First Holy Communion Mass

[cmom4]

Wow. I am sorry you are going through this. I also attend a parish where some things are unacceptable. Perhaps not to the extent of your parish however.
I have a family member who has become so disgusted with certain priests, parishes and now the Catholic faith in general (hierarchy as he would say) that he is completely bitter. This is a man who was so deeply devoted to his faith—brought many to the Lord…but he has let the thorns of bitterness take root. I pray that you will not allow that to happen to you and your family. As much as I can sympathize with your frustration it would be so detrimental in the long run to your children and wife (and of course you.)

I do not know what the answer is—other than prayer!—to dissolve your disgust. I pray you will see how much your children need you as an example of how to lead their own faith lives. I guarantee you that they know how you are feeling (I know you know that as well.)

As far as the FHC coming up…is there at least a monastery you can travel to? Our children make their FHC at a monastery one hour away with their homeschool group. It is beautiful. Obviously you would have to first meet with the priest there and ask him and the sisters for permission but perhaps that is an option. You can simply tell your children you found a place where they can have their FHC as a very special family only celebration!
p.s. Even at our very reverent FHC the children brought up the gifts and presented a flower to Mother Mary’s statue. I agree w/ you about too much involvement, but this was just right…not too much.
I will pray for you tonight. Keep us posted.
God Bless you and your family.

 

[Joannm]

You can simply tell your children you found a place where they can have their FHC as a very special family only celebration!
p.s. Even at our very reverent FHC the children brought up the gifts and presented a flower to Mother Mary’s statue. I agree w/ you about too much involvement, but this was just right…not too much.
I

the thing is FHC is NOT “a very special family only celebration.” FHC (when done in the correct order) is the completion of initiation into the Church, a community of believers. FHC should be received within the celebration of the Mass that the family regularly assists at. The Eucharist is not only a reception of the very Body and Blood of Christ, but it is a sacrament of unity with the gathered assembly and indeed the entire Body of the Church. To use the words “family only” goes against all that the Church teaches about what the Eucharist is. (Same with private baptisms but I won’t go there).

I am sure it is very nice to celebrate in a reverent and contained, so to speak, atmosphere where there is no distraction from other, but the Eucharist, in a sense, can be “messy,” just as the passion and death of Christ was messy. We don’t isolate ourselves so that the day or our child can be “special.” We celebrate a very special Sacrament within a gathering of people who may not all be like us, who may not all have the same depth of spirituality, but who nonetheless are participating in Christ’s very special gift to us. It is that gift, His very Body and Blood that is “special.”

That said, there are many difficulties with FHC celebrations in our parishes and they are getting worse. I have a diocesan liturgy commission meeting this afternoon and I just might bring it up based on what I have heard on this thread and what I am seeing in parishes. The one thing I know is that it proves my research.

 

[Puddin317]

Perhaps simply being offered the choice of different Masses helps, but we have no such comfort right now. We are being told that this is the Mass they must go to for their First Communion, and I cannot suffer it. Children of this age cannot effectively read the Scripture. If the readings are important to the Mass then they should be done by people properly formed in the ministry. Seeing a bunch of kids taken up to do this trivialises what everybody is supposed to be doing with very serious devotion.

I beg to differ, the children at our Mass were truly prepared and practiced for months for this Mass from retreat practice, to other practices held by our DRE. The readings were not just effectively read, but well done. The next day, a few more children received for the first time and they also read very difficult readings…very well. I truly cannot understand why you think that children being a part of a Mass - especially this one “trivialises” it any way. Sadly, it sounds more and more to me that any solution offered is not going to satisfy you at this point. The children at our school also participate in solemn masses, adoration weekly, stations, living stations, and the like and they do it with reverence and respect, down to the kindergartners.

Are they children preparing to receive the sacrament for the first time? If so, then yes, it is. We are going through this unbearably painful preparation because of how essential it is that the kids understand what they are doing. They are practising just how to hold their hands (because they are not being given the chance to receive on the tongue) and where to stand and how to walk so that they do it just right. But, with all that at seven years old, they are supposed to engage in public speaking? Give me a break. This is all about photo-ops, not communion, and the people behind it are simply out of their minds.

Again, children at this age 7 and 8 are more than capable of grasping what they are doing and participating. I think you might be underestimating the potential of the children all together. Maybe it is just our parish, but these were not “photo-ops” and I can assure that our DRE, our pastor, and myself are not “out of [our] minds.” There is a time and place for everything. Have a child read is not liturgical abuse. For you to parlay communicants’ participation in their special Mass as somehow cancelling out “communion” is simply wrong on your part.

I’m sorry, but this is just what we are being told, and it is wrong. Mass is not about us, or our children, feeling proud of their accomplishments. It is about our Lord God and Saviour Jesus Christ. Children should be prepared for the sacrament in a proper way, and should be able to receive it properly and in a sober environment. .

I am quite certain that no one in the congregation felt that this Mass was about only pride for our children, but we were proud of their accomplishments in preparing themselves for this Sacrament. The childrens’ participation was not for a “good show” and the environment was reverent, loving and beautiful.

QUOTE]I’m glad they did, but I do not, and because my children are being forced to receive this way I am being forced to attend. I do not think I can. Just imagine if your children had been expected to receive their first holy communion in a Traditional Latin Mass? How many parents would have been happy to attend? How many would have objected? And the TLM is not abusive, and everything being planned for this thing is liturgical nonsense. It is abusive throughout. Little kids doing the readings. Honestly. If that is how well the readings have to be done then they clearly mean nothing in the Mass. I doubt they would require adults to prepare and go to classes, as the Churches here do, in order to be readers if all it requires is the ability of a seven year old with one day of practice.

I actually think a traditional latin mass would have been beautiful as well, I’m not against having it done either way. I am just concerned over what seems to be sheer anger about it and how that will reflect on your children. What are you teaching them by your response to all of this? Our children had way more practice than just one day. A child reading does not make it mean “nothing.” Are you to argue then if a child reads the Bible, then it means nothing?

I hate children’s Masses because they are not dignified and reverent. Children singing Mary Had a Little Lamb for Christmas Mass is not worship, it is painful. Children’s Masses are absolutely typical of what I am surrounded by every week here. Horizontal worship. It is about celebrating ourselves, and not worshipping God. These awful children’s liturgies are distracting, ugly and unworthy of the Mass. And they are particularly bad for children, who should be given every opportunity of seeing and participating in real Masses.

I have never heard Mary Had a Little Lamb sung at any of our Masses… I think you may be reaching at this point. I feel bad for you in your thinking that all of the above is “ugly and unworthy” of the Mass…are the children then “ugly and unworthy” of God? This is all just so very sad and I don’t think any anwswer or solution at this point will be good enough for you unless all children are banndd from the church and you personally get to approve every single adult who would like to participate in the Mass.

 

[cmom4]

the thing is FHC is NOT “a very special family only celebration.” FHC (when done in the correct order) is the completion of initiation into the Church, a community of believers. FHC should be received within the celebration of the Mass that the family regularly assists at. The Eucharist is not only a reception of the very Body and Blood of Christ, but it is a sacrament of unity with the gathered assembly and indeed the entire Body of the Church. To use the words “family only” goes against all that the Church teaches about what the Eucharist is. (Same with private baptisms but I won’t go there).
.

I think in this case there may be an exception to ‘family-only’. Oftentimes I do believe “community” gets so out of hand in the church! Yes, we are the Body of Christ but I don’t need a feel good meet & greet after the opening prayer (as happens in our parish) to remind me that we are a ‘community’ or in ‘communion’…I already know that because I am at Mass!!
Same thing here. I am sure the whole family would attend this FHC even if it were just these 2 children receiving. Does it make it less of a ‘communion’ into the family of the Catholic church? of course not. Just as it would be no less communal if it were just my family at a daily Mass at our church. The priest would not cancel Mass because it was just one family present…it would be no less Sacramental. Again, I just think this is an extreme case. He is so angry he’s looking for an out and I believe there probably was a rendition of Mary had a little lamb sung…there are so many abuses out there!

 

[roadsend]

I have never heard “Mary Had a Little Lamb” at Mass either, I did however hear the piano in the sanctuary playing “Here comes Peter Cottontail” as we were leaving Easter Mass about ten years ago.

Stuff happens at Mass a lot nowadays.
After dancers, hootnanny music, cheese flavored crackers in ciboria for the kids, and Nazi salutes; absolutely nothing I were to see at Mass would surprise me any more.

 

[puzzleannie]

I I have to say it has nothing to do with anger at this parish, or some worry that I am too good to receive there. My faith is simply shattered. I cannot consider Communion without confession, and I cannot confess as I honestly have no ability right now to repent of anything. I am depressed, angry and isolated in such a way that I simply cannot approach the Church in any way. At this time there is nothing there for me at all.

then you have an issue that is personal and has nothing whatever to do with your children’s first communion. You need to confront that issue, whether it is spiritual, psychological or even medical and deal with it, because it is not a normal or healthy reaction to anything you have reported about your parish. I am saying this because you asked for advice and opinions. I gave my advice about first communion, this is my advice to your personal situation. You need spiritual direction now from a priest. Every priest, no matter what you feel about his personality, preaching style, or pastoral style, is the Person of Christ when he says Mass and forgives sins. You must get in the mindset and practice of approaching Christ in the sacraments, because your issue, ultimately, is with Him.

 

[puzzleannie]

For 10 years our children had been, with one exception, making their First Communion during a Sunday Mass. The parish Catechetical Coordinator did not believe in having them involved in any of the ministries on that day. They had sat with their families and the family went up to receive together. Photography was discouraged until after Mass.

She resigned last summer.

This year we had children sitting by themselves in the first pew and running back and forth between that pew and their parents.

. . . But you know what? The comments, except for mine and one other person’s were all “Wasn’t this so much better than before?” Where in this zoo was the idea of the parents as the primary catechists?

I am probably that first lady. It took a long time, over 30 years to move away from the One Big Day mode and actually the trend is one of the few valuable ideas to emerge from the “new” catechesis, but the fight was tremendous and the move never happened in many parishes.

all of the things you experienced are what I dread as I face intense pressure to go back to the “old” way, which actually is probably less than 100 years old. In reading lives of saints more often a child was brought to first communion and confirmation by their parents at the age the pastor deemed they were ready, or in small groups. but enough ancient history.

The family centered celebration works only where the family is actually involved in the child’s catechesis, and sadly, it just ain’t happening. The concept of parents and child coming to the priest together and all receiving, also does not work when 70% of the parents (and sponsors) do not receive because they cannot, usually because of invalid marriages. It is for these 2 reasons (the time demands on me and the catechists are incidental to this decision) I may bow to pressure and go back to 2 or 3 group celebrations each year.

I can assure you as long as we have this pastor there will be no abuses. But having a children’s Mass and using the children’s lectionary is NOT an abuse if the proper forms are followed, and that includes allowing children, who are properly prepared and competent, and I have to say our school children are, be lectors and cantors. But I won’t go that route because I think it negates the purpose of the exercise which is preparation to join the Sunday celebration with the larger parish. In this diocese there are no, NO, photographs or videos during Mass. Period. End of sentence.

btw the students who read last night for confirmation were excellent, and actually well prepared in their public schools for public reading, I am so proud of them, they did better than many of the adults who read on Sunday, and I have recommended they join that ministry. Our youth choir I have to say is better than most of the adult music groups. But that was only 65 youth, and the Church was packed, SRO until we build our new church we may have to have 2 celebrations. with over 150 for 1st communion we would need at least 3 group celebrations.

 

[dconklin]

I hate children’s Masses…

WOW! Hate and Mass in the same sentence. Tisk-tisk.

I am the Asst DRE at a large parish. First Holy Communion is under my purview. No one has ever brought these concerns up to me. I once had a mom try to mandate that all the girls had to wear tea-length dresses.

This is a celebration. If Jesus was here and asked us all to a celebration, would he ask all the kids to sit there and try to make your self as ready as possible (sit down and be quiet) or be part of the celebration? Do you think a 7 year old Jesus would have wanted to or was ever asked to read scripture while studying in the Temple?

The children are becoming a fuller part of the community.

Many prayers for you and little 1st Communicants!

 

[Newbie2]

I just got back from a liturgy committee meeting and FHC was discussed. Among the songs being planned is “Mary Did You Know”. I wanted to pretty much scream, but, I will try to see if anything can be done to head it off at the pass. .

That must have been a truly awful experience.

 

[benedictgal]

That must have been a truly awful experience.

It was and I am still perplexed by it. I did suggest Hail Holy Queen Enthroned Above, Sing of Mary and O Sanctissima. I am hoping that the music director will choose those instead of that other song.

They are also going to be using Pan de Vida and the Servant Song for the FHC Mass. To my knowledge, I do not think the folks in charge of the Mass are planning anything odd, at least I hope not. So, about the only thing to be wary about is the music, especially the hymn in question.

 

[puzzleannie]

Unfortunately, I cannot help where I am spiritually. I cannot approach the sacraments as I am impeded, and as long as I do believe I cannot act in any other way. Only when my faith is entirely dead will I be able to do otherwise. I don’t want to affect my children, but I also cannot be pressured to act in a way contrary to what I believe. The more the church bullies me, as I feel I am being bullied right now, the less I can participate in the community around me.

I will tell you something I have noticed, and it strikes me as perhaps ironic. I live in an area with Catholic parishes that are all very similar. We have no “traditional” parishes. All are what I would call “loosy-goosy” in that they are run by groups of very political lay-people, and the priests are all very creative, and very dogmatic about it. .

you are quite right, there is very little hope for change as long as your view of “Church” is based on the very few parishes, priests and pastoral staffs with whom you have come in contact. Until you view Jesus Christ as the head and the Church as His Mystical Body on earth, who is holy because He is holy, you will not be able to get beyond this mental roadblock. We will be praying for you. I fail to see in the entire scenario where The Church is bullying you. You and your family are not being singled out for rough treatment, you personally have issues, and your objections might be and probably are quite legitimate, but they don’t constitute “bullying”. Please don’t give up praying and recourse to the sacraments, they are your hope. That would be like saying “I am sick, but I can’t go to the doctor until I heal myself first.”

 

[Brywan]

then you have an issue that is personal and has nothing whatever to do with your children’s first communion. You need to confront that issue, whether it is spiritual, psychological or even medical and deal with it, because it is not a normal or healthy reaction to anything you have reported about your parish. I am saying this because you asked for advice and opinions. I gave my advice about first communion, this is my advice to your personal situation. You need spiritual direction now from a priest. Every priest, no matter what you feel about his personality, preaching style, or pastoral style, is the Person of Christ when he says Mass and forgives sins. You must get in the mindset and practice of approaching Christ in the sacraments, because your issue, ultimately, is with Him.

I wholeheartedly agree with puzzleannie…

and to the OP: For some reason, you were much on my mind at Mass today, and I prayed for you as one of my Mass intentions…

 

[cothrige]

Again, children at this age 7 and 8 are more than capable of grasping what they are doing and participating. I think you might be underestimating the potential of the children all together.

No, I am the parent of my children, and I know what I think they should be burdened with. And my opinion of what a person preparing for their first Communion should be burdened with is also as valid as your own or anyone’s.

Maybe it is just our parish, but these were not “photo-ops” and I can assure that our DRE, our pastor, and myself are not “out of [our] minds.”

I think you have forgotten that I do not attend your parish. I have not been given any choices on how my children are being taken through this, and I don’t like it. Perhaps if you were being forced to do things you didn’t appreciate you may feel a little maltreated as well.

There is a time and place for everything. Have a child read is not liturgical abuse. For you to parlay communicants’ participation in their special Mass as somehow cancelling out “communion” is simply wrong on your part.

I never said that anything “cancelled out” communion. I said children receiving first Holy Communion should be allowed to properly focus and prepare for what they are doing, and I am right. I also happen to think all Masses are special, and not because of the particular person participating, but because of the Person on the altar.

I am quite certain that no one in the congregation felt that this Mass was about only pride for our children, but we were proud of their accomplishments in preparing themselves for this Sacrament. The childrens’ participation was not for a “good show” and the environment was reverent, loving and beautiful.

This is hardly relevant. I don’t attend your parish, and have different ideas of what is best for my children than you do. Making my child attend Masses in a way which pleases you hardly seems proper.

I actually think a traditional latin mass would have been beautiful as well, I’m not against having it done either way.

No, not either way, only one way. There are no “either ways” in this, and that is my point.

I am just concerned over what seems to be sheer anger about it and how that will reflect on your children.

Believe me, I have more concern for my children than you or the people at my parish do. My anger is exactly because these people insist that they know what is best for my children and that I do not. They, and you, are wrong.

What are you teaching them by your response to all of this?

What are all these holier-than-thou people in my parish teaching them by their actions? What is my priest teaching them by changing the prayers at the altar? What are they being taught in being told they are preparing for their “First Eucharist?” Can people who don’t know what Eucharist is, or Holy Communion is, teach children anything about the faith? What do they teach my son by giving him papers telling him that one thing he can do for Lent is “fast from gossip” as if gossip is the equivalent of chocolate? What do they teach by emptying the stoups during Lent? What do they teach by having all the lay people administer blessings over people in Mass? What do they teach my children by undermining their parents authority and responsibility? No, you are wrong. I have tried to teach my children the Catholic faith and I will not be judged as a parent by people who have not the least knowledge or interest in what is good for my children.

Our children had way more practice than just one day. A child reading does not make it mean “nothing.” Are you to argue then if a child reads the Bible, then it means nothing?

No, I am arguing that if we think the readings deserve being done well then that should apply all the time. If we can just let people who are not skilled or talented in a “ministry” do it anyway because it would be cute or make them happy or feel good about themselves, or whatever other reason, then we can hardly pretend that we care about these things in the Mass. Every Mass should be reverent and done well. All of them.

I have never heard Mary Had a Little Lamb sung at any of our Masses… I think you may be reaching at this point.

Well, there you go. You obviously were not at our Christmas Mass where just that song, sung by a gang of kids, was the communion hymn. What, are you saying that it is inappropriate for little kids to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb at Mass? Why is that? They just felt so good doing it, after all.

I feel bad for you in your thinking that all of the above is “ugly and unworthy” of the Mass…are the children then “ugly and unworthy” of God?

This is just the ugly holier-than-thou attitude I am faced with at Church. I also don’t think they should be allowed to say the Mass, or be extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion. I must really think they are unworthy of God.

This is all just so very sad and I don’t think any anwswer or solution at this point will be good enough for you unless all children are banndd from the church and you personally get to approve every single adult who would like to participate in the Mass.

This is ad hominem, and unworthy of any christian. I posted seeking advice and answers about what I could do given a very bad situation which was shaking my faith, and your response is judgment of my parenting and suggesting that I am some sort of a child hating bigot. I feel sorry for you.

 

[cothrige]

WOW! Hate and Mass in the same sentence. Tisk-tisk.

I am the Asst DRE at a large parish. First Holy Communion is under my purview. No one has ever brought these concerns up to me. I once had a mom try to mandate that all the girls had to wear tea-length dresses.

Yes, but you are an Asst DRE and have purview, and I am a parent who has none. Also, and this is very crucial as people seem to be confused. Children’s Masses here and where you are are probably not the same thing. And I don’t like going to any children’s Mass because they are distracting from the start, but they are not automatically abusive. However, here in this area they are. That is a fact. People just don’t seem to understand that it gets pretty bad. It was in this town, in my parish, that the priest started Communion with a shout of “Body of Christ, if you want it come and get it!” I will not try to depict for you the firestorm of silliness that children’s liturgies are here. They are unbearable. They tear me to pieces. I cannot sit through them and have had to get up and leave more than once. I do not want to be in that position for my own children’s first Holy Communion. Why should I have to be? What is so bad about a regular Mass that it is so unacceptable for first Holy Communion?

The children are becoming a fuller part of the community.

Being part of the community doesn’t mean getting to do any job within it. I am a member of the community where I live and I don’t get to be a judge once a year. If I say that the readings at Mass should be done by people with skills and talents related to the ministry I hardly think I am attacking everyone else.

 

[cothrige]

I wholeheartedly agree with puzzleannie…

and to the OP: For some reason, you were much on my mind at Mass today, and I prayed for you as one of my Mass intentions…

You are very kind, and I very much appreciate your prayers. Thank you very much.

 

[Puddin317]

This is all very very sad. You’ve missed any point I was trying to make. I’m not saying anything is right or wrong, but you sure are. I’m trying to explain to you what our mass was like and it was beautiful and there was nothing “wrong” with it. Our children were more than well prepared, knew exactly what they were doing, and grasped the reality of it all. You keep saying you are being “forced” to do this… in actuality, you aren’t being forced to do anything. Find another parish… which others have told you to do but you have an answer for everything. I don’t think you will ever find what you are looking for. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t need your pity, I really don’t. I really just think it’s sad that you can take a beautiful thing like a first communion mass that is about children and try to make it out like it’s the most vile, unholy thing you’ve ever come across.

 

[cothrige]

you are quite right, there is very little hope for change as long as your view of “Church” is based on the very few parishes, priests and pastoral staffs with whom you have come in contact. Until you view Jesus Christ as the head and the Church as His Mystical Body on earth, who is holy because He is holy, you will not be able to get beyond this mental roadblock. We will be praying for you. I fail to see in the entire scenario where The Church is bullying you. You and your family are not being singled out for rough treatment, you personally have issues, and your objections might be and probably are quite legitimate, but they don’t constitute “bullying”. Please don’t give up praying and recourse to the sacraments, they are your hope. That would be like saying “I am sick, but I can’t go to the doctor until I heal myself first.”

I do so much appreciate your help and advice, I do want you to know that. Reading your previous comments, though, I think maybe I could clarify where I am coming from and how I am being affected. As I see it, faith is lived as much as it is thought. It is as much of the heart as it is the brain. What I know won’t always translate to being able to participate in the community I am part of, if you see what I mean. I agree with all you say above, but it won’t automatically make it any different for me right now regarding my spiritual life.

As for Church I think you may be misunderstanding part of what I am saying, and extrapolating from it. I would like to keep you and others from getting the wrong idea if I can. As I understand things I would say that the Church is not divisible, and is as much local as it is universal. The particular Church, i.e. the diocese, is the Church just as that in Rome and all others together are. There are no parts to a whole in this, just as there are no parts to the whole in God. I do not mean to lay anything on the Holy Father’s door, so to speak, as I feel he is doing a superhuman job, and doing it more than well imho.

And people really should remember the impact of their actions. We cannot simply tell ourselves that there is Church and then there is church, i.e. our parish or so on. Not so. For those souls living in your parish it is Church. Here, where I live at the time being, I live a life of faith in the Church, not a church. Here, locally, this is Church. If we tell ourselves that it is not Church, but only church, then we ignore the catholicity of the Church itself, and we underestimate what it means to those worshipping in that community. And because a person lives where they live, and is in the Church where they are, not in communities in other towns or on tv or such, people cannot be surprised when their neighbours, friends and family are affected by the actions and decisions of the people running the parishes those people are part of. These can cause real pain, and real isolation, as much as real joy, and it is not an inconsequential or merely psychological situation. I understand that you and others may not have ever felt this way in a parish, or a town, or any other such thing, but please consider people like me whenever you sit in council meetings or other such things and make decisions about what is going to happen. It is real to people and affects them in real ways, especially if what you are doing matters to them.

As to feeling bullied I am not saying I am singled out, I am saying that I am being made to participate in things which I am uncomfortable being a part of, and there are no options being given besides that. And because of my children’s participation I cannot simply skip things and pick up next week. I am feeling very pushed and pulled and it is very difficult, and I am trying to discover what I may be able to do which will help my children and myself get through this.

I continue to pray, and would love to receive the sacraments, but cannot yet approach this in my state. Not because I think I can heal myself, but because I am unable to work up the contrition necessary as I am unable to get a fair view of “me” in this. When I sit and try to examine my conscience and consider my myriad sins I only get angrier and angrier and more put out with what my family is being made to endure and so it begins again.

I do appreciate all the advice and consideration of those like yourself, and most especially all your prayers. I am very thankful for those.

 

[cothrige]

This is all very very sad. You’ve missed any point I was trying to make. I’m not saying anything is right or wrong, but you sure are. I’m trying to explain to you what our mass was like and it was beautiful and there was nothing “wrong” with it. Our children were more than well prepared, knew exactly what they were doing, and grasped the reality of it all. You keep saying you are being “forced” to do this… in actuality, you aren’t being forced to do anything. Find another parish… which others have told you to do but you have an answer for everything. I don’t think you will ever find what you are looking for. Please don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t need your pity, I really don’t. I really just think it’s sad that you can take a beautiful thing like a first communion mass that is about children and try to make it out like it’s the most vile, unholy thing you’ve ever come across.

Look, I understand you are trying to be helpful, but you are missing the point. You have never been to a children’s liturgy here. And even if you had been to one here it doesn’t nullify why I don’t like going to them. You may like what happens here for all I know, but it doesn’t mean I do. But, I have tried to tell you what these things turn into here, and you don’t believe me. We really do have “Mary Had a Little Lamb” as a communion hymn for our children’s choir, and they sing it every Christmas. I am not kidding or exaggerating. I don’t feel comfortable with my children being subjected to such an atmosphere for their first Communion. I know my kids, I know what they are comfortable with and not, and I can tell you what they have been told in class about this Mass has caused them distress. Also, the Mass you were in may have been beautiful, but how does that help me? Please tell me how a beautiful Mass in another place makes my situation any different?

One other thing. My biggest problem with these shenanigans, and that is what they become here every time, is the thing you say above. Masses are not “about children” but Jesus. I want my children to be in a Mass that is about Jesus and not them or other children. They should be able to receive Communion in a setting focussed on the Lord and not all the people in the pews. All Masses should be vertical in worship and not horizontal, and I am uncomfortable in these horizontal Masses. Here locally I can guarantee you that they are not a little about the children, they are absolutely a circus and I am very uncomfortable about it. Why couldn’t my children receive First Communion in a Mass like other Masses. You seem focussed on how much I dislike children’s Masses, but rather I wonder why people dislike Masses so much that they feel so convinced a child cannot possibly be communicated in one without apparent grave damage to their faith. If they aren’t in a Mass all about them then somehow that “cancels” out their communion?

 

[daughterofgrace]

I must politely disagree with you in some aspects of using the children’s liturgy during First Holy Communion. What better way to show the children that they indeed are part of the Body of Christ than to have them serving the Lord, whether it be as a reader or bringing up the gifts. If you don’t want to listen to the child read, I suggest that you tune them out while reading the Scripture by yourself. Now, I will say that last week at my parish’s First Holy Communion Mass, it was distracting, but that was because the parents refuse to disipline their children when they act up in Mass. We had children crying and running up and down the aisles during Mass. The First Communicants were wonderful (with the exception of two, but that’s because they really don’t attend Mass- don’t even get me started on that.) Parents should not be afraid to use the cry room!

Back to the point at hand, we come to Mass to worship God. The First Communicants were doing just that. Why should we let our hardened hearts stop them from doing just that? If it truly bothers you, attend a different church.

 

[puzzleannie]

I don’t think OP would have any objection to his children receiving 1st communion during a Mass for children, if the Mass were conducted properly and in all aspects conformed to liturgical directives. His issue, and it seems part of the wider problem in his parish is two-fold, one that in general there seems to be little or no respect for liturgical norms in his parish, and yes that is grave, and yes where that occurs it is a real danger to the faith of the laity. It sounds like he has already complained through channels and I hope he and like minded parishioners continue complaining, all the way to Rome of necessary, until the situation is rectified. And I fully agree with him in his assessment–he is there, I am not–that for his child to make first communion under those circumstances would be damaging to the child’s faith.

The other problem seems to be that in this parish a lay person, the DRE, has the ultimate say so in who is “ready” for first communion. That competence resides in the pastor alone, but the parents, who are the primary educators of their children in the faith, have the better knowledge of their own child and their opinion should be valued more highly than that of the DRE or catechist. The latter can tell you how much he has learned, or how much of what he has learned can be evaluated in the classroom, and even his general attitude toward the sacrament, but is not in a position to judge his interior state because she does not know him as intimately as the parents. True pastors usually defer to DREs and catechists who spend more time with the children but she cannot, canonically, prevent a baptized child who is of the age determined by the bishop and is properly prepared and worthily disposed from approaching the sacrament.

all this being true still does not address OP’s dilemma, something Catholics have been confronting for 40 years while rampant experimentation with the Mass has been allowed to continue. What do you do when your parish cannot or will not properly celebrate the OF and sacraments, and there is no reasonable alternative? My take is that we are like people in places where the Church is persecuted. Whenever there is opportunity for legitimate Mass and sacraments we must participate up to the point where the proceedings are illicit and invalid, and by that I mean, such that the Eucharist is invalid by the Church’s own definition. If that priest’s bishop is still allowing him to function that point has not yet been reached.

OP is tempted to join the legions of Catholics who left the Church over the last 40 years over these same issues, who have forgotten that for the very fact the apostles were defectible, we know that valid Mass and sacraments are still offered by defectible priests. that would be a tragedy, because it removes Christ from the equation and denies His action and presence in Mass and Sacraments, no matter what the defects of the celebrant.