Follow up — Abuse at New England Roman Catholic Church

[Angryatgod]

Hello, all!

I’ve got a few things to address regarding my previous post, which can be found here.

Suffered incredible abuse from Mother Superior at Roman Catholic Church in New England Traditional Catholicism

I would definitely talk to a Priest about all of this. You will see that NONE of this was your doing or your fault. You were at the “hands” of the adults around you. The ONLY way to heal from this is to forgive. You may never forget but for you to move on and be able to live your life you HAVE TO forgive each and every one of these people. They will be judged and tended to by God. Ask Him to give you daily (hourly if needed) the Grace to find peace in your heart, mind and soul o…

First, since I was a brand new member at the time that I made this post, I had a limit on the number of responses I was able to submit. I reached the cap pretty quickly, and was unable to respond to the wonderful and kind things all of you had said.

I messaged the mods to see if they could let everyone know why I wasn’t responding, and learned that they chose to close the thread because they thought I hadn’t received proper therapy or counseling, and this forum was not the appropriate place to seek help.

If I had been asked and able to respond, I would have said that I have a fantastic support system, have actively been in therapy since I was 19, have graduated college, have wonderful friends, and am currently engaged to the best man I have ever met.

I posted here because I accomplished all of this WITHOUT acknowledging god in my life, as far as I understand it, but something is pulling me to believe again. I wanted to share my story to see what advice practicing Catholics would give me, how you would respond to my story, and in hopes that I would be able to say to myself “well that was just a terrible church and it did not do justice to what Catholicism is really like.”

I find that the 24 hour “probation” posting cap period for new members is a little strange and, as evidenced, can pose problems for people seeking in-depth discussions early on in membership, but it must be in place for a reason and I respect that.

However, I think that shutting the thread down was a bit uncalled for, and I can’t help but feel a bit silenced in the middle of having a very cathartic, productive, respectful, and open discussion with the wonderful members of this forum. I felt truly supported by practicing Catholics, which made me feel a little more brave when I thought about what it would be like to go try and seek out a church. After the thread was shut down, I felt scared about trying to seek out a church, because what if they don’t ask me if I have stable and proper resources in place, tell me I should go seek out a therapist, and wish me luck in my healing, instead of taking the time to listen?

I’m not posting here in a state of crisis or out of desparation. If I really want to heal from this, I need to be able to have discussions with the people who ascribe to this religion, and this forum seemed like a very safe place to do so.

I’m feeling a bit unsure and confused now from all this, but still hopeful that I can reignite a spiritual connection.

 

[Limoncello4021]

The forum rightly has the ability to shut down threads that can lean too much toward others giving advice that borders on “theraputic.” We can’t do that here. Your story of your past is a troubling one, and you sound sincere in your search for God. You asked the advice of practicing Catholics, and you got some good advice. I would urge you to make an appointment with a priest to discuss your issues and to get much sounder advice than you can get from a forum full of strangers, not all of whom by any means are able to give help. Call your local parish today and make an appointment. Again, if you are seeking in-depth help here you won’t be able to find it in the way you wish. It is best to speak in person to a person trained to help in spiritual matters–a priest.

 

[Angryatgod]

CThank you for your thoughtful, and clearly carefully worded response. I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to respond in a pragmatic and honest way. I don’t think I’m ready to speak with a priest yet. I’m scared of anyone who holds a significant amount of influence over a group of people, but I’m at a point where I do feel safe speaking with members of the ‘flock’, and ordained people since there’s the comforting level of removal on an online forum.

I’m not asking lay-people for spiritual guidance, I’m just hoping to find a safe community with helpful discourse. Just Catholic folks recognizing that I was abused by people who did not honor the responsibility of their god-given status has been remarkably healing, and I would love to hear from others how they navigated periods of doubt and hardship if they feel comfortable sharing.

Edit: I would also really love to hear from people who left the faith and found their way back. I hope that one day i’ll Be able to do the same.

Edit 2: I recognize that I explicitly asked for guidance and advice in my original thread, and people were incredibly kind and gentle in their explanations of why that’s not necessarily something I could get from this forum. I did find that just speaking with people was a good first baby-step, and one that I hope can continue.

 

[Francis]

@Angryatgod

I posted here because I accomplished all of this WITHOUT acknowledging god in my life, as far as I understand it, but something is pulling me to believe again. I wanted to share my story to see what advice practicing Catholics would give me, how you would respond to my story, and in hopes that I would be able to say to myself “well that was just a terrible church and it did not do justice to what Catholicism is really like.”

You did all these things by his Grace, Jesus loves you and cares for you even though you do not know him fully ,He knows you Psalms 139:13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;that I know very well.15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.In your book were written all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.Ephesians 2: 4 But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us 5 even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.12 remember that you were at that time without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

I find that the 24 hour “probation” posting cap period for new members is a little strange and, as evidenced, can pose problems for people seeking in-depth discussions early on in membership, but it must be in place for a reason and I respect that.

Yes your right ,i think its for a reason ,good things to whose who wait, your perseverance and patience has paved off.

2 Corinthians 5:16 16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view;even though we once knew Christ from a human point of view,we know him no longer in that way.Ephesians 1:17 I pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation as you come to know him,Colossians 1:10 so that you may lead lives worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, as you bear fruit in every good work and as you grow in the knowledge of God.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

Here’s hoping God gives you special graces to forgive, and have a beautiful spiritual life going forward. I think everyone who has read your story wishes you the best. Maybe it helps to know that there are some people who sin and do terrible things, but that is NEVER what the Church teaches us to do. These people themselves are acting against God and the Church, in the name of the Church. May God have mercy on their souls!
“But he that shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be drowned in the depth of the sea.”

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Edit: I would also really love to hear from people who left the faith and found their way back. I hope that one day i’ll Be able to do the same.

If you use the search function, and search for things like “revert” or “welcome home”, you should be able to find many past threads from people talking about how they found their way back to the Faith.

As Limoncello noted, the forum has concerns about giving advice to people whose posts suggest that they have significant medical, mental health, or spiritual issues requiring in-depth personal counseling. The main concern is that a stranger posting some advice here, although well-meant, may somehow give bad or wrong advice that worsens the condition of the original advice-seeker or goes against some medical/ mental health/ spiritual advice they receive in person from a professional more equipped to deal with the situation. Your thread had already received a couple of responses that community members felt were inappropriate for one reason or another.

In fairness, whenever anyone posts here alleging significant misbehavior by clergy or religious, it’s also a bit of a tricky situation because the clergy or religious are not here to tell their side of the story or offer any defense, and we have a TOS rule against inciting animosity towards the clergy. While we recognize that clergy and religious have indeed done some wrong and bad acts, and we wish to be supportive to a poster who is upset, we’re not in a good position to make a judgment based on hearing only one person’s side of the story.

I am glad you have gotten so much help and support and I hope the limited responses here have given you a better feeling about the Church. I hope you will come back, because the Church is really about Jesus, not about the actions of a particular clergy or religious person. God bless.