I was received into full communion of the Catholic Church, convert from Protestantism too! Here’s a few things I’ve learned about confession. Much of this I learned in the context of my time in the Protestant tradition but truth is truth.
When I began to go to confession I first prayed about my intent and purpose for going to confession and one thing for me is that it’s too exhausting for me to share with each new confessor my background history. I also wanted a good confessor. Not every Priest is a good confessor. I really didn’t want to just state my sin and have the Priest tell me to go say 5 Hail Mary’s but I needed a Priest who would actually engage with me on a more personal level.
First off, the bible says to confess our sins to one another so that you may be healed.
Confession is a grace and can be a very healing experience. I heard it said that a generalized confession will only bring generalized healing but the more precise or direct or deep the confession is the more precise, direct, and deep the healing. In other words, we get what we put into it.
Sin thrives in the dark and secracy. Toxic shame that comes as a result of some sin and brokenness also thrives in the dark and secracy. Knowing this, I wanted to confess to a Priest that would be within my parish community but also a Priest not so close to my family so I made the decision to go to a Priest that wasn’t directly connected to my RCIA but a Priest that would in some way know me and provide a little accountability and not rush through confession.
You have the option to confess either behind a veil of sorts but also face to face. I chose to confess face to face. I do this because it helps me to receive grace in confession and I don’t feel as shameful walking away from confession. So it becomes a healing experience for me. It also becomes a more personalized time of confession too when confessing face to face.
Point is,
Some people confess to a Priest outside their Parish. I know one guy who travels fromBC Canada into the United States on a regular basis to receive confession because he knows many of the Priests in our area, he considers them as Colleagues with the ministry he’s active in and is just more comfortable going to a Priest he’s not friends with and doesn’t work with. He may have a good point when it comes to his particular experience but here’s a case where not only he confesses outside of his Parish but goes to a neighboring country for confession. I actually wouldn’t recommend that for most people.
The question is, it may be easier to confess to a Priest you don’t know for your first confession. If that’s the case it’s OK but you can receive more when you choose a Priest you are comfortable enough with to share your background with and a Priest you will continue going to for confession. This way you receive more then just the absolution of your sin but you create space for the Priest to spiritually guide you and disciple you, and provide spiritual direction. You can’t really spiritually father a parishner if you don’t really know the parishner and you can only receive as much spiritual direction from a Priest as much as you allow yourself to receive. So, if you want to go to a Priest outside your Parish for confession, at the very least make an effort to select another Parish specifically for confession so that you see the same Priest. There are two Priests I see for confession. I attend 2 Parishes and a Cathedral. One Parish that’s more closely linked with family. I never go to confession at that Parish. The other Parish I go to for confession but I also attend conferences and cultivating community at that Parish because having people in my faith community that know my background is important and beneficial and healing. I went to confession once at the Cathedral but it wasn’t a very nice experience but rather kinda cold so I attend the Cathedral for Mass because it’s convenient and close to where I work. I get off Sunday morning, run to the Cathedral for 8am Mass but my Parish community is where I go to confession. That’s what I do.
