First Confession Question

[karennascargo3]

I will be having my first confession tonight and have some questions. I asked both our RICA teachers/sponsors and our priest about this confession. Father said he rarely does individual confessions and that he wishes for me to have my first confession at our congregational penance service. How our parish does this is that Father stands in hall and person-by-person files in, says a very brief confession, Father absolves them and then he gives the same penance to the entire congregation.

Father said this is not a time of counseling, not go over anything that happened years ago, rather just confess what bad habits, etc. I am having a problem with at this time. He said he will also give me the same penance as he will be giving to all of the church being, to go and do a good deed for another person.

This seems contradictory to what I’ve read. Our RICA leaders are all converts themselves in this same VERY tiny parish, which is the only Catholic Church within miles and miles of any other Catholic Church. They seemed shocked when I told them that I had read about private first confessions and how others made an appointment to confess all their serious sins up to this point. They conferred that I will be covered doing it this way. I do have some very serious sins from my past (being years and years ago) and I have repented of them and tried to make things right as best I could.

So my question is, will I truly be forgiven and absolved of my sins? I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to being Confirmed and receiving my First Communion at the Easter Vigil and, I just want more than anything else to right with God, so this worries me a bit.

 

[JimG]

I take it that you have already been validly baptized at some point in your past life. If you were just being baptized at Easter vigil, no confession would be necessary until later, since Baptism forgives all your sins.

As to having a brief confession in the hall–that is rather shocking to me. A first confession covering a number of months or years ought to be in the privacy of a confessional or its equivalent. You are not being afforded practical access to the sacrament.

 

[karennascargo3]

Yes, I was baptised into another faith 45 years ago as a teenager. I’ve had a lot of sins since then.

 

[JimG]

Yes, I was baptised into another faith 45 years ago as a teenager. I’ve had a lot of sins since then.

I’m not sure what to advise if there are no other parishes available. I’d ask this priest, or another, for the opportunity to make a private, general confession.

I agree with the priest that it need not be a time of counseling, but it does need to be a general confession of mortal sins since baptism. I would note that this in itself need not be lengthy. If I were confessing a past life of say, drunkenness, adultery, and bank robbery, it might go something like this: “Since my baptism 50 years ago, I got drunk twice a week, abused my wife, committed adultery about 3 times a week, and robbed banks about twice a year.”

It sounds like you may have to be ok with summarizing a lot. Just do the best you can. You can still ask another priest to do a general confession later, even though all your sins will have been forgiven in your first confession, however unsatisfying it may feel to you.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

What you describe seems to be a very serious abuse of the Sacrament (not your fault, but rather the fault of people who are giving you bad advice). You MUST be given the opportunity to verbally confess ALL serious sins you are aware of committing since your Baptism, or since your last good confession. Anything less might invalidate the Sacrament.

I am very sorry you are being given conflicting information. There should be NO DOUBT in a person’s mind as to whether a sacrament is being validly received. Those trying to prevent you from making a complete, integral confession are doing you a grave disservice. Try to find a good priest who is willing to hear your confession FOR REAL. You deserve the peace of mind it will give you.

A complete confession does not have to take a long time; you don’t have to give a lot of details; just name the sins, tell how often you committed them, express your sorrow, and move on. A confession of twenty years of sins can be done in a couple of minutes. (It is not necessary to confess venial sins, but it can be helpful in conquering habitual sin.)

 

[benedictgal]

This is a serious abuse and not a proper means of imparting the Sacrament of Penance. Please note what the Circular Letter on the Integrity of the Sacrament of Penance states:

1. Local Ordinaries and priests, to the degree that it applies to them, have an obligation in conscience to ensure that penitents have regular and frequent scheduled opportunities for individual and integral confession of sins in all parish churches and insofar as possible in other pastoral centres.14 In addition, priests are called upon to be generous in making themselves available outside of those scheduled times to celebrate individual and integral confession whenever the faithful would reasonably ask for it.15 "Other works, for lack of time, may have to be postponed or even abandoned, but not the confessional."16

1. The Holy Father has pointed to the personal nature of sin, conversion, forgiveness and reconciliation 17 as the reason why the Rite of Reconciliation of several penitents with individual confession and absolution “demands the personal confession of sins and individual absolution”.18 Since individual and integral confession of sins is not only an obligation "but also an inviolable and inalienable right"19 of the faithful, any innovation which would interfere with their fulfillment of this obligation, such as when penitents are invited or otherwise encouraged to name just one sin or to name a representative sin, is to be eliminated.

The OP has the right to a properly conducted confession. What the OP described is a serious abuse. I would recommend that the OP find another parish for confession.

 

[LindaSK]

I had my First Confession three years ago - in a Confessional, with a priest who knew I was making my First Confession. What you describe would not have felt ‘right’. I would try to speak with the priest one more time about my concerns. Maybe he was having a bad day? If his attitude remained unchanged, I would seek out another priest nearby. (We are spoiled? Our priest is a very good Confessor.) But, call the church Rectory, explain that it is your First Confession and ask if he would hear your Confession, either during regular hours for Confession, or by appointment. Any priest can hear your Confession. We have many opportunities for Confession here, in our parish and neighboring parishes, with many priests present to hear Confessions. Contact your Rectory, or check your church’s bulletin. I wish you a good Confession.

Welcome, and God bless. I help with RCIA here, and keep all of you in my prayers.

 

[Joannm]

I always tell my candidates to make an appointment for their first confession and to tell the priest this is their first confession. This way they don’t feel rushed and can take their time. The priest doesn’t need to counsel them but might need to help them understand if something is really sinful or not or how culpable they are of a particular sin. If they want to be anonymous they could ask the preist to meet them in the confesional at a certain time and then wait in a corner of the church until they see the priest go in. But, most of our candidates go face to face and seem to like it.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

If the priest is in the hall and the other parishioners are waiting in the church (instead of in line just behind you), then simply take the few minutes you will need to confess you prior mortal sins in kind and number (Jim gave you a good example). Even if they are in line behind you, I think I would do it anyway.

The priest is wrong to not give you an opportunity to confess in a more seemingly manner, however, if he is the only priest for miles than I can see how this practice came into being. He is technically correct to say that confession (even first confession) is not a time for counseling. You also do not need to confess your venial sins, but you should state all your mortal sins to the best of your recollection. You don’t need to give many details, examples, name names, talk about how you felt or even describe circumstances.

What you can do is speak to him again about this or simply make an appointment for 1/2 hour say and then walk in and ask him to hear you confession. I would also be sure to include time for confession whenever I travelled out of the area on business or vacation.

 

[jeanne71350]

That does not sound right to me. You should be able to confess a mortal sin. On my first confession, I did it in a group…but we could talk as long as we needed to with the priest. (that was when I was in 2nd grade…but oh well)

I don’t know what to tell you, but that does not sound right.

God Bless
-Jeanne

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I will be having my first confession tonight and have some questions. I asked both our RICA teachers/sponsors and our priest about this confession. Father said he rarely does individual confessions and that he wishes for me to have my first confession at our congregational penance service. How our parish does this is that Father stands in hall and person-by-person files in, says a very brief confession, Father absolves them and then he gives the same penance to the entire congregation.

Father said this is not a time of counseling, not go over anything that happened years ago, rather just confess what bad habits, etc. I am having a problem with at this time. He said he will also give me the same penance as he will be giving to all of the church being, to go and do a good deed for another person.

This seems contradictory to what I’ve read. Our RICA leaders are all converts themselves in this same VERY tiny parish, which is the only Catholic Church within miles and miles of any other Catholic Church. They seemed shocked when I told them that I had read about private first confessions and how others made an appointment to confess all their serious sins up to this point. They conferred that I will be covered doing it this way. I do have some very serious sins from my past (being years and years ago) and I have repented of them and tried to make things right as best I could.

So my question is, will I truly be forgiven and absolved of my sins? I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to being Confirmed and receiving my First Communion at the Easter Vigil and, I just want more than anything else to right with God, so this worries me a bit.

You indicated that this was the only Catholic Church for miles. Do you drive? Are you capable of going to another Catholic Church say on a day trip within 100 miles?

 

[acadian]

I think I would feel cheated if I had to go to confession that way. Kind of reminds me of the old joke about “drive thru” confessions.

I hope the OP is able to make other arrangements - if not before Easter, maybe for Divine Mercy Sunday.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

I think I would feel cheated if I had to go to confession that way. Kind of reminds me of the old joke about “drive thru” confessions.

I hope the OP is able to make other arrangements - if not before Easter, maybe for Divine Mercy Sunday.

But definitely before approaching Holy Communion.

 

[karennascargo3]

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

 

[acadian]

Awesome!

Is reconciliation a great way to experience the touch of Jesus or what??

 

[Seatuck]

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

Good for you . You did the best you could do under the circumstances.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

I really did not want to answer generically until I knew a little more about your specific situation. I think you did just fine. I would speak with the new Pastor about your concerns after he has time to settle in.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

I am so happy for you! Praise God for His merciful love. Now that you have experienced God’s mercy in this profound way in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I hope you will be an “apostle” and lead others to this wonderful sacrament. It is one of the best gifts you can give your loved ones. Ever since I made a general confession (almost ten years ago) and experienced God’s mercy in a beautiful, transforming way, I have wanted to shout it from the rooftops!

Pray for your priest (and all priests). They are under tremendous stress and temptations. The devil works overtime to get priests to lead people astray, to get people to avoid confession, etc. People like you who have experienced the joy of a good confession can be the best apostles to lead others to this Sacrament. And you have already begun to do so by posting your positive experience on this forum!

God bless you!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Terrific! This is such a great story–I’m very glad you had the courage from the Spirit to do this! I will definately be praying for your new priest (and your current one).

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

 

[LindaSK]

Well, here’s what I ended up doing.

Before leaving for church, I read some of the responses here and, since I don’t drive and am unable to get to another priest, I decided that I truly didn’t want to hold up the next person in line and, I didn’t want to make Father mad, but I had to do this correctly. My thoughts were that I had an obligation to our Lord (as well as to my own peace of mind and spirit) to be absolved of all those sins. I just felt I could not in good conscience partake of the Eucharist without doing so.

I attended the penance service and went into the hall when it was my turn. I don’t think Father was very happy with me, but I did confess all serious sins during the years (quickly and generically - he said he didn’t want to know how many times, etc.) and, also those more recent ones that I struggle with. I talked fast, but was sincere, and received absolution.

I wasn’t meaning to be rebellious or contrary to what Father wanted, but I believe I did the right thing because when I went back to my pew to pray further, I just felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted from shoulders. I had been dreading bearing my soul of my sinful life I led many years ago to any priest (terrified and embarrassed are more the words), but I couldn’t believe how the words just flew from my mouth and how free I feel. I still can’t seem to stop the tears of joy, relief, and humility. Our Lord is so awesome! ** I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life. **

Thank you all for your encouragement and kindness in taking the time to respond and help me through this. You have no idea how you’ve helped a newbie through the most difficult time of this journey home.
**
BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June.** No word yet on who we will get next, so if you would please pray for our little church that God sends us a priest who will restore our parish to what God wishes it to be.

** I never felt forgiven before; tonight I do for the first time in my entire life. ** That is exactly how I felt after my First Confession! After all those years…

BTW, Father is going to be leaving in June. Prayers for you , your priest, your “little church”, and your new priest.

Welcome! Easter Vigil will be awesome for you!

God bless