T
tenderlynew
Guest
28 years ago I was injured in an ICU by a catheter. I experienced severe trauma and almost died because of the pain of the catheter. I was passing in and out of consciousness from the pain. I had taken a mild overdose because I was all screwed up on psych meds. It was my second suicide attempt. The first, equally foolish, was also because of psych meds I had put on.
I had been damaged as a little girl in my private area, won’t go into the details, and this went unnoticed. When I wound up in a psychiatrist’s office he diagnosed me with a mood disorder. My mother had always known there was a problem but she had problems of her own. My mother and father in the end went gung-ho on the psych angle for more reasons I won’t go into.
I don’t know which was the fatal blow–the injury when I was a child, or the decimating damage in the ICU when I was 24 which left me completely immobilized. I was ready to die and tried to finish the job. I stayed suicidal for 8 years until I looked into the eyes of my newborn son–more details I won’t go into. For 20 years I have struggled to raise him and am finally saying goodbye to the little child I couldn’t care for–and wanted to.
Now–and this has been questioned here–I hear the Lord telling me I would die soon. I feel ready to go. My son is almost 21. He doesn’t have a father who can help. He would be on his own. But I think my mother and father who are both still living would take more of an interest if I were gone.
I am sick of everything. Except good and gentle Jesus. If the Lord wants me to live well then I guess it’s up to Him but (crying) I really, really, really want to go.
I had been damaged as a little girl in my private area, won’t go into the details, and this went unnoticed. When I wound up in a psychiatrist’s office he diagnosed me with a mood disorder. My mother had always known there was a problem but she had problems of her own. My mother and father in the end went gung-ho on the psych angle for more reasons I won’t go into.
I don’t know which was the fatal blow–the injury when I was a child, or the decimating damage in the ICU when I was 24 which left me completely immobilized. I was ready to die and tried to finish the job. I stayed suicidal for 8 years until I looked into the eyes of my newborn son–more details I won’t go into. For 20 years I have struggled to raise him and am finally saying goodbye to the little child I couldn’t care for–and wanted to.
Now–and this has been questioned here–I hear the Lord telling me I would die soon. I feel ready to go. My son is almost 21. He doesn’t have a father who can help. He would be on his own. But I think my mother and father who are both still living would take more of an interest if I were gone.
I am sick of everything. Except good and gentle Jesus. If the Lord wants me to live well then I guess it’s up to Him but (crying) I really, really, really want to go.
