First date...should the man or woman do the asking?

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GirlfromIreland

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Some of my friends say that if a man is romantically interested in a woman (assuming he is free to date) he will always ask her out and in fact prefers to be the one to do the asking. So if he doesn’t approach a particular woman, this indicates lack of interest on his part. Would you agree?

If you are a man, are there ever times that you would prefer the girl to make the first move and ask you out? :confused:
 
Personally, I think that we were designed for the guy to be the one doing the asking. The men are supposed to be the leaders in every relationship. It is what they like to do. They like to lead and be in charge and feel like they are special because of it. Women like to be spoiled and taken care of. Granted, in recent years the fiminists have sorta taken over that mind set and made us think we must take charge, but I still think that deep down, we know what we were orginally ment to be like.
Before I started dating my current (and only) boyfriend, he had a lot of work to do in convincing me he was worthy of my time and attention. He asked me out after I had known him for a short three months. I said no. So for the following six months, he had to become my best friend. To “woo” me if you will. And he did. Many times I would think I was ready to date him, tell him so, and then change my mind before he could ask again. But he stuck with it. He saw what he wanted, and was willing to work for it. I would not take back that time for the world. IT was hard while in it, but now, it just shows me that he is a man willing to work for a goal.
So while it may not be wrong for the girl to ask a guy out, I think that it just is what we both would like because it was God’s original plan for us. 👍
 
Well if the guy asks then he’ll pay for the girl, but if the girl asks it’s a little up in the air. He may feel pressured to take the girl out in the first place. I think he’d feel emasculated if the girl took him out. But that all depends on the guy. My guy won’t let me pay because he feels that’s what he’s supposed to do, and he doesn’t mind. (I always ask if I can chip in anyway.) If he doesn’t approach the girl then he’s probably not interested or too shy. If she wants to get him interested a “group date” would be something to try.
 
I think that most of the time the guy should do the asking and paying. But there is the occasional great guy who is well,…shy. Sometimes such a man needs strong encouragement. SO, I can’t say that the guy should always do the asking. By the way, the miserly part of me says that if you ask the man, you might want to suggest a picnic-which would be a cheap and romantic first date.
 
**GirlFromIreland;
Frankly, I don’t think it matters who does the asking out to begin with, so long as the intentions of both parties are clearly understood and the courtship is going to take place within the confines of the Catholic faith. We can talk all we like about who should ask first, who should pay, etc…but it is all for nothing if it isn’t the right kind of person, isn’t it?

Its certainly okay to have preferences about those incidental things, but in the end, they aren’t what matter most. What should really matter is whether you enjoy being with that person, and, more importantly, whether they share your faith.**
 
Just IMO, I think THE MAN!!! Men need to be the conquerors or everything comes too easy for them these days! I also believe women should never call men! And I also believe women today should not be so easy to catch. There really IS something to being slightly mysterious and “hard to get”. Grandmothers are right!!!

Unless the man has to chase hard after a woman, she’s not worth the catch!!! LOL
 
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GirlfromIreland:
Some of my friends say that if a man is romantically interested in a woman (assuming he is free to date) he will always ask her out and in fact prefers to be the one to do the asking. So if he doesn’t approach a particular woman, this indicates lack of interest on his part. Would you agree?

:confused:
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Absolutely. It has consistently been my experience that a single man who is truly interested in a single woman will move heaven and earth to arrange a date.
 
Personaly, I would be over joyous if a woman asks me out. I would not have to deal with rejection if that ever happened :D.
 
Based on my experiences before I was married, I was way too shy to ask a guy out. I guess I was pretty traditional that way, but I liked when a guy would ask me. It made me feel like he was sort of the leader in the whole thing, and I like that. My now husband was pretty shy too though, so it took some serious flirting before he worked up the courage. But, it worked out pretty good. 😉

As far as paying goes, I think the man should always at least offer, but whoever asked out who should do the paying, or split it. All the guys I dated before I was married except one - my prom date :eek: - always paid. My husband didn’t let me pay when we went out until we were engaged, and even then, he didn’t like it. 😛 By that time though I figured that I should spring for a couple dinners, too.
Honestly though, it really depends on the couple involved and what they are comfortable with.
 
My opinion is that the man should ask, on the other hand the woman should feel free to drop pretty clear hints and put on a little pressure. I think that the mother is tied a little closer to the family. If the man is more the likely to leave, I’d want him to define clearly what he expects out of the relationship.
 
Personally I wouldn’t ask a guy out but there again it could be a cultural thing. I know here in Ireland, in Catholic circles anyway, it’d be unusual for a girl to ask a guy out on a date. However what can sometimes happen is that a guy asks a girl out to a movie (or film as we say!) but it’s not a “date” or a “first date”, they are just going as friends…although it’s a bit of a grey area so I still wouldn’t ask a guy friend on my own to a film. Following on, if a guy asked me to a film, I wouldn’t automatically assume he was asking me on a “date”. I don’t know whether in America there is this ‘grey’ area as such http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon5.gif
 
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dublingirl:
Personally I wouldn’t ask a guy out but there again it could be a cultural thing. I know here in Ireland, in Catholic circles anyway, it’d be unusual for a girl to ask a guy out on a date. However what can sometimes happen is that a guy asks a girl out to a movie (or film as we say!) but it’s not a “date” or a “first date”, they are just going as friends…although it’s a bit of a grey area so I still wouldn’t ask a guy friend on my own to a film. Following on, if a guy asked me to a film, I wouldn’t automatically assume he was asking me on a “date”. I don’t know whether in America there is this ‘grey’ area as such http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon5.gif
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I say film. Like “lets see a film tonight.” Depends on what part of America you’re in.
 
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sparkle:
Just IMO, I think THE MAN!!! Men need to be the conquerors or everything comes too easy for them these days! I also believe women should never call men! And I also believe women today should not be so easy to catch. There really IS something to being slightly mysterious and “hard to get”. Grandmothers are right!!!

Unless the man has to chase hard after a woman, she’s not worth the catch!!! LOL
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Yup! Agreee!
 
I think a man should do the asking because he is the leader in the relationship and should take the initiative. Plus I don’t know if I would ever be able to ask a guy myself, the thought of it just scares me.
 
well, i for one am extremely shy. i don’t mind it the woman asks. really i’ve never cared. the only time i ask is if she’s extremely shy too. maybe i’m doing it all wrong?
 
Thanks for all the replies!

Personally I think that if a man is going to be the head of the family down the road, it doesn’t make sense that the woman should be the “head” in terms of initiating the relationship - the bit that carries all the risk!

But I guess there are occasional exceptions too, still I think most women (including my good self) would be uncomfortable asking a guy out.

:irish2: :whacky:
 
Many times I think that men will take the easy road if possible. If women make it too easy for men then they will not expect to make an effort. This dosn’t mean the other extreme - that women should be difficult! - just not too easy to get to. If a guy can’t get up the guts to ask you out then what about when he wants to marry you? What about when you really need him to take charge and make you feel secure?

Also - sure, if the girl asks a guy then he dosn’t have to risk being hurt. But for this to be the case then the GIRL is risking her heart. What guy would prefer a girl put her heart on the line than him? Shouldn’t a true hero prefer to risk his own feelings rather than allow a woman to risk getting hurt?

If he can’t make that effort then he isn’t right for you.
 
You could always flip a coin, J/K. Personally I’m a shy guy and would be flattered if I was asked out. I’d still pay for the check though, open the door for her too.
 
Does it really matter who does the asking? I asked first and we are still a couple…over 7 years later! 😃
~ Kathy ~
 
All these years ago i was painfully shy,im glad my wife recognised i had strong feelings for her, we,ve been married 23 yrs, 3 kids, 2 grandkids, still love her as much but maybe dont tell her enough, ❤️
 
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