First Penance for Children

[Brandall]

This is interesting to me. When I went through RCIA, and we had out first Confession, we also all HAD to go face-to-face (I would have preferred anonymously). Our priest also taught us in RCIA that we should give some basic information about ourselves, such as how old we are, if we are married, if we have children, etc. so that the confessor can understand our confession in context. I am okay with that, but it seems wrong to force people to go face-to-face so that the priest can know how to counsel someone.

I did the face to face confession for my first confession 8 days ago. We were told that a private confession was available if needed. I’ve talked to all the parish priests often enough that they would know me by my voice. Added to that, growing up protestant, I felt as though I had left the bulk of those sins behind so long ago that they didn’t bother me. It was almost like talking about a former life or like I was discussing someone other than myself. It’s the more current ones, that frankly, are a lot less embarrassing that bother me more.

I can see the need for context if you have children and/or a wife. That just makes sense.

If I had murdered two people and had sex with four different women that weren’t my wife, in the past month, I might have wanted to have a wall of separation. As it were, most of my murdering and philandering happened a long time ago. If it happened at all or in part.

My RCIA classes have stressed that we should not partake in the Eucharist unworthily. I plan to take that seriously and getting to confession frequently will be a requirement. Hopefully I will stick to that.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

The situation described sounds crazy to me. Admittedly I grew up in the medieval period, but this is how our first confession (in the second grade) went: We had prepared for the sacrament during our religion classes. When we had first confessions, it occurred during a normal school day. It was not an “event.” No parents or relatives were invited. (Does any kid invite his parents to his confession?) We all went over to the church and lined up in front of the confessionals. The confessions were private and anonymous. After confessions were complete, we went back to school and continued the school day.

I don’t understand why the child abuse cases should prevent the use of confessionals. No one can be abused during confession in a standard confessional. In our church, the confessionals have doors with no windows. The priest has no access to the penitent’s part of the confessional, nor can he see the penitent. There is more chance of abuse in a “reconciliation room.”

PS–I notice that whenever we have a communal penance service with five or six priests scattered at various locations around the church, including two in confessionals, people always make a bee line for the confessional. They have the longest lines—even though a priest sitting at the altar rail not looking at you can hardly be called ‘face to face.’

They do it out in the open here too. And there is a confessional.

I can’t stand it.

 

[JimG]

They do it out in the open here too. And there is a confessional.

I can’t stand it.

You mean the first penance service? It seems to me that if there is a confessional is available why not use it–since that’s the way they will be confessing in the future. It just seems wrong to turn first confession into a production. It’s a sacrament.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

You mean the first penance service? It seems to me that if there is a confessional is available why not use it–since that’s the way they will be confessing in the future. It just seems wrong to turn first confession into a production. It’s a sacrament.

I knowwwww.

 

[Phemie]

You mean the first penance service? It seems to me that if there is a confessional is available why not use it–since that’s the way they will be confessing in the future. It just seems wrong to turn first confession into a production. It’s a sacrament.

I’d be willing to bet that 99.9% of the kids who made their first confession in our parish over the last 13 years have never received this sacrament since. Why? Well, let’s see.

For almost a decade in my parish there were Penitential Services with General Absolution twice a year (Advent and Lent); one year the kids making their First Communion had as their ‘First Confession’ the Lenten General Absolution. The church was full for those services. But Fr. could have read “War & Peace” and “Les Misérables” generally undisturbed in the Reconciliation Room during the weekly Saturday afternoon confessions. So much so that for at least 7 years the scheduled confessions were discontinued. If you wanted to confess you had to tap Fr. on the shoulder before or after Mass or phone for an appointment. How many kids would do that?

Once General Absolution was done away with, the attendance at the Advent and Lenten Penitential Services decreased to the point that maybe 12 people would show up and 2 or 3 take advantage of the private confessions that followed. The service would start at 7 and I usually turned out the lights by 8.

The arrival of a new Pastor, 18 months ago, saw Confession reinstated to the Saturday afternoon schedule and total elimination of Penitential Services. Personally, I find such a service quite helpful before Confession and would have preferred seeing them increased rather than eliminated.

 

[JimG]

Oh gosh, that’s really kind of sad. I’m sorry that confessions are not more widely available in many parishes. It goes without saying that if confessions are not available, people won’t come. And when they have been minimally available for years or decades, people get out of the habit and it’s hard to get them back even if the priests start sitting in the confessional again.

I’m blessed to be in a parish where confessions are available daily except Sunday and there are usually lines at the confessional. Still, if even a significant proportion of the parish came to confession on say, a monthly basis, the times would have to be drastically expanded.

I’ve read some stories about Fr. John Vianney, who was considered to be not particularly talented as a priest and was relegated to the little parish at Ars, France with a largely non-practicing congregation. Apparently, he preached a lot on confession, and people showed up, the lines getting so long that he was in the confessional for perhaps 8 to 10 hours per day—and he wasn’t a particularly compassionate confessor! I guess we will need more like him.

Nothing wrong with penitential services as long as they include individual confession. We usually have a big crowd for the two or so we have each year, but in a way it takes more time than the regular confession times. People come to the penitential service, then wait in line for the individual confessions, then leave. But they could also come on any day of the week at the regular before Mass schedule or on Saturday.

 

[Elizium23]

Once General Absolution was done away with, the attendance at the Advent and Lenten Penitential Services decreased to the point that maybe 12 people would show up and 2 or 3 take advantage of the private confessions that followed. The service would start at 7 and I usually turned out the lights by 8.

The arrival of a new Pastor, 18 months ago, saw Confession reinstated to the Saturday afternoon schedule and total elimination of Penitential Services. Personally, I find such a service quite helpful before Confession and would have preferred seeing them increased rather than eliminated.

Our pastor is of the mind that communal penance services are a bad idea, and here’s why. They condition the faithful to believe that they only have to go once or twice a year when this service is offered. And I agree. The key is to offer private confessions frequently and accesibly, and then catechize, catechize, catechize. Preach it from the pulpit. Make no excuses and call out sin as sin and make it clear that the Church provides a perfect remedy for this disease.

Our parish offers four opportunities for Confession through the week: Tuesday, Thursday, and twice on Saturdays. Both priests are always happy to make appointments, or slip into the confessional for a “quickie”, or stay long after the published “end time” until all penitents are heard. Nobody is ever turned away from a confession in my parish. I have seen the fruits of this: a happy, orthodox community and long lines to the confessional every time it is opened. As a parish, we have no need of these silly communal penance services because everyone who is going to go has already gone, and frequently.

 

[Joannm]

I like penance services and we do them for the children in our religious ed program. It gives them an opportunity to hear scripture and a homily that focuses on the need for reconciliation. We go over an age appropriate examination of conscience and the kids get to see who the priests are and were they are stationed. We have the cantor softly singing to help keep things quiet in the lines (which at our penance services can be over 100 children and their parents). We have 6 priests for confessions and only 4 confessionals, but they do not use them for the service. The kids feel comfortable knowing that their parents can see them. At 7 years old it can be scary to go into a confessional with a closed door. I know it was for me. All the kids smiled when they finished and one girl told me it was the best day of her life. Many parents went as well, some who haven’t gone in years. They said they felt comfortable and saw that no one was yelled at and everyone was smiling. Not one parent or other adult or child asked why were weren’t opening the confessionals. Several times during the week we have opportunities for confession in the confessional, but we had a “captive” audience so to speak with First Reconciliation and based on my conversations with some parents, including those who hadn’t been to confessions in years, it was a very good thing.

 

[babochka]

I like penance services and we do them for the children in our religious ed program. It gives them an opportunity to hear scripture and a homily that focuses on the need for reconciliation. We go over an age appropriate examination of conscience and the kids get to see who the priests are and were they are stationed. We have the cantor softly singing to help keep things quiet in the lines (which at our penance services can be over 100 children and their parents). We have 6 priests for confessions and only 4 confessionals, but they do not use them for the service. The kids feel comfortable knowing that their parents can see them. At 7 years old it can be scary to go into a confessional with a closed door. I know it was for me. All the kids smiled when they finished and one girl told me it was the best day of her life. Many parents went as well, some who haven’t gone in years. They said they felt comfortable and saw that no one was yelled at and everyone was smiling. Not one parent or other adult or child asked why were weren’t opening the confessionals. Several times during the week we have opportunities for confession in the confessional, **but we had a “captive” audience so to speak with First Reconciliation **and based on my conversations with some parents, including those who hadn’t been to confessions in years, it was a very good thing.

I think it is a fine thing to have a child’s first Confession in this manner and I personally prefer face-to-face confession, but I don’t understand how you can so easily disregard canon law in this manner. I know it doesn’t seem like it and you describe a lovely experience for your children, but you are trampling on their rights as Catholics. They should be given the choice. If you have a preference, you can always make one choice seem far and away more attractive than the other choice. You can talk up face-to-face confession and downplay the behind-the-screen option. You can have the least favored priest in the confessional. You can set up options with a fixed screen out in the open, even. Just give them the choice, as is required by canon law. Just because they are children doesn’t mean they don’t have the same rights as everyone else.

 

[Joannm]

I am sure if a parent or child requested it we would accommodate them. But no one ever asked and no one complained that we didn’t provide the option.

 

[JimG]

I am sure if a parent or child requested it we would accommodate them. But no one ever asked and no one complained that we didn’t provide the option.

Perhaps this is the case in a lot of parishes. If canon law is quietly ignored and the option for confession behind a screen is never made available, most will not even realize that canon law is not being followed.

 

[Brendan_64]

The fact that a person can be seen confessing is neither here nor there as far as the validity of the confession goes.

It is common practice at reconciliation services to have several priests situated at different places in the church, in full view of everyone. Personally I do prefer confession behind a grill,. not for the anonymity but because it removes the distraction of personality, but a face-to-face confession is fine if that’s what’s available.

We shouldn’t teach children that either way is the ‘correct’ way or the best way. Both ways are equally valid and acceptable, so why not expose children to accept either way? Personally I would have thought children would have found face-to-face less threatening on their first reconciliation, as the priest can talk them through it if they forget what to say etc. and can be a friendly face to encourage them.

And yes, I agree that a grill should be available if requested. A grill probably was available in one of the confessional boxes somewhere in the Church is requested, the fact that the priests were sitting on chairs in the open doesn’t mean the children’s rights under Canon law were being disregarded.

In our church the cubicle with the grill is unfortunately unused and has spare chairs and a few boxes of candles in it. Nobody asks to use it, but if they did I’m sure that even our (quite ‘liberal’) priest would oblige. I prefer Confession through a grill, but I’ve never asked for it when going to Confession in my own parish church as face-to-face will do.

 

[JimG]

The fact that a person can be seen confessing is neither here nor there as far as the validity of the confession goes.

It is common practice at reconciliation services to have several priests situated at different places in the church, in full view of everyone. Personally I do prefer confession behind a grill,. not for the anonymity but because it removes the distraction of personality, but a face-to-face confession is fine if that’s what’s available.

We shouldn’t teach children that either way is the ‘correct’ way or the best way. Both ways are equally valid and acceptable, so why not expose children to accept either way? Personally I would have thought children would have found face-to-face less threatening on their first reconciliation, as the priest can talk them through it if they forget what to say etc. and can be a friendly face to encourage them.

And yes, I agree that a grill should be available if requested. A grill probably was available in one of the confessional boxes somewhere in the Church is requested, the fact that the priests were sitting on chairs in the open doesn’t mean the children’s rights under Canon law were being disregarded.

In our church the cubicle with the grill is unfortunately unused and has spare chairs and a few boxes of candles in it. Nobody asks to use it, but if they did I’m sure that even our (quite ‘liberal’) priest would oblige. I prefer Confession through a grill, but I’ve never asked for it when going to Confession in my own parish church as face-to-face will do.

Given your description, it’s not surprising that no one asks to use the confessional. If someone wants to use it for purposes of privacy, going up to the priest to ask him to go into the confessional would sort of defeat the purpose.

I had a conversation with two younger guys, one Catholic, one not. The non-Catholic was inquiring of the Catholic guy about confession. They were talking about their teen years, and they knew each other well–well enough to know the things that one would usually only tell a confessor. “So, how often did you go to confession?” asked the non-Catholic. “Oh, practically every week,” he said, my parents insisted that we go."

“So, what did you tell the priest?”
“Well, not the truth, that’s for sure. I knew him too well.”

I was a little taken aback. Why go to confession and not tell the truth? This guy grew up in the age of face to face confessions. He went face to face, regularly, but he never told his real sins. If he’d been able to confess anonymously, maybe it would have been different. I’m just guessing, though.

 

[babochka]

“So, what did you tell the priest?”
“Well, not the truth, that’s for sure. I knew him too well.”

I was a little taken aback. Why go to confession and not tell the truth? This guy grew up in the age of face to face confessions. He went face to face, regularly, but he never told his real sins. If he’d been able to confess anonymously, maybe it would have been different. I’m just guessing, though.

If he went to confession every week and knew the priest “too well”, it is likely that a screen would not have provided him with anonymity. In order to have anonymity, he’d have had to go to a priest that did not know him.

 

[Brendan_64]

He went face to face, regularly, but he never told his real sins. If he’d been able to confess anonymously, maybe it would have been different. I’m just guessing, though.

The grill doesn’t grant anonymity if the priest knows you, especially if he knows you well, as in the case of this guy. The grill only provides anonymity if the priest doesn’t know you anyway (in which case you are anonymous anyway). That isn’t the function the grill provides.

The grill provides an opportunity to avoid the distraction of personalities (yours and the priests) and is especially useful if the priest does know you well, since it prevents a kind of “How are you doing, nice to see you, are you keeping well…” atmosphere. It provides an opportunity for more focus. If a priest knows you well he will know your voice, and these days with so few people attending regular Confession, realistically the parish priest will know the voices of all of those who attend, even if he doesn’t see your face. The grill does not grant you anonymity.

 

[JimG]

The grill doesn’t grant anonymity if the priest knows you, especially if he knows you well, as in the case of this guy. The grill only provides anonymity if the priest doesn’t know you anyway (in which case you are anonymous anyway). That isn’t the function the grill provides.

The grill provides an opportunity to avoid the distraction of personalities (yours and the priests) and is especially useful if the priest does know you well, since it prevents a kind of “How are you doing, nice to see you, are you keeping well…” atmosphere. It provides an opportunity for more focus. If a priest knows you well he will know your voice, and these days with so few people attending regular Confession, realistically the parish priest will know the voices of all of those who attend, even if he doesn’t see your face. The grill does not grant you anonymity.

My experience is somewhat different. The priests at my parish hear perhaps 15 to 20 confessions a day in the confessional and another 30 on Saturday. They don’t notice who is in the confession line when they enter the confessional, and they are intent on hearing all confessions without running out of time. I seriously doubt that the priest recognizes anyone’s voice unless it is a personal friend. With 2800 families in the parish, they cannot know everybody personally. I doubt that any of the priests could say whose confessions he heard in the 30 minutes before weekday Mass or in the hour on Saturday.

Heck, he couldn’t even say whose confession he heard at the altar rail head to head, because he is not looking at the penitent!

 

[Brendan_64]

You’re very lucky Jim. In my parish there is confession once a week after Saturday morning Mass and it’d be classed as being busy if there were 5 or 6 people waiting for Confession. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs, but that is pretty normal in English parishes.

It’s my opinion that the clergy need to do more to promote Confession, but this only seems to happen during Lent and Advent. It’s almost seems as if much of the clergy in England only seem to think Confession isn’t that important at other times of the year.