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QwertyGirl
Guest
No it isn’t.
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edwest211
Guest
A lot of single people live in misery. They may have few people in their lives. They may be disabled but I’ve known happy and adjusted disabled people. Life is not a straight line for too many people. I’ve known my share of people who went out on their own and ended up with a drinking problem, a drug problem or a sexually transmitted disease. I also worked in a hospital and saw committed spouses visit their gravely ill spouse. It wasn’t easy when people close to me died.
Different people were different, including married couples, but we had something called dating. Today, the cart goes in front of the horse. Then, even though a ‘test drive’ occurred, too many newlyweds ended up not really knowing the person they married. In the past, dating, going steady (or exclusive), followed by engagement and then marriage. That was a minimum of two years. Guys sat down with the girl’s father. “Sir, I would like to marry your daughter.” He was your age once, he got it, but he asked all the practical questions: “Do you have a good job? Reliable transportation? Where are you going to live? Have you talked about kids?” That all had to come out before the ceremony. No dad wanted to have his daughter end up with a lazy bum or a drunk or a guy who couldn’t control his temper. And the girl met your family.
In the 1980s, everything went out the window with created out of thin air No-Fault Divorce. Before it was divorce for cause. Someone older than me said it got too easy (I’m not referring to cases of abuse). So, it began. Kids became something bad, a burden. So out. Have an abortion. Husband getting on your nerves? Irreconcialable differences. Pay the lawyer and you’re out. But somehow, for some people, one divorce wasn’t enough. Or don’t get married and just live with her. That way, either party can walk out at any time. No divorce, no nothing.
Different people were different, including married couples, but we had something called dating. Today, the cart goes in front of the horse. Then, even though a ‘test drive’ occurred, too many newlyweds ended up not really knowing the person they married. In the past, dating, going steady (or exclusive), followed by engagement and then marriage. That was a minimum of two years. Guys sat down with the girl’s father. “Sir, I would like to marry your daughter.” He was your age once, he got it, but he asked all the practical questions: “Do you have a good job? Reliable transportation? Where are you going to live? Have you talked about kids?” That all had to come out before the ceremony. No dad wanted to have his daughter end up with a lazy bum or a drunk or a guy who couldn’t control his temper. And the girl met your family.
In the 1980s, everything went out the window with created out of thin air No-Fault Divorce. Before it was divorce for cause. Someone older than me said it got too easy (I’m not referring to cases of abuse). So, it began. Kids became something bad, a burden. So out. Have an abortion. Husband getting on your nerves? Irreconcialable differences. Pay the lawyer and you’re out. But somehow, for some people, one divorce wasn’t enough. Or don’t get married and just live with her. That way, either party can walk out at any time. No divorce, no nothing.
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QwertyGirl
Guest
I understand and I think you are right when you say different people are different. My husband and I lived together for three years before we got married. We celebrated our 30th anniversary last summer. It has been a wonderful ride, and I can’t say either of us have had to work much on the relationship. We have had life throw us some hard things. Death of loved ones, mostly. But we have been eachother’s best friends through all of it and wouldn’t have it any other way. I think luck plays a big role in these things. And a good sense of humor. And genuinely liking eachother.
I can’t imagine being married with disdain for my husband. Life is too short for that. When I married him, I made a commitment towards goodness. If the marriage was a bust, beyond repair, I wouldn’t have stayed. I think it becomes pretty clear in most marriages if things aren’t going to work out. That’s why I don’t encourage people getting married to have children right away.
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QwertyGirl
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What did I say in opposition to that? I was with my husband for 4 years before we married.
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DarkLight
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It will be different for everyone.
I am not sure a divorced home would have been worse for me as a child. My parents believe in commitment. I am not sure it’s done anyone any favors. I couldn’t tell you what it was like when they were younger, although I know they were both committed to Christian sexual morality prior to marriage.
I am not sure a divorced home would have been worse for me as a child. My parents believe in commitment. I am not sure it’s done anyone any favors. I couldn’t tell you what it was like when they were younger, although I know they were both committed to Christian sexual morality prior to marriage.
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cmscms
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What I find really sad, is any man I ever dated, I personally asked all those questions. I would often ask a man I was dating ‘If you had a teenage daughter and she got pregnant how would you handle it’. I just got a reputation for looking at the negative side of things. Society doesn’t care to plan ahead
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Rau
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I think the other posted noted you were living together for 3, meaning you made a big decision well prior to marriage. After 1 year ?
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Rau
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That’s a fairly personal view I think.
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cmscms
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I am asking out of total ignorance and curiosity. When a couple is living together how is the decision to get married a big one?
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QwertyGirl
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Speaking for myself, only…
Marriage brings all sorts of legal implications with it. It is a legal partnership and is a huge responsibility. You are accepting responsibility for a lot of the actions of your spouse, especially financially speaking.
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cmscms
Guest
In Canada, I am under the impression that living together after a certain time period can also bring about certain financial obligations, but I could be wrong.cmscms:
Speaking for myself, only…
Marriage brings all sorts of legal implications with it. It is a legal partnership and is a huge responsibility. You are accepting responsibility for a lot of the actions of your spouse, especially financially speaking.
Nonetheless, if a couple living togehter buy a house, does that not incurr a financial obligation?
Again, asking out of ignorance and curiosity
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QwertyGirl
Guest
Where I live, any two people can take out a loan together. Each is obligated for 100% of the loan. I would never take out that kind of loan with someone as a single person. Once you are married, either one of you can take out a loan, or you can take it out jointly. It doesn’t matter. Both spouse’s are equally responsible for 100% of the loan. Legally speaking, a spouse is a huge liability. And it isn’t a contract you can get out of easily through divorce. It is high stakes.
Some jurisdictions recognize common-law marriage. That applies if you have been together for a certain number of years (often times, 7). It is used usually when one partner is trying to make a claim against another partner after things have gone bad. Not enforceable for every situation.
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Rau
Guest
Where is it 7? I think it is quite a bit less in many places.
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
I’m thinking a coming paradox will be a lack of sex (with our without marriage) in the future. It’s already happening among younger generations.
It’s already happening in Japan. Large numbers of single men and women not seeking a romantic or sexual partner.
It’s already happening in Japan. Large numbers of single men and women not seeking a romantic or sexual partner.
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Rau
Guest
How are the sociologists (a) measuring this and (b) explaining it?
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
Studies reported by various news sites track this in Japan.
www.businessinsider.com
One of the world's most developed and debt-ridden countries is undergoing a population crisis — here's a possible reason why
"Shy guys who don’t make a move; prey for the growing number of nikushoku-kei josei (carnivore girls)."
www.businessinsider.com
As for a reason why? There’s tons of theories. Can’t say which is true. But trends that start in one Western country seems to occur in others over time.
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