First Reconciliation wasn't a good experience

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Abrigham

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My husband and I are in RCIA and will be confirmed on Saturday. Our Church’s Reconciliation time was yesterday and we forgot to go (we just had our second baby last Thursday and we’ve been a bit busy!) so we went to another one of the Catholic Church’s in our town which had a Reconciliation time today. I was really nervous that I’d mess up and look like an idiot since it was my first time an I wasn’t totally sure what to expect, especially since this wasn’t our usual Church. We talked about it in our classes, but I still was nervous.

Well, the priest at this other Church wasn’t very nice. When I said it was my first confession and that I was a little unsure and nervous he had me come around from behind the screen and sit face to face, which I was fine with. I was holding my baby. He said something about how our Church should do better preparation for this (which made me feel stupid). I started to tell him my first sin and he interrupted me and said that there wasn’t time for a whole life confession so just tell him the big ones. That really tripped me up and I forgot a few things I really wanted to get off my chest and confess. One of my confessions was using contraception with my husband and he pointed at my daughter and said “That obviously didn’t work.” We were actively trying when we conceived our daughter and hadn’t used birth control for a couple of years. I just felt that comment was incredibly inappropriate. He made some other comments to my husband as well that we’re a bit odd, as well as repeated the comment about our contraception not working.

I know I’m a bit hormonal with having just given birth, but I feel like this was a horrible first experience. I left the Church with our kids and took them to the car while my husband did his Confession and I just cried. I had hoped to feel relief and closer to God afterward and I feel like the whole thing was botched.

I plan to go again next week at our Church and confess the sins I didn’t get to this time and I’m hoping it will go better with our priest, who I know would never comment on our daughter being an accidental pregnancy and I know I can expect a much better experience. I guess I’m just disappointed my first one went like this. 😦
 
So sorry for your experience. The wonderful news is that even if the Priest was crabby or distracted, the Lord heard your sorrow and forgave you through the Power given in the Priesthood. You are forgiven. Please pray for that Priest, that his heart may be more compassionate.
 
My thoughts: I think the key is what Father said about the Church not preparing us well to make a good confession. You did fine. You tried to do it right. Your intentions were to do your best. It took me years to learn how to make a good confession. I suggest reading online as much as you can find about making a confession. There is a guide in my Blessed Be God prayer book, that I like and lots online. You can buy little pamphlets at the Catholic book stores that are simple to use, also. My first confession felt like the end of the world to me. Along the way I continued to make it more difficult than it had to be. During the past 18 years, I have learned to be more comfortable and can now do it with ease, learning through the various priests as I go. It will all fall in place and just look over the little quirks of the individual priests. Looking back, I believe my biggest problem in making a good first confession was that I had not been properly taught. Perhaps I should have known to educate myself, but I didn’t. God is patient and He loves you and it will all be okay. I have recently been thinking way too much emotion gets expended on just about everything in our society. May God Bless you and your husband as you enter the Church. Concentrate on the joy of the occasion and do not listen to the voice of the devil, who loves to spoil everything that he can. You cannot possibly learn everything at once and it is a journey, along with your new baby and the rest of your family. You are doing great!
 
catholicmom2010 said:
So sorry for your experience. The wonderful news is that even if the Priest was crabby or distracted, the Lord heard your sorrow and forgave you through the Power given in the Priesthood. You are forgiven. Please pray for that Priest, that his heart may be more compassionate.
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Very nice!👍
 
One thing thatmakes First Confessions at Easter time hard is that all the other folks who only confess once a year are also going to confession and priests really can get tired, a bit crabby, even overwhelmed.

Congratulations on your new baby!! That can make you a bit tired, crabby, and overwhelmed as well! 😉

I think you’ve gotten good advice so far. First know that you are forgiven - even if you don’t feel “glowy” and even if you forgot a few things. God works through imperfect instruments all the time and his priests truly absolve you even when the confession doesn’t go well.

Second, spend a bit of time looking online or in prayer books for an examination of conscience that you like - maybe one based on the ten commandments. Then review it - every night if possible. When you next go to confession, you will have a better foundation for what to confess.

Finally the practically part - always start with any mortal sins (grave matter, full consent). If you get in the habit of going to confession regularly (every month say) you can then begin to work to irradicate bad habits and venial sins.

Welcome Home! I will be praying for you Easter Sunday monring!
 
Well God Bless you for going through all this with a new baby in arms! And on top of it all, you tried so hard to make a good First Confession! You put my RCIA experience to shame. I just remember being so scared and nervous that I stumbled over my words, forgot what I wanted to say and pretty much just wanted to pick up the carpet of the rectory office and climb under there to die. Who knows what the priest said… I’m not sure I was capable of listening!

There will be good confessions and not so good ones. There will be Masses that lift you up and ones that you won’t hear a word because you are concentrating on keeping one child from making a run for the altar and trying to clean the spit up from the other one. We set our sights on having a glorious Advent or Lent and half way in, everything will fall apart. And we will hear a few words spoken in a liturgy and find ourselves totally in love with God and transported.

We are a big happy, sloppy, and sometimes noisy and cranky family. Try not to let it rock you. Good to get a rather unsatisfying confession out of the way early – look forward to the one that will come and make you feel clean, light and brand new.

I’m getting a real kick out reading all the candidates last minute jitters and worries and disappointments… I had forgotten those days. This really brings me back.

Welcome home - have a wonderful last few days and a life-changing Easter Vigil. Congratulations in advance!!! I’ll be praying for each and every RCIA candidate!
 
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I cried for two or three days after my first Confession because it “went wrong,” and it sounds like yours went even “wronger” than mine; I’m sorry that you had such a painful experience! I hope that you will know the peace and love of Christ.
 
Sorry to hear that your first confession was a negative experience. I have to admit that I don’t go as often as I should because even after all these years I still find it to be stressful. And most of the confessors I’ve been to have been very nice.
Abrigham said:
One of my confessions was using contraception with my husband and he pointed at my daughter and said “That obviously didn’t work.”
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I wasn’t there to hear the priest’s tone, of course, but I have to wonder…could he have been trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation? I have been accused of having a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor, and I am aware that people sometimes just don’t get it. I wonder if that was the case with your confessor?

Don’t be discouraged. As I said, it has been my experience that most confessors are compassionate and helpful.
 
On the upside, you will have loads and loads of Confessions in the future:)
 
I’m sorry you didn’t have a good experience. Every priest has his strengths and weaknesses. And trust me, all the preparation in the world won’t change the fact that your first reconciliation is going to be filled with nervousness and awkwardness!

I was very lucky; the priest who heard my first confession (who is still my regular confessor) was extremely helpful and understanding when I first received the sacrament. But although I didn’t feel it was botched or anything like that, I didn’t feel the weight off my shoulders that I had expected. I sort of felt…the same. But as I received the Sacraments of Initiation at the Vigil, and then began to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation regularly afterwards, I found that I ‘developed’ that feeling over time. I think, at first, I must not have completely believed that all those sins were really and truly GONE. It took some time for that to really sink in.

Anyway, he should not have advised you to leave any sins out of the confession! All mortal sins need to be confessed in kind and number! That’s not your fault; you went in trying to do it right and he threw you off. As long as your intent was to confess all of your mortal sins, and you didn’t mean to leave anything out, the confession was valid and all of your sins are forgiven (even those you forgot to mention, or were prevented from mentioning).

You should try to go back to the Sacrament when it is convenient to do so and confess those sins you forgot to mention (you can just say that you have already been to confession, but you remembered some additional sins that you forgot to mention at that time). Hopefully you will have a better experience with your own parish’s priest.

Remember, our priests are humans too – sinful, imperfect humans. I think it’s safe to say that this priest didn’t intend to mess up your first confession for you :(. Maybe he was having a bad day. Or maybe he just isn’t very good at confessions, and his strengths lie elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with ‘shopping around’ a bit to find a confessor that you feel comfortable with. And, speaking from my own experience, I think you will come to love this Sacrament in time.

God bless you, and WELCOME HOME!!!
 
First, congratulations on your new bebe! I love love love seeing all the children at Mass 👍

Just remember, dear one, your sins are forgiven. Period. Even if the priest was a bit crabby God heard you and that’s all that matters.

I’m coming into the Church, too, on Saturday and I’m thrilled to have you walking this journey with me. God bless you.
 
Thank you all for your kind words! I hope you all have a wonderful Easter!
 
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