Following God has done nothing but lead me astray

[Domiy]

I am so fed up with dissapointment and failure in my life. I have slowly become an angry, health-struck, miserable, and anxious human being. I feel all of this has happened because I’ve never bothered living my life on my own, but instead I opted to go God’s will whenever I could. Where has it gotten me? Just backwards, in this place of hopelessness.

Medical condition can’t be diagnosed. I’m in pain everyday. I can’t even have a proper meal or enjoy a friendly drink. Ended up losing a lot of weight, so I turned to gluttony. Maybe it is sinful, or an affection of greed. Do I care? No, I need to do it, because being underwieght was bad for my health and made me very self conscious.

I’m a virgin, despite having plenty of sexual encounters and relationships in the past. I used to be proud of that fact. Not anymore. My last serious relationship fell apart because we were together for so long, yet I still didn’t want to have sex. I should’ve just done it. Not because I’m addicted to sex or lust, but because everyone who I know who had sex with their girlfriends or random strangers seem to be happy. They’re sexually experienced, so they can easily talk to women without coming off too desperate or inexperienced. Dare I say, some of them even got their partners pregnant. Was that a bad thing? No way. It forced them to get real and marry eachother. Now they’re happily married with multiple children. I’m still single. I meet plenty of women I like, who sometimes even like me, but it goes nowhere. I’m still so lonely.

I was always the sensible guy in my family or social circle. Everyone I know experimented with recreational drugs, alcohol, partying and so forth. I was always careful of this. Yep, I was proud about that too. I’m not going to give into the pressure to do evil I said. Where has it gotten me? Well, I haven’t really got many friends anymore. Sure there are people I know who share my interests and we hang out on a weekly basis, but I just feel I lack the experience to keep up with a lot of social norms today. Everyone I know often wants to go out and have fun. I’d like to as well, but I don’t know how.

When I was younger I thought well and hard about priesthood. I had many callling signs from God that this was for me. Dare I say, I was happy then. I didn’t care about anything else in life, because I had God’s support and hand guiding me. I just feel this made me a social outcast. In the end, I decided it wasn’t really for me anyway, so I just wasted a lot of time for nothing.

I just feel like I fell behind in life ever since I became a young adult, and it’s all because of following God’s will. Nothing else. Don’t tell me I didn’t do it right or am over-thinking it. I see it everyday. People around me, who are still faithful Catholics yet also know how to have fun and have a lot of experience in life that helps them advance their relationships, careers, social lives etc. And here I am, always insisted that I’m going to let my actions speak louder than words, and won’t do drugs, won’t have sex, won’t be an immoral jerk. It’s just made me resented and miserable. It’s just stalled my ability to fit in and get anywhere in life.

Don’t tell me to help other people. Nobody I know does this, and they’re still happy. In fact, it seems the more selfish they are, the happier they are. Nice car, plenty of friends, a great partner and so on. If God wants me to help people then maybe he should give me the ability to help myself. I’m so sick of trying to be a good Christian. I should’ve had sex while I was young and knew plenty of women. I should tried recreational drugs so I could learn to not be such a boring, anti-social person who doesn’t fit in. Maybe then I’d also have more friends or have the confidence to find a girlfriend.

And to top it off; sin makes life easier. Have a drink of alcohol, turn to masturbation. Why not? It relaxes me, helps me forget about everythings that’s gone wrong. It calms my anxiety and lets me get back to work to earn a living, and to be relaxed in social situations. So I’m sorry, today I told God that I just can’t do it anymore. I want to, but I can’t. I just want to be happy like everyone else. The people that paid for their virginity to go away when they were very young, so they could go through their whole life being confident around women. I’m confident too, but I just can’t really do it like they do. The people that know how to relax and have a good time when things go sour. The people that have good friends and a great social life. The people that aren’t depressed or inexperienced in life at everything. The people who can actually succeed in life instead of failing at everything.

 

[MaryHelp777]

St Padre Pio said; “If the devil is at you, that’s a good sign, if he leaves you alone you are not being a threat to him and that kind of peace is terrifying.”
“And they were singing and drinking and laughing and dancing, and being given in marriage right up until the coming of the Flood. So it shall be in the Last Days. Will the Son Of Man find any faith upon the earth when He returns.?”

“Wide and easy is the way that leads to Eternal Perdition and there are many who find it.
Narrow and DIFFICULT is the way that leads to Eternal Life, and there are few who find it.”

“Blessed are those who mourn now for one day they shall laugh.”
“Woe to those who laugh now. For one day you shall mourn.”

Friend you have but 90years max on the earth, but billions of years in eternity.
Do you really want to spend billions of years in hell for the sake of pleasure on earth?

 

[brad90956]

Medical condition can’t be diagnosed. I’m in pain everyday.

I don’t have an answer for the other things that you have posted, but I know where you are coming from with the “pain everyday”. A few years ago I woke up one morning in terrible pain (hamstrings, hip, back, shoulders). I didn’t injure myself or experience any type of fall. I’ve been to about 6 different doctors, taken numerous x-rays, blood tests and an MRI. They can find nothing wrong with me but I am in pain everyday. I take anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers but they do not help much. I was so angry all the time and blamed the doctors for being “incompetent”. I was impatient and mean to my family and friends because of the pain I was experiencing. I took my frustrations out on them.

Over time that pain has subsided a little but I’ve come to accept it. I’ve come to accept my pain and unite it with Christ’s suffering during His Passion and Crucifixion. I offer Him my pain and suffering everyday during my morning prayer and accept it as His will for me. Is it unfair that I suffer everyday…I honestly don’t know. But I trust in God and I know there is a reason for it. I do not know that reason right now but I know I will find out why in this life or the next.

My prayers are with you and I hope you feel better real soon.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Well, that is an interesting concept. So now it’s blame it on God ? God is not your problem. It is you. As for all those “happy sinners;” you have no idea what their state of happiness is or isn’t. A painting is only an image. It is not the real thing. You need to seek counseling post haste. It is the only advice I have. Prayers for you.

 

[FractalFire]

If your mind is truly made up, may I ask why you are posting here? Do you want the Catholics here to convince you that your new viewpoint is false? Or are you just looking for someone to talk to? Or are you perhaps trying to twist the sword in a bit before leaving them? If it’s the last, I don’t know why you would bother, if it’s the first two, I’m sure there are plenty here who would love to offer a caring hand or wise advice.

You sound rather like you’re a bit angry at the world, God, and the Catholic Church, ostensibly for making your life miserable. Which is a bit odd, since you don’t know what condition your life would be in if you followed the “other path”. Presumably you look at your friends and think “oh, they’re happy and they did all this stuff I think is wrong. They must have done something right. The church has clearly messed my life up.” Perhaps you’re right that their lives are better. No one ever said that following God would grant you happiness, dear sir. Some of the Christian advice is certainly wiser than other advice, but even wise advice does not always succeed in the end. Sometimes the stupid man gets lucky and the wise man gets hit by lightning. The Bible goes has several passages on the rather miserable lives of some of God’s followers. I’m rather surprised you haven’t heard of them. Ever read Job? Ecclesiastes?

Life is not fair, it’s not right, it rarely works out for those who do good, it favors the evil – life is messed up! The Bible knows it and it talks about it; it speaks to the people who are broken and shows us their lamentations as they cry before the throne of heaven. So whatever you do, don’t pretend to yourself that you weren’t told about this beforehand. The Bible tells you what is right and true. It promises salvation and new life. What it doesn’t promise is happiness, at least, not here at any rate, though it has much happiness to offer, if you only listen.

I am so fed up with dissapointment and failure in my life. I have slowly become an angry, health-struck, miserable, and anxious human being. I feel all of this has happened because I’ve never bothered living my life on my own, but instead I opted to go God’s will whenever I could. Where has it gotten me? Just backwards, in this place of hopelessness.

I’m sorry to hear of this development in your life. As a college student, I feel much of the same things you do – I feel isolated from my peers, cast off, lonely. I rarely talk to people, don’t attend parties, and have spiritual and physical problems galore. Life is hard sometimes, I understand that and empathize. Please don’t let the hopelessness and depression consume you. The hopelessness will eat you alive, if you let it. It will take your heart and turn it to steel, and one day you will look back and see that, as much as you hate the life your living, you can’t – no you **won’t **change it anymore. Don’t let that happen! Have hope!

“So…do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 1 Cor 4: 16-18

Medical condition can’t be diagnosed. I’m in pain everyday. I can’t even have a proper meal or enjoy a friendly drink. Ended up losing a lot of weight, so I turned to gluttony. Maybe it is sinful, or an affection of greed. Do I care? No, I need to do it, because being underwieght was bad for my health and made me very self conscious.

I’m sorry to hear this. I have no such condition, but I know people who are constantly sick and ill, and it pains me to hear that you are going through the same thing. I cannot help but wonder, though, is your illness related to your sadness? It seems you are struggling with depression, and that can sometimes bring about illness-like symptoms. Just a thought….

You don’t sound like a glutton to me. Gluttony can be a problem, but eating enough to make sure you’re the right weight is perfectly okay – in fact, to be desired! If you are binge eating or eating when you’re sad, that might be a problem, but not always. Food is a joy and a pleasure – it’s meant to delight! Having a good meal can bring comfort like petting a happy dog or a fluffy cat! You don’t need to worry about the eating so long as it’s not actually unhealthy. It’s not giving into gluttony to eat properly or even to eat a lot! Perhaps you would enjoy C.S.Lewis’ discussion of Gluttony in The Screwtape Letter, it explains it quite well, and shows you that its often not as much about overeating as people think; indeed, sometimes, gluttony is undereating!

 

[FractalFire]

I’m a virgin, despite having plenty of sexual encounters and relationships in the past. I used to be proud of that fact. Not anymore. My last serious relationship fell apart because we were together for so long, yet I still didn’t want to have sex. I should’ve just done it. Not because I’m addicted to sex or lust, but because everyone who I know who had sex with their girlfriends or random strangers seem to be happy. They’re sexually experienced, so they can easily talk to women without coming off too desperate or inexperienced. Dare I say, some of them even got their partners pregnant. Was that a bad thing? No way. It forced them to get real and marry each other. Now they’re happily married with multiple children. I’m still single. I meet plenty of women I like, who sometimes even like me, but it goes nowhere. I’m still so lonely.

Well, firstly, not everyone *is *happy. There’s a price to pay for sex, particularly sex outside of marriage; sometimes you can avoid it, but often not. The teen mothers whose boyfriends dumped them and the guy who has had lots of partners, but no one to really love can tell you that! Are many of them happy? Yes. But many are not, and many were lucky to escape catastrophe.

Now, I am going to tell you something I have not told many people, and I hope you will not think ill of me for it. I am one of the guys you are thinking about. I am addicted to lust; it is something I constantly struggle with. It is pleasurable yes. But it burns like fire; it destroys and does not give back. When I indulge, it makes me happy for a moment, but it also destroys me. It is not REAL. It is fake and vapid; it provides no real love nor nothing of lasting value – it is ultimately, painful. Every time I give in, I lose something I can never take back and it cuts to my core. I want very much to be in your position, actually, because the pleasure it gives is nothing compared to what I am losing. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

I am sorry to hear that your lover left you – I know that can be painful. With respect, are you sure it was due to lack of sex? Or did perhaps some other problems occur? If it WAS sex, then are you sure you want to be with someone who loves you only or their own satisfaction? Sex is meant to be a seal between two people who really love each other; if you’re only in it for the sex, you ultimately won’t stay together very long! People get old and unattractive you know. They can no longer satisfy each other in quite the same way they did in their youth. If only sex holds you together, what good will that relationship be? It will blow away in the wind, bringing pain and destruction as it crumbles away.

Secondly, if you want to move on into sexual relations, why, out of curiosity, didn’t you get married? That’s what marriage is supposed to allow! Its supposed to be the consummation of your love. “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Cor 7:9. Forgive me, by the way, if your love left because she wanted relations, but not marriage. It can be hard sometimes and I am afraid you probably know much more of these matters than I. I merely wish to offer a kind word; I know not your heart nor the extent of your suffering. If you wish for more, perhaps a Priest can help you. (I know that’s the go-to response on these forums, but they’re honestly right. Priests will probably have a lot of experience with these matters, having heard several hundred or so cases just like yours. Its like being a metaphysical doctor for the soul!) Alternatively, my bible group has published some videos here on the subject: facebook.com/RUFTulsa. I haven’t listened to them, but I was there when they were recorded, and the originals were quite informative. (You may have to scroll down a bit.) I know it is Protestant, but we have some people with good advice too, if you want to listen.

 

[FractalFire]

I was always the sensible guy in my family or social circle. Everyone I know experimented with recreational drugs, alcohol, partying and so forth. I was always careful of this. Yep, I was proud about that too. I’m not going to give into the pressure to do evil I said. Where has it gotten me? Well, I haven’t really got many friends anymore. Sure there are people I know who share my interests and we hang out on a weekly basis, but I just feel I lack the experience to keep up with a lot of social norms today. Everyone I know often wants to go out and have fun. I’d like to as well, but I don’t know how.

Firstly, in and of itself, alcohol is not bad for you, nor unbiblical. Jesus drank wine multiple times, for goodness sake! The Pharisees also seem to have been absolutely convinced he was some sort of crazy part-goer, going to all those parties with the tax-collectors… Please practice reasonable caution, however, in what you do. Like you, I’m stay way from alcohol for the moment, mostly because I have a family history with addiction to it. Also, I’m told that being drunk is no fun the day after. Be safe! In conclusion, if your holding back from being with friends just over alcohol, you don’t have to abstain absolutely. It can be a good thing to have a few beers every now and then.

Secondly, recreational drugs are usually bad for you. This is simply a medical reason. Sure, you won’t die instantly. You might not even get addicted. But they can cause serious problems and have destroyed countless lives. If you think now is bad, you don’t want to see yourself on Crack or Meth. Things can get worse. Even the mild ones can lead you down a dark path, if you’re not wary, and I’m dead certain constant use will have some side effects… So be cautious and act responsibly, which usually means avoiding them all-together. This really isn’t about morality so much as it is about not being stupid. Also, in the US at least, most are illegal, and you can get into serious trouble.
Also, I note that you say you have trouble “keeping up with social norms.” This reminds me of me honestly; I’m immensely awkward, even at laser tag games and silly things like that. I doubt that you’re this way because you haven’t been to any crazy parties, though. I suspect that, like me, your personality simply tends more towards other things. Have hope! With practice, even your current social problems can go away! Don’t let the sadness of now get in the way of your future!

 

[FractalFire]

When I was younger I thought well and hard about priesthood. I had many callling signs from God that this was for me. Dare I say, I was happy then. I didn’t care about anything else in life, because I had God’s support and hand guiding me. I just feel this made me a social outcast. In the end, I decided it wasn’t really for me anyway, so I just wasted a lot of time for nothing.

Odd that this is the happiest part of your post… Though I also find it odd that say you didn’t care about *anything *else. We aren’t meant to just pray and worship God all the time, you know. God revels in the activities we do that are fun, like reading books, playing games, writing, artwork, plays, and about a million other things… What do you think HE made them for? Distractions from priestly living? All of these activities are very good and healthy (and even nuns and priests do them, you know). I seriously doubt anyone but a Philosopher could get by only contemplating God and his word and nothing else (and only because they have the heart to love Philosophy, which is contemplation itself). Just for the sake of conversation, why did you decide it wasn’t for you? And how was this deciding a waste anymore that exploring a major in college and deciding it’s not for you is wasteful? I say it sounds like time well spent. You learned something, didn’t you?

I just feel like I fell behind in life ever since I became a young adult, and it’s all because of following God’s will. Nothing else. Don’t tell me I didn’t do it right or am over-thinking it. I see it everyday. People around me, who are still faithful Catholics yet also know how to have fun and have a lot of experience in life that helps them advance their relationships, careers, social lives etc. And here I am, always insisted that I’m going to let my actions speak louder than words, and won’t do drugs, won’t have sex, won’t be an immoral jerk. It’s just made me resented and miserable. It’s just stalled my ability to fit in and get anywhere in life.

I’m confused as to what you’re referencing here. Are these faithful Catholics doing immoral things (like having sex outside of marriage)? If they aren’t, and you haven’t said they are, then logic seems to indicate that the Church isn’t the problem. Dare I say it, but the problem *may *have more to do with you and your attitudes than the church.

(I’m very sorry to say this, and I hope you won’t take it the wrong way. I am not accusing you of wrongdoing, merely suggesting that perhaps there is some other problem, like shyness or depression that holds you back. But if you really want more hope and a happy life, you have to know what the real problem is. From what I’ve read, I’m skeptical that the church is ultimately the root problem, though your interpretation of what it is asking may be causing you harm… Much like myself, you seem to have some social problems interacting with others. I would suggest that this may be the source of many of these problems, not following moral law per say.

I know a great deal of people who neither have sex, nor do drugs, nor are “immoral jerks” who are quite happy and fit in very well, so I know that these things are not truly needed for happiness, though it may feel like it. Also, “immoral jerks” tend to be rather unhappy, least of all because no one can stand them…

 

[FractalFire]

Don’t tell me to help other people. Nobody I know does this, and they’re still happy. In fact, it seems the more selfish they are, the happier they are. Nice car, plenty of friends, a great partner and so on. If God wants me to help people then maybe he should give me the ability to help myself. I’m so sick of trying to be a good Christian. I should’ve had sex while I was young and knew plenty of women. I should tried recreational drugs so I could learn to not be such a boring, anti-social person who doesn’t fit in. Maybe then I’d also have more friends or have the confidence to find a girlfriend.

You could have ripped this from the Bible:

Why do the wicked live and become old, yes, become mighty in power? Their descendants are established with them in their sight, and their offspring before their eyes. Their houses are safe from fear, neither is the rod of God upon them. Their bull breeds without failure; their cow calves without miscarriage. They send forth their little ones like a flock, and their children dance. They sing to the tambourine and harp, and rejoice to the sound of the flute. They spend their days in wealth, and in a moment [ie. in peace] go down to the grave. (Job 21:7-13)

I can’t count the number of songs in Psalms that express the same sentiment…

And to top it off; sin makes life easier. Have a drink of alcohol, turn to masturbation. Why not? It relaxes me, helps me forget about everythings that’s gone wrong. It calms my anxiety and lets me get back to work to earn a living, and to be relaxed in social situations. So I’m sorry, today I told God that I just can’t do it anymore. I want to, but I can’t. I just want to be happy like everyone else. The people that paid for their virginity to go away when they were very young, so they could go through their whole life being confident around women. I’m confident too, but I just can’t really do it like they do. The people that know how to relax and have a good time when things go sour. The people that have good friends and a great social life. The people that aren’t depressed or inexperienced in life at everything. The people who can actually succeed in life instead of failing at everything.

Psalm 73

Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3
For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4
They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
5
They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6
Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7
From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8
They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10
Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
11
They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12
This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13
Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14
All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15
If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16
When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17
till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18
Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19
How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20
They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21
When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

You are not alone. God knows your cries; he is with you! Yes, the evil often seems to win, but their fate *is *sealed. Have faith, take heart, Oh son of the Lion of Judah! Yes, the evil can bring happiness, but it is ultimately lost and bereft. It will not bring you anything that lasts. Only God can offer you that.

Praying and Hoping with you,

FractalFire

P.S. I am not very good with advice, so please forgive any indiscretions on my part. I have tried to do my best and offer you what little wisdom I can. Forgive me in my weakness, if it does not satisfy; I have no panacea to cure all ills of the soul. My heart aches for you, and I am trying my best to offer what help I can. If any is bad, forgive me. Please listen to the good people on this forum. They care, and will offer what advice they can.

 

[FractalFire]

Gosh, that was long. No one could possibly read all that… Sorry for being wordy.

 

[TK421]

@OP:

You are upset, afraid, and bit hysterical at this time. :console:

Sinful people are not all living happy lives - far from it - and even if they were, that is not your concern. Sometimes, God uses disaster as a means of awakening a soul. Sometimes, he uses good things, as a means of stirring thanksgiving and joy in them that might lead them to God. He uses both balms and scourges, and everything in between, and it is not our concern if a particular sinful person might have a seemingly happy life (although it is hard to say. Do you personally grandstand your misery to everybody you meet? Somebody might perceive you as a happy person, even though your post says otherwise). If a happy sinful person were to be brought down to misery, would that improve your own condition? Would fornication and drugs have prevented your current medical condition?

In times of distress, I like to reorient myself and spend some time reading the book of Psalms. Psalms is a magnificent book for calming our anxieties and refocusing ourselves back to God.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Gosh, that was long. No one could possibly read all that… Sorry for being wordy.

I did! All of it, and I think your comments are spot on.

It sucks being a Christian in the secular world, let’s face it. People think we are weird, dumb and nasty. We are supposed to endure the challenges to our faith, and swim upstream. No wonder our friend is struggling to make sense of it all. Many people are.

For many years I used sit on the fence, trying to find balance between my faith and the secular ways. That made me truly miserable. Eventually I just had to face the truth, that if I am going to follow Jesus I should do it the way he wants me to, no ifs and buts. And that is hard at first.

Praying for the OP, that he finds strength and meaning and to carry on through this challenging time.

 

[sticknstring73]

I did! All of it, and I think your comments are spot on.

It sucks being a Christian in the secular world, let’s face it. People think we are weird, dumb and nasty. We are supposed to endure the challenges to our faith, and swim upstream. No wonder our friend is struggling to make sense of it all. Many people are.

For many years I used sit on the fence, trying to find balance between my faith and the secular ways. That made me truly miserable. Eventually I just had to face the truth, that if I am going to follow Jesus I should do it the way he wants me to, no ifs and buts. And that is hard at first.

Praying for the OP, that he finds strength and meaning and to carry on through this challenging time.

Right on! I’m with Contra Mundum on this. How can we go wrong living lives of upstanding values? I see people on my job who are much more successful than I and I really couldn’t care less. My friends have criticized me about this and that concerning Jesus and Catholicism but I could care less. Often I pray after receiving the Host “Lord use me up to do your will!” I mean it. Seriously there are people out there even in this day and age that are being martyred for Jesus. I hang in there for Jesus and for them. No matter how bad you have it someone has it much worse, hard to believe sometimes but it’s always true. There are days that seem easy and there are days of extreme testing. None of that matters.

Keep searching to get your physical pain looked at! Don’t give up on that. I will certainly pray for you.

God bless you and hang in there!

 

[fred_conty]

Our family is where we belong and feel comfortable. With family, we are accepted and it is where we don’t have to explain ourselves. We know them and they know us, and we just feel like that is where we belong without having to say or do anything. We want to be there with them, and they want us to be there too.

Maybe this is what you are expressing…loneliness…not belonging to anyone or anywhere. And that can be more painful than physical suffering.

Sometimes we are fortunate to make a good close friend or friends. They are like family and even sometimes be closer than family. That indeed is a great blessing for it doesn’t happen that often. But it does happen and it is good and comfortable. And we can’t really put it in words what that does for us.

And I believe this is what you are expressing. That you feel that you don’t belong anywhere or to anyone. That your misery is that you feel out of place all the time. You haven’t found anyone who is family and who can make you feel at peace.

Here is one thing you can do. Gently and graciously ask Jesus to be understanding with you. Ask him kindly to have pity on you and to help you in this matter. Didn’t Jesus make the whole universe and everything in it? Certainly he knows and can send you someone you need to help you live a reasonably happy life. It just takes one person. Ask him often and with love. And when he prompts you to do something that doesn’t seem to have any meaning to it, do it anyway. For these are the moments that can change our lives.

In the meantime, you do have all of us here as your friends tho scattered all over. And even tho distance does take away some of the benefits, non the less we are here for you and wish you only peace and goodness, both the good cops and the bad cops.

 

[Trident_H]

Man oh man. Are you ever blowing in the wind a bit on this. I mean are you ever frustrated hey? I get it. I really do. This is a real frustration. To fight against the Hollywood version of fun and good times. To fight against the pressure to just drop down to everyone else’s level of depravity.

FractalFire gave you such a great deep look into that. Gave you a lot of time and effort there. So I don’t have to say everything he said over again.

All I’ve got to give you is the stuff I learned. The stuff I realized after giving my life over to drugs and alcohol. You come at this complaining of a life wasted on God. Well buddy. At least you get to come away from that hanging onto everything you had going in. While from my end things have been a mess. Fun times led to the loss of my family. Of my ‘friends’. Of my deeper relationships.

So now I come to you just with this message. That grass. It’s not even greener on the other side of that fence you’re on. That’s actually swampland. It just looks green. Because of the slime.

So dive in there if you want to. But know only this. You think you’ve got regrets now for having lived too pure a life? Buddy purity can always be corrupted. Anytime. But once you’ve got a darker soul in this. Once you’ve given yourself that kind of permission to run straight into the fire. Well that condition can’t be undone. Those cuts scar really nice. And those scars stay.

So while you’re sitting there envying me and my wonderful experiences of living like a capital bastard I hope you don’t mind me envying you right back. But I gotta say. If you want to ride my train make sure you don’t flinch. Because after you’ve done this you’ll be in that fun place of not only being able to regret passing on opportunities of youthful indiscretion. But of also being that guy everyone whispers about who once had such a promising future. But who decided for some strange reason to throw it all away. To run with the cool kids. Right into the ground.

Peace Domiy. I hope you get some time to rethink this. I really do.

-Trident

 

[AttendeDomine]

Isn’t this the age-old story? Sin will make you happy, obeying God will just make you miserable.

Forgive me, but only the young could be so foolish, and I would encourage you, OP, to set aside your inexperience.

 

[JRS_88]

Two suggestions -

Go to your priest: Be completely honest with him. Heck, read him your post. Hopefully he will give you some practical suggestions for prayer, devotions, reading. He can help you, but you must be completely honest with him. Lay it all out for him. He might know of a men’s group, or a study group you could be part of, probably even one at your local parish.

Go to your Doctor (hopefully you have insurance or some sort of health care) :
Be completely honest with your Doctor regarding your emotions, thoughts, anxiety, and depression. He can’t help you either unless you’re completely honest with him.
There are things he can do, he can get you in touch with a therapist to talk to, or maybe he knows of a group in which you could take part, or there might be a medicine or something he can prescribe for this. Who knows? You’ll never know unless you try.

Lastly - drugs, alcohol, porn, masturbation, only compound your problems and make it harder to form lasting relationships, especially with women.

 

[DeniseNY]

When I was in my 20s, I had a lot of the same feelings as you, and I strayed from God’s path. Now that I’m well into my 40s, I look back and realize how wrong I was and I’m filled with many regrets. The happiness you think you see in others is superficial and it’s not lasting. I wish I had realized this 20 years ago.

 

[Domiy]

*The Bible goes has several passages on the rather miserable lives of some of God’s followers. I’m rather surprised you haven’t heard of them. Ever read Job? Ecclesiastes? *

Yes, and I’ve found comfort in them many times, but I’ve also always believed that “everything works out for the good for those who love God”, and that God loves us so that He gave us free-will to learn to love him ourselves. I just can’t believe this anymore though. Every suffering has just made me a more dramatic and anxious person. I’ve been scarred so hard already that I don’t think it’ll ever fully heal. I’ve already suffered what seems like permanent damage to my humility and love. I can no longer love because I’ve forgotten how it feels to be loved, and have begun to associate it with something not worth doing. This is making me a terrible person, and I’m sure God see’s that.

I want very much to be in your position, actually, because the pleasure it gives is nothing compared to what I am losing. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

I appreciate your words and sharing your story!

But as you say yourself, the grass is not always greener. You see someone with purity (to some extent) and think that they’re better off. Let me tell you, this is far from the case. Having never had sex, and then the feeling that this decision of piety made me even lonelier and effected my social outlook negatively, I feel like I made the wrong decision. And what do I have to show for my piety? I’m now reliant on masturbation and pornography to not only calm my nerves, but shake the feeling of loneliness. I meet a new girl and we really hit it off, but my maturity and pure approach only leads me to the wrong decisions and makes her think there’s either something wrong with me, or I don’t like her.

I think my position should be changed to this; finding pleasure in sex and drugs to the extreme is obviously a bad idea. Then again, completely abstaining from these things also seems like a bad one. It’s essentially going from one extreme to another, which at the end of the day is just as bad.

Somebody might perceive you as a happy person, even though your post says otherwise

I understand that it’s almost impossible to say if someone is happy by looking at them. You are right, most people would assume that I’m happy because I’m full of life, talk with confidence and always make a joke.

My resentment comes from the fact that I can see that other people have the means to be happy. They’re not lonely. If they were, they have the social experience and network to go out and have fun, and perhaps find a partner.

*If a happy sinful person were to be brought down to misery, would that improve your own condition? *

It did. I made a thread on here a few months back about my best friend finding out he couldn’t have children and him being quite depressed over it. And honestly, as much as I hated myself for it, I found myself releived. It became apparent that maybe God isn’t just targetting me. It was a glimmer of hope.

Of course, I know everyone suffers. I knew this before. But it just seemed that everyone was finding a way to create for themselves the life they wanted, and God was just always inflicting more and more burden on me to stop me from doing that. Seeing it happen to someone else definitely made me find comfort, while also being compassionate and understanding of what my friend was going through.

*Would fornication and drugs have prevented your current medical condition? *

One thing I’m fairly confident about; no, they wouldn’t have prevented it, but they would’ve made it a whole lot easier to deal with.

See when I was younger and healthy, I wasted my chance at going out and having fun. I still did these things. I’ve gotten drunk with friends, met some people, had fun. But I often passed on this opportunity as I realized it could become dangerous and I could spend my time doing better things anyway. I just didn’t enjoy waking up the next morning tired, ears ringing, stomach turning from alcohol and cheap food, etc. So I limited my time doing this. And at the time, I thought I was at least making a good decision for my health.

I still got sick. That’s fine, this happens to everyone. Illnesses are random misfortunes or genetics (medically speaking). But now I found myself regretting all the times I didn’t just go out and have fun anyway. Should’ve just abused my body for the sake of having fun. I would’ve gotten sick anyway, but at least I would’ve been able to say hey, I had a good run of abusing my body while it lasted, it gave me some good times, and now I need to pay the price for that.

Instead, I wonder why God gave me the wisdom from a young age to realize these things were bad and that I should abstain from them. I’m neither smarter, better off, or healthier.

 

[MaryHelp777]

*The Bible goes has several passages on the rather miserable lives of some of God’s followers. I’m rather surprised you haven’t heard of them. Ever read Job? Ecclesiastes? *

Yes, and I’ve found comfort in them many times, but I’ve also always believed that “everything works out for the good for those who love God”, and that God loves us so that He gave us free-will to learn to love him ourselves. I just can’t believe this anymore though. Every suffering has just made me a more dramatic and anxious person. I’ve been scarred so hard already that I don’t think it’ll ever fully heal. I’ve already suffered what seems like permanent damage to my humility and love. I can no longer love because I’ve forgotten how it feels to be loved, and have begun to associate it with something not worth doing. This is making me a terrible person, and I’m sure God see’s that.

I want very much to be in your position, actually, because the pleasure it gives is nothing compared to what I am losing. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

I appreciate your words and sharing your story!

But as you say yourself, the grass is not always greener. You see someone with purity (to some extent) and think that they’re better off. Let me tell you, this is far from the case. Having never had sex, and then the feeling that this decision of piety made me even lonelier and effected my social outlook negatively, I feel like I made the wrong decision. And what do I have to show for my piety? I’m now reliant on masturbation and pornography to not only calm my nerves, but shake the feeling of loneliness. I meet a new girl and we really hit it off, but my maturity and pure approach only leads me to the wrong decisions and makes her think there’s either something wrong with me, or I don’t like her.

I think my position should be changed to this; finding pleasure in sex and drugs to the extreme is obviously a bad idea. Then again, completely abstaining from these things also seems like a bad one. It’s essentially going from one extreme to another, which at the end of the day is just as bad.

Somebody might perceive you as a happy person, even though your post says otherwise

I understand that it’s almost impossible to say if someone is happy by looking at them. You are right, most people would assume that I’m happy because I’m full of life, talk with confidence and always make a joke.

My resentment comes from the fact that I can see that other people have the means to be happy. They’re not lonely. If they were, they have the social experience and network to go out and have fun, and perhaps find a partner.

*If a happy sinful person were to be brought down to misery, would that improve your own condition? *

It did. I made a thread on here a few months back about my best friend finding out he couldn’t have children and him being quite depressed over it. And honestly, as much as I hated myself for it, I found myself releived. It became apparent that maybe God isn’t just targetting me. It was a glimmer of hope.

Of course, I know everyone suffers. I knew this before. But it just seemed that everyone was finding a way to create for themselves the life they wanted, and God was just always inflicting more and more burden on me to stop me from doing that. Seeing it happen to someone else definitely made me find comfort, while also being compassionate and understanding of what my friend was going through.

*Would fornication and drugs have prevented your current medical condition? *

One thing I’m fairly confident about; no, they wouldn’t have prevented it, but they would’ve made it a whole lot easier to deal with.

See when I was younger and healthy, I wasted my chance at going out and having fun. I still did these things. I’ve gotten drunk with friends, met some people, had fun. But I often passed on this opportunity as I realized it could become dangerous and I could spend my time doing better things anyway. I just didn’t enjoy waking up the next morning tired, ears ringing, stomach turning from alcohol and cheap food, etc. So I limited my time doing this. And at the time, I thought I was at least making a good decision for my health.

I still got sick. That’s fine, this happens to everyone. Illnesses are random misfortunes or genetics (medically speaking). But now I found myself regretting all the times I didn’t just go out and have fun anyway. Should’ve just abused my body for the sake of having fun. I would’ve gotten sick anyway, but at least I would’ve been able to say hey, I had a good run of abusing my body while it lasted, it gave me some good times, and now I need to pay the price for that.

Instead, I wonder why God gave me the wisdom from a young age to realize these things were bad and that I should abstain from them. I’m neither smarter, better off, or healthier.

Forget about what makes you happy.

Mortal sin is mortal sin.

Intercourse outside of marriage is a mortal sin under the three conditions.

If you break the law you end up in jail

If you commit mortal sin you can ended in Hell.
Is any sin worth experiencing and ending up in hell for billions of years to eternity really worth it?

Do you want to go to Heaven or Hell?

Pray to God to send you a holy wife if you wish to marry like your friends.
You can enjoy this life, but just not in sin, sin leads to unhappiness and hell.

Heaven or Hell?