First Confession - 37 years after baptism - help!

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lossiebeth

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God (and the Bishop!) willing, I will be received into Holy Mother Church at the Easter Vigil. This means that during Lent I must make my first Confession. Now, I was baptised at 11, and will be 48 by the time I make my first Confession :eek:

I have asked for help with this, but one priest told me, “There are only ten sins, it’s not a shopping list.” Then I read that one needs to mention everything :confused:

I have absolutely no idea how many times I have been covetous or lied or disrespected my father and mother…My parish priest is VERY busy, and the confessions I have seen (sitting watching people come and go) have taken a couple of minutes - I’m surprised they had time to sit down - they were THAT quick! I tend toward scrupulosity, so when I read things about preparing for Confession, a. it tends to be Catholics already “in the club”, and b. There is so much detail about examining thoughts and motives and this, that and the other…I completely panic (I’m disabled and am getting more “delicate” emotionally as my health progressively deteriorates due to my illness, so I’m a bit of a panic-er now) 😦

To give you an idea, I wanted to ask an apologist about this, and something else, but after reading he guidelines and saw how strict it was, I stopped in my tracks, afraid I’d get told off for wasting their time 😊

I wish it was all over :ouch:
 
Dear Lossiebeth, when you go into confession tell your priest what you told us, that you feel anxious, that you are afraid you might forget some sins, or the number of times etc.
Your priest will help you through this confession. He will understand your problem. You can trust the Holy Spirit to guide you through. If you honestly don’t know the number of times after so many years that is hardly surprising and you mustn’t blame yourself for that. Do what you can, not what you can’t.

If you take a few minutes longer after so many years it won’t be catastropic! If you feel you need much longer, you could phone the priest and ask for an appointment for your confession

God bless you. It’s wonderful that you have the grace and courage to return to the Sacraments! I wish you joy and peace!

Trishie
 
this is a suggestion, it is not dogma, it is just that, a suggestion

spend some time each evening between now and first confession examining the events of your day
pray to the Holy Spirit for enlightenment
review the events of the day
note the good, both gifts given to you, and when you responded to God’s grace
praise and thank God for the good things of this day
honestly acknowledge your sins and failings, especially the times you rejected God’s grace today
express your contrition and sorrow
make a resolution for tomorrow (not the next 20 yrs, tomorrow)
Say the Our Father
go to bed in peace.

in fact make this a regular habit for the rest of your life

the benefit of this daily examen is that it prevents us from conveniently “forgetting” our sins and it gives you a snapshot of how you are doing in your spiritual life.

from this you will naturally arrive at what needs to be confessed in your current manner of living.

if you use this as a guide to what is going on with you, and how you arrived at your current state in life, it will also, with prayer, guide you in preparing for confession.

confess those transgressions you have never forgotten, the things that keep you awake at night, those 3 o’clock in the morning regrets and anxieties. Don’t worry about “was it a mortal sin” confess it and your contrition for whatever in that memory was a sin, and be at peace.

then confess those things that arise in your daily examen that are preventing you from enjoying the fullness of God’s grace, particular that persistent habit you know is wrong, but seems to be the one thing you cannot give up or do without. again don’t fret about “is it a mortal sin” confess it anyhow.

Let the priest guide you from there
be sure to tell him it is your first confession in so many years.
Make his day,
you will be giving him great joy to be the one to lead you to Christ’s peace.
 
Relax, don’t panic. You’re approaching the seat of God’s mercy, and that’s a wonderful thing!

A few suggestions:
  • First, find a compassionate confessor. The one you mentioned may not be your best choice. You can tell a lot from how a priest preaches about the sacraments, God’s mercy, etc.
  • Make an appointment for your first confession, rather than just standing in line on Saturday afternoon. That way you can take the time you need.
  • You are only obligated to confess mortal (serious) sins. So don’t worry about counting up the times you lied to your parents about finishing your homework 40 years ago. If you stole a nickel from your brother’s piggy bank, you don’t need to confess it. If you defrauded someone of hundreds of dollars, you DO need to confess it.
  • With respect to number of times, your best estimate is sufficient, for example, “I used artificial contraception over a period of about ____ years,” or “I did _____________ about once a week for most of my young adult years.” Don’t waste time and worry on doing the math.
  • The venial (less serious) sins you will want to confess at this point are those that give you the most trouble, that you need the most help in overcoming, etc. — perhaps the one(s) that is (are) harming relationships, that you commit frequently, that might lead you to more serious sin.
  • Once you have gotten rid of all your mortal sins, in future confessions you can start working on rooting out the venial sins in your life. Again, it is never necessary to confess all of your VENIAL sins. Many spiritual writers say it is even preferable to concentrate on confessing a few venial sins that you really intend to avoid, rather than confessing a long laundry list of sins that you have no intention of changing.
  • If you are scrupulous, find ONE priest whom you trust and who understands your problem with scrupulosity. Make all your confessions to the same priest and follow his advice to help you overcome the scrupulosity. (If you had a serious physical illness, it would be best to have your care managed by one physician who understands your case history. The same goes for spiritual difficulties.)
  • Most of all, trust in God’s mercy! He is all goodness and love, and He wants to forgive you.
 
lossiebeth said:
God (and the Bishop!) willing, I will be received into Holy Mother Church at the Easter Vigil. This means that during Lent I must make my first Confession. Now, I was baptised at 11, and will be 48 by the time I make my first Confession :eek:

I have asked for help with this, but one priest told me, “There are only ten sins, it’s not a shopping list.” Then I read that one needs to mention everything :confused:

I have absolutely no idea how many times I have been covetous or lied or disrespected my father and mother…My parish priest is VERY busy, and the confessions I have seen (sitting watching people come and go) have taken a couple of minutes - I’m surprised they had time to sit down - they were THAT quick! I tend toward scrupulosity, so when I read things about preparing for Confession, a. it tends to be Catholics already “in the club”, and b. There is so much detail about examining thoughts and motives and this, that and the other…I completely panic (I’m disabled and am getting more “delicate” emotionally as my health progressively deteriorates due to my illness, so I’m a bit of a panic-er now) 😦

To give you an idea, I wanted to ask an apologist about this, and something else, but after reading he guidelines and saw how strict it was, I stopped in my tracks, afraid I’d get told off for wasting their time 😊

I wish it was all over :ouch:
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Sweetheart if we had to mention everything we would never get out of there. And I don’t mean 30 years worth I am talking weeks. Just go in but do this, Say Bless me Father for I have sinned this is my FIRST CONFESSION. Then just start out and talk to him like you are talking to us. ITs that simple, say im nervous. I remember one time I hadn’t gone for quite a few years. I got so nervous and remember I have been going for 32 years, I couldn’t think of a sin to say. So I am in there, I like the window myself, face to face isn’t my favorite but if im in a hurry and the line is short I will do it. Anyway Father said go ahead, I was blank, again he said go ahead. Finally I said Father, I don’t know what it is, I have many sins, but when I get in here I can’t think of a one. I become so good. I don’t know what it is. He said just relax, then after the first one they came rolling in. Trust me, you will feel so good. But I am still nervous. Father know’s that. Trust me its not what you think.
 
PhilotheaZ said:
Relax, don’t panic. You’re approaching the seat of God’s mercy, and that’s a wonderful thing!

A few suggestions:
  • First, find a compassionate confessor. The one you mentioned may not be your best choice. You can tell a lot from how a priest preaches about the sacraments, God’s mercy, etc.
  • Make an appointment for your first confession, rather than just standing in line on Saturday afternoon. That way you can take the time you need.
  • You are only obligated to confess mortal (serious) sins. So don’t worry about counting up the times you lied to your parents about finishing your homework 40 years ago. If you stole a nickel from your brother’s piggy bank, you don’t need to confess it. If you defrauded someone of hundreds of dollars, you DO need to confess it.
  • With respect to number of times, your best estimate is sufficient, for example, “I used artificial contraception over a period of about ____ years,” or “I did _____________ about once a week for most of my young adult years.” Don’t waste time and worry on doing the math.
  • The venial (less serious) sins you will want to confess at this point are those that give you the most trouble, that you need the most help in overcoming, etc. — perhaps the one(s) that is (are) harming relationships, that you commit frequently, that might lead you to more serious sin.
  • Once you have gotten rid of all your mortal sins, in future confessions you can start working on rooting out the venial sins in your life. Again, it is never necessary to confess all of your VENIAL sins. Many spiritual writers say it is even preferable to concentrate on confessing a few venial sins that you really intend to avoid, rather than confessing a long laundry list of sins that you have no intention of changing.
  • If you are scrupulous, find ONE priest whom you trust and who understands your problem with scrupulosity. Make all your confessions to the same priest and follow his advice to help you overcome the scrupulosity. (If you had a serious physical illness, it would be best to have your care managed by one physician who understands your case history. The same goes for spiritual difficulties.)
  • Most of all, trust in God’s mercy! He is all goodness and love, and He wants to forgive you.
Click to expand...
I can only echo this. Don’t worry. It is a good sign that your parish priest is busy and that there is a long queue for Confession. This means that is a good and strong parish.

From my own experience of being a member of RCIA and sponsering a convert I remember that their first confession was pre-arranged with a priest and they did “the deed” in private. She was really worried too. I advised her not to be too self critical and to tell Father what was in her heart. She was so relieved and her first confession was a wonderful experience. She literally beamed on receiving the sacraments of Confirmation and Holy Eucharist at that wonderful Easter vigil 2002.

God bless.
 
Sorry, I wasn’t clear enough in my post it isn’t my first Confession after many hears, it is my FIRST CONFESSION EVER. I am a convert.

If all I had to worry about was the 3 years since I decided to convert to Holy Mother Church, it wouldn’t exactly be a 2-minute Confession, but it would be reasonably short. Nope, it’s the 34 years between my baptism at 11 (in a Protestant church - full immersion) and when I decided to convert that worries me.

As for the priest, 1. I have been told that my first Confession needs to be to my parish Priest so he knows it has happened. Besides, he’s super, just VERY busy. 2. Even if he wasn’t great, in this part of the world, we aren’t exactly broke out with priests to choose from, and being disabled, I can’t just hope in the car and go elsewhere…

Thanks for all the help, advice, and and kind encouragement 🙂
 
One other thing this is what I told my son, he was little. He said I don’t know what to say Mom. I said Josh just start out and tell Father about your day. I woke up started fighting with my sister, My Mom asked me to take out the garbage I pretended not to hear her. etc…
Humor My Love Humor it is the best way!
 
Make sure that you confess those sins for which you feel the most guilty and/or embarrased, the ones you don’t need to rack your memory to remember, and the rest can be confessed more generally. Examples:

“When I was a teenager I stole my Grandma’s wedding ring and pawned it to buy beer, and I also did some petty shop lifting.”

“[Edited] I have also said plenty of blasphemies throughout my life.”
 
rinnie said:
One other thing this is what I told my son, he was little. He said I don’t know what to say Mom. I said Josh just start out and tell Father about your day. I woke up started fighting with my sister, My Mom asked me to take out the garbage I pretended not to hear her. etc…
Humor My Love Humor it is the best way!
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What a wonderful way to go to confession. I never thought of that. It could work for us grown-ups too! God bless. 😃
 
Lossiebeth,

I understand where yo are coming from. Don’t stress to much, it will be okay.

A little bit of my own background…My mom is Presbyterian and my dad is Catholic. I was raised growing up in many ways in both churches. My husband was baptized Catholic but his parents were non-practicing. We were originally married in the Presbyterian church because I was angry at that time with the Catholic church and associated myself more with the Presbyterian Church. A few years ago now my husband decided to go through RCIA and join the Catholic Church and we joined/rejoined and had our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. I had not been to confession in 8 years, which is much less than 37, but still a long time (with a lot of sins:blush: 😦 ). since my husband had been baptised as a baby he had to confess roughly 25 years worth of sins, which I would imagine would be even tougher;)

I think most of the advice given by other posters here is good advice. In our case the pastor who we worked with in coming back to the church was WONDERFUL and very understanding. That helped A LOT! In your case for the first confession I would focus less on giving exact numbers and more on generalities. Focus on the major sins and the sins that have become habits and give you the most trouble. Also ask for God to forgive you for any sins you may have forgotten. If you remember something serious later you can mention it to a priest at a later confession.

I tend to get nervous in confession sometimes depending on the priest. I prefer confession face-to-face in a little more conversational style with my Pastor. Confession it isn’t as scary as you might think and it feels REALLY GREAT when you come out from confession - like a huge weight has been lifted!👍
 
lossiebeth said:
As for the priest, 1. I have been told that my first Confession needs to be to my parish Priest so he knows it has happened. Besides, he’s super, just VERY busy.
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What you were told is wrong. The following is from the Code of Canon Law:
Can. 991 All Christ’s faithful are free to confess their sins to lawfully approved confessors of their own choice, even to one of another rite.
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You can tell him that you have been to confession elsewhere, so he will know it has happened.

I am not saying you HAVE to go to someone else, just that you have the right to choose your confessor.
 
PhilotheaZ said:
What you were told is wrong. The following is from the Code of Canon Law:

You can tell him that you have been to confession elsewhere, so he will know it has happened.

I am not saying you HAVE to go to someone else, just that you have the right to choose your confessor.
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This is true. You can go to any Catholic Church, I never go to my home church, No way. I see Father too much for that. Not that im that terrible, but nope I never do. I like to go to strangers.
 
You’re going to be fine. Don’t be overly concerned about remembering dates and times and quantities; God already knows about all that. He was there, you know.

Of the many instances where God tells us “Be not afraid!” the occasion of Reconciliation is surely one.

Beyond what everyone else has said here, be mindful of the words of absolution you will hear. There are few sweeter sounds than those.

Remember that your sincere contrition (and your absolution) is for all the sins of your past life, not just those you remember to tell your priest at that instance. Hold nothing back, but look forward to a closer life in Christ after your reconciliation with Him.

You’re going to be fine. 👍
 
Wow, thanks for ALL the support!

I was instantly converted to Holy Mother Church, but it has taken the Church and me over 3 years to get all the “necessaries” done and dusted (not that I mean to sound flippant about the annulment process, etc.). Early on, I was DESPERATE for my fist Confession (people thought I was kind of strange, actually WANTING to go to Confession!), but as time has passed, I’ve gotten more shy or something 😊

Contrition is NOT a problem. I became a Christian (this time - long story) through a Church of Scotland Alpha course, and spent ages afterwards in guilt and repentance - I became a Christian and felt TERRIBLE! I told a friend I thought I might be repenting too much, but she was of a denomination that doesn’t believe there can BE too much repentance, so she disagreed 😉

Not meaning to Protestant-bash, God forbid, but that was my problm as a Protestant - I could repent and cry and feel sick over my sins (and I have done), but there was no resolution. As a Catholic, go to Confession, with the proper purpose of amendment, and it’s GONE - you gotta love that :extrahappy:

This has helped SO much! When it’s time, I think I WILL go to my own parish priest - it will be good for my humility, and as I’m one of St. Therese of Lisieux’s most fervent fans, I’m big on humility 😉

Thanks again,
Lossiebeth :getholy:
 
I don’t know if this will be of any help but there is a classic short story called “First Confession” by Frank O’Connor. I’ve seen it performed on television and it is a perfect example of a young boys fears about Confession. It’s also quite funny.

Here’s a website where you can read it:

ireland-information.com/firstconfession.htm

GOOD LUCK!!
 
Bullfighter said:
I don’t know if this will be of any help but there is a classic short story called “First Confession” by Frank O’Connor. I’ve seen it performed on television and it is a perfect example of a young boys fears about Confession. It’s also quite funny.

Here’s a website where you can read it:

ireland-information.com/firstconfession.htm

GOOD LUCK!!
Click to expand...
Oh, my goodness, I’m still laughing out loud! Thanks for the great story!

Betsy
 
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