Following the Spirit Where He Calls...Even if That Means Leaving the Church?

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iwillrisenow

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I am a convert of about five years to Catholicism. Before converting, my faith journey involved being raised in a Baptist household, attending Episcopal services on my own, and charismatic prayer with a non-denominational group. I have always believed in following the Holy Spirit wherever He called, and for the past five years that call has, undeniably, been to a life in the Catholic Church.

But this past weekend, something changed.

Although I follow the Holy Spirit when He calls, there have always been a few things about the Catholic Faith that niggled at me…for one, the teachings on same-sex relationships. I have family members who are involved in such relationships, and ever since entering the Church, these relationships have been strained. The trouble is not so much that I reject the Church’s teaching but rather that, as a human being, I cannot profess to know that God will not show mercy to our brothers and sisters living this lifestyle. Ultimately, He is God and can show mercy to anyone He sees it fit to show it to. I grew up in a very tolerant community and…I miss being able to love and accept people for who they are, being able to look them in the eye and see their faithfulness for what it is (leaving it to God to judge each of us as He sees fit) rather than feeling somehow removed from this person because he or she is living a sinful life according to some Christian faith traditions, but not all.

I am struggling with the Church’s requirement for absolute adherence to remaining in a state of grace specifically when omissions can land one outside of this state. For instance, since converting, I have never completely missed Mass (apart from a couple of times when I have been ill), but I know that if I do, even once, I will be in a state of mortal sin. If I attend service at another church, if I take time out, so to speak, to listen to what God is saying to me whether or not it involves staying in the Church, I am in a state of mortal sin. No other faith proclaims that one is at risk of damnation for all eternity for asking a few questions and being honest with God about uncertainty in where He wants us to live out our faith.

I am struggling with extreme isolation. The tolerance issue plus the requirement for me to live the life of…and forgive me for my bluntness here but…a dry and miserable lonely woman (no sexual expression whatsoever) has led me to avoid others and shy away from dating. Limiting dating to Catholics only has led to a very lonely life, as I am an ethnic minority and very, very few Catholics are open to even dating someone of my background, let alone marrying. If I grew up in the Church and could marry in it at a young age, that would be one thing. Settling in for life as a dried up prune even though I am only in my early 30s? :eek: (Please note that I do not think all women who live celibate lives are “dried up”…but those of us who are well-aware that we are called to other states of life that are not possible given the fallen state of the world know what I’m talking about…if that’s you and you’re reading this…I feel your pain, I really do…we’re never allowed to say this, but here I am…).

Bottom line: I want to live a life of service and open-heartedness. I want to live a life of faith wherever He may call me. I want to trust that the Holy Spirit knows what He is doing. If He may be calling me to a new direction in my earthly journey, even one that leads outside of the Church…I am open to that call.

Are there any other Catholics or converts even who have been through this or going through this right now?

The only thing that I ask…please do not simply say things like “The Catholic Church is the one true Church-period!” or “I pray that you find your way…and stay in the Church!” I have seen other threads like mine where this is all the response that is there. Those of us who question are trying to express something that I believe is very human, but I have felt like I’ve had to deny it in myself for quite a while. I do not believe most other Christian traditions have quite the same level of “do not even step back and question even for a second” or belief that theirs is the only true path to salvation. When I started to explore Catholicism, for instance, folks from other faith traditions’ reactions ranged from joyous celebration to “I may not agree but I trust that she is listening to the Holy Spirit and going where God leads”…why is Catholicism the only religion that does not even accept an ounce of human frailty and uncertainty?

That being said, I do not wish to lead anyone to scandal, so if you feel as though even responding to this question with anything other than replies like the ones bolded in the paragraph above…or omitting to do so would put you in a state of moral sin…I get it. But if you have thoughts on this…they are welcome.
 
First, forgive me for this but you’re talking about following where the Spirit leads you, yet from what you’ve written I’m only seeing your own difficulties with the Catholic faith rather than that the Spirit is leading you elsewhere.
Now for the point about homosexual family members. I think it really helps to love the sinner and not the sin. This works for all groups, not just homosexuals - divorcees, masturbators, adulterers etc etc.

The Church welcomes all sinners - if it didn’t there wouldn’t be much of a congregation. We are called to love God and to love our neighbour. I honestly don’t see living a life of service and open-heartedness as being something separate from the Catholic Church. At the end of the day, being Catholic isn’t always easy.
 
To answer your first objection: God is certainly merciful towards those who repent of sinfulness, though mercy does not mean allowing people to do whatever. God is always compassionate to all people, though mercy implies wrongdoing.

youtube.com/watch?v=Mwe8xmoqK7A

This video isn’t directly about this topic, though Bishop Barron explains this pretty concisely

I am clueless in the area of dating and will allow others who are more knowledgeable to discuss this.
 
Yes. Well, it should’t be so difficult to be a follower of Christ.

Mathew 11:28-30
Come to me all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest…"

I see your problem as trying to follow a church instead of trying to follow Christ.

I get slack on these threads sometimes because I’m not so in line with what many think. The church is necessary. How do you get along without a church? And that goes for any church, be it catholic or otherwise.

My humble opinion would be for you to concentrate on your relationship with Jesus and stop worrying about all the rest. Read the bible. You’ll find that you’ll come to your own conclusions and, if you have reasonable intelligence, which I think you do, you’ll come to understand what God wants from you. The H.S. will guide you to all truth; this doesn’t necessarily mean a church. God is in every church and He has the power to work through anything and everything.

Re the homosexuality. it’s kind of like the head and the heart idea. The foot between the head and the heart is the longest foot. You might even understand why homosexlty is not good; even a lot of atheists understand why it won’t work to well for a society - but until that knowledge flows down to your heart, you won’t really accept it.

Kind of like being told not to pass a red light when driving - but you’re going to keep doing it till you really understand why. I have a ffriend that’s been living with a companion for about 30 yrs - more than some married people. So, I love him in a christianly way, I still know it’s not right, so what has that to do with me? God will handle it, as you said. I certainly cannot be the judge and neither should you.

You’ve said a lot and the answer is complex. Just keep your eyes on the Lord. Just don’t leave God.

Fran
 
I will be honest…I really don’t want to leave. But I do wish that I had some more folks to talk through some of these topics with…I know this sounds horrible but…maybe I just need to be a so-called “bad Catholic” for a little while…I’m not talking about moonlighting as a burlesque dancer, joining Fight Club, and flying out to San Francisco to march in the next Pride Day parade in a rainbow bikini…but giving myself permission to be human a bit more…not being afraid to ask a few questions every now and then, and maybe asking that cute non-denom guy out for coffee…BUT, of course, making full use the Sacrament of Confession and, ultimately, working out my salvation.

I’ve heard “love the sinner, hate the sin,” sudy, and this is what I’m trying to figure out how to do better. I have a profound sense of empathy and a deep desire to understand people from all walks of life. Yes, sometimes that means getting closer to those that many Catholics would avoid…but if you love someone, you love that person even in the mire of whatever they struggle with and you look for the good in that person. And you can absolutely do that within the Church…perhaps it’s just a matter of delving into my understanding of sin and approaching the sinner…both within and without.
 
Wow - there is so much here, and, as Fran said, the answer is complex.

I agree with others that it doesn’t sound like the Holy Spirit leading you away, so much as your own emotions. On the issue of homosexuality - this is one that was difficult for me when I entered the church too, though at the same time, it was also part of the reason I ended up here - not because I’m same-sex attracted, but because I’m divorced, and I couldn’t find spiritual satisfaction in a church that taught an open and affirming approach to homosexuality (even though it was a lovely congregation with wonderful same-sex couples). Because, if what the bible teaches about homosexuality is wrong, and what it teaches about divorce is wrong, then what do we have to hold on to? Where is the truth? How does one determine what the truth is? I was lucky enough that the Holy Spirit saw fit to open my eyes clearly on the issue of homosexuality prior to my entering the church. Can I articulate why it’s wrong? Maybe not clearly, and certainly not within the confines of this forum, but I have had that question answered for me. My suggestion would be to fast and pray and read the bible. Ask the Spirit to enlighten you on this subject, and He will.

As far as your romantic life - I completely understand and commiserate on that one. But let me ask you - do you really want what the world holds for you? Do you really want a relationship not founded upon Christ? I chose that path, and let me tell you, it has led to nothing but suffering for me and my children. It’s hard, i know, to be alone. But I would never give up my relationship with Christ for any man. Never. And where can you find Christ so wholly present except in the Eucharist?

Have you thought about talking to your parish priest about your feelings?
 
I went through the problem of how to interact with SSA people, and it was a difficult place to be until I read something which taught me that the thing to do is to treat them as you would anyone else, and pray, pray, pray for them.

I know that when Christ judges us, He can see into our hearts. He can understand our motives. Is it absolutely impossible for someone who commits what is objectively a mortal sin to enter Heaven? No, and the Church does not teach that. The Church has never forbidden us from praying for the souls of any particular person nor any group of people. So we should not judge; we should leave the judging up to Christ.

I just watched a video which said that in any situation in which we find ourselves, we should be trying to think of what we can do to help others grow in holiness. This is because God has control over our situations, we don’t. So rather than moan and groan about our situations, the priest said we should realize that our situation is the one God wants us to do some good in, so we should be praying about that instead of complaining.

And as to your personal life, that is indeed a huge problem–my daughters worred about the same thing because there were so few young Catholic men in our area. I married while still out of the Church, but I hope others may be able to offer some advice. One thing I might suggest is getting involved in a group which is not limited to the parish but meets frequently with those from other parishes or even dioceses. Another might be to think of what could be done to help [ETA: other*] young people in your situation and see if you could work on making it happen. At a minimum, you would probably meet a lot of people that way 🙂

And finally, broaden your prayer life a bit. Pray different prayers, switch every month or 6 months or so. Start doing the Rosary if you don’t, or mental prayer.

It is awful to feel a sense of isolation in one’s own church, but even that, I am learning, is part of God’s plan for us and for His Church.

*ETA: I realized that you might think I meant people younger than you, but I really meant young people like you 🙂
 
The Spirit will never lead someone away from His Church. Full stop!

We must be exceedingly careful not to confuse our feelings with the Spirit’s leading. Feelings have a purpose, but that purpose is not to guide the soul or the life.

As to familial conflict, it is sad, but our LORD himself that that kind of division could come from following him (Mt 10:34ff).

God Bless and ICXC NIKA.
 
thanks for sharing your story, im going to post my version of what you might be experiencing and this is coming from a almost 30 male, who lives in a very tolerant country and has been through quite a fair share.

the main reason why I wont leave the church is because of what it took to get me here. I didn’t live a catholic life at all and it was the supposed tolerance that led me to God. I dont think your real struggle is against the church or not, i just think your analyzing some things too hard. The epitemy of love is tolerance, God will tolerate someone love them until the very end, but if you deny good and evil than there really is no point to even speak of Jesus Christ which would be absurd. You may be living a little too zealous and to be honest this requires alot of prayer, i heard a passage today that said God is closer to you than water is to a fish (that is from a saint, not apssage sorry)

I think that your crying to out experience things which isnt bad in and of itself, for example, i too was kind of upset at constantly going for catholic women, i didnt think i could speak religion all day long, but i went the other way and realized it was disgusting and that there is no substance, at the end of 30 minutes, your going to end up speaking about religion anyways,

not attending mass isnt the worst thing in the world if your speaking to God as we talk, but to take a deliberate turn against God is the difference

since Providence joins a man and woman together, let that happen rather than go banging on doors looking for sexual gratification, im sure God knows you want a husband bad he answers prayers if you ask, seriously dont waste your time

Good luck!
 
I don’t believe that the Church requires us to date and marry only Catholics, though I’m sure it is recommended for practical reasons. I’m an RCIA catechist, and the majority of our catechumens and candidates are the non-Catholic spouses of parishioners, some of whom have been attending Mass for decades. My own husband is nonbaptized, and we were married in the Church.

Usagi
 
also one last comment if i may, i hope this really helps,

being a cahtolic, christian, that is catholic, you should be even more tolerant even more loving than you ever have been before, you obviously know what theyre doing is wrong but its the difference in you they see that makes them awe and wonder , maybe their looking for a break, to get out of that sort of lifestyle, maybe its by your conduct , your attitude of love, that theyll choose to stop, maybe its your prayers that will save them in the end anyways, or make their lives better, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, some people are more experienced than others, some people have more grace, more knowledge, etc.

I think that if you work on your inner beauty and strength, and pray, then some one will find you if its meant to be. It sounds corny, pray, its very cliche. i dont like it myself, however, God is real and you can walk around your house frustrated at him, that wont change whether you find a man or not. I totally get what your talking about with having it easier to find people outside of the religion, but those people are easier because their living a easier lifestyle. they are the kind of people that will take advantage of you never call you again and never bother to care.

I had felt like you for a while now, but today i exchanged some nice conversation from a catholic site, and i feel like a million bucks lol, maybe thats why im so great at posting LOL, listen your going through a tough stretch, its a long road, we all want to fall flat on our face, keep going sister trust me iam proud of you, as for that minority bullocks, every single woman is beautiful and we live in a different part of the world so dont get your hopes down on that because that is the dumbest thing ive heard 😜
 
iwillrisenow said:
I am a convert of about five years to Catholicism. Before converting, my faith journey involved being raised in a Baptist household, attending Episcopal services on my own, and charismatic prayer with a non-denominational group. I have always believed in following the Holy Spirit wherever He called, and for the past five years that call has, undeniably, been to a life in the Catholic Church.

But this past weekend, something changed.

Although I follow the Holy Spirit when He calls, there have always been a few things about the Catholic Faith that niggled at me…for one, the teachings on same-sex relationships. I have family members who are involved in such relationships, and ever since entering the Church, these relationships have been strained. The trouble is not so much that I reject the Church’s teaching but rather that, as a human being, I cannot profess to know that God will not show mercy to our brothers and sisters living this lifestyle. Ultimately, He is God and can show mercy to anyone He sees it fit to show it to. I grew up in a very tolerant community and…I miss being able to love and accept people for who they are, being able to look them in the eye and see their faithfulness for what it is (leaving it to God to judge each of us as He sees fit) rather than feeling somehow removed from this person because he or she is living a sinful life according to some Christian faith traditions, but not all.

I am struggling with the Church’s requirement for absolute adherence to remaining in a state of grace specifically when omissions can land one outside of this state. For instance, since converting, I have never completely missed Mass (apart from a couple of times when I have been ill), but I know that if I do, even once, I will be in a state of mortal sin. If I attend service at another church, if I take time out, so to speak, to listen to what God is saying to me whether or not it involves staying in the Church, I am in a state of mortal sin. No other faith proclaims that one is at risk of damnation for all eternity for asking a few questions and being honest with God about uncertainty in where He wants us to live out our faith.

I am struggling with extreme isolation. The tolerance issue plus the requirement for me to live the life of…and forgive me for my bluntness here but…a dry and miserable lonely woman (no sexual expression whatsoever) has led me to avoid others and shy away from dating. Limiting dating to Catholics only has led to a very lonely life, as I am an ethnic minority and very, very few Catholics are open to even dating someone of my background, let alone marrying. If I grew up in the Church and could marry in it at a young age, that would be one thing. Settling in for life as a dried up prune even though I am only in my early 30s? :eek: (Please note that I do not think all women who live celibate lives are “dried up”…but those of us who are well-aware that we are called to other states of life that are not possible given the fallen state of the world know what I’m talking about…if that’s you and you’re reading this…I feel your pain, I really do…we’re never allowed to say this, but here I am…).

Bottom line: I want to live a life of service and open-heartedness. I want to live a life of faith wherever He may call me. I want to trust that the Holy Spirit knows what He is doing. If He may be calling me to a new direction in my earthly journey, even one that leads outside of the Church…I am open to that call.

Are there any other Catholics or converts even who have been through this or going through this right now?

The only thing that I ask…please do not simply say things like “The Catholic Church is the one true Church-period!” or “I pray that you find your way…and stay in the Church!” I have seen other threads like mine where this is all the response that is there. Those of us who question are trying to express something that I believe is very human, but I have felt like I’ve had to deny it in myself for quite a while. I do not believe most other Christian traditions have quite the same level of “do not even step back and question even for a second” or belief that theirs is the only true path to salvation. When I started to explore Catholicism, for instance, folks from other faith traditions’ reactions ranged from joyous celebration to “I may not agree but I trust that she is listening to the Holy Spirit and going where God leads”…why is Catholicism the only religion that does not even accept an ounce of human frailty and uncertainty?

That being said, I do not wish to lead anyone to scandal, so if you feel as though even responding to this question with anything other than replies like the ones bolded in the paragraph above…or omitting to do so would put you in a state of moral sin…I get it. But if you have thoughts on this…they are welcome.
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I think every family has a gay person which they love, as posted by another person treat them as you do anyone in the family. I would never tell them ,the big lie, God approves of their lifestyle. I would tell them God loves them and calls them to repent when they are ready.

As far as dating non Catholics, why not. I would stay away from those who have been divorced unless the spouse has died. Otherwise you could end up in a more difficult situation.
 
The Holy Spirit will never call someone to leave the True Church, the Roman Catholic Church.that Jesus Himself.founded 2015 years ago.
 
You’ve gotten some excellent suggestions here.

My only comment would be about you having questions about what the Catholic Church teaches. I always have questions. I usually bring them to a friend or the priest. I try to learn why the Church has a particular Doctrine. 99.9% of the time, if I listen and learn with an open heart, I come to agree with the Church. I believe God gave us a brain and expects us to use them. Please remember you are not alone with your questions. Pursue the answers. But, be sure you are asking the right knowledgeable people.

God Bless you.
 
iwillrisenow said:
I am a convert of about five years to Catholicism. Before converting, my faith journey involved being raised in a Baptist household, attending Episcopal services on my own, and charismatic prayer with a non-denominational group. I have always believed in following the Holy Spirit wherever He called, and for the past five years that call has, undeniably, been to a life in the Catholic Church.

But this past weekend, something changed.

I am struggling with the Church’s requirement for absolute adherence to remaining in a state of grace specifically when omissions can land one outside of this state. For instance, since converting, I have never completely missed Mass (apart from a couple of times when I have been ill), but I know that if I do, even once, I will be in a state of mortal sin. If I attend service at another church, if I take time out, so to speak, to listen to what God is saying to me whether or not it involves staying in the Church, I am in a state of mortal sin. No other faith proclaims that one is at risk of damnation for all eternity for asking a few questions and being honest with God about uncertainty in where He wants us to live out our faith.

Bottom line: I want to live a life of service and open-heartedness. I want to live a life of faith wherever He may call me. I want to trust that the Holy Spirit knows what He is doing. If He may be calling me to a new direction in my earthly journey, even one that leads outside of the Church…I am open to that call.

Are there any other Catholics or converts even who have been through this or going through this right now?

The only thing that I ask…please do not simply say things like “The Catholic Church is the one true Church-period!” or “I pray that you find your way…and stay in the Church!” I have seen other threads like mine where this is all the response that is there. Those of us who question are trying to express something that I believe is very human, but I have felt like I’ve had to deny it in myself for quite a while. I do not believe most other Christian traditions have quite the same level of “do not even step back and question even for a second” or belief that theirs is the only true path to salvation. When I started to explore Catholicism, for instance, folks from other faith traditions’ reactions ranged from joyous celebration to “I may not agree but I trust that she is listening to the Holy Spirit and going where God leads”…why is Catholicism the only religion that does not even accept an ounce of human frailty and uncertainty?

That being said, I do not wish to lead anyone to scandal, so if you feel as though even responding to this question with anything other than replies like the ones bolded in the paragraph above…or omitting to do so would put you in a state of moral sin…I get it. But if you have thoughts on this…they are welcome.
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I wanted to offer some “outsider” perspective. I can appreciate your journey, I’ve been around a bit myself (born/raised Lutheran until high school, then non-denominational/semi-Baptist). I can’t say I understand all of the Catholic rules and requirements, but I know one thing. It is important to be careful of feelings. Yes, God can use our feelings to guide us, as I am sure many people will attest to. But we still have human feelings, that can be selfish, short-sighted, misguided, arrogant, and basically wrong. It is important to test what you are hearing from your feelings (1 John 4:1). The Holy Spirit would never lead you away from Christ, and away from the foundation of Scripture.

I wish I could give you crystal clear insight into which way to go. All I can do, is offer this wisdom: it is impossible to doubt something you don’t believe. I don’t doubt Islam or Hinduism, because I don’t believe them. Do I have doubts and questions about Christ? Absolutely, but inherent in that doubt is the requirement that I believe. Look at Mark 9:24 (“Lord, I believe, help my unbelief”) and Matthew 28:17 (Seeing Him [Christ after the Resurrection], they [the 11 apostles] worshipped him; but some doubted). Also, I want to let you know I will pray for you. I will pray that you will see God’s guidance, and follow it closer to Him. He has drawn you to Him for a long time, and He will keep leading you if you listen to Him. He might be leading you far from where you are, or telling you that your exactly where you should be.

God Bless.
 
“Avoiding the Cross is the essence of the demonic.”
  • Ven. Fulton Sheen
You are not alone in your struggles; each of us have our Cross(es) to bear. Believe that God would not permit your suffering if He didn’t have your greatest good in mind, namely, union with Him. And remember that the Cross, willingly borne, leads to Paradise. (St. Paul of the Cross)

Sometimes we might be tempted to settle for something easier than what Jesus demands of us through His holy Church; but know that, in doing so, we necessarily draw back from perfect union with God, Who is the Source of all good. Perfect happiness can be found in God alone: and where better to find God than in His Adorable Eucharist?

Being a Catholic is not always easy, but it can always be fruitful. To remain united to the Mystical Body of Christ is a gift beyond comprehension, infinitely surpassing any earthly happiness. To die as a member of the Church is to be saved. God alone knows how many are in the bosom of Mother Church.

God knows our hearts; He knows if we are truly seeking Him. I have had various doubts at times; but with God’s grace, I asked that He would reveal the Truth - i.e. Himself - to me, and He has subsequently given me a firm conviction that the holy Catholic Church is God’s greatest gift to mankind. Jesus gave us the Church, and the Church gives us Jesus.

“If Christ is the Head of the Church, the Holy Spirit is her soul."
  • Pope Leo XIII
 
Hi! I want to say that I know how you feel and living a good catholic life is not easy. It can feel like your missing out but in my experience as a convert back to the church, I can say that being a good catholic beats the life I used to have. I used to live according to my sexual whims and prowess and it led to pure misery and loneliness. I would never trade my relationship with Jesus to that sinful life ever again. I learned my lesson in spades. God bless and know that sometimes the best things for you are the things that are hard.
 
Look at it this way.

When Jesus was on earth, how many churches die he authorize?
Well if he only authorized one, than all the others are phony in some way.
Why would you want to go to some phony church?
You have a much better chance in Jesus’ church, the one he wanted you to have.

I hope you aren’t thinking about going it alone without any church. We need each other thru encouragement, good example, and someone to hang on to when things get tough.

So maybe you might try to fix whatever is broken and not just throw it all out the window.
 
Rejoice! You are a great Catholic and Christian. Your heart is yearning to love. Let it!
I miss being able to love and accept people for who they are,… rather than feeling somehow removed from this person because he or she is living a sinful life according to some Christian faith traditions
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We are human, we are all sinners. Just because their sin is a little more apparent doesn’t mean you have to act differently towards them. Continue to love and cherish them as humans. In your private life, pray for their souls as you pray for your own, ask God to find a way.

Follow the Bible, Matthew 7:1-3 1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
I have never completely missed Mass (apart from a couple of times when I have been ill), but I know that if I do, even once, I will be in a state of mortal sin… No other faith proclaims that one is at risk of damnation for all eternity for asking a few questions and being honest with God about uncertainty in where He wants us to live out our faith.
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You don’t seem to be wanting to miss Mass. If it’s unavoidable then it’s not likely a mortal sin. If it’s something you are intentionally doing to reject God, then yes it would be. Keep in mind, God is loving and gives of His Grace.

I’m not an expert, but prayerfully asking God questions and begin honest about where you are at would seem to me to be a good thing. You are seeking closer ties to Him and a better relationship. You are seeking His help to understand and grow closer. You are seeking help with the temptations you are experiencing.

However, be careful of using a prayer to make an excuse for seeking out your own personal desires. God’s not going to pull you out of the Catholic church so that it’s no longer bad for you to masturbate or start having casual sex relationships. It would seem to me that this is a similar thinking that caused protestantism originally. There was something they didn’t like and eventually made an excuse to pull away from the church. Church of England was created because of this feeling as well. This is a common tactic of the evil one.
I am struggling with extreme isolation.The tolerance issue plus the requirement for me to live the life of…and forgive me for my bluntness here but…a dry and miserable lonely woman (no sexual expression whatsoever) has led me to avoid others and shy away from dating. Limiting dating to Catholics only has led to a very lonely life, as I am an ethnic minority and very, very few Catholics are open to even dating someone of my background, let alone marrying. If I grew up in the Church and could marry in it at a young age, that would be one thing. Settling in for life as a dried up prune even though I am only in my early 30s?
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As humans we have a need for community. Your self-imposed isolation as highlighted in bold above is a childlike effort to avoid temptation. This is not good, and it is not from God. You could date non-catholics, but it would likely lead to further temptation. To keep is more simple, it’s worth dating catholics. You don’t have to tell your entire background the minute you meet. Get to know the person, let them get to know you as you are now. If the connection is good and growing, then you can let them in on your past. We all have sin. Past, present, and future. It’s there. God has forgiven you, you need to forgive you.

A future spouse, especially a Catholic one, should understand the difference between you now and your past. Look at all the Saints who had massive sin in their life, but then came to God. You are holding yourself to an impossibly high standard, you cannot go back and change your past.

As for being an ethnic minority, the Catholic church is the most diverse group on the planet. Every ethnicity and race is represented. If you live in an area with worldly minority issues, it may effect you more and this is a definite challenge, but it is not created due to the Church. It will be tough to distinguish this and you will be in my prayers.
Bottom line: I want to live a life of service and open-heartedness.
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Focus on this. In the season of life you are in, you need to focus on things other than the temptation and desire you are facing. Volunteer time in various ways. Maybe go work at a homeless shelter or something. Volunteer at your church. These things will also push you into community and will help other aspects of your struggles.
why is Catholicism the only religion that does not even accept an ounce of human frailty and uncertainty?
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You should talk to a priest or a nun that you trust about these issues. The church is very accepting and understanding of the human condition. During formation of the faith, while we develop our conscious’ maturity and ability, we often get pulled into a very legalistic view of the faith. While in this initial time (can last years) it appears that everything is black and white. As you grow into the faith you will see that the reality is there is much more grey area in the faith than you previously thought. The reason it is taught as black and white is to give you as much of a boundary as possible while your conscious is developing. Just look at the family synod recently, all bishops living the faith but with different understandings.

You have temptation and struggle ahead, I will pray for you.
 
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