First confession

[bridekirk]

I am looking for some advice please. I am an adult of 58 years, and a convert facing my first confession in the very near future. I have been working on my examination of conscience and to help me have been working through the 10 commandments and making notes about the thousands of times I have sinned. I am finding that I feel a strong need to give some of my sins context or background, but in doing this, its turning into an essay, and I know I need to avoid scrupulosity and keep to the facts, but when a sin, or repeated sin has a complex origin should I try to explain how the sin came about? and something about the inner conflict the sin caused If I don’t the priest will not fully understand the nature of that sin or why I committed it. Many thanks

 

[Convert_in_99]

I am looking for some advice please. I am an adult of 58 years, and a convert facing my first confession in the very near future. I have been working on my examination of conscience and to help me have been working through the 10 commandments and making notes about the thousands of times I have sinned. I am finding that I feel a strong need to give some of my sins context or background, but in doing this, its turning into an essay, and I know I need to avoid scrupulosity and keep to the facts, but when a sin, or repeated sin has a complex origin should I try to explain how the sin came about? and something about the inner conflict the sin caused If I don’t the priest will not fully understand the nature of that sin or why I committed it. Many thanks

Congratulations!!!

I am also a convert who had plenty of serious sins to confess the first few times around!

But it was actually through ongoing confession that the priest realized I had scrupulously! It’s easiest to make a small list that first time. Simply confess the sin and number of times you comitted it. If there are necessary details that change the nature of the sin for instance I comitted fornication is not the same as I comitted fornication with someone of the same sex or someone who was a minor. If your not sure tell the priest. And don’t worry if you forget some sins then remember them or discover them after, they are still forgiven then and there! Simply tell them at your next confession, to tell Jesus your sorry and have a clear conscience. Also be patient with yourself. It takes an adult convert several confessions to get the past squared away. It’s been sixteen years and I will still remember something from time to time.

 

[bridekirk]

Congratulations!!!

I am also a convert who had plenty of serious sins to confess the first few times around!

But it was actually through ongoing confession that the priest realized I had scrupulously! It’s easiest to make a small list that first time. Simply confess the sin and number of times you comitted it. If there are necessary details that change the nature of the sin for instance I comitted fornication is not the same as I comitted fornication with someone of the same sex or someone who was a minor. If your not sure tell the priest. And don’t worry if you forget some sins then remember them or discover them after, they are still forgiven then and there! Simply tell them at your next confession, to tell Jesus your sorry and have a clear conscience. Also be patient with yourself. It takes an adult convert several confessions to get the past squared away. It’s been sixteen years and I will still remember something from time to time.

 

[bridekirk]

Thanks so much convert 99, what you say makes a lot of sense. No doubt I will end up babbling otherwise. I have gone over the scenario a hundred times in my head now especially as its only a couple of weeks away!!!. There is so much to get a handle on, and I fear that in my head I am going far too deeply into it all. e.g. when is Gossip a sin. Is casual gossip without malice a sin, or does it have to be malicious. Do casual observations that cause conjecture or speculation count as sins ?. What about uninvited lustful thoughts, and for me my main concern is all tied up with my relationship with my previous church ( which was anglican ) were I made vows as I prepared to enter into the ministry and broke them by falling away. Are these sins if the RC Church don’t recognise any vows I might have made in that denomination. The whole thing is quite exhausting !

 

[spiderweb]

I would focus on the sins that you know to be mortal sins, or have the potential to be considered mortal sins. Of course it is also good to confess any and all sins that you can think of.

My suggestion is not to worry about the context or circumstances of anything. Just bring the sins into the light and let Jesus sort them out. The only thing he requires is that you don’t intentionally hold anything back from him, and that you have a repentant heart.

 

[Catholic1954]

I am looking for some advice please. I am an adult of 58 years, and a convert facing my first confession in the very near future. I have been working on my examination of conscience and to help me have been working through the 10 commandments and making notes about the thousands of times I have sinned. I am finding that I feel a strong need to give some of my sins context or background, but in doing this, its turning into an essay, and I know I need to avoid scrupulosity and keep to the facts, but when a sin, or repeated sin has a complex origin should I try to explain how the sin came about? and something about the inner conflict the sin caused If I don’t the priest will not fully understand the nature of that sin or why I committed it. Many thanks

Trying to explain why you committed a certain sin will soon sound like you are making excuses, it really doesn’t matter why, the priest probably will not find it helpful anyway; if he needs more details he will ask. Make a list of the worst of the worst sins (the mortal sins) and an estimate of how many times you did it, and then go from there in descending order. If you can manage it, make an appointment for a face to face confession with the priest, then you can take your time and he can help walk you through it for the first time. Welcome Home!

 

[bridekirk]

Thanks all for the advice

 

[dee_burk]

My first confession was last year. One of those “make an appt” face to face kinda ordeal. I made a long list (as i had many years to cover as well). I started and the priest said, “just tell me the things you struggle with now”. WHA!!! He must have saw the deer in the headlights look because he snickered when i started stuttering, put my head back down, and told him i better stick to the list so i dont miss anything". It was terrifying for me but i always over think things.

 

[bridekirk]

My first confession was last year. One of those “make an appt” face to face kinda ordeal. I made a long list (as i had many years to cover as well). I started and the priest said, “just tell me the things you struggle with now”. WHA!!! He must have saw the deer in the headlights look because he snickered when i started stuttering, put my head back down, and told him i better stick to the list so i dont miss anything". It was terrifying for me but i always over think things./

Yeah, I suffer from the same syndrome !!!. If there is an earthly punishment for sin, ( and I know there isn’t ), but if there was, just thinking about this confession and having gone over and over stuff for the past 6 months, and re living events long gone, must come close to such a thing. Its really made me come to the view that I am so horrible I don’t even know how I live with myself !!. I know I really have to get a grip, for fear I might not actually stay the course and just run for the hills. I have even started having nightmares about it, and its the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I am no longer sure if I am just an ordinary guy or really am the biggest sinner in the world right now, !

 

[AllieT]

Congratulations!!! I am always tempted to give add context to my sins, but try to stick to the sin and number of times, since that’s what we’ve been instructed to do. I look at avoiding a long explanation as an exercise in practicing humbleness. It’s not always easy, especially when I might think in my own head that a sin might be less “grave” based on circumstances that led me to it…but that’s just me trying to make myself feel better much of the time. I think with a long First Confession, a simple list of sin and estimated number of times would be appreciated by your priest. So happy for you - you’ll feel great when it’s over!!!

 

[OneSmallFlower]

Another helpful tip of advice, especially for scrupulous people or people who have been away from the sacrament for a long time (or have never been to it) is, if a sin is mortal but you don’t know how many times you’ve done it, literally just say, “I’ve done X many times, I’m not sure of the exact number,” and move right along. Also, if you don’t know whether a sin is mortal or not, confess it and ask. Like, “Father, I’ve done X so-and-so many times. I don’t know whether it’s mortal or not.” He’ll usually tell you.

Good luck!

 

[Seamus_L]

If the priest want’s to know why you committed a partiuclar sin, he’ll ask you, otherwise it can often lead to us unconsciously sounding like we’re holding others responsible for our sins.

 

[bridekirk]

Thanks Guys, all your comments help I have another point of query. I think I have got a handle on mortal sin, but I’m a bit worried about potential frequency. If I am brutally honest, I cant see how I can get through a full week without committing at the very least one mortal sin ( assuming that I am understanding mortal sin correctly ). I hope I will not ever have any intention of committing a mortal sin, and I appreciate that there are specific elements such as Grave Matter and a knowing willingness to commit the sin, but there is a good chance I might slip in matters of the odd “bad” word without even realizing it, and I know I will probably find plenty for me to find fault with in my private prayer ( mind drifting etc ). Searing at the occasional motorist… Surely nobody gets through the week without at least one mortal sin>?. This being the case would it be normal to go to confession each week before taking communion, or would this be seen as excessive?. Maybe if once a week is excessive I should just go to Mass and not receive but go to confession less ?

 

[dee_burk]

If I am brutally honest, I cant see how I can get through a full week without committing at the very least one mortal sin ( assuming that I am understanding mortal sin correctly ). I hope I will not ever have any intention of committing a mortal sin, and I appreciate that there are specific elements such as Grave Matter and a knowing willingness to commit the sin, but there is a good chance I might slip in matters of the odd “bad” word without even realizing it, and I know I will probably find plenty for me to find fault with in my private prayer ( mind drifting etc ). Searing at the occasional motorist… Surely nobody gets through the week without at least one mortal sin>?. This being the case would it be normal to go to confession each week before taking communion, or would this be seen as excessive?. Maybe if once a week is excessive I should just go to Mass and not receive but go to confession less ?

Bridekirk - see the above colored from your comment. It must be a grave sin, You must know its a grave sin and HAVE INTENT. Knowing and doing anyway. You are over-thinking it. If its a slip up— without realizing it…there is no intent…not grave.

But maybe you need to work on anger some if this is a common theme in your life.

 

[bridekirk]

Bridekirk - see the above colored from your comment. It must be a grave sin, You must know its a grave sin and HAVE INTENT. Knowing and doing anyway. You are over-thinking it. If its a slip up— without realizing it…there is no intent…not grave.

But maybe you need to work on anger some if this is a common theme in your life.

Yes you are correct, I do have a tendency to frustration and ill temper at times, which does need attention

 

[Cider]

Have they given you guidance on this at your parish? I know in my RCIA class they did.

From what I remember, those that were already baptized were basically told to confess any sins since their baptism. Those of us that had never been baptized were free to meet with the priest to discuss any issues that we wanted to before our baptism, but our first confession occurred after we were baptized and was expected only to include those sins committed after baptism.

 

[bridekirk]

Have they given you guidance on this at your parish? I know in my RCIA class they did.

From what I remember, those that were already baptized were basically told to confess any sins since their baptism. Those of us that had never been baptized were free to meet with the priest to discuss any issues that we wanted to before our baptism, but our first confession occurred after we were baptized and was expected only to include those sins committed after baptism.

Hi Not as yet, but I am due to see the priest who is in charge of the Parish soon and who I have been going to for my formation process. I am really just trying to get a feel for how things will go before I see him. As you say I will probably be guided in the sacrament. At the moment its just the uncertainty that is a little bit unsettling and causing me to stress out a bit !