First Mass - Were We Wrong or am I insecure?

[ErikaA]

My husband and I haven’t converted yet so technically we’re still Protestants. Anyway, we went to Mass this Sunday to further check out the Church. I kept thinking that we stood out because we were clearly mimicking the actions of those around us. The Catholic Creeds are slightly different than the Creeds we said at the Lutheran Church so we kinda messed these up as well.

Also the kids were with us and at five and six, can be a bit of a distraction. My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass? I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out. (my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time) Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure? Advice is welcome.

 

[Jeanette_L]

My husband and I haven’t converted yet so technically we’re still Protestants. Anyway, we went to Mass this Sunday to further check out the Church. I kept thinking that we stood out because we were clearly mimicking the actions of those around us. The Catholic Creeds are slightly different than the Creeds we said at the Lutheran Church so we kinda messed these up as well.

Also the kids were with us and at five and six, can be a bit of a distraction. My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass? I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out. (my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time) Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure? Advice is welcome.

I remember my first days in a Catholic Mass, I was so nervous and paranoid, I thought for sure everyone there knew I was an interloper!

I think part of that feeling comes from all the things we’ve heard down through the years about animosity between Catholics and Protestants, and although we have come past that, it’s still lurking around in the back of our minds.

And then there’s the whole mystery thing, not knowing if something is taking place that we are unaware of.

My suggestion is to just relax a bit, and don’t be too concerned with those around you, but concentrate on the Mass itself. And it would be such a great help to do some studying, but I wouldn’t let that keep you from going in the mean time.

There’s a great book out called, yes…Catholicism for Dummies… and it is fantastic for the beginner.

May I ask what has led you to this point? I mean, have you been studying historical Christianity at all? This is a fantastic place to begin also. There are a number of books that compile writings from the earliest Christian communities, the Early Church Fathers, as they are called. You will find it mind blowing.

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Sorry your just insecure. The Church is always welcoming of newcomers:thumbsup:

You did nothing wrong and you should never feel self-conscious at Mass. If you are not sure what is going on or what the response should be the Missal (which usually can be found in the pew) can be of great assistance.

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass? I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out. (my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time) Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure? Advice is welcome.

Don’t worry about the actions of those who you feel are “staring” at you. They are the ones who should be concentrating on the Mass and not watching the actions of those around them It is uncharitable to do that. You did the right thing…the only way to learn or become acquainted with something is to check it out. It will get easier with time and you will not feel so self-conscious.

We always welcome folks to Mass and you are welcome to do as those around you do with the obvious exception of not going to Communion if you are Protestant.

God Bless you…

:heart:Blyss

 

[Jeanette_L]

Don’t worry about the actions of those who you feel are “staring” at you. They are the ones who should be concentrating on the Mass and not watching the actions of those around them It is uncharitable to do that. You did the right thing…the only way to learn or become acquainted with something is to check it out. It will get easier with time and you will not feel so self-conscious.

**We always welcome folks to Mass and you are welcome to do as those around you do with the obvious exception of not going to Communion if you are Protestant. **
God Bless you…

:heart:Blyss

I left out this very important instruction. Just understand that until you are fully Catholic, it is very important to refrain from the Eucharist until then. There are differences in beliefs about the nature of the Church and the Eucharist and until you are in full “communion” with the Church, there cannot be this “communion” of the Eucharist…does that make sense to you?

 

[brotherhrolf]

I can put the shoe on a different foot. My cathedral choir has participated and sung in numerous ecumenical concerts and we have sung the liturgy for one of our members who married an Episcopalian. Ouch, here you had 25 choir members sitting in an Episcopalian church and singing for what certainly sounded like Mass for us although we were not in liturgical vestments. What you feel is nothing to be worried about. Imagine what 25 voices belting out the Catholic refrain to an Episcopalian Liturgy sounded like. We (Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutherans) all use the same Office of Readings. We all hear the same Epistle, Psalm and Gospel on the same Sunday but we respond ever so subtly different.

And let me point out something else. We get a lot of French tourists here. They are Catholic but they stand during the Consecration while we kneel. We have gotten used to it. So don’t worry about it.

 

[Freshman88]

Don’t worry at all - every parish that I have belonged to always has new faces every week, or at least faces we don’t recognize.

I never assume that an unfamiliar face is their for malicious reasons, I usually think that its either - a) someone who usually attends another mass time b) someone who attends mass infrequently c)visiting from out of town d)is visiting with a catholic friend.

When I can spot the “non-catholics” it is because they are usually nervous. Non-Catholics are usually busy looking around at everyone else and that can attract my attention. If someone is constantly looking down the pews or at other people, it can be distracting so I will naturally look back out of habit - not because I’m annoyed but just simply because it stands out. I’m sure thats all that was happening with the fellow that was starring at your husband. I bet the gentlemen was just distracted.

I have never been to or heard of a parish that is “guarded”. Your best bet is to talk with the parish priest, he’ll help you to feel more welcomed - the parish priest will typically wait at the exit to say goodbye. Just shake his hand and say that your interested in the faith - he’ll handle the rest .

Overall, don’t worry about it.

Oh and if you want to study the mass, the best way to study is to simply go. Sure you can get books on the mass and the like, but the best way and the only way to become comfortable with the mass is to attend.

I pray that you feel more welcomed next time you visit .

 

[Jennifer_G]

My husband and I haven’t converted yet so technically we’re still Protestants. Anyway, we went to Mass this Sunday to further check out the Church. I kept thinking that we stood out because we were clearly mimicking the actions of those around us. The Catholic Creeds are slightly different than the Creeds we said at the Lutheran Church so we kinda messed these up as well.

It’s the Nicene Creed instead of the shorter Apostle’s Creed. At my old Lutheran Church, we did say the Nicene Creed occasionally (I’m not sure if it was for Easter or what, but 98% of the time, it was the Apostle’s Creed). Don’t worry about being seen as just “mimicking actions” - we all have to start somewhere. In fact, when I started going to Mass regularly, I would watch what everyone around me was doing.

Also the kids were with us and at five and six, can be a bit of a distraction. My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass? I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out. (my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time)

You can get a copy of the Magnificat, which has the Mass in the middle of the book. It takes awhile to figure out which Eucharistic Prayer the priests use - usually it’s just one set that they use. The readings of the day are located in the Mass readings of the day (i.e., Sunday, December 16th). Also, you read about the Order of the Mass here. It’s a pretty good outline of what’s in the Magnificat.

Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure? Advice is welcome.

I don’t think they’re unwelcoming, in fact, I’ve met very welcoming Catholics. Don’t worry yourself over it - you’ll get used to the flow of things after going a few times. The best advice is just to watch what others are going. Genuflect (kneel) before entering and after exiting the pew, bless yourself with the Holy Water entering/exiting the church. Going from Lutheran to Catholic, the sitting, kneeling, standing, etc. is pretty much the same, and there’s more responses during the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

 

[KathleenElsie]

Welcome. Most of the time people are not really looking at what we are doing. Being insecure makes us just think they are. And if they were, maybe, they were just thinking how nicely you were dressed and how well mannered your children were.

 

[ElizabethPH]

My husband and I haven’t converted yet so technically we’re still Protestants. Anyway, we went to Mass this Sunday to further check out the Church. I kept thinking that we stood out because we were clearly mimicking the actions of those around us. The Catholic Creeds are slightly different than the Creeds we said at the Lutheran Church so we kinda messed these up as well.

Also the kids were with us and at five and six, can be a bit of a distraction. My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass? I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out. (my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time) Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure? Advice is welcome.

The missal in the pew should help…go early to go through it and figure them out. also here’s a link that may help lets you know when to sit and such catholic-resources.org/ChurchDocs/Mass.htm

 

[MarieVeronica]

Dear Erika… You and your family probably felt a little self conscious, because of the fact that you were attending your very first Mass. Being a cradle Catholic… I can only imagine how adult converts and those curious about the Catholic Mass… must feel, at attending their first Mass. But please, have courage! Everyone is welcome at any Catholic Mass. I can assure you, that most Catholics can’t tell a baptized Catholic… from our Protestant brothers and sisters. And, we’re really not trying! I’m always happy at the number of people present, during any given Sunday Mass. I take no special notice of people who (for example) do not receive Holy Communion, but just a blessing instead.

But I should mention, here… that an attendee must be a baptized Catholic, in order to partake of Holy Communion. This is in no way, to say that baptized Catholics are superior to those visiting. But rather, it is a sign of the unity of baptized Catholics, with the Church as a whole… and therefore, a requirement.

It might be helpful for you to know, that most parishes provide a book… where you can follow along. They contain the prayers for the Mass… readings for the particular Sunday (or weekday) and the music. They are usually kept right in the pews. We have just entered into the Year A cycle of readings… the Gospel of St. Matthew. Maybe that information, will make it a little easier for you to find your place… at the next Mass you attend.

Welcome to you and your family! It sounds like Jesus is calling you “Home”! How wonderful!:extrahappy:

 

[CindiA]

Don’t worry at all - every parish that I have belonged to always has new faces every week, or at least faces we don’t recognize.

I never assume that an unfamiliar face is their for malicious reasons, I usually think that its either - a) someone who usually attends another mass time b) someone who attends mass infrequently c)visiting from out of town d)is visiting with a catholic friend.

When I can spot the “non-catholics” it is because they are usually nervous. Non-Catholics are usually busy looking around at everyone else and that can attract my attention. If someone is constantly looking down the pews or at other people, it can be distracting so I will naturally look back out of habit - not because I’m annoyed but just simply because it stands out. I’m sure thats all that was happening with the fellow that was starring at your husband. I bet the gentlemen was just distracted.

I have never been to or heard of a parish that is “guarded”. Your best bet is to talk with the parish priest, he’ll help you to feel more welcomed - the parish priest will typically wait at the exit to say goodbye. Just shake his hand and say that your interested in the faith - he’ll handle the rest .

Overall, don’t worry about it.

Oh and if you want to study the mass, the best way to study is to simply go. Sure you can get books on the mass and the like, but the best way and the only way to become comfortable with the mass is to attend.

I pray that you feel more welcomed next time you visit .

People who are looking around probably aren’t looking at you in particular. When I first went to a Catholic Mass, I too looked around. I wasn’t checking out the people. I was just looking to see what as going on. My friend who encouraged me to go told me to just sit in the back and WATCH. I had no idea what wa going on, so that’ what I did. Perhaps others thot I was watching then. I hope not b’cuz there was no judgement intended. I was there to watch and learn. When they recited the Lord’s Prayer, I made the mistake of continuing the last few words. Yes, I was embarrassed at first. But, I just figured that anyone who judged wa out of place. Actially, no one did. It was only my imagination. I’ve found more welcome in my Catholic church than I ever did in my various P churches. Nothing was what I expected. But it was far, far better/ Read, read, read. Study what ;the Church really teaches and don’t go by what people do. There are always thoe who don’t represent what the religion really teaches. I’d recommend listening to 'Scott Hahn. Steve Ray, et al. If you are fortunate to have Catholic radio in you area, listen and learn. If not, tune in to www.ewtn.com or
Ave Maria radio online. You’ll be amazed how much is taught that is very similaar to your Protestant teachings – only more.

 

[GladCatholic]

As a Catholic, if I were blessed enough to actually sit by someone who isn’t Catholic but interested in learning about our faith, I’d help them in any way, including with the missal. It’s a joy to be near someone God is calling to His Catholic church.

It’s only nature to be nervous when you’re in a new surrounding. I’ve been attending liturgies in two different ethnic and cultural communities, one Greek, the other Ukrainian, where I don’t speak either language (liturgies done in Greek and Ukrainian respectively) and I just don’t fit in–you can see I don’t come from the culture. The first liturgies I was extremely nervous and sure everyone noticed me…That was a few months ago. The nerves are gone, I’ve learned when to stand and sit and bless myself without having to mirror anyone else…the Greek priest actually introduced himself to me this weekend and said, “It’s nice to see you up close” (I don’t receive Communion in the Greek church).

Don’t worry. You’ll get it. And I’d be surprised if there were anyone in a church who doesn’t welcome someone from another denomination who is honestly seeking God in the Catholic faith.

Glad

 

[CindiA]

As a Catholic, if I were blessed enough to actually sit by someone who isn’t Catholic but interested in learning about our faith, I’d help them in any way, including with the missal. It’s a joy to be near someone God is calling to His Catholic church.

It’s only nature to be nervous when you’re in a new surrounding. I’ve been attending liturgies in two different ethnic and cultural communities, one Greek, the other Ukrainian, where I don’t speak either language (liturgies done in Greek and Ukrainian respectively) and I just don’t fit in–you can see I don’t come from the culture. The first liturgies I was extremely nervous and sure everyone noticed me…That was a few months ago. The nerves are gone, I’ve learned when to stand and sit and bless myself without having to mirror anyone else…the Greek priest actually introduced himself to me this weekend and said, “It’s nice to see you up close” (I don’t receive Communion in the Greek church).

Don’t worry. You’ll get it. And I’d be surprised if there were anyone in a church who doesn’t welcome someone from another denomination who is honestly seeking God in the Catholic faith.

Glad

I can totally understand what you mean. The first tiem I went to a Catholic church it was a High Mass. I didn’t understanda single thing cuz it was Latin. But, I wnet and was amazed that i got something ou of itl My friend was with me, but we couldn’t talk thru it cuz of the solemnity. Aftertwards, I told him that I was in awe. It didn’t matter if I understoodk I “fel” teh pesene of the Lordl Make ssnzs

 

[KarenElissa]

Don’t worry about it! :hug3:

I remember all of those feelings of sticking out very well. The first time I went to mass I chose that particular parish because it was nice and big and I figured I would stick out less there. And for quite awhile I felt like people would be able to tell that I was Protestant and didn’t belong just by looking at me. But slowly I learned what was going and and slowly began feeling more and more like this is normal.

You asked if you should have studied more before going, no. There is something major to be said for just going to Mass and experiencing everything. That is one of the biggest things that drew me into the Church. :yup:

Also, even with the studying, the best way to learn is by experiencing it. Think of it like learning a foreign language. You can study and read books all you want, but if you REALLY want to learn, the best way is try talking to people who actually speak it. It is the same way with Mass. Reading books and wanting to learn are great, but to REALLY learn about Mass, you have to experience it!

 

[ErikaA]

Thanks for the advice and understanding. I feel much better about everything now.

The reason we went today is that I have been doing some reading. It started with Merton and Chesterton (they are the reason I became interested in Catholicism). Now I’m into Aquinas so I’ve basically been approaching the Church theologically I guess. And while the Church Fathers and Aquinas blow my mind with their brilliance, I also know there is more for me to learn and understand. Should I read the CC Catechism next?

I didn’t mention this at the start, but I also feel like I’m betraying my Lutheran Church by attending a Catholic Mass. How should I make “amends” to my old Pastor? I feel as though I’m abandoning him and I don’t want to switch denominations in that way. Thanks again.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

My husband and I haven’t converted yet so technically we’re still Protestants.

But you are planning to convert, correct? Are you in RCIA? If not then that’s where you should ask. Go and speak to the priest and he will surely gladly help you.

Anyway, we went to Mass this Sunday to further check out the Church.

That’s a great way to start.

I kept thinking that we stood out because we were clearly mimicking the actions of those around us.

Don’t worry, it happens and I think people generally don’t even notice. I remember visiting a Ukrainian Catholic Divine Liturgy (in Ukrainian) and I had no idea what to do as well. Just sit in the back if you are insecure. That way people don’t notice you as much and you can easily see what everybody is doing.

Also the kids were with us and at five and six, can be a bit of a distraction. My question is - should we have studied up a bit more before attending Mass?

Studying more is always good but my answer is NO, if studying more would mean not going to the Holy Mass.

I wanted a first-hand idea of what I’m contemplating before further study. And we tried to be as respectful as possible, kneeling before the altar, etc. But I still think we stood out.

Don’t worry, you will learn only by practice. It’s all great to read about what you’re supposed to be doing but after 2-3 masses you will know when things happen. Practice makes perfect, doesn’t it? Meanwhile you can study.

(my husband said some guy was staring at him the whole time)

To tell you the truth, this happened to me as well. And I wasn’t doing anything unusual since I’m a Catholic. Was that the same guy?

Are Catholics guarded about their Churches, i.e. not welcoming of newcomers or am I just insecure?

Well, there are welcoming Catholics and there are old grumpy Catholics. That’s how it’s everywhere. I think that people mostly friendly and welcoming. Especially if they know that you are interested in Catholicism! Now, if you have had bad experiences in the past then don’t let them make you think that that’s how things are.

Advice is welcome.

My advice is simple, stop going to the Lutheran services and start attending the Holy Mass. They are two completelly different things and it doesn’t matter that you’re not Catholic yet. Just the fact that you can experience the presence of Jesus Christ truly present under the appearance of bread and wine on the altar makes a huge difference, doesn’t it? You cannot yet receive Holy Communion, but you can pray for Spiritual Communion while contemplating on the great mystery.

An Act of Spiritual Communion

My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You.

Amen.

 

[Armenian_cpa]

Don’t worry it’s just you being self conscious. Others should be focused on the Mass not people around them. Most people are really not looking at you.

Get a copy of the Sunday missal
amazon.com/Saint-Joseph-Sunday-Missal-Complete/dp/0899428207/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197838634&sr=8-2

It will give you the order of the mass and the readings for each Sunday, In that way you can be prepared before you go to Mass. It’s perpetual but it will show how the liturgical year is set up. (There is a three year cycle ABC, we are now in year A)

It also shows the parishioner’s responses (in bold print) so you can learn them before hand. Then the missals in the pews which contain the same information will be more meaningful. The pew missals will be familiar and you will not be overwhelmed by them at mass.

I was a non practicing Armenian Orthodox who has join the Latin rite church. (and that’s another story since I had to officially have to go Armenian Catholic then Latin rite …politics I guess the Eastern rites do not like to give up anyone!!) ) With some studying the faith, you will find out, you will eventually know more than some “cradle Catholics” in the pews with you.

I am not trying to be cute about this but I love the parish I am in but the priest has to force people to sing the Gloria or recite the Creed. He starts with us and stops on purpose I think to get the non-participants to join in. Now that makes one notice who’s doing what during mass. So you are not alone in not knowing the words.

The important thing is that God’s grace is working in you and you are now coming his church.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

Should I read the CC Catechism next?

That’s a good plan. But as I said, RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) is very important. There you will also be able to ask question and generally everybody has to go through it before being accepted into the Church (but of course you are not committing yourself when you attend).

I didn’t mention this at the start, but I also feel like I’m betraying my Lutheran Church by attending a Catholic Mass. How should I make “amends” to my old Pastor? I feel as though I’m abandoning him and I don’t want to switch denominations in that way. Thanks again.

I see because this might indeed be difficult. I don’t know what I would do if I were you but the best advice I would give you to speak to him in a friendly way and tell him about your plans. You are not really abandoning the person, aren’t you? You can always talk to him outside of the Lutheran services and even invite him for coffee or whatever if you two have a friendly relationship.

I know this might sound a bit direct, but it’s true. You will eventually have to choose between Jesus and your old pastor. Jesus founded One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and that’s where every person should follow him. That’s where God is leading you. But the good part about that is that you will not be alone because following Jesus means that you can grab his hand and have him at your side.

I wish you good luck on the journey Home.

 

[KarenElissa]

Thanks for the advice and understanding. I feel much better about everything now.

The reason we went today is that I have been doing some reading. It started with Merton and Chesterton (they are the reason I became interested in Catholicism). Now I’m into Aquinas so I’ve basically been approaching the Church theologically I guess. And while the Church Fathers and Aquinas blow my mind with their brilliance, I also know there is more for me to learn and understand. Should I read the CC Catechism next?

I didn’t mention this at the start, but I also feel like I’m betraying my Lutheran Church by attending a Catholic Mass. How should I make “amends” to my old Pastor? I feel as though I’m abandoning him and I don’t want to switch denominations in that way. Thanks again.

The CCC is good, you might also want to check out United States Catholic Catechism for Adults. One of the main reasons I converted was because of the history. I read Church History in Plain Language, the author is Protestant, but seems to a good job of sorting through history and keeping it fair.

Switching churches is hard, I know. For six months or so, I went to Mass on Saturday nights and then spent most of Sunday at my Protestant church, and didn’t really talk to anyone about it. It was weird. I loved my Protestant church and didn’t change because of anything they were doing.

I did eventually talk to my pastor and some of my good friends about it. They were all very supportive and pretty much just told me to go where God is leading. I think how your pastor reacts will just depend. I don’t know what kind of Lutheran you are, but I came from a more liberal denomination (United Methodist), so I think that made people reactions easier. They don’t necessarily understand, but they aren’t against it like many people in the more conservative, evangelical type denominations.