First Communion

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jase

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My child is going to receive first communion soon and my husband and I would like the children (7 of them) to walk up alone in the beginning of the mass and also receive communion with their class. We believe it is their day and so they should be singled out. Some of the other parents also prefer this way.The religious education director wants the parents to walk in with them in the beginning and also receive communion together as a family, siblings also. I am not saying the directors way is wrong, we just like the more traditional way.(both of us received it that way) We have also been to first communions where the family goes up together, but it was chaotic and we felt that it wasn’t “special” for the children. I feel that it is hard enough for a second grader to grasp the true meaning of communion, but if they are singled out they man understand to a certain degree how special communion is. If we “buck” the system, the director gets all worked up and takes it personally. It’s the directors way or no way. How do we deal with this? We are at the point of going to another church where the director is not involved. (The priest is neutral about all of this.)
 
Well I am Coordinator of Formation for my parish and I do it the way your Director is doing it as well. Sacraments are not celebrations just for individuals. I explain it in Sacramental Prep as this - “This is a celebration FOR the community WITH the individual”. So it is very fitting for the immediate family to receive with the child. I make sure the child is the first one in each family to receive, but the entire family goes up together. If done well, it can be beautiful.

Give it a try, and instead of leaving the parish - why not volunteer to help the Director in anyway she might need assistance. I am sure she could use your help in some way, even if not with First Communion.

And also please understand, she has her reasons for why she is doing it this way, and if she changed every time a parent was upset about the way she wants to do it - nothing would get done. I am sure it will be a beautiful celebration.
 
jase said:
My child is going to receive first communion soon and my husband and I would like the children (7 of them) to walk up alone in the beginning of the mass and also receive communion with their class. We believe it is their day and so they should be singled out. Some of the other parents also prefer this way.The religious education director wants the parents to walk in with them in the beginning and also receive communion together as a family, siblings also. I am not saying the directors way is wrong, we just like the more traditional way.(both of us received it that way) We have also been to first communions where the family goes up together, but it was chaotic and we felt that it wasn’t “special” for the children. I feel that it is hard enough for a second grader to grasp the true meaning of communion, but if they are singled out they man understand to a certain degree how special communion is. If we “buck” the system, the director gets all worked up and takes it personally. It’s the directors way or no way. How do we deal with this? We are at the point of going to another church where the director is not involved. (The priest is neutral about all of this.)
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If you single them out, you might teach them that they are not part of the community and in communion with it. Anyway at this point it should be clear to them how special Communion is. The family is the first source of religious education. Why would you separate the family from the child at that point? Is the family (first source of religious education) going to teach the children that you do not have to obey if you do not like it? It sound to me that you might risk to teach so, if you choose to change parishes just for that. The only reason why the kids should be singled out is to farther give glory to God by acknowledging, in such manner, the power of his graces.
 
I would just go with the flow. I assume you are holding a party for your child in the afternoon - that’s what he will remember, anyway. 🙂
 
That is how they did the First Communion at my sister’s parish when my neice/goddaughter made her first communion. That isn’t the way that parish did it forty five years ago when I made my first communion there or the way my present parish does it. But it was very nice. Now they did do it a little differently. The children did process in and then go sit by their parents. BUT the kids went up to receive with their parents. (and Aunts and Grandpas etc waited til they were all done.)

Don’t let little things get in the way of what is important. You know it really isn’t that the day is for the kids. It is for Jesus (I know you know) But even if it isn’t the way that you would do it don’t let the children think that the order or how they line up is what is important. But the purpose isn’t to have all those incredibly cute kids on display it is for them to receive that wonderful gift
 
I’d imagine that this DRE has seen kids who get “stage fright”, become nervous and do better when mom and dad are close at hand.
 
actually, the tradition is for parents to bring their child to the sacraments, the singling out thing is a fairly recent development. Your director is being liturgically correct, and in any case has to follow the guidance of the pastor and bishop, not parental or her own personal preference.
 
It’s because the DREs can’t trust kids these days to sit quietly by themselves, and there’s too much confusion getting kids out of their parents’ pews unless the whole family goes up. The theological justification started showing up in liturgy classes after the behavior problems started showing up.

There’s nothing in the magisterium saying it’s theologically more wrong or right to do it one way or the other, and I wish liturgists would quit making up rationales.

For instance, making kids or single parents feel guilty or “less in communion” if they don’t have tons of family. And what if nobody in the family can show up at all, which could very easily happen to a kid these days? Is the kid going to think his First Communion isn’t as valid as everybody else’s?

Not a very nice thing to tell people, is it?

Of course, whoever first thought of this family communion rationale never intended it to sound that way, but it does. This is what happens when people try to get clever, instead of just saying, “We like our first communicants to sit with their family and go up with them. It’s the way we do it around here.”
 
In all the years I’ve had children, and attended First Communions, when a parish has opted for the parents to come up with the First Communicants, which is usually over the past 35 years, I have never seen a child without somebody. If parent can’t make it, which seems odd, I have seen grandparents, aunts and uncles, and godparents do the honors. Not everybody is being raised by parents. If a parent or parent substitute can’t receive, I have seen the blessing of the parent after communion has been distributed to that family.

Of all the reasons to leave a parish, to me, this one seems mighty small, and is certainly not a litgurical abuse. There are parishes that teach the children the Eucharist is nothing more than a piece of bread, that it’s more about the meal than the sacrifice, that it’s okay to crowd around the altar during the consecration, etc. Those concern me more than whether the first communicants go up together to receive because the parents did so, or whether the parents or parent substitutes accompany each first communicant.
 
I can think of one good reason why they would like the family to go up together - it makes it impossible then for mom and dad to run up with camera in hand and snap a picture which totally destroys the holiness of the moment.

At our parish the children do sit by themselves in the first few pews and receive together as a group BUT the side aisles are blocked off by ushers so no one can run up and snap photos. Before they put this into practice you had 4 or 5 people with cameras up snapping photos scaring the daylights out of the kids, not to mention that there was absolutely no sense of Jesus there - it could have been a dance recital for all these parents were concerned.

However

My church DOES hire a professional photographer to snap a picture for each family and the photographer was very out of the way.
 
In our parish, families have the option of having kids receive w/ the group at a special Mass, or at one of the regular weekend Masses.

If it’s at the weekend Mass, the family goes up together.
 
This all goes back to a more protestant friendly church. it does not say which in the books so we will care about community. It does not matter that this is one of the sacraments that is one on one you and God. That is how it will be everytime they receive. one on one. but we have to turn it into a circus. it is crazy to have 15 people up there with the kid. it is just plain chaotic. have someONE I guess for concerns of the kids behaving. but even that is new. not to long ago the class sat by themselves and then went to receive one at a time but one after the other as a class. Like they will every time they go to mass for the rest of there lives. other then some silly need for community there is no need to have all the family receive with the kid. it only makes the ones with small or no family feel stupid.
 
In our church the children receive it as a group they sit together at the front as a group and receive communion as a group then the parents and the rest of the parish who attend that morning go up to receive communion themselves.
Later on the night they go back in all there clothes and do it all again for the parish who didnt attend that morning, i think its a beautiful exerience for the children either way so maybe just focus on that, as your childs first holy communion its special enough no matter who goes with them or doesnt if that makes any sense.
Our church didnt do holy communion this year father wanted to encourage people to think about reading the gospels and coming to church as a community, two of our churches are merging into one and he just wants us all to get used to that and become one.
My youngest child is making his holy communion next year and i know it is going to be so special, i hope your child has a truly wonderful day and that you as a family enjoy the day together.
God bless
xxx
 
down_under said:
it is crazy to have 15 people up there with the kid. it is just plain chaotic. Not 15 people. Mom and Dad, OR the godparents, OR whoever is repsonsible for the day-to-day religious training of the child. When my daughter made hers last year, we were told EITHER the parents OR the godparents OR the aunt and uncle, etc., but ONLY two. That was the way it was for my older two as well some 22 years ago. The rest of the family that sits in the pew goes up- if they are eligible to receive- AFTER the first communicants and the two people who accompany the child.
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When our oldest was of age to celebrate first Communion (1986), she was in a non-Catholic school. While they had catechism class once a week, the actual preparation for First Communion was done by the parents and when they judged their child ready they presented him/her to the padre who interviewed him/her to assess his/her readiness. Each child who was judged to be ready simply went to receive at the next Sunday Mass and was acknowledged at that time. Then at the end of the school year there was a celebration for the entire group.

When he saw that she was ready and knew what she would be receiving, the priest offered to celebrate Mass in our home. DD received Communion in our dining room, with only her siblings, a favorite adult and her dad and I present. It was very special but not something I’d do today. Looking back at the pictures I see so many abuses, things I absolutely wasn’t aware of back then.
 
A question/concern of mine regarding having the parents/family receive with the child: Does this put any social pressure on parents/family members to receive if they are not properly disposed? (Parents might be embarrassed to see their child go up alone.)
 
Mintaka said:
For instance, making kids or single parents feel guilty or “less in communion” if they don’t have tons of family. And what if nobody in the family can show up at all, which could very easily happen to a kid these days? Is the kid going to think his First Communion isn’t as valid as everybody else’s?

Not ."
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again, it is usually not up to the DRE so watch out who you blame for situations that don’t meet your expectations. Why if the children are sitting with parents, does this highlight “who does not have tons of family”. Most of the family is sitting in the back of church with everyone else, so who is counting? Are your fellow parishioners really so petty they would make such a comparison? If so, I would be looking for a new parish.

and to PP, parents and godparents are encouraged to approach the priest with the child, and if for any reason they will not be receiving, simply to cross their arms.
 
okay perhaps there has been some missunderstanding about what I meant when I said there should not be 15 people up there with the kid. I was not pointing fingers at anyone. I have seen it done where and entire pew and a half gets up with one kid and they all stand around the priest and he passes out communion to all of them and they all consume together. other than taking a rediculous amount of time. how is this preparing the child for what they will experience in the church from week to week. not to mention putting the kid on the spot. I was not pointing a finger at what anyone on this board said. at least I did not mean it that way. sorry if you took it that way. I was just putting in my two bits.
 
down_under said:
okay perhaps there has been some missunderstanding about what I meant when I said there should not be 15 people up there with the kid. I was not pointing fingers at anyone. I have seen it done where and entire pew and a half gets up with one kid and they all stand around the priest and he passes out communion to all of them and they all consume together. .
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whereas the alternative is that just at any regular Mass, some, most or all of those in a pew go to communion as usual, one at a time, with the first communicant first in line. or another alternative more commonly seen, the first communicant and his parents approach first, receive together, which takes all of 15 seconds and move aside for the next family.

I would only point out that OP began with an expression of the personal preference of a select group of parents, not with any liturgical directive.
 
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