First communion ? which church

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bobblehead0411

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My family lives in a school district that contains several small communities. My son is receiving his first communion this year and attends religious education class with his elementary classmates in a parish that we are not members of but he does all of his work with the priest and educator in that parish. My home parish priest is making us have our son’s first communion in his parish. He doesn’t care that my son wants to receive his first communion with his classmates. He told me it is not his decision to make and evidently it is not ours as parents either. Can he really make us do this?
 
That’s tough.

The bigger questions is: Will the priest at the parish where your child is going to formation classes allow him to have first communion there?

If not, you may be stuck.

However, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Yes it would be nice to have this special day with friends, but perhaps it happening without such good friends will allow your child to focus on what he’s doing and not on the social aspect of everything.
 
This sounds like the reverse of the situations in my dad’s former parish. His former pastor has actively solicited the communion-age students from a local private non-denominational school (kids are Catholic) and is providing them with preparation and reception of the sacrament. These kids do have parishes of their own, but, for whatever reasons, he has brought them to the parish. Mind you, the parish is several miles away from the school and the kids do not even live in the downtown area (where the parish is located). Whether or not this is allowed is another question altogether; but, it just doesn’t seem right.

Regarding your son’s wish to receive his First Holy Communion with his friends, I can understand his concern. When I received my first Holy Communion 32 years ago, I wasn’t able to be with my classmates from Catholic school (at the time, the nuns told us to go to our parishes). I didn’t know any of the kids, but, that in the end, as my second grade teacher (who was a nun) explained to me, it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that I received Jesus for the first time. It doesn’t matter if you know one child or the whole class. All that is important is that this is the first time that Jesus makes physical contact with you. That’s what counts.

I hope this helps.
 
Yes the priest in that parish will allow him to receive it there. We had to ask permission from our home parish priest first though which I tried to do but he was very adamant. I think that because we attend mass at the parish where he has his education his comfort level is much better there. We do not attend our home parish for mass because the kids are involved in mass at the other parish. I do realize that he needs to focus on the event and not the social aspect but I also want him to be comfortable at the event. He will not do anything with other kids or the priest at the other parish until the day of first communion. You can imagine the anxiety of an 8 year old in this situation. My daughter has already gone through this and our home parish priest at the time understood and supported our decision to have her receive the sacrament at the other parish. I am angry at our home parish priest because I feel that he is not respecting our wishes and I am truly thinking about leaving the parish to join another that is close by.
 
Yes I do agree that the sacrament is the most important thing and I can explain that to him. Thanks.
 
bobblehead0411 said:
I think that because we attend mass at the parish where he has his education his comfort level is much better there. We do not attend our home parish for mass because the kids are involved in mass at the other parish.
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If you are not attending Mass at your “home parish,” then why don’t you join the one you are attending and apparently involved in?
 
Because we will go back to attending mass in our home parish after this year. He will receive his confirmation in our home parish because his religious education will change to our home parish when he moves into middle school. He received his first reconciliation at the other parish which did not pose a problem but then again our home parish priest was there to help with that sacrament.
 
Here is the relevant Canon
Can. 914 It is primarily the duty of parents and those who take the place of parents, as well as the duty of pastors, to take care that children who have reached the use of reason are prepared properly and, after they have made sacramental confession, are refreshed with this divine food as soon as possible. It is for the pastor to exercise vigilance so that children who have not attained the use of reason or whom he judges are not sufficiently disposed do not approach holy communion.
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Your pastor has an obligation to see that your child is prepared properly, and if he has objections, he is obligated to see that your child not recieve.

But if he consideres the child to be prepared, Canon Law says nothing about WHERE the child recieve Holy Communion.

Redemptionis Sacramentum states that the child must recieve the First Holy Communion from the hands of a priest, but it too does not specifiy the child’s pastor be the one.

Now you could change parishes for the year, after all you are looking to the other church for your pastorial needs already.
 
If I was in your situation I would not even have thought to ask the ‘home’ parish pastor since receiving with the class you prepared with is virtually the norm.

Certainly the priest involved in the parish where the preparation is being done has the bigger burden of seeing the children are eligible.

When did first communion become something you needed a release from your ‘home’ parish to do in another parish? This sounds territorial to me more than anything else.
 
Eilish_Maura said:
When did first communion become something you needed a release from your ‘home’ parish to do in another parish? This sounds territorial to me more than anything else.
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The child’s pastor is required by Canon Law to approve the canidate. But I too am really surprised that the pastor has objections to the child recieving in another parish.
 
I have decided to go to the other parish priest to see what my options may be. My home parish priest had me in tears over this last night because of how I felt he treated me over the phone and I guess I feel somewhat disrespected. I thank you all for your responses and insight. Even though the sacrament is the most important aspect of the whole thing, I still feel that we should be able to choose which parish he receives his sacrament in. Thank you all.
 
Brendan said:
The child’s pastor is required by Canon Law to approve the canidate. But I too am really surprised that the pastor has objections to the child recieving in another parish.
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It seems like the efforts should be coordinated at the pastors’ level if training is going on in one place yet at least one expects the child to receive at another.

Sounds like the objecting pastor is just being [edited by Moderator] about the whole thing.
 
A friend of mine has family members who live in a parish that does not have a school. They send their children to a catholic school in another parish. These children still have to attend CCD/PREP classes in their home parish. The pastor of their home parish has an obligation to ensure the children are properly educated in the faith, and apparently takes that obligation seriously.
I understand your position that you want your child to be comfortable, but I would take a pastor like your own who takes his responsibility seriously rather than a pastor who signs off on anything that makes people feel good. Please don’t misunderstand that I don’t sympathize with you, and obviously you know your child’s understanding of the faith and are comfortable with the other parish, but you are under the care of your home parish and have to trust in their care.
Is there a possibility you can have First Holy Communion as part of a regular Mass at your home parish? In my parish, people can do either with the entire class or during Mass.
 
I don’t believe that my home parish priest is taking responsibility for anything other than performing the sacrament. He is not making the decision whether or not he is prepared for the sacrament. That decision is being made by the priest in the other parish where he is being educated.
 
I think the simple solution here is to formally join the parish you are apparently already de facto a member of.

That simply means you fill out a registration form.
 
bobblehead0411 said:
I don’t believe that my home parish priest is taking responsibility for anything other than performing the sacrament. He is not making the decision whether or not he is prepared for the sacrament. That decision is being made by the priest in the other parish where he is being educated.
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Why can’t you do both? Someone can correct me if I am wrong but I don’t think there is anything wrong with that…
 
bobblehead0411 said:
My family lives in a school district that contains several small communities. My son is receiving his first communion this year and attends religious education class with his elementary classmates in a parish that we are not members of but he does all of his work with the priest and educator in that parish. My home parish priest is making us have our son’s first communion in his parish. He doesn’t care that my son wants to receive his first communion with his classmates. He told me it is not his decision to make and evidently it is not ours as parents either. Can he really make us do this?
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Your son should receive his Sacraments in the parish that you are registered in. Sacraments are not a ministry of the School he attends, but the parish church.
 
bobblehead0411 said:
Because we will go back to attending mass in our home parish after this year. He will receive his confirmation in our home parish because his religious education will change to our home parish when he moves into middle school. He received his first reconciliation at the other parish which did not pose a problem but then again our home parish priest was there to help with that sacrament.
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That is because “First Reconciliation” is not a Sacrament that is recorded in a parish Sacramental register.
 
bobblehead0411 said:
I don’t believe that my home parish priest is taking responsibility for anything other than performing the sacrament. He is not making the decision whether or not he is prepared for the sacrament. That decision is being made by the priest in the other parish where he is being educated.
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It does not make sense – does the ‘home parish’ have a Catholic school? Does it seek out those who are on their register and of age to receive the sacraments?

Does the home parish offer preparation for the sacraments?

I find it very odd that a child going to a parish for preparation for receiving a sacrament could be approved as eligible to receive where he has been in formation and then have to be checked again (and possibly found not eligible) in the parish where his family is registered.
 
bobblehead0411 said:
I don’t believe that my home parish priest is taking responsibility for anything other than performing the sacrament. He is not making the decision whether or not he is prepared for the sacrament. That decision is being made by the priest in the other parish where he is being educated.
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Did your family inform the parish of your religious education choice from the start? For example, if your parish does a census every year they would have known where your children were attending classes. Has the home parish priest told you he was willing to allow your child to just show up on the day of First Holy Communion to receive the Sacrament? If your home parish knew your circumstance, it might have been helpful to your family to inform you from the start of the parish rules regarding the actual reception. Again, the only thing I can assume is the home parish priest feels that he has an obligation to administer the Sacraments to his members, whether they are informed of that from the start or not.
I am curious if he ever receives requests from families whose daughters wish to marry in another parish. Where I live, that is pretty common, especially in college Chapels or Churches that have a lot of sentimental attachments.
 
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