Flirting with many girls... am I an *******?

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marceleonidas

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So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
 
marceleonidas said:
So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
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You are a visitor in a foreign country and won’t be there long enough for a serious relationship.

Anything you do in regard to female relationships will lead to disappointment and hurt feelings.

I for one don’t blame the young woman who doesn’t want to talk to you. Would you want to spend time with a young lady whom you saw flirting with several other males?

IMNAAHO, this is a textbook instance of the golden rule.

The “flirting game” is, again IMNAAHO, no way to find a godly spouse. This doesn’t make it wrong to do it, of course. But in a transient situation such as yours, methinks one should be more circumspect in engaging in it.

ICXC NIKA.
 
marceleonidas said:
So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
Click to expand...
I don’t understand your question. You are planning to be in Guatemala for no more than four months. You say you want to meet some girls and have some fun but don’t want to get into a serious relationship. Then you say you are open to an exclusive relationship and wonder at what point you should start being loyal to one girl. An exclusive relationship is a serious relationship that involves loyalty and commitment. You cannot do both of these things. An exclusive relationship would not be wise if you are not even going to be in the country of Guatemala in a few months. You seem conflicted here, and the solution is to realize you should not attempt both of these things.
 
Dude, I’m sorry, but if I were a girl that would disgust me, too.

Girls are not a game. They are the daughters of God.

Start treating them with more respect.
 
I don’t think that talking to a girl is wrong. Or even inviting her to the local cafe for a cup of coffee or tea. As long as you are honest and are only talking and avoid all physical contact, then IMHO, it is OK.
 
Tomdstone said:
I don’t think that talking to a girl is wrong. Or even inviting her to the local cafe for a cup of coffee or tea. As long as you are honest and are only talking and avoid all physical contact, then IMHO, it is OK.
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We have all watched young studs chase after the beauties, all the while inflating his ego. I find it an awkward and embarrassing dance. Be nice, show respect, honor their beauty. But don’t play with them just to puff yourself up. They equal to you as God’s children, not some puppy in the window.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Dude, I’m sorry, but if I were a girl that would disgust me, too.

Girls are not a game. They are the daughters of God.

Start treating them with more respect.
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This. i don’t know what your definition of flirting is.Consider if you are giving girls messages that you are interested in them, and not being honest about your intentions which are to meet as many beautiful women as possible… And then what?. If that is what you are doing the. You are being a jerk, and I also hope you consider the culture of the girls you are into g with.Are you looking at it from their perspective or just enjoying the attention? I don’t consider being friendly to people of the opposite sex as flirting.

Do you think it might be at all possible the girl is not into you and does not want any attention from you? I personally hate it when a guy is flirty and cannot take a hint. It is creepy.
 
What if you quit the scam that *******'s do and just got honest and said in English or Spanish: “I’m here for a brief time. I want to make friends and have fun but I’m not looking for a serious relationship. Is this ok with you?”

If they run, then you are weeding out the intense ones that want a quick courtship that leads to marriage. If they stick around, make sure you clarify what you mean by friends and having fun. Some women, in any culture, want to trap a guy.

And it is tiring to have to communicate on so many levels: yes means no, friends means soulmate, date means playing word games with someone you hardly know, “having fun” means sex, especially if you raise your eyebrows…some cultures and individuals are very strict about following through with courtship after you pay attention to someone. Look out for the entire family.

Date in groups. Go dancing with lots of people.

Spell it out clearly. Just keep being honest. It will change your life.
 
marceleonidas said:
So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
Click to expand...
I think your fantasy of doing this will be a dismal failure for women have a radar for men in your situation and it’s stay away. Beware!~:D
 
Quite a response!

I believe I agree with some of you but let me clarify;

For every girl that I do get a chance to talk to I make it a point to mention Im only here for 4 months because I do want to be clear. It follows that I cant stick around for them.

Let me give you an example of how I flirt:

I had talked to a girl for maybe 10 minutes (in horrible spanish). We talked about the absolute basics - my name, where Im from, how long im here. All smiles.
The next time I saw her I was with my brother. I introduced her as “mi novia” (my girlfriend). She giggled. I giggled. Everyone giggled. It obviously couldnt be true because we had never kissed, never had a serious discussion, could barely call eachother friends. It was a joke that she thought was funny.

I figured that was pretty gosh darned harmless. But that was the girl that this thread is about.

Another clarification:

I think everyone of us can agree that the way we act with our friends IS NOT the way we should act to meet new people. FOR EXAMPLE. When I im with my friends we call eachother all kinds of horrible things. “whats up ******” is a common greeting between us and its great! We know eachother well enough that Its really more of a compliment.

Point is, you have to act MORE polite, charming, outgoing when you are meeting people.

But then peoples feelings get hurt. Damn.

I can’t decide if I’m leading them on or if the girl in my example was getting ahead of herself.

I’m thinking a little of both.

I will continue to discern this especially in the context of prayer (especially to our lady).

I love talking to people, I love meeting people. I like making people smile and laugh (and Im good at it.)

One last VERY IMPORTANT clarification is that by “play around” I DO NOT mean sex or any kind of sexual behavior. That is beyond horrible. A gentle goodbye kiss on the lips? That would be the absolute farthest I would go. Not with a bunch of different girls. Maybe with one girl as a way of saying I will never forget you.
 
I didn’t say what I am about to say in my original comment, but from reading the later comments it seems to me that at least some others have read between the lines of your comment the same way I did. So I will be more direct. It seems to me you want to ‘play around’ but without becoming involved. I think we all know what ‘playing around’ would mean. There is nothing good here.

It is good that women have replied to your comment. You need to hear what they say and listen to their insight. By playing around, you risk deeply hurting a girl. Even ‘playing around’ involves deep emotions for most people and that includes you even If you want to avoid this. It will occur, and flirting is the first step along that path. As a Catholic, you don’t want to do this to yourself and likely hurt the woman too in the process.

You need to first of all be honest with yourself and then to the girls you meet.
 
Something else to bear in mind.

You are in Guatemala. I have not been there, but I know from experience that in the Latin-American orbit, romantic feelings are taken VERY seriously, particularly by the woman, probably far more than where you are from.

So calling someone “Mi novia” when no such relationship can exist, is uncomfortably close to playing with her heart.

The line is hair-thin in the Latin orbit between harmless flirting and hurt feelings. It is a very hard game to play, so watch out.

ICXC NIKA.
 
I’m really surprised at all these responses. I guess it shows ignorance of Hispanic culture in America.
GEddie said:
Something else to bear in mind.

You are in Guatemala. I have not been there, but I know from experience that in the Latin-American orbit, romantic feelings are taken VERY seriously, particularly by the woman, probably far more than where you are from.

ICXC NIKA.
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This is simply not true. Us Hispanics date much more causally than WASPs, sometimes in a bad way. Flirting is NOT seen as a part of the dating process but part of socializing.

OP, I don’t think your a jerk, but then again I know how you’ll be received for it in my culture. If fact if you are called to the married life, more likely than not you’ll need to have flirting as a skill. You’ll have to flirt with dozens of girls before you get a single if your American.
 
Naskor said:
I’m really surprised at all these responses. I guess it shows ignorance of Hispanic culture in America.

This is simply not true. Us Hispanics date much more causally than WASPs, sometimes in a bad way. Flirting is NOT seen as a part of the dating process but part of socializing.

OP, I don’t think your a jerk, but then again I know how you’ll be received for it in my culture. If fact if you are called to the married life, more likely than not you’ll need to have flirting as a skill. You’ll have to flirt with dozens of girls before you get a single if your American.
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I am not Hispanic, but it’s wrong of you I think to say “Us Hispanics” every people/culture/nation in Central and South America is different and some are very very conservative. I know from personal experience.
 
marceleonidas said:
So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
Click to expand...
Hi,

NOTE: I’d like to warn you of potential sexual TW (trigger warnings) while reading my reply to this post.

If you want to be a good Catholic, then I’d like to remind you of Jesus’ words of warning where He says that if you want to be loyal to God and love Him with all your heart, you can’t serve two masters at the same time.

In other words, you can’t serve both God and Satan at the same time.

As your Catholic brother in faith, I feel obliged to warn you that your intention to meet and have fun with lots of girls seems to be purely the result of being seduced by this world’s evil spirit that pushes you to indulge in sexual cravings and desires that inevitably lead to sex obsession.

In your case, you seem to be on the verge of displaying an out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior by wanting to flirt with many girls. Psychologists call this type of flirting ‘compulsive flirting.’

By the way, I’m telling you all this because I used to be in exactly the same situation like you.

When I was a teenager, I got seduced with the whole idea of being able to effortlessly sexually attract and pick up countless beautiful women just to have sex with them, because I thought that it would turn out to be a lot of fun.

And, I was wrong.

After having spent years boldly approaching random physically attractive women purely as my sexual objects, I ended up being a mentally disordered sexual addict for a very long time. And, what’s both funny and sad in my whole story that very likely resembles the stories of many other guys is that I initially believed that having fun with girls in the way I’ve just described was really part of my true passion.

On the contrary, the truth of the matter was that I got badly stuck in a pure sex obsession that later turned into a serious long term sexual addiction with the symptoms of two most common and most dangerous mental disorders characteristic of men who’re obsessed with just having sex with countless women: borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

So, the bottom line is this: If you keep indulging in meeting girls purely as your sexual objects, not only will you be committing a sin but also you might be facing a serious risk of losing your overall mental health.

Hope you find this post insightful all in the spirit of a well-intentioned advice.

God bless you!

Bruno
 
I think flirting without intention of a serious relationship is sort of like playing with fire. If you keep doing it, eventually you or the girl or both of you will get hooked into something you didn’t initially intend.

You don’t have to flirt to appreciate a woman’s beauty. Say a quick prayer, thank God for being in the presence of beauty, pray for her. As others have said, it seems you’re obsessing about it. You have opposing ideas in your head, that’s what brought you here… I hope your prayer helps in discerning this
 
marceleonidas said:
Quite a response!

I believe I agree with some of you but let me clarify;

For every girl that I do get a chance to talk to I make it a point to mention Im only here for 4 months because I do want to be clear. It follows that I cant stick around for them.

Let me give you an example of how I flirt:

I had talked to a girl for maybe 10 minutes (in horrible spanish). We talked about the absolute basics - my name, where Im from, how long im here. All smiles.
The next time I saw her I was with my brother. I introduced her as “mi novia” (my girlfriend). She giggled. I giggled. Everyone giggled. It obviously couldnt be true because we had never kissed, never had a serious discussion, could barely call eachother friends. It was a joke that she thought was funny.

I figured that was pretty gosh darned harmless. But that was the girl that this thread is about.

Another clarification:

I think everyone of us can agree that the way we act with our friends IS NOT the way we should act to meet new people. FOR EXAMPLE. When I im with my friends we call eachother all kinds of horrible things. “whats up ******” is a common greeting between us and its great! We know eachother well enough that Its really more of a compliment.

Point is, you have to act MORE polite, charming, outgoing when you are meeting people.

But then peoples feelings get hurt. Damn.

I can’t decide if I’m leading them on or if the girl in my example was getting ahead of herself.

I’m thinking a little of both.

I will continue to discern this especially in the context of prayer (especially to our lady).

I love talking to people, I love meeting people. I like making people smile and laugh (and Im good at it.)

One last VERY IMPORTANT clarification is that by “play around” I DO NOT mean sex or any kind of sexual behavior. That is beyond horrible. A gentle goodbye kiss on the lips? That would be the absolute farthest I would go. Not with a bunch of different girls. Maybe with one girl as a way of saying I will never forget you.
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Considering that you are speaking to these young women in a language in which you are not entirely fluent, I have to wonder if you are not sending messages quite different from what you intended to send.

You may want to find yourself a fluent “wing man” who will keep you from crossing the line from being charming or open and over into being a jerk. Remember, too, that since you are dealing with young women with whom you have no future, each another man’s daughter and each destined to be another man’s wife, your job is not to imprint yourself on their minds as a fond and wistful memory of masculine charm. Aim for a more humble place in their hearts. You might want to “flirt” as if those other men men with the attitudes typical of the culture you are visiting, could easily watch the film and not want to throttle you. In short: treat these women as daughter of the Lord first and as opportunities for your social enjoyment as a distant second. Who knows? They may even want to remain friends after you ship out!

Looked at that way, I think you’ll want to turn down what you call charm.

Also, just as an aside, look again at whether greeting your friends with “whats up ******” is really that great for Christians. That’s not what St Paul would call greeting one another with a holy kiss. Why prefer “friendly” insults to the habit of not insulting each other at all?
 
EasterJoy said:
Considering that you are speaking to these young women in a language in which you are not entirely fluent, I have to wonder if you are not sending messages quite different from what you intended to send.

You may want to find yourself a fluent “wing man” who will keep you from crossing the line from being charming or open and over into being a jerk. Remember, too, that since you are dealing with young women with whom you have no future, each another man’s daughter and each destined to be another man’s wife, your job is not to imprint yourself on their minds as a fond and wistful memory of masculine charm. Aim for a more humble place in their hearts. You might want to “flirt” as if those other men men with the attitudes typical of the culture you are visiting, could easily watch the film and not want to throttle you. In short: treat these women as daughter of the Lord first and as opportunities for your social enjoyment as a distant second. Who knows? They may even want to remain friends after you ship out!

Looked at that way, I think you’ll want to turn down what you call charm.

**Also, just as an aside, look again at whether greeting your friends with "whats up ****" is really that great for Christians. That’s not what St Paul would call greeting one another with a holy kiss. Why prefer “friendly” insults to the habit of not insulting each other at all?/QUOTE]

Culturally for some this is far more reverant. He who I call by his nickname has my respect and admiration. He who I call “Mr. ___” I do not respect and I distrust.

I would submit there are caveats to the above. But my work is a great example. We call several superiors casual names and even “disrespectful” things… they are higjly respected.

We called one superior “Mr. ___” and he was the kind of guy who would demand such. We did not respect him… he also has so much paoerwork thrown against hin from subordinates…he is no longer here.

I would submit if you come to work here you should be wary of platitudes o.O
Click to expand...
 
marceleonidas said:
So im visiting Guatemala, I’m here for 4 months.

I figure its enough time to meet a lot of girls and have some fun; But not to get into a serious relationship.

So I’ve been taking names left and right; one beauty after another (and these guatemalans really are breath-taking); but one girl has utterly shut me down and I think its because she saw me flirting with some other girls. She was really nice and interested when I first saw her; now she seems disgusted to see me.
On the one hand shes got a point. On the other it seems like shes over reacting; I only talked to her for a grand total of about 20 minutes.

So it got me thinking. Am I a complete *******? Is it horrible to flirt with multiple girls? Is it a bad thing to “lay your best moves” in order to get a dialogue going with more than one girl?

I am open to having a exclusive relationship but I guess my question is:

At what point do I have to start being loyal to one girl???

PS I dont want to be an ******* at all. I dont want to hurt girls feelings (though I know that sometimes its beyond my control). I want to be a good Catholic. One day I want a family and to be loyal.
Thanks
Click to expand...
Somebody should warn Guatemala. So they can prepare.

I don’t know what country you are visiting from but try to be a good representation of your country of origin.
 
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