Flimsy Faith

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Bryan77

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Hello. For the past few months I’ve been having a really flimsy faith. Sometimes I feel like the most devout believer in the world. Then a couple hours later, I’ll be in serious doubt about either Jesus, or the truth of the Church. I almost became an atheist back in February after reading too many conspiracy theories. In response, I decided to go 110% more seriously in learning the faith. I feel that may have been God’s way of making my faith stronger in the end. (I learned so much since then, and I have gained a hunger for God like never before) However, the problem is that I keep entertaining anti-catholic ideas. For example, I’ll hear or read an argument advocating Protestantism, Sedevecantism, Atheism, or even arguments saying we are created by Aliens. (ridiculous I know!) I have this fear of “What if what they’re saying is true?” And I feel compelled to explore that argument further (with the intent on finding flaws in their argument.) This is unhealthy, because by exploring these claims, I am basically asking to be lied to. More often than not, the Catholic position makes the most sense logically. But still, reading these claims scares me. And sometimes they’re convincing! Its that scary thought of “What if?”

I’ve come to the realization that if Catholicism is true, then it is the most important thing in the entire universe. And with all these problems in the church today with all this liberalism, liturgical abuses, priests and bishops quarreling with each other, As well as the lack of a visible community among young Catholics, I feel a desire to do my part in strengthening the Church. One solution I found is for me to become a priest, and let God work through me. (I used to be opposed to the idea of the priesthood, but I’m much more open to it now.) My life is a mess right now,(I’m 23) where I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. (I wanted to be an animator, but I have grown to not like computers, and my joy of doing art is gone.) So my job/career situation is up in the air, and the priesthood is an answer to to this problem, along with an avenue to do my part in strengthening God’s church. (also, It sounds superficial, but I love the black clothing and collar that priests wear outside of mass!)

The main issue here is my flimsy faith. This simple fact shows that I’m not 100% convinced of the Catholic faith. That alone is enough to put discerning the priesthood on the back burner. I know that if I can get past this phase of flimsy faith (since about late January) then I will be a strong witness for the faith, and I can help others who doubt. I lose sleep over this. If Christianity is false, then there is no point living. If Protestantism, or Sedecevantism is true, then that’s depressing, and leaves us all on our own. There are so many convincing lies out there, and its hard to know what to believe. I only want the truth, and to do God’s will.

So would you guys please pray for me? I’ve never been more depressed in my life than in these past few months. Even if I continue to be lost career wise, all I really care about is living for God, and believing the truth.
 
The bible has this to say:

“Have nothing to do with the pointless philosophical discussions and antagonistic beliefs of the ‘knowledge’ which is not knowledge at all; by adopting this, some have gone right away from the faith. Grace be with you.” [1 Timothy 6 20-21]

“The time is sure to come when, far from being content with sound teaching, people will be avid for the latest novelty and collect themselves a whole series of teachers according to their own tastes; and instead of listening to the truth, they will turn to myths.” [2 Timothy 3:3-5]

Loving God please give Bryan the will-power and faith to heed these scriptures, and to focus his energy and thought to understanding more deeply what the Holy Spirit teaches in Your Church, including in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm

May Your desires in his life, for the Church, for souls, and for himself, be completely fulfilled
 
Bryan77 said:
Hello. For the past few months I’ve been having a really flimsy faith. Sometimes I feel like the most devout believer in the world. Then a couple hours later, I’ll be in serious doubt about either Jesus, or the truth of the Church. I almost became an atheist back in February after reading too many conspiracy theories. In response, I decided to go 110% more seriously in learning the faith. I feel that may have been God’s way of making my faith stronger in the end. (I learned so much since then, and I have gained a hunger for God like never before) However, the problem is that I keep entertaining anti-catholic ideas. For example, I’ll hear or read an argument advocating Protestantism, Sedevecantism, Atheism, or even arguments saying we are created by Aliens. (ridiculous I know!) I have this fear of “What if what they’re saying is true?” And I feel compelled to explore that argument further (with the intent on finding flaws in their argument.) This is unhealthy, because by exploring these claims, I am basically asking to be lied to. More often than not, the Catholic position makes the most sense logically. But still, reading these claims scares me. And sometimes they’re convincing! Its that scary thought of “What if?”

I’ve come to the realization that if Catholicism is true, then it is the most important thing in the entire universe. And with all these problems in the church today with all this liberalism, liturgical abuses, priests and bishops quarreling with each other, As well as the lack of a visible community among young Catholics, I feel a desire to do my part in strengthening the Church. One solution I found is for me to become a priest, and let God work through me. (I used to be opposed to the idea of the priesthood, but I’m much more open to it now.) My life is a mess right now,(I’m 23) where I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. (I wanted to be an animator, but I have grown to not like computers, and my joy of doing art is gone.) So my job/career situation is up in the air, and the priesthood is an answer to to this problem, along with an avenue to do my part in strengthening God’s church. (also, It sounds superficial, but I love the black clothing and collar that priests wear outside of mass!)

The main issue here is my flimsy faith. This simple fact shows that I’m not 100% convinced of the Catholic faith. That alone is enough to put discerning the priesthood on the back burner. I know that if I can get past this phase of flimsy faith (since about late January) then I will be a strong witness for the faith, and I can help others who doubt. I lose sleep over this. If Christianity is false, then there is no point living. If Protestantism, or Sedecevantism is true, then that’s depressing, and leaves us all on our own. There are so many convincing lies out there, and its hard to know what to believe. I only want the truth, and to do God’s will.

So would you guys please pray for me? I’ve never been more depressed in my life than in these past few months. Even if I continue to be lost career wise, all I really care about is living for God, and believing the truth.
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I think you would really benefit from finding a spiritual director that can help you. Also if you feel weak, you need to stay away from anything that would deny, question and attack your Catholic faith. This includes tv, radio, internet, books etc. You should focus on just Catholic materials. Also, if possible, try to go to adoration or even go the church just to sit and pray. Tell Jesus at that time about your struggles. You are not a bad Catholic at all and God will and can help you with your faith. One of the best places to pray and just be is a carmelite monastery. I am fortunate to live near one. You can go into their chapel and just sit and be. God bless you and I’m praying for you.
 
I was told once that doubt is a gift from God because by working through it our faith is strengthened every time.
I pray that Jesus will shepherd you through this difficult time in your life, and lead you to the peace you will find in the Father.
God bless you!
 
May our Lady shower down graces upon you, graces you need to persevere in faith and in every good work. May you keep close to Mary and ask her for her maternal mediation. May she make her intentions in this matter come true. May she help you to know the truth as taught by our Lord and his Chruch and give you strength to conquer your temptations to doubt. May she help you to study your faith and to pray a lot so nothing will be able to shake you. May our Lord give you his peace, the peace the world can not give. Amen.
 
Praying for you:gopray2:

May you take comfort in Jogn 20:24-29.

Please don’t give up on God, for He has not given up on you. Trust in Him!

God Bless! you always:heart:
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work.
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments.
Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”
― John Henry Newman
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work.
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments.
Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”
― John Henry Newman
 
Thank you for your prayers! Will you please continue praying for me? It seems every day I have a new doubt. Sometimes its a skeptical claim about the historicity of an event pertaining to our faith, or sometimes its a skeptical claim about an apparition or miracle. Or sometimes its a good argument from a non-Catholic religion such as orthodoxy. Just when I think I am at the last doubt, I overcome it, and a new one sets in. This really is tearing me apart.

I try not to read anti-catholic sites. Usually what happens, is I’m on you tube watching a good Catholic thing, and then one of the recommended videos on the side, say something contrary to the faith. Or sometimes I’m on a message board such as this, or I read a comment on a Catholic thing saying something contrary to the faith, and bringing up a skeptical argument. My heart rushes over the idea of “What if that is true?”

I feel that if I investigate it, I will either see flaws in their argument and my faith will be restored. Or their argument will make sense, and I will then be drawn away from the faith. However, I feel that if I don’t investigate it, then the thought of “What if?” will keep eating at me until I lose my faith completely. It seems like a loose loose situation, and I don’t know what to do!

I’m in a weird situation in my life right now, but all that I care about right now (at the expense of everything else) is to be undoubting, and strong in my faith.

Is it any coincidence that maybe a month prior to all this doubting, I heard that if you pray to the Holy Spirit for Faith and Wisdom, he will ALWAYS grant your prayer request. So I did just that, I prayed for Faith and Wisdom, (and I really meant it!) then shortly after, I embarked on this 5 month long roller coaster of doubt. Also, in those 5 months, I have learned more about the the faith than I ever have in my entire life.

Could this be my prayer being answered? I’ve learned so much, and I continue to learn. (wisdom?) My faith is being shaken to the core. (spiritual preparation so in the end I my faith can be stronger than ever before?) Also, through all this, I have lost all interest in personal things. I don’t care about money, I don’t care about being “successful” or good looking. (Infact, I havn’t even been doing a good job at work, since I spend most of that time reading about the faith in attempt to calm my mind. I would rather my mind be calm, and undoubting while losing my job, than to keep my job, but become an athiest in the process) All I care about is knowing that Catholicism is true, and living out that truth. Nothing matters but living for God, and entering Heaven. This is why I’m so depressed. If my whole life revolves around nothing but God and his Church, then the thought of any of these skeptical claims destroys my whole purpose for life. There will be no point to living. I LITERALLY want to sell EVERYTHING I have and follow Jesus, just as he asked. I mean that literally. The only thing holding me back are these doubts. Because unlike someone who doesn’t care much either way, if they lose their faith, they continue on with school, work, or whatever else they do in life. Me on the other hand, its all or nothing. I will either devote my life ENTIRELY to Christ 110% Or else there is no point to living.

I know this desire, and hunger for nothing other than God is what is needed to truly become a saint. (maybe a year ago I even prayed for the desire and hunger to love God more, to enable me to do his will completely without reservations. It seems that prayer may have been answered.)

This is turning into a rant. I just feel lost with no way out. I can’t just talk to a priest about my doubts, because these doubts and skeptical claims are so technical, that I can’t just expect a priest to know every single counter argument to every single claim without being an expert in the subject. I don’t know what to do.
 
Hi Bryan
I shall continue to pray for you.Each of us go through periods of doubt and questioning…that is normal.
For me I needed to find the answers to each of my queries,one by one. I would write them down speak to my priest and other catholics google them and read the bible passages looking for my answers.
In the end does it matter if we are right or wrong? God knows our hearts and our sincere desire to follow Him.
If something doesn’t ‘feel’ right or is worrying you I would suggest speaking to your priest.
Investigating through bible passages helpd me enormously.
I hope and shall pray that you will find the reassurance you seek.

Trust in God’s love for you and pray to Him,He will lead you to the truth.

God bless

“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work.
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments.
Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.”
― John Henry Newman
 
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