First preganancy jitters

[blujazz25]

It came as a big shock for me. I tested positive on the pregnancy test. This will be our first child.

We have been praying and trying to have a child for a year, and here it is. I know God has perfect timing, but I am kind of confused, worried and anxious all at the same time. I asked God for a sign that me going back to school is the way to go a week ago, and I get a positive result.

Are we ready to have a child now? I do not have a job, and we somehow survive with one income in the family. I am concerned as if I start applying for jobs and manage to get an interview, that I will get turned down because I am pregnant. Plus I was thinking of having kids by the time we both get settled with stable incomes. (Is that wrong of me to think of timelines and plans?) What happens to my dream of getting my masters degree? should I still go or wait until the baby is born?

I know there are prayer warriors and parents on this site, please help me ease my mind and soul. Did any of you experience the same anxiety with your first child?

 

[His_helpmeet]

Dear friend,

It’s NORMAL to have jitters about pregnancy. It’s a HUGE thing you’re taking on. That said, I think there are a few important points to consider.

1. Friends of ours (who have 3 kids) told us that if you wait until you can afford kids, you’ll never have them. There’s no “perfect” time to have children. You just budget what you can afford. It may mean that you’ll have to cut back on some “extras” for the time being - but that’s okay.
2. Babies don’t have to be that expensive. You can easily find A LOT of beautiful second-hand baby clothes. Babies grow very quickly and often don’t wear out their clothes before they outgrow them, especially when they’re small. You might also be able to borrow some clothes from family and friends. Baby furniture can be expensive - but again, it doesn’t have to be. All a baby really needs is somewhere to sleep, and maybe a swing (if you want one). A pack n play, a cosleeper (little side-car type thing that attaches to the side of the bed), your own bed, or even a big box or a dresser drawer can make a nice place for baby to sleep. If you breastfeed, you don’t have to pay for formula. You might see if you can find some cloth diapers to use - this will cut down on the cost for disposables. When baby gets older, you can make your own baby food or try baby-led weaning (where baby begins to eat regular table food as s/he shows interest). If you’re not a large person, you also don’t need to necessarily buy “maternity” clothes - you might be able to get away with just wearing regular clothes in a larger size, as this could be cheaper. Or, you can see if you can borrow maternity clothes or buy them second-hand.

Maria Trapp was pregnant when she and her husband came to America with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. They had 9 children at the time. (In the movie “The Sound of Music”, we see 7 children, which is what Georg had initially. He and Maria had 3 additional children together after they married.) They literally made their living doing concerts - and that was it. Sometimes they barely knew if they’d be able to get through the next month - but God always provided. When Maria was going to have the baby, she took out the suitcase full of all of the baby clothes the other children had worn. Her American friend, Sophie, took one look at the baby clothes and said, “And who is going to wash and iron all this every day?” (The clothes had all kinds of little pleats and frills.) “Pack that silly stuff away and come with me. A baby doesn’t need all that. Three shirts, a couple of dozen diapers, and a pair of rubber pants, that’s all you need.” (Maria couldn’t believe this was true - but that’s exactly what she got, and it worked!)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It came as a big shock for me. I tested positive on the pregnancy test. This will be our first child.

We have been praying and trying to have a child for a year, and here it is. I know God has perfect timing, but I am kind of confused, worried and anxious all at the same time. I asked God for a sign that me going back to school is the way to go a week ago, and I get a positive result.

Are we ready to have a child now? I do not have a job, and we somehow survive with one income in the family. I am concerned as if I start applying for jobs and manage to get an interview, that I will get turned down because I am pregnant. Plus I was thinking of having kids by the time we both get settled with stable incomes. (Is that wrong of me to think of timelines and plans?) What happens to my dream of getting my masters degree? should I still go or wait until the baby is born?

I know there are prayer warriors and parents on this site, please help me ease my mind and soul. Did any of you experience the same anxiety with your first child?

1. Congratulations! I know that it can seem overwhelming but things work out.
2. Are you planning to be a two income family? That is a big decision you need to really put some thought and direction in. We have 4 and I stay home. I always have. My wife is currently getting her MBA. The anxiety you feel is the lack of control or knowledge about the future. Do not be afraid! You will have a wonderful child and that will change your life infinitely for the better.

 

[Xantippe]

blujazz25 said:

“I am concerned as if I start applying for jobs and manage to get an interview, that I will get turned down because I am pregnant.”

Don’t say a word about being pregnant. You’re not obligated to mention it and if you’re in the US, it’s illegal for them to ask.

“Are we ready to have a child now? I do not have a job, and we somehow survive with one income in the family.”

Then you’re fine. Anything that you can bring in is gravy.

“Plus I was thinking of having kids by the time we both get settled with stable incomes. (Is that wrong of me to think of timelines and plans?) What happens to my dream of getting my masters degree? should I still go or wait until the baby is born?”

Depends on the kind of master’s degree. I think waiting until the baby is 6+ months old and seeing if you feel about it might work, but if you can knock out the whole thing in a single year and work after that, it might be worthwhile to tough it out. If you choose to stay home, it would be a bummer to have a bunch of master’s degree debt. You’ll need adequate childcare to make it through your program, whatever that means for your particular program.

I think it’s very individual to your situation.

The most conservative approach is probably to just try to make money as long as you can and then do the master’s program once you feel confident that you can make it through.

The worst case scenario here is winding up with substantial graduate debt without managing to finish a degree.

Best wishes!

 

[Lorelei12]

I doubt that anyone is ever truly ready to have a baby. I’m pregnant with our first, and I’m pretty anxious about it too, mainly about money. We’ve planned as well as we could, but it’s still rather scary.

I think you and your husband just need to sit down and go over your finances carefully, to see whether it would be worth it for you to look for a job or not. Personally, I have found it pretty difficult to keep up with a full time job while being pregnant, mainly because of some health issues. Some women have no problem, though. If you are still pretty early on, there’s no reason you can’t apply for jobs and see what happens. You won’t be showing for quite some time yet.

As for getting a Masters, I don’t think I would have been able to do it while pregnant. But, I had two jobs while working on mine (which I needed to be able to finance it), so if you don’t have those limitations it might be perfectly doable for you.

What my husband and I found very helpful was to budget everything out- first, the necessities like additional healthcare costs and any essential baby items you are going to want, and then things that you don’t absolutely need but that you’d like to have. Such as, a larger living space if you’re renting, certain furniture items, etc. Once you have an idea of how much additional money you will need or want (and this can range from not a lot to a significant amount), you’ll have a better idea of what you are dealing with and can make better decisions about work and school based on that.

I know that to appease my anxiety, it helps to make lists and plans, so if you are a planner it will probably help you too. But no matter what your situation is, you will make it work. Don’t get so worried that you forget to be excited (I need to take my own advice sometimes), because it’s such a wonderful thing! Congratulations, and I hope you have an easy and peaceful pregnancy.

 

[blujazz25]

Thank you everyone for the kind words of encouragement and advices. I honestly feel that I do not want to burden my husband with finances, especially that we have our own little debts to pay off like credit cards and my car payment, not to mention pay rent and other things. He says its fine but i feel like i am not contributing anything.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thank you everyone for the kind words of encouragement and advices. I honestly feel that I do not want to burden my husband with finances, especially that we have our own little debts to pay off like credit cards and my car payment, not to mention pay rent and other things. He says its fine but i feel like i am not contributing anything.

Somebody has to be burdened with finances. That is the way of the world. (Blame Eve) but your primary purpose is to be the best wife and mom you can be. That can be done in many ways. So, remember, you cannot change a single thing by worry. Use this time to enjoy the pregnancy and your new baby. Money, health, scraped knees, these things are part of life. It is a shame that everyone worries so much when life is to be celebrated and enjoyed. Just grow that baby! And love your husband!

I’ll wait for your post about something your doctor wants to test for and a worry about the baby.

Just enjoy this miracle and be close to God.

 

[Kelfa28]

We just had baby number two.

Hubby became unemployed while I was pregnant with her. I was a SAHM already but planning on finishing my bachelor’s that year.

So, we just rearranged our plans. I waited a year. Hubby finished his degree first and I’m starting back at school this fall. We’ll have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old when I start back up again in order to finish my degree.

Babies aren’t that expensive. You might have to make a few sacrifices but it’s doable. Don’t lose hope about finishing your degree, you just might not be able to do it right now.

It’s totally normal to feel this way, especially when it’s your first baby!

Congrats! Have a happy and healthy 9 months!

 

[tawny]

It came as a big shock for me. I tested positive on the pregnancy test. This will be our first child.

We have been praying and trying to have a child for a year, and here it is. I know God has perfect timing, but I am kind of confused, worried and anxious all at the same time. I asked God for a sign that me going back to school is the way to go a week ago, and I get a positive result.

Are we ready to have a child now? I do not have a job, and we somehow survive with one income in the family. I am concerned as if I start applying for jobs and manage to get an interview, that I will get turned down because I am pregnant. Plus I was thinking of having kids by the time we both get settled with stable incomes. (Is that wrong of me to think of timelines and plans?) What happens to my dream of getting my masters degree? should I still go or wait until the baby is born?

I know there are prayer warriors and parents on this site, please help me ease my mind and soul. Did any of you experience the same anxiety with your first child?

Praying to Our Lady of Quadalupe for you to have an uncomplicated pregnancy & safe delivery of a healthy baby.