First Holiday I Actually Feel Ok Without In-laws

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sparkle

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Friends: I know this ties over to other threads I might have written but I’d like to say, I’ve finally grownup -------well enough where I honestly have learned to say “NO” and not to take “in-law abuse” any longer—stonewalling and nasty treatment, etc… I told my H this year I do not want to be with his family (which have all been awful to me)…this Thanksgiving or X-mas, and that I have no desire to associate with abusive folks. If he wants to visit, he’s more than welcome to, without me. For 16 or so years, I’ve been duped to always associate with these abusive folks, (even my own parents forced me into it)…and always, it ruined my X-eve, X-mas parties in my home, or Thanksgiving, etc., not to mention my self-esteem and my self-worth as a person, and as a mom, and as a wife, etc… Gosh—how much head-banging must it take for one to finally realize it? I feel 16 years is too long. If I can help one person with what I’ve been thru, I hope I can do such with advice, encouragement, and love, knowing how to love in the right way, without being abused. There is a big difference here.

Many of you might think this is an un-Christian attitude, but to be honest, I don’t care if you think it. IF anyone has taken similar abuse, you truly KNOW what I’m talking about, if not, you do not.
This forum has helped me alot, which is one reason I’m writing. It’s so helpful to have Catholic forums out there.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone~~ and may God Bless~~~
 
Well, if I could have a nice private Thanksgiving I’d do it, too. Don’t get much abuse, but we do get drama.

So, what were these people doing if I may ask?

BTW - it’s funny how close our screenames are. How bizarre is that.
🙂

Have a nice, peaceful Thanksgiving. 🙂
–Ann
 
Good for you Sparkle:clapping: …totally agree 16 years of head banging:banghead: is plenty…enjoy your holidays with out the abuse!
 
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Sparky:
Well, if I could have a nice private Thanksgiving I’d do it, too. Don’t get much abuse, but we do get drama.

So, what were these people doing if I may ask?

BTW - it’s funny how close our screenames are. How bizarre is that.
🙂

Have a nice, peaceful Thanksgiving. 🙂
–Ann
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Don’t want to get into again Ann, if you really want to know, you can look up some of my previous posts.

Have a happy one! Drama is OK, can actually be amusing, abuse is not, IMO.
 
Karin said:
Good for you Sparkle:clapping: …totally agree 16 years of head banging:banghead: is plenty…enjoy your holidays with out the abuse!
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Hey thanks Karin. Appreciate it.

😉
 
16 years is a long time to take abuse. I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing, angst-free Thanksgiving and Christmas!!
 
in-laws or out-laws
no one should have to put up with abuse every single holiday and good time for 16 years
I hope you and the H have good one tomorrow
Hint: try not to look back…just relax and enjoy the present moment
 
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sparkle:
Friends: I know this ties over to other threads I might have written but I’d like to say, I’ve finally grownup -------well enough where I honestly have learned to say “NO” and not to take “in-law abuse” any longer—stonewalling and nasty treatment, etc… I told my H this year I do not want to be with his family (which have all been awful to me)…this Thanksgiving or X-mas, and that I have no desire to associate with abusive folks. If he wants to visit, he’s more than welcome to, without me. For 16 or so years, I’ve been duped to always associate with these abusive folks, (even my own parents forced me into it)…and always, it ruined my X-eve, X-mas parties in my home, or Thanksgiving, etc., not to mention my self-esteem and my self-worth as a person, and as a mom, and as a wife, etc… Gosh—how much head-banging must it take for one to finally realize it? I feel 16 years is too long. If I can help one person with what I’ve been thru, I hope I can do such with advice, encouragement, and love, knowing how to love in the right way, without being abused. There is a big difference here.

Many of you might think this is an un-Christian attitude, but to be honest, I don’t care if you think it. IF anyone has taken similar abuse, you truly KNOW what I’m talking about, if not, you do not.
This forum has helped me alot, which is one reason I’m writing. It’s so helpful to have Catholic forums out there.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone~~ and may God Bless~~~
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You know…I have to say that I truly admire you for being so giving in the face of such nastiness. I think you have truly shown others the face of Christ…whether they’ve seen it or not. I don’t think your attitude is un-christian at all…quite the opposite, I think you’ve done your out and out best to be nice and loving for as long as humanly possible (I’d have told them to fluff up a gum tree long ago). Who knows, maybe this year they’ll notice the lights on the tree or the candles on the table aren’t as bright because you aren’t there. Maybe they’ll start to think “Gee, she was so nice to have around”, and come to their senses and realize what a treasure you are. If not…there’s still that lovely gum tree 🙂
 
Hi Sparkle, glad to see you back here. I hope you have a GREAT
Thanksgiving & Christmas. I’m happy the in-laws won’t be around to treat you in their usual manner.
 
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momof3boys:
Hi Sparkle, glad to see you back here. I hope you have a GREAT
Thanksgiving & Christmas. I’m happy the in-laws won’t be around to treat you in their usual manner.
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:yup:
 
Sparkle, I hope you have a peaceful and blessed Thanksgiving. I am so sorry that everyone cannot have wonderful in-laws like mine were. I miss them at every holiday and I pray that they are in God’s loving arms. God bless you and your family.
 
Couple of years in I set mine straight, things have been fine since.

Now if I could just get MY family to act like something normal.
:eek:
 
I don’t think you are being unchristian. I dealt with years of discontent over the way Christmas was celebrated in my family. HUGE family gathering that over the last decade has shifted from Christ centered to just a reason to get drunk and dance. Nobody went to Mass. Myself DH and children would go, and then we would got to my mom’s and be hit with the YMCA song at the door.:confused: Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I swore Christmas was going to be different. We nixed the party, my mom and dad came over to our house which consisted of dinner, Mass, trimming the tree, smores in the fireplace, Christmas music and wine for the adults. It was the most beautiful Christmas I have ever spent with my family. My parents and everyone agreed. Again Christmas had become Christ centered (as it should be.)

Although there was no abuse, my point is perhaps your discontent is because Christ wants you to do something different for the holidays. You’ll know by your peace.

God bless!
 
I understand where you’re coming from. I went thru 5 years of horrible in-law abuse. It got so bad one of the Priests I go to for confession told me to stop being around them at all. Period. End of story. (Yes, that bad).

And they’re already starting to ‘push’ us to set up holiday get-togethers…even though we firmly told them we wouldn’t be there anymore…which was hard enough to do on it’s own. Now they’re to the ‘guilt-trip’ phase (via mail and occasional phone call, which is the only communication we left open). Ugh. I think they realize it’s getting close to Christmas and we’re really not making any plans with them.

I’m with ya this holiday season…it’ll be my first ‘in-law free’ one in a while. I feel kinda bad, but at the same time am relieved. 🙂
 
My dear Sparkle - you can only take so much!

Good for you!

Now, tell me…does it feel like being in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and candles and no worries? That’s the way I imagine it would be like not having to be around my in-laws…😃
 
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DJgang:
My dear Sparkle - you can only take so much!

Good for you!

Now, tell me…does it feel like being in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and candles and no worries? That’s the way I imagine it would be like not having to be around my in-laws…😃
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Yes, indeed it does…it’s finally peace and contentment after YEARS----and as Kathryn 040 above did say: “already they’re hitting up for X-mas”. Well, friend, you know what? This year I’m finally strong enough to speak up, and to say “NO”. I’m getting a handle on it now, NO in-law anything. And that it’s OK if I feel this way.

Yesterday when my MIL said: “You went where”? And H shly said “well we can”---- instead of a firm “yes, we went here because we wanted to”…I finally realized H is a wimp, and that He will never, ever change. What will though, is just me going along with it for 15 plus years. No more. No more abuse. No more feeling “obligated for this–that”…no more being made to feel…lousy and being ignored…no more anything with abusive in-laws.

Thanks to everyone reading this and those who have been in my shoes, for you know, and I tell you, there is hope for you, sooner than I went through if you realize it now. Thanks be to God for having the courage He gives us finally to be strong and to say “NO”. I do not feel this is being un-Christian, why quite the opposite, for it is knowing who we are in Christ and taking a stand for it, finally, better late than never…

God Bless~~
 
Sparkle…I do remember your situation, and I am so happy for you. Your attitude is NOT unChristian…It is mature and honest. There is no reason for you to subject yourself to the horrible treatment you have endured all these years any longer. Good for you!
 
It is not un-Christian, from what I understand, to remove oneself from those who are, well, difficult…I do wonder, however, whether or not it is charitible to write such a thread…obviously, you have some great difficulties with your in-laws and I pray that one day there will be a reconciliation between you and them…but I can’t see how its helpful to write about what a bunch of SOB’s they are.

There are all sorts of people I dislike and I could fill threads with the things they’ve done to annoy me over the years…but I don’t see what profit there is in that.
 
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MarkNoonan:
…I do wonder, however, whether or not it is charitible to write such a thread…obviously, you have some great difficulties with your in-laws and I pray that one day there will be a reconciliation between you and them…but I can’t see how its helpful to write about what a bunch of SOB’s they are.
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I see your point, MarkNoonan, however, I do not believe Sparkle is being inappropriate because her in-laws are remaining anonymous. This does not constitute gossip because it does not defame anyone’s character. And Sparkle is getting a heavy load off her chest, too.
 
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