First confession- is this OK?

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leamar3

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I went to my first confession yesterday. The priest told me to only confess the sin that was weighing the most heavily on me and not worry about the laundry list of sins. He and I were sitting face to face and having more of a conversation than anything else. He gave me some wonderful advice, told me what I needed to do for my penance, absolved me of all of my sins, and I left.

He didn’t have me start by saying “bless me father” or have me end with an act of contrition. I guess I was expecting something more “prescribed” and I’d have to list EVERYTHING, which probably would’ve taken quite some time.

Is this type of confession normal for a first confession? I can’t help but wonder, am I truly absolved of all of my sins that I’ve committed over the last 18 years or so?

The priest was loving and sincere in his words, so I don’t want to shed a negative light on him. I truly appreciate him. I just can’t help these lingering questions.
 
I don’t mean to alarm you, but this is not the norm for a first confession or any confession. We are to confess all of our mortal sins in type and number insofar as we can remember them. This is especially problematic if you’ve got a long period of time to cover, as you’ve said here. I’m sure the priest is a nice guy, but if he’s going to hear your confession in a loving and sincere way, he really needs to let you confess all of your sins and not just to pick the biggest one. You are not at fault here as you didn’t deliberately neglect to confess your sins, but you should have the opportunity to confess properly. I would find another priest and perhaps mention that you are going to confession to cover a long period of time, and mention this incident to him then.

-ACEGC
 
I’m a convert from last year. What you experienced is not normal for a first confession or any confession. Confession isn’t just listing your top sin. A good confession is enumerating all of your mortal sins in kind and number. If you didn’t do that then I don’t see how it was a good confession.

As to whether you are forgiven I don’t know. There are provisions for absolution in extreme circumstances that would allow atypical confessions. But I believe this dispensation from normal confession is predicated on the idea that if possible later you make a good confession. So a priest can offer absolution during a plane crash without the normal procedure, but if you survived the crash you would be expected to basically go make up for the exceptional absolution with a good confession. I’m not positive about this so consult an authoritative resource for confirmation. The thing to always remember is that God and the Church are merciful. God is merciful even if your confessor for some reason doesn’t do what he should.

If I were you what I would do is find another priest probably at another parish and schedule a first confession. Explain what you experienced in the first confession. I would think the priest would want you to do a typical confession.

Speaking from my experience in the last year confession is the most under appreciated sacrament. Humbly admitting to all of your faults and receiving absolution from them is so liberating. This was especially true for my first confession. Admitting to sins from decades past was unbelievably beneficial to my spiritual life. I think you were deprived of a great blessing. Unfortunately goofy things do happen in the Catholic Church. But don’t let that bother it is made up of humans so this is to be expected.
 
This is what happens at confession around here.
Father doesn’t normally direct anyone to do anything. You simply start with
“Bless me Father for I have sinned”. without prompting.
Sometimes the priest will say “ok, now make a good act of contrition” or sometimes the group will have prayed it in advance.
As your first confession, he probably assumed you were not taught the many details.
Many priests like to focus on the sin that one most struggles with, knowing that all are forgiven when he absolves you. It’s not partial.
There is a directive to list number and kind…some even say “species” but I’ve always had the priest stop me and then zero in on something.
It’s what sometimes happens. Other parishes…go more by the book.
But honestly, you confessed, you were contrite, and your were absolved.
Don’t pick apart what he did or didn’t do.
Have faith and rejoice in your clean soul. You can certainly mention those things you feel were omitted at your next confession. If it was a penance service, the people pray the Act of Contrition together. We also have it on laminated cards in our confessionals.
I think this priest was trying to ease you into the routine.
Please don’t fret over it.
God bless you.
 
pianistclare said:
Don’t pick apart what he did or didn’t do.
Have faith and rejoice in your clean soul.
I think this priest was trying to ease you into the routine.
Please don’t fret over it.
God bless you.
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Yes, pianistclare is right, what happened at your confession is okay. If the priest said the absolution, you are absolved.
 
pianistclare said:
But honestly, you confessed, you were contrite, and your were absolved.
Don’t pick apart what he did or didn’t do.
Have faith and rejoice in your clean soul. You can certainly mention those things you feel were omitted at your next confession.Please don’t fret over it.
God bless you.
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I agree. Even if the priest did not exactly go “by the book”, he was there “in the person of Christ”, and he is the confessor God sent you for your first Confession. The Lord Jesus was there, saw what was in your heart, and forgave all your sins. If some unconfessed sins keep coming to your mind, you can include them in your next confessions, but please do not doubt the sacrament. God bless you and congratulations!
 
The wonderful priest I always see for confession is rather like the one you’ve described, leomar3. We meet face-to-face and start with a few words of prayer. We then have a two-way conversation, he advises and suggests why I’m making the particular error and what I should consider doing to improve things (this time it was reading the Pope’s writings). Then he says the words of Absolution.

I think it’s completely the way it should be and I think he’s got it just right.
 
Isca said:
The wonderful priest I always see for confession is rather like the one you’ve described, leomar3. We meet face-to-face and start with a few words of prayer. We then have a two-way conversation, he advises and suggests why I’m making the particular error and what I should consider doing to improve things (this time it was reading the Pope’s writings). Then he says the words of Absolution.

I think it’s completely the way it should be and I think he’s got it just right.
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Such is fine if one has only venial sins - but is NOT the way to do it with mortal sins.
pianistclare said:
There is a directive to list number and kind…some even say “species” but I’ve always had the priest stop me and then zero in on something.
It’s what sometimes happens. .
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All mortal sins though still are to be confessed…(number and kind (species)).

Ok Father I have more…I also accuse myself of …
 
FrancescaMaria said:
If some unconfessed sins keep coming to your mind, you can include them in your next confessions, but please do not doubt the sacrament.
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It is not an option. It is not a case of doubting the Sacrament or of “if they keep coming to your mind” then confess them…it is an obligation. All mortal sins are to be confessed.

(we are not discussing say cases such as one honestly never remembers them or a particular case of scrupulosity where person seeks to confess things they do not need to confess or want to keep confessing things and need direction by a regular confessor…)
 
leamar3 said:
I went to my first confession yesterday. The priest told me to only confess the sin that was weighing the most heavily on me and not worry about the laundry list of sins. He and I were sitting face to face and having more of a conversation than anything else. He gave me some wonderful advice, told me what I needed to do for my penance, absolved me of all of my sins, and I left.
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Leamur,

Your lingering question regarding the confession of all mortal sins was quite correct.

What I wish to discuss here is that even if a Priest cut one off and did not let you confess all your mortal sins - all your mortal sins still are to be confessed.

Without necessarily giving the name of the Priest - tell the confessor what happened and why you did not confess them all.

We are obliged to confess all mortal sins in number and kind (and that which changes the kind if there is any such - like one stole a chalice from the Church and thus also committed sacrilege).

What the Priest did was wrong and should not be done. In would not return to him but find other Priests.

All mortal sins in number and kind must be confessed.

You can also confess any venial sins that you wish to confess but they are not required.

I am sorry you encountered this problem on you very first confession! As a convert myself of many years I would note that most Priests in confession have done as the Church has given them to do. As with any other human area - it can happen that a Priest may have had some bad formation somewhere in the past. But I assure you he was not correct. As does - more importantly - the Church.

You are very very correct that such was not to have happened and the Priest while he can have had some other good things to say - was incorrect in this approach.
 
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

304. Which sins must be confessed?

1456

All grave sins not yet confessed, which a careful examination of conscience brings to mind, must be brought to the sacrament of Penance. The confession of serious sins is the only ordinary way to obtain forgiveness.

(note: grave sins = mortal sins).

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession…

www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm#1455

Canon Law:

Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism …

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3H.HTM

Jimmy Akin (Catholic Answers senior apologist):

jimmyakin.com/2012/03/confessing-by-kind-and-number.html
 
Unfortunately the experience of the OP was close to my own as a new Catholic. The only instruction we had in RCIA was that the Candidates had to go to Confession. I worked on my list and totally freaked out when I got there. I left the list at home. Subsequent confessions have been educational.

I have come across and heard about priests who only want to talk about one, um, sin area. My advice to the OP is chill and try again.
 
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

304. Which sins must be confessed?

1456

All grave sins not yet confessed, which a careful examination of conscience brings to mind, must be brought to the sacrament of Penance. The confession of serious sins is the only ordinary way to obtain forgiveness.

(note: grave sins = mortal sins).

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession…

www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm#1455

Canon Law:

Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism …

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3H.HTM

Jimmy Akin (Catholic Answers senior apologist):

jimmyakin.com/2012/03/confessing-by-kind-and-number.html
 
Just to make this general (without getting into a particular case):

Let say the Priest hearing a confession does not let the penitent confess all their mortal sins thought the penitent intends to and wants to …tries to…but the Priest just gives them absolution after they confessed one of them…

The Penitent still is to confess the mortal sins (to another Priest)…even with the Priest not letting him confess them and Priest absolving him …
 
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

304. Which sins must be confessed?

1456

All grave sins not yet confessed, which a careful examination of conscience brings to mind, must be brought to the sacrament of Penance. The confession of serious sins is the only ordinary way to obtain forgiveness.

(note: grave sins = mortal sins).

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession…

www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm#1455

Canon Law:

Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism …

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3H.HTM

Jimmy Akin (Catholic Answers senior apologist):

jimmyakin.com/2012/03/confessing-by-kind-and-number.html
 
Bookcat said:
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

304. Which sins must be confessed?

1456

All grave sins not yet confessed, which a careful examination of conscience brings to mind, must be brought to the sacrament of Penance. The confession of serious sins is the only ordinary way to obtain forgiveness.

(note: grave sins = mortal sins).

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Catechism of the Catholic Church:

1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession…

www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm#1455

Canon Law:

Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism …

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3H.HTM

Jimmy Akin (Catholic Answers senior apologist):

jimmyakin.com/2012/03/confessing-by-kind-and-number.html
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Correct but wouldn’t it be true that in a case like this, let’s say the priest cuts a person off, and then the sins you had you forgot afterwards. He would still be absolved right?

But I agree, I would totally just go to a different priest or even make an appointment because this would allow the priest a forewarning and allow you more time. Most parishes near me hold confessions right before mass so it can cause some people to rush.
 
I don’t think we can assume that the OP had a gob of Mortal sins to confess…:rolleyes:
 
pianistclare said:
But honestly, you confessed, you were contrite, and your were absolved.
Don’t pick apart what he did or didn’t do.
Have faith and rejoice in your clean soul. You can certainly mention those things you feel were omitted at your next confession.
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It seems to me, unless I’m misunderstanding, the OP is rightly worried because he wasn’t given the opportunity to enumerate his sins. If he has mortal sins that weren’t enumerated it is reasonable to be concerned since the Church asks of us an enumeration, as best we can, of such sins.

I think it is a great blessing to be able to enumerate our sins. Besides the most important sacramental aspect there is also the psychological benefit. I dreaded my first confession because I had to confront all that I had done. I felt even worse as I went through my list of sins with the priest. Afterwards I felt amazing and a sense that in some important way I had put those sins behind me as I never had before. Part of that amazing feeling was that even after going through that long list of sins the priest didn’t revile me or seem disgusted with me.
pianistclare said:
I don’t think we can assume that the OP had a gob of Mortal sins to confess…:rolleyes:
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No, we can’t. But he can determine that and act accordingly. If he had mortal sins unconfessed then he ought to find a priest to confess them to.
 
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