First Reconciliation - Priest Denies Absolution to Many 2nd Graders (not just mine)

[bmaj]

Sorry to hear this. I wasn’t able to read through all the pages of responses, but is there going to be a “make-up” day for the children who were denied? Hopefully yes. If it means those children are going to be denied receipt of First Communion, then as a parent I would very quickly follow the advice given by others previously to speak with the Priest. He may have had good reasons for the denials even though it would be hard for anyone as a parent (including me) to hear. Maybe the children were laughing and joking, etc., as children of that age can sometimes do. Or other reasons we don’t know.
Good luck - and speak up about it to the Priest or Priests so it can be resolved well quickly and your child has no lingering unkind thoughts about the very holy process.

 

[ahs]

I just received a call from my parish education department that our new priest has determined that a number of the 2nd grade kids did not perform well enough at first reconciliation, so he did not grant them absolution. BTW…4 other priests were there (it’s a large parish) and NONE of the other priests refused absolution.

I was told it is because my son was not able to recite the Hail Mary and Our Father (which he recites very well at home) and because he didn’t appear to have thought hard enough about his sins. My son has attended all of the required classes, and we followed the at home instructions from the parish about self evaluation, procedure and memorizing prayers.

I’m shocked and completely heart broken. I’ve never heard of this. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I really feel like a call to the Diocese is in order, but I don’t know since there is nothing they can do about it now.

Re-reaidng the OP, I honestly don’t think we have any information upon which to form an opinion. One poster recently pointed out that we don’t even know if a confession occured. The OP says it was during “first reconciliation” …but also that “priest has determined that a number of the 2nd grade kids did not perform well enough …”

This doesn’t really make much sense. People don’t “perform” at reconciliation. I am under the impression that this was a Priest who was testing children who are preparing for their first Reconciliation in preparation for First Communion. I have doubts that this took place in the confessional. The OP is from Texas ( I auume based on the username). In Texas, it is common (as likely elsewhere) for the Preist to evaulate each child PRIOR TO confession to make sure the child fully understands the Sacraments for which the child is preparing (reconciliation and communion). I doubt very seriously that any child was refused absolution, but rather not allowed to proceed with the Sacraments due to unreadiness.

Until the OP comes back to clarify what actually was taking place…we are all just arguing a bunch of imaginary strawmen. Where is the OP through all this?

 

[texasmom2702]

There were a lot of posts here, and I’ve done my best to read through them. I was asking if this had happened to anyone else, and I appreciate those that helped me with that question. Also, if I should call the diocese because I had never heard of a 2nd grader (much less a long list of 2nd graders) being denied absolution. Thank you to those that gave me advice on how to move forward.

A couple of clarifications from questions that were in the posts:

1. My son freezes up when any adult addresses him. If someone asks him his address, the city he lives in, even his last name, he looks like a deer in the headlights.
2. He has the Hail Mary and the Our Father very well memorized.
3. My husband, and I talked with my son about sins. The school provided a wonderful list of questions that we went over with him to help him examine his conscience.
4. This was not a trial run.
5. He did not think it was a joke.
6. I’m not sure why the term perform is so inflammatory. That is what the educational director told me. I don’t think she meant like a “staged performance”. She meant that he didn’t say the prayers.

I know the priest has a right to deny absolution, but I had never heard of it being done to a 7 year old. I respect our priest, but I’m sad and uncomfortable that the priest didn’t call us himself and that we got the news 3 weeks after the event. The educational director that was told to make the calls was almost in tears. She had been calling parents all day to deliver the news. Also, my husband and I believe that we did our duty to prepare our son.

 

[PatriceA]

Three weeks after the event?? I’d be a little more than peeved. Was confession face to face? Did the priest keep some kind of list of names and infractions and then hand them to the DRE? This seems really bizarre and very mishandled. I’d want someone to explain the situation further, I’d prefer the actual priest, but someone would need to tell me why it took so long and what can be done now to rectify the situation.

 

[St_Francis]

Who posted the information about “testing” ? I must have missed that one.

Since some children were turned away for not doing well enough, this was, in fact, a test.

 

[pnewton]

The educational director that was told to make the calls was almost in tears. She had been calling parents all day to deliver the news.

Wow. That has to be tough. I guess the one question asked that no one here has answered, has anyone heard of this happening? I never have. I have heard this being postponed for lack of attendance, but never this.

 

[90Domer]

That’s why we keep our kids out of CCE(D?) and teach our kids their Catechism at home. We know without doubt when they are ready for confession/First Communion, and take them to out Priest for a private evaluation. No surprises that way.

We have also decided to home school our son because our REC teachers rarely attend Sunday Mass and do not hold to the teachings of the RCC (the believe in contraception and SSM). We teach the material and the REC director administers the test to our son. Since he has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum, we are able to teach him when he is the most receptive. Happy to say he is a star student…and so proud of him.

So stunned to read this thread.

 

[Julianna]

I just received a call from my parish education department that our new priest has determined that a number of the 2nd grade kids did not perform well enough at first reconciliation, so he did not grant them absolution. BTW…4 other priests were there (it’s a large parish) and NONE of the other priests refused absolution.

I was told it is because my son was not able to recite the Hail Mary and Our Father (which he recites very well at home) and because he didn’t appear to have thought hard enough about his sins. My son has attended all of the required classes, and we followed the at home instructions from the parish about self evaluation, procedure and memorizing prayers.

I’m shocked and completely heart broken. I’ve never heard of this. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I really feel like a call to the Diocese is in order, but I don’t know since there is nothing they can do about it now.

I have never heard of that either. Well, unless you count my dad, but it happened to a classmate of his when he was in 7th grade, circa 1939-40 time frame, (which understandable, lots of hard line priests back then). His classmate came out of the confessional in tears. My dad went to ask her what was wrong, and she said, “I told Father that my mom served meat on Friday and he told me that she should have her hands cut off!” Well, dear old dad skipped confession that day (he was next in line), and walked his classmate home.

 

[Marysann]

Are any canon lawyers reading this thread? Does this situation in which a priest has given the names of children who were denied absolution in the Sacrament of Penance to the DRE constitute breaking the seal of the confessional? The sacrament must have been attempted or else the priest would not have been able to make the judgement that the children had not made a proper examination of conscience. If I were ever denied absolution, and the priest made it public, I would be furious. The parents involved should request a meeting with the priest and the pastor together. If the situation cannot be resolved, and the children offered confession with a priest who understands children, it must be taken to the bishop. The sacrament is not a test. So many adults don’t know an act of contrition that they are posted in confessionals. Adults who haven’t been to confession in years are guided by the priest who is usually happy to do it. Nervous little children deserve the same consideration. These poor children could be scared for life. People have left the Church for less than this.

 

[Eric09]

My goodness, some people on this thread have suggested that the priest has a mental illness and several have suggested that he has committed an act that only the Pope himself can forgive and is excommunicated until the Holy Father does just that.

Literally no one said that.

 

[Orogeny]

Literally no one said that.

Literally no one said what? That he had a mental illness? HHMom wrote:

HHMom:

To those that think the priest may be within his bounds to do this,** if he’s on his way to having mental problems he’s doing more harm than good**.

That he violated the seal of confession? TheDoctor wrote:

TheDoctor:

I would formally write the Pastor with a copy to my Bishop, sending along a copy of whatever letter they sent home telling me that my child was denied absolution because of [insert whatever they formally told you] and respectfully but bluntly inform the Pastor and Bishop that **I believe by identifying what my son did or did not say in confession the Priest has violated the Seal of the Confessional **and ask the Pastor and the Bishop to formally look into the matter.

Marysann wrote:

Marysann:

Does this situation in which a priest has given the names of children who were denied absolution in the Sacrament of Penance to the DRE constitute breaking the seal of the confessional?

All bolding mine.

So, what exactly are you referring to when you say “Literally no one said that.”? Do you know the penalty for a priest violating the seal of confession?

Peace

Tim

 

[underacloud]

There were a lot of posts here, and I’ve done my best to read through them. I was asking if this had happened to anyone else, and I appreciate those that helped me with that question. Also, if I should call the diocese because I had never heard of a 2nd grader (much less a long list of 2nd graders) being denied absolution. Thank you to those that gave me advice on how to move forward.

A couple of clarifications from questions that were in the posts:

1. My son freezes up when any adult addresses him. If someone asks him his address, the city he lives in, even his last name, he looks like a deer in the headlights.
2. He has the Hail Mary and the Our Father very well memorized.
3. My husband, and I talked with my son about sins. The school provided a wonderful list of questions that we went over with him to help him examine his conscience.
4. This was not a trial run.
5. He did not think it was a joke.
6. I’m not sure why the term perform is so inflammatory. That is what the educational director told me. I don’t think she meant like a “staged performance”. She meant that he didn’t say the prayers.

I know the priest has a right to deny absolution, but I had never heard of it being done to a 7 year old. I respect our priest, but I’m sad and uncomfortable that the priest didn’t call us himself and that we got the news 3 weeks after the event. The educational director that was told to make the calls was almost in tears. She had been calling parents all day to deliver the news. Also, my husband and I believe that we did our duty to prepare our son.

Sorry, but just to confirm the details - was the sacrament actually attempted and absolution denied, or were some children deemed unready and therefore their confessions were not heard at all?

This sems to be an important distinction with regard to whether the priest was within his rights to deny the sacrament or absolution on certain grounds, and whether the seal has potentially been broken.

 

[texasmom2702]

Sorry, but just to confirm the details - was the sacrament actually attempted and absolution denied, or were some children deemed unready and therefore their confessions were not heard at all?

This sems to be an important distinction with regard to whether the priest was within his rights to deny the sacrament or absolution on certain grounds, and whether the seal has potentially been broken.

We are at a very large parish. All of the children receiving first reconciliation were gathered in the church with a parent. After an opening prayer, introduction of the visiting priests, and a reading out loud of the examination of conscience questions, each priest went to a different part of the church to hear confessions. Our priest went into the designated confessional while the other priests used temporary accommodations (curtains, the wedding waiting room, etc)

Assistants would get the kids from the pews and walk them to a line to wait their turn. My son got in line in front of the confessional, went into the confessional and came out. I asked him how it went, and he nodded his head yes while looking down. I assumed that meant it went okay.

That’s all I know. I don’t know what happened in the confessional. I was waiting in the pews.

 

[texasmom2702]

We were told to have him go to confession again and tell our RE teacher when it is done. Our son will still be able to go to First Communion on this condition.

Just an aside…Today I left a message asking if upon finishing his classes and reconciliation if we can just take him to a regular mass to receive first communion since we plan to switch parishes. I haven’t receive a call back yet. I don’t think it’s the right fit for us now. For next school year, my son was just accepted into a Catholic school that is associated with a different parish, so we planned to change anyway.

 

[underacloud]

We are at a very large parish. All of the children receiving first reconciliation were gathered in the church with a parent. After an opening prayer, introduction of the visiting priests, and a reading out loud of the examination of conscience questions, each priest went to a different part of the church to hear confessions. Our priest went into the designated confessional while the other priests used temporary accommodations (curtains, the wedding waiting room, etc)

Assistants would get the kids from the pews and walk them to a line to wait their turn. My son got in line in front of the confessional, went into the confessional and came out. I asked him how it went, and he nodded his head yes while looking down. I assumed that meant it went okay.

That’s all I know. I don’t know what happened in the confessional. I was waiting in the pews.

Hmmm…we still can’t really say based on that. The priest may well have “tested” each child before formally commencing the sacrament, in which case it may not be so much a case on denying asbolution or potentially breaking the seal.

I still think such a test should have occured beforehand to avoid such situations. And certainly, to avoid making confession an occasion of anxiety and fear for ~7 year old children.

If he formally commenced each confession, I have real concerns about what happened. Either way, I think you should make a meeting with your priest to discuss this further, before drawing any conclusions or taking it to a higher office.

 

[underacloud]

We were told to have him go to confession again and tell our RE teacher when it is done. Our son will still be able to go to First Communion on this condition.

Oh, OK. Is it with the same priest? And will he still be “tested”?

I really hope the next confession goes well and is a positive experience for your son.

 

[Eric09]

So, what exactly are you referring to when you say “Literally no one said that.”? Do you know the penalty for a priest violating the seal of confession?

Peace

Tim

Probably the part I quoted. No one said anything about the priest having a mental illness or being excommunicated and needing to reconcile with the Pope. I neither said nor quoted anything about breaking the seal of confession. I actually agree with you very much regarding that in this incident. The statement you quoted regarding “mental problems” I think was intended by the quoted party to regard the child having nerve problems in confession. I don’t believe they were referring to the priest having any sort of mental problem, though they were less than clear. No one brought up excommunication or the Pope until your post.

 

[pnewton]

We were told to have him go to confession again and tell our RE teacher when it is done. Our son will still be able to go to First Communion on this condition.

That sounds like a good decision by the staff. I am sure they got thrown for a loop also by this. I would bet that First Communion would still have to be in that parish, unless you started the whole process over. It used to be that only the geographical parish could administer this sacrament. While that is changed, it is still incumbant upon a priest to make sure the child has met all the requirements.

You do not need to switch parishes though in order to switch. Just start attending the new parish as often as you can now and switch after First Communion.

 

[Orogeny]

The statement you quoted regarding “mental problems” I think was intended by the quoted party to regard the child having nerve problems in confession. I don’t believe they were referring to the priest having any sort of mental problem, though they were less than clear.

I have read the post numerous times and I read it as a statement about the priest.

No one brought up excommunication or the Pope until your post.

What is the penalty for breaking the seal of confession? Canon 1388 says:
Code of Canon Law:

Can. 1388 §1. A confessor who directly violates the sacramental seal incurs a latae sententiae excommunication reserved to the Apostolic See; one who does so only indirectly is to be punished according to the gravity of the delict.

Those who consider this a violation of the seal of confession are, in fact, talking about excommunication, an excommunication that only the Pope can lift.

Peace

Tim

 

[MissRose73]

Not all kids are ready for the sacrament at age 7 / 8 but at the same time if the educators and priest work with the kids to be decently prepared then something like this may have never happened. The teachers and parents should determine readiness and knowledge before 1st Communion and Confession plus Confirmation as each kid is different.

When I had my 1st confession, it was at age 10 many years ago, and the teacher plus the priest ensured that us kids were ready plus the confession room was set up for face to face as there was no screen. I had no problem at all neither did my classmates.