First Communion

[happymommy]

Our daughter will be making her First Communion on Sunday!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!
At her retreat on Sat. we learned that Father will be having the children up at the Alter for part of the Mass so…“they can be right there to see the miracle”. He did tell them that they are not allowed to touch the Alter during this time, but he is very excited that they will be up there with him
My husband and I are both upset by this, but are unsure of what to do. I don’t want to cause a scene by not allowing her to go up with the rest of the kids ( knowing Father, he would call her by name to come up ) I don’t want to ruin the day for her, but I also don’t want her be a part of something that is not correct.
Is what he is wanting them to do correct?

 

[laszlo]

I would talk to the pastor, and if he insist would ask to let the child take the Communion separately (at an other Mass, or other church). Being faithful to the tradition needs sacrifice.

 

[TheMc]

Our daughter will be making her First Communion on Sunday!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!
At her retreat on Sat. we learned that Father will be having the children up at the Alter for part of the Mass so…“they can be right there to see the miracle”. He did tell them that they are not allowed to touch the Alter during this time, but he is very excited that they will be up there with him
My husband and I are both upset by this, but are unsure of what to do. I don’t want to cause a scene by not allowing her to go up with the rest of the kids ( knowing Father, he would call her by name to come up ) I don’t want to ruin the day for her, but I also don’t want her be a part of something that is not correct.
Is what he is wanting them to do correct?

Hello happymommy,

No, the priest should not be inviting the children up around the altar. Just think of it this way:
You’ll ruin her day even more (whether she knows it or not) by not teaching her to respect the holy of holies.

I would talk to the priest, but if he does not change, I would not allow your daughter to come up. This is simply not acceptable by any standard. You are right to be confused when you are mislead by someone who should know better.

 

[Joe_5859]

If you’re concerned, talk to your priest about it and trust what he says more than what any of us anonymous CAFers have to say.

It does not seem to me like something that would be allowed, but I know that I have frequently been surprised to find that things I thought were liturgical abuse were actually legitimate options.

In any case, as the 1st Communion is this weekend, I would say it’s too late to go through all the proper channels beyond just having an honest (but charitable) conversation with your priest about your concerns.

If it were me, I know that I would most definitely share in your uneasiness. I truly do squirm when a priest invites the children up to the fron during Mass. However, I would let my daughter do what all the other children are doing. If this were not her 1st Communion, it might be a different story.

I have no desire to sow seeds of doubt about the clergy in my children’s heads. To me, that is potentially more damaging than making a concession over a perceived liturgical abuse. I would rather teach my children to respect the priest and the office he holds than teach them it’s okay to be skeptical of every little thing he does.

I think it would be unfair to burden a 7 year old girl who cannot understand the finer points of liturgical rubrics with this battle. All she may take away from it is that her parents and the priest disagree over a Catholic practice. And if it’s okay for Mommy and Daddy to disagree with the priest over this, what else may she think is okay to disagree with as she heads into adulthood?

I’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything. You may feel that what I’ve said doesn’t apply in your situation, and that’s fine. I’m just sharing what my considerations would be to offer another perspective from the posters who recommend outright refusal.

 

[JRKH]

I agree with Joe…
Speak with the priest about your concerns and be guided by him.

I understand your concerns about respecting the "Holies of Holies, but there is another factor at play here as well. That is obedience to the Pastor you is your immediate shepherd.
Your daughter, being young, will not understand the finer points of proper rubrics and GIRM norms etc…
What she will see is two things. One is that she is not allowed to participate with her class and, Two that she is being told by you to disobey the priest.
At her age (I’m assuming about 7 or 8) this is more of an issue and could be more harmful.

So -
Talk to the priest and be guided by him.
If you feel that the matter needs to be adressed further, contact the bishop to see what his take is on this matter in general.

Peace
James

 

[Gene_Church]

I would talk to the priest immediately and see if you can convince him to change his position.

 

[The_free_bird]

Our daughter will be making her First Communion on Sunday!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!
At her retreat on Sat. we learned that Father will be having the children up at the Alter for part of the Mass so…“they can be right there to see the miracle”. He did tell them that they are not allowed to touch the Alter during this time, but he is very excited that they will be up there with him
My husband and I are both upset by this, but are unsure of what to do. I don’t want to cause a scene by not allowing her to go up with the rest of the kids ( knowing Father, he would call her by name to come up ) I don’t want to ruin the day for her, but I also don’t want her be a part of something that is not correct.
Is what he is wanting them to do correct?

Congratulations!!
Do you know is it common to have First Communion in May and on Mother´s day? Do you and your husband have some demands during that preparation for the First Communion?
Good Bless,

• Kathy

 

[bluerose]

Father will be having the children up at the Alter for part of the Mass so…“they can be right there to see the miracle”.

The part I bolded is what is causing me a great deal of concern. What, exactly, is the miracle he is telling the children they will see? Is he explaining that the miracle will take place even if they can’t actually “see” it? Or is he building up a great expectation among these children that they are actually going to see the bread and wine turn into Jesus?

I have heard of confirmation candidates (teenagers, mind you) who were told that they would “feel” the Holy Spirit come upon them when the bishop laid hands on them. Many thought there was something wrong with them when they “felt” nothing at all… and it was hard to explain to them that the sacrament was conferred on them despite the fact that they “felt” nothing. Imagine how seven and eight year olds will feel if they actually “see” nothing change.

Faith is not based on seeing or feeling. I hope this priest will reconsider… it would be a shame for these children to believe that THEY have somehow failed because they did not actually SEE Jesus on the altar.

 

[TheMc]

If you’re concerned, talk to your priest about it and trust what he says more than what any of us anonymous CAFers have to say.

It does not seem to me like something that would be allowed, but I know that I have frequently been surprised to find that things I thought were liturgical abuse were actually legitimate options.

In any case, as the 1st Communion is this weekend, I would say it’s too late to go through all the proper channels beyond just having an honest (but charitable) conversation with your priest about your concerns.

If it were me, I know that I would most definitely share in your uneasiness. I truly do squirm when a priest invites the children up to the fron during Mass. However, I would let my daughter do what all the other children are doing. If this were not her 1st Communion, it might be a different story.

I have no desire to sow seeds of doubt about the clergy in my children’s heads. To me, that is potentially more damaging than making a concession over a perceived liturgical abuse. I would rather teach my children to respect the priest and the office he holds than teach them it’s okay to be skeptical of every little thing he does.

I think it would be unfair to burden a 7 year old girl who cannot understand the finer points of liturgical rubrics with this battle. All she may take away from it is that her parents and the priest disagree over a Catholic practice. And if it’s okay for Mommy and Daddy to disagree with the priest over this, what else may she think is okay to disagree with as she heads into adulthood?

I’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything. You may feel that what I’ve said doesn’t apply in your situation, and that’s fine. I’m just sharing what my considerations would be to offer another perspective from the posters who recommend outright refusal.

I can understand where you are coming from, but the priest doing this is a big deal.

To the OP: I would say to be careful, as Joe said, not to sow seeds of doubt. But you also can not knowingly participate in something like this. You probably should see if she could receive first communion at another Mass or something.

 

[happymommy]

I can understand where you are coming from, but the priest doing this is a big deal.

To the OP: I would say to be careful, as Joe said, not to sow seeds of doubt. But you also can not knowingly participate in something like this. You probably should see if she could receive first communion at another Mass or something.

Thank you everyone.

I’m going to talk to Father and let him know how we feel. If he doesn’t change his mind, then she will just have to stay in the pew with us while they go up to the alter. She’s 9 ( we do First Communion in 3rd grade ) and has an amazing understanding of the Catholic faith for her age. I know we can explain it without making her think badly about Father. She is so very excited about receiving Jesus and she is to do the May crowning as well. I don’t want her to miss out on this because of his error.

 

[TheMc]

Thank you everyone.

I’m going to talk to Father and let him know how we feel. If he doesn’t change his mind, then she will just have to stay in the pew with us while they go up to the alter. She’s 9 ( we do First Communion in 3rd grade ) and has an amazing understanding of the Catholic faith for her age. I know we can explain it without making her think badly about Father. She is so very excited about receiving Jesus and she is to do the May crowning as well. I don’t want her to miss out on this because of his error.

I think that’s an excelent way of handling it!

I hope it goes well. I’ll pray that your pastor’s heart may be open to the truth. God bless.

 

[Joe_5859]

Thank you everyone.

I’m going to talk to Father and let him know how we feel. If he doesn’t change his mind, then she will just have to stay in the pew with us while they go up to the alter. She’s 9 ( we do First Communion in 3rd grade ) and has an amazing understanding of the Catholic faith for her age. I know we can explain it without making her think badly about Father. She is so very excited about receiving Jesus and she is to do the May crowning as well. I don’t want her to miss out on this because of his error.

I’ll say a prayer for your conversation. Enjoy the day!

 

[happymommy]

I waited to call Father until I talked about it more with my husband; wanted to plan out what I was going to say so I wasn’t rude and I wanted to make sure I had all of my information right.
In talking with my husband, he feels that we shouldn’t do anything! We should let her go up with her class and talk to Father at another time. He feels that he isn’t asking them to do nor is he doing anything intrinsically evil. That it doesn’t follow the norms of the Mass. It is misguided, but for the sake of unity, not causing a problem and not making her feel singled out - we should let her go ahead. He said he feels it is being done in a mis-guided desire to make things more meaninful. So, I guess that’s how it is going to be. I’m not happy about it at all. I don’t know what else to do; I could stay home, but all that would do is hurt our daughter and I don’t want to do that.

 

[FAB]

I waited to call Father until I talked about it more with my husband; wanted to plan out what I was going to say so I wasn’t rude and I wanted to make sure I had all of my information right.
In talking with my husband, he feels that we shouldn’t do anything! We should let her go up with her class and talk to Father at another time. He feels that he isn’t asking them to do nor is he doing anything intrinsically evil. That it doesn’t follow the norms of the Mass. It is misguided, but for the sake of unity, not causing a problem and not making her feel singled out - we should let her go ahead. He said he feels it is being done in a mis-guided desire to make things more meaninful. So, I guess that’s how it is going to be. I’m not happy about it at all. I don’t know what else to do; I could stay home, but all that would do is hurt our daughter and I don’t want to do that.

Please take note of the following from the GIRM

1. It is also up to the priest, in the exercise of his office of presiding over the gathered assembly, to offer certain explanations that are foreseen in the rite itself. Where it is indicated in the rubrics, the celebrant is permitted to adapt them somewhat in order that they respond to the understanding of those participating.

I believe this is what your pastor is doing by having the first communicants stand around the altar. It’s just a matter of distance. They are being allowed to stand close enough to hear the prayers and see the guesters. In small chapels the faithful are very often right next to the altar.
I believe you are planting seeds of distrust in your daughter, if she even understands all that is happening of the priest and his authority. This is perhaps more harmful that any percieved thoughts of liturgical abuse or lack of sacredness.

 

[happymommy]

Please take note of the following from the GIRM

I believe this is what your pastor is doing by having the first communicants stand around the altar. It’s just a matter of distance. They are being allowed to stand close enough to hear the prayers and see the guesters. In small chapels the faithful are very often right next to the altar.
I believe you are planting seeds of distrust in your daughter, if she even understands all that is happening of the priest and his authority. This is perhaps more harmful that any percieved thoughts of liturgical abuse or lack of sacredness.

Thank you for posting that. I feel a little better about it now.

We haven’t said anything to our daughter about it at all! She has no idea that I’m even upset! Any conversation about this has taken place when the children were in bed as we didn’t want to cause poor feelings towards him from our kids!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Please let us know how it goes afterward. I will be praying for your daughter and her classmates when I pray for our first communicants.

 

[JRKH]

I waited to call Father until I talked about it more with my husband; wanted to plan out what I was going to say so I wasn’t rude and I wanted to make sure I had all of my information right.
In talking with my husband, he feels that we shouldn’t do anything! We should let her go up with her class and talk to Father at another time. He feels that he isn’t asking them to do nor is he doing anything intrinsically evil. That it doesn’t follow the norms of the Mass. It is misguided, but for the sake of unity, not causing a problem and not making her feel singled out - we should let her go ahead. He said he feels it is being done in a mis-guided desire to make things more meaninful. So, I guess that’s how it is going to be. I’m not happy about it at all. I don’t know what else to do; I could stay home, but all that would do is hurt our daughter and I don’t want to do that.

I’m glad that you and your husband talked about this.
Frankly I agree with him at this point. It’s in your daughter’s best interest NOT to make her special day any sort fo battleground over this.

Peace
James

 

[happymommy]

Just wanted to let you know that her First Communion Mass was beautiful and Father did not have them come up to the Alter with him! I don’t know if he forgot or if someone else said something to him, but everything went great! She was so excited, the weather was wonderful ( finally a couple of days without rain ) and our family felt God’s blessings on us all!

 

[TheMc]

Just wanted to let you know that her First Communion Mass was beautiful and Father did not have them come up to the Alter with him! I don’t know if he forgot or if someone else said something to him, but everything went great! She was so excited, the weather was wonderful ( finally a couple of days without rain ) and our family felt God’s blessings on us all!

Yay! Not only did it sound like a wonderful day for you, but more importantly, a reverent Mass!

 

[Joe_5859]

Just wanted to let you know that her First Communion Mass was beautiful and Father did not have them come up to the Alter with him! I don’t know if he forgot or if someone else said something to him, but everything went great! She was so excited, the weather was wonderful ( finally a couple of days without rain ) and our family felt God’s blessings on us all!

Isn’t that always the way? We get all worried about something and it never even comes to pass.

I’m glad it all worked out for you and your family!