First funeral mass

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A friend from the secular Franciscan order, I am in formation, passed away two weeks ago today. His funeral mass is at the end of the month. I want to attend, but I have never been to a funeral mass, at least not that I remember. I may have attended one for a friend long before I was Catholic. I have some questions:

I am poor. I do not own a suit, nor even a tie or a shirt which buttons up high enough. I do have black chinos and a grey, button-down shirt. Will anyone be offended by almost casual attire like that? I wear tan chinos and a blue button-down shirt to mass normally, but dark colors would probably be better for a funeral mass?

How does a funeral mass differ from a typical mass? What should I expect, other than mourning of course?

I am not yet formed with the OFS, but I have been attending their meetings for over a year and a half,and they are like family to me. I particularly loved and admired the brother who passed away,and I really want to go to his funeral mass. I just don’t want to offend anyone or do anything wrong. I tend to be socially awkward.

Thank you for your assistance.
 
In my country, we wear normal church attire for funeral masses.

Obviously I do not know the expectations over there. Can you try asking the family of the deceased? Or your close friends there? See what they will wear and show them your attire. If they expect all black, then yeah, stick to the grey shirt or ask if you could borrow clothes.

For my mom’s funeral mass, I remembered that there was a eulogy besides the typical readings. The coffin is at the front and I remember putting certain objects on the coffin (crucifix, etc). And then sprinkling of holy water

Just expect lots of prayers for the deceased. I don’t think it’s wildly different from a regular mass
 
I think you will be fine in the black chinos and gray shirt. If you feel compelled to wear a dress shirt and tie, try the Salvation Army thrift store or Goodwill. Or, if there are local hospital thrift stores, sometimes they have amazing mark-downs. But honestly, you should not worry about your attire - what you have is perfectly fine.

Blessings to you, and I will say a prayer for the departed.
 
I agree - just dress as nicely as you can. No one’s going to notice or care.

Most priests are really good about telling people what to do at a funeral mass because there are so many lapsed and non-Catholics attending. So you don’t have to worry about that. It’s been quite a few years since we’ve had a Franciscan funeral, so I don’t remember what we did that was special. I think there were special prayers and readings at the wake.

If there is a Franciscan gathering before the funeral, ask someone what the plans are. If not, e-mail or call whoever is in charge of social events,or the formation director or the spiritual assistant.
 
I am sorry for the loss of your Franciscan brother.
I , too, am in formation and will be professed as a Secular Franciscan on October 22. We, also, lost a Franciscan Brother just over a week ago, very unexpectedly. (His funeral is tomorrow)

I believe what you plan to wear will be fine. I have seen people dressed in suits as well as black pants, khakis, etc. Your Franciscan family will not judge you. Everyone comes from all walks of life.

If it is a Franciscan funeral, it may be longer than the typical fineral mass or so I have heard.
The last funeral mass I was at was in February. (Not Franciscan) There were eulogies given and of course some tears shed. It was very much similar to a regular mass with singing, readings, the Gospel, homily and communion, but slso with holy water and incense; similar to the Exposition and Bendiction (at Adoration).
The priest was very helpful, as he told everyone when to stand and even asked Non Catholics or non practicing Catholics to please refrain from receiving communion.

Don’t worry about being socially ackward. No one ever really knows what to say or do. You are helping to do Corporal Work of Mercy; Burying the dead. This will be a comfort to his family. The most important thing is that you are there to celebrate the life of your departed Franciscan brother in conmunity with your Franciscan fraternity as well as the Church.

I will pray for the repose of his soul and for your ongoing formation in the Franciscan order.
Peace and all good!
 
Jesus gives a great number of instructions in the gospels, and a lot of them are difficult to follow. His command to not worry about what we are going to wear seems like a pretty easy one to obey. 🙂
 
I’ve attended a lot of funerals in the last couple of years and I don’t find that folks dress any differently for funerals than they do for a regular Sunday Mass. I’ve seen mourners in everything from suits to hockey jerseys so I think you’ll be safe with a button down shirt and chinos. That’s more formal than most men wear on Sundays in my neck of the woods.
 
newcalling said:
A friend from the secular Franciscan order, I am in formation, passed away two weeks ago today. His funeral mass is at the end of the month. I want to attend, but I have never been to a funeral mass, at least not that I remember. I may have attended one for a friend long before I was Catholic. I have some questions:

I am poor. I do not own a suit, nor even a tie or a shirt which buttons up high enough. I do have black chinos and a grey, button-down shirt. Will anyone be offended by almost casual attire like that? I wear tan chinos and a blue button-down shirt to mass normally, but dark colors would probably be better for a funeral mass?

How does a funeral mass differ from a typical mass? What should I expect, other than mourning of course?

I am not yet formed with the OFS, but I have been attending their meetings for over a year and a half,and they are like family to me. I particularly loved and admired the brother who passed away,and I really want to go to his funeral mass. I just don’t want to offend anyone or do anything wrong. I tend to be socially awkward.

Thank you for your assistance.
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Your grey shirt and black shoes will be just fine. You could probably borrow a tie, if it would make you feel more comfortable. Everyone will be pleased that you attended, not offended. The Mass will be the same, but there may be a little more talking and singing, hopefully, there will be a program handed out at the door to guide you on what is going on. :highprayer:
 
newcalling said:
A friend from the secular Franciscan order, I am in formation, passed away two weeks ago today. His funeral mass is at the end of the month. I want to attend, but I have never been to a funeral mass, at least not that I remember. I may have attended one for a friend long before I was Catholic. I have some questions:

I am poor. I do not own a suit, nor even a tie or a shirt which buttons up high enough. I do have black chinos and a grey, button-down shirt. Will anyone be offended by almost casual attire like that? I wear tan chinos and a blue button-down shirt to mass normally, but dark colors would probably be better for a funeral mass?

How does a funeral mass differ from a typical mass? What should I expect, other than mourning of course?

I am not yet formed with the OFS, but I have been attending their meetings for over a year and a half,and they are like family to me. I particularly loved and admired the brother who passed away,and I really want to go to his funeral mass. I just don’t want to offend anyone or do anything wrong. I tend to be socially awkward.

Thank you for your assistance.
Click to expand...
I am sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t worry about what you wear, those who know you will understand your situation. Those who don’t and judge you for it are not worth your time to worry about.

For the record, I live in the continental US and my sister’s husband and his entire family wore shorts, sneakers and Hawaiian type shirts to my mother’s funeral. Tacky? Yes. Inappropriate? Probably. But I assume their hearts were in the right place of wanting to comfort us and be there in our time of grief.
 
Thank you everyone. If colors aren’t an issue, I’ll probably wear the blue shirt and maybe the black pants. The blue shirt looks nicer, and the grey shirt has a turmeric stain (I cook) which I haven’t been able to get out. I hope that I can find a way to get to the rosary the night before as well.

Thank you for your prayers for the repose of his soul, and for his loved ones. I believe that he is with Francis and Clare in the presence of God.
 
newcalling said:
Thank you everyone. If colors aren’t an issue, I’ll probably wear the blue shirt and maybe the black pants. The blue shirt looks nicer, and the grey shirt has a turmeric stain (I cook) which I haven’t been able to get out. I hope that I can find a way to get to the rosary the night before as well.

Thank you for your prayers for the repose of his soul, and for his loved ones. I believe that he is with Francis and Clare in the presence of God.
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For your thoughtffulness and yes, humility, thank you.
 
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