are children of the King of the Universe. First Communion is a CELEBRATION! Solemn, yes, but joyful. Making kids and families unhappy over dress misses the point.

Well, so ok, but MY daughter is going to wear a simple dress.

So we go shopping. My daughter tried on a few dresses, didn’t really like any of them. Any of them would have suited me but nothing stood out. I felt like she’d prefer to wear her jeans. Things were not going well, with what I thought would be a happy shopping trip, so we were leaving the store planning to go have lunch before looking some more. As were leaving my daughter sees a rack of dresses off to the side and goes over to it, pointing out a dress that had caught her eye. The saleslady came over seemingly a bit uncomfortable and apologetically said the dresses had been ordered because “there are a lot of mexican girls in town” as if she found them (I HOPE she meant the dresses and not the girls) distasteful. I felt uncomfortable and started to leave and emily says, “please mom, I want the Mary dress”. The first spark of interest from her about the entire event. So I look closer and sure enough she was holding a dress with Our Lady of Guadalupe embroidered on the skirt. Something, admittedly, I felt was a bit ‘tacky’. "I’m not sure… " lamely trying to find a reason to not like the dress that didn’t sound entirely shallow and disrespectful of the culture of the majority of our parish… "PLEASE MOM, it has Mary on it, PLEASE. She excitedly tried it on and it fit perfectly. Full length, poofy skirt and all. “Please mom?” she pleaded with her eyes. So… we left with the poofy dress and a crinoline (No hoops, I had to hold onto a shred of my simple intentions). We also added a simple tiara and a long mantilla veil. Since I had caved I thought not matching the veil to the style of the dress would have made it more, not less silly. My princess was ready for her day. So it happened that my korean daughter, adopted into a white American family, wore a poofy Our Lady of Guadalupe dress and sparkled and shone with her Mexican American sisters for her First Communion.

So I caved to the dress. It wasn’t that bad at all. My daughter was attracted to the dress because of her devotion to Mary. She loved that she had the “Mary” dress. How could I discourage that? After first communion, she started wearing the mantilla veil to Sunday mass, it was a happy remembrance of her first communion every sunday. She still loves going to mass even now as a teenager getting ready for confirmation. She still loves her veil, it reminds her of the first time she received Jesus in communion. The tiara was a simple but nice jewelry quality crown. It has since seen use for Christmas pageants, her 15th birthday party and her first formal dance. It is carefully packed away for future proms and maybe someday her wedding. Maybe even someday for her daughters first communion. She’s sentimental that way.

That “simple” satin dress with a “simple” headband veil or flowers would never have meant so much or left so much to carry the deep meaning of the day forward into her future.

It seems common in America to discount the little, familiy traditions as something complicated and old fashioned. For reasons of “taste” or appropriateness.

I found the dress she picked a bit gaudy and not to my taste. Yet it perfectly suited her, and left her with a deeper connection to her faith. Elements of that dress and day continue to enhance special moments of her life. I’m glad I have found a deeper meaning in what some see as unecessary “frills”.

Just some thoughts…

MarysRoses

 

[kalt]

Well, so ok, but MY daughter is going to wear a simple dress.

So we go shopping. My daughter tried on a few dresses, didn’t really like any of them. Any of them would have suited me but nothing stood out. I felt like she’d prefer to wear her jeans. Things were not going well, with what I thought would be a happy shopping trip, so we were leaving the store planning to go have lunch before looking some more. As were leaving my daughter sees a rack of dresses off to the side and goes over to it, pointing out a dress that had caught her eye. The saleslady came over seemingly a bit uncomfortable and apologetically said the dresses had been ordered because “there are a lot of mexican girls in town” as if she found them (I HOPE she meant the dresses and not the girls) distasteful. I felt uncomfortable and started to leave and emily says, “please mom, I want the Mary dress”. The first spark of interest from her about the entire event. So I look closer and sure enough she was holding a dress with Our Lady of Guadalupe embroidered on the skirt. Something, admittedly, I felt was a bit ‘tacky’. "I’m not sure… " lamely trying to find a reason to not like the dress that didn’t sound entirely shallow and disrespectful of the culture of the majority of our parish… "PLEASE MOM, it has Mary on it, PLEASE. She excitedly tried it on and it fit perfectly. Full length, poofy skirt and all. “Please mom?” she pleaded with her eyes. So… we left with the poofy dress and a crinoline (No hoops, I had to hold onto a shred of my simple intentions). We also added a simple tiara and a long mantilla veil. Since I had caved I thought not matching the veil to the style of the dress would have made it more, not less silly. My princess was ready for her day. So it happened that my korean daughter, adopted into a white American family, wore a poofy Our Lady of Guadalupe dress and sparkled and shone with her Mexican American sisters for her First Communion.

So I caved to the dress. It wasn’t that bad at all. My daughter was attracted to the dress because of her devotion to Mary. She loved that she had the “Mary” dress. How could I discourage that? After first communion, she started wearing the mantilla veil to Sunday mass, it was a happy remembrance of her first communion every sunday. She still loves going to mass even now as a teenager getting ready for confirmation. She still loves her veil, it reminds her of the first time she received Jesus in communion. The tiara was a simple but nice jewelry quality crown. It has since seen use for Christmas pageants, her 15th birthday party and her first formal dance. It is carefully packed away for future proms and maybe someday her wedding. Maybe even someday for her daughters first communion. She’s sentimental that way.

That “simple” satin dress with a “simple” headband veil or flowers would never have meant so much or left so much to carry the deep meaning of the day forward into her future.

It seems common in America to discount the little, familiy traditions as something complicated and old fashioned. For reasons of “taste” or appropriateness.

I found the dress she picked a bit gaudy and not to my taste. Yet it perfectly suited her, and left her with a deeper connection to her faith. Elements of that dress and day continue to enhance special moments of her life. I’m glad I have found a deeper meaning in what some see as unecessary “frills”.

Just some thoughts…

MarysRoses

Have you ever written for publication? This is a prefect story for A Cup of Comfort book, or for a magazine article.

Heck, expand it and make it a novel!!!

Thank-you for sharing your story. I will never look at a “gaudy” First Communion dress the same way again.

 

[emeraldcoast]

Nope, right before the baptism, which was after Mass, of course. the gown was 2 layers and his aunt and I carefully changed him out of the onesie and bottom layer, cleaned him up and replaced the outer layer. When Granny washed it later, it fell apart, it was just sooo thin. I was mortified that we had ruined it…but Granny was sweet about it and just bought the new one

Oh Jennifer, what a mess! Granny sounds like a wonderful lady.

You brought up something very interesting to me in your post about Baptism. My children were baptised during Mass with the whole Church family. Are Catholic baptisms not done during Mass on Sunday? Are First Communions done with the Church family at Sunday Mass?

God Bless!

 

[emeraldcoast]

MarysRoses,

Yes, an awesome post!

God Bless!

 

[Tracy24]

My daughter attends our parish school and is preparing for her first Communion. We live in a rural area and many families cannot afford the expense of the extravagant dresses so the CWL came to school and measured the kids and made simple white robes that all of the kids will wear.
So instead of a fancy white dress, I bought my daughter a nice Easter dress, a simple pair of white shoes and a white headband.

 

[Pixie_Dust]

What do you think of the First Communion dresses that most of the girls wear today. For those of you who haven’t been to a First Communion lately, the dresses look like miniature wedding gowns. Many of the girls wear veils with attached tiarras.

For the record, girls have been wearing white dresses for First Holy Communion for a* lot *longer than brides have been wearing white dresses for weddings. Brides are dressing like First Communicants, not the other way around.

 

[MarysRoses]

For the record, girls have been wearing white dresses for First Holy Communion for a* lot *longer than brides have been wearing white dresses for weddings. Brides are dressing like First Communicants, not the other way around.

So True!

Thanks everyone for the kind comments about my post.

MarysRoses

 

[Jennifer_J]

Oh Jennifer, what a mess! Granny sounds like a wonderful lady.

You brought up something very interesting to me in your post about Baptism. My children were baptised during Mass with the whole Church family. Are Catholic baptisms not done during Mass on Sunday? Are First Communions done with the Church family at Sunday Mass?

God Bless!

You can choose either way. My first 2 were done after Mass-- my son was the only one and my daughter’s was with a HUGE group of babies-- and the others were done during Mass. I prefer to do it during Mass now–but the dates we chose with the first two happened to be the dates of the “after Mass” ones.

First communions can be done as a separate, First Communion only Mass or it can be incorporated during a regular Sunday Mass. Our parish has just switched to incoporating into the regular Mass, which is quite lovely–though very long!

 

[kalt]

Oh Jennifer, what a mess! Granny sounds like a wonderful lady.

You brought up something very interesting to me in your post about Baptism. My children were baptised during Mass with the whole Church family. Are Catholic baptisms not done during Mass on Sunday? Are First Communions done with the Church family at Sunday Mass?

God Bless!

In my parish, it’s up to the kid. If they are more comfortable having their First Communion during a regular Mass, that’s what they do. Otherwise, they have a special First Communion Mass. The kids walk in together and sit together in the pews at the front of the church.

Although it’s a speical First Communion Mass, everyone in the parish is invited.

The church is SRO at every Communion Mass (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins from outside the parish usually come), so it makes sense to have a special Mass. The people would have to stand outside on the steps if every kid recieved First Communion during the regular family Mass.

When the person is older when he recieves his First Communion, it’s done on Easter Sunday.

 

[emeraldcoast]

Thanks Kalt and Jennifer for the information!

God Bless!