For a very awkward situation

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sweetnovember

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Some quick background: my boyfriend and I are in a very serious/committed relationship (has already given me a time frame of proposal and is currently saving for future), early-mid twenties, both living at home with our respective families, both very much striving to know and love God. But both of us have struggled with sexual sin in the past separately, both before and after what we would call our conversions. And this is where my prayer intention comes in…

Recently we fell together, we broke our promise to ourselves and to God… and could not come to place our feelings. Both of us were truly repentant in that we knew that we had taken away from the beauty and specialness of our future wedding night, and yet at the same time, felt as though it would’ve been wrong to call it truly lustful, because it was not about performance- there was laughter, there was clumsiness, there was love… and truly if anything had happened, we knew it would not be the best timing, but that we wanted to have children together and so really, it would be tough but we would be ok- and yes, even happy. To clear the air though for those concerned, I do understand the cause for sin, and confession was sought. However, as imagined, this event has now intensified our struggle to remain chaste- according to our current vocations. We need some serious prayers, please. Prayers for strength, and understanding. And this leads me to my final point, and prayer intention:

I had stayed the night at his family’s house, and we ended up falling asleep downstairs- separately, but in the same room. The night before, I had fallen asleep so happy because we had overcome temptations and stopped ourselves far before things got too heated. Well, upon waking in the morning, I gazed towards where he was sleeping to see that is seems he is masturbating. I lied there in shock. I didn’t know if he was sleeping or just trying to be stealth, but either way after he stopped, I started moving around and got up to get ready for the day.

Either he doesn’t know that I saw him, or else he’s too embarrassed to bring it up, and quite frankly I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying, and I don’t feel the least bit of anger, I understand the struggle, but I am a little hurt and more than anything concerned. I mean I was right there! Maybe he really was asleep, but honestly I don’t think that would make me feel all that much better. I can’t get the image out of mind, and I don’t know whether or not to talk to him about it, or just pray for him. I don’t love him any less, it has simply renewed my strength and fervor to do all that I can in order to live a pure love with him. Please, pray for us… and if you have any suggestions as to handle this last situation, I would greatly appreciate all the help. Thank you all.
 
I will pray for you tonight and say a rosary for you. You have opened pandoras box. I know from my own similar experience. I have no answers 🤷
 
Remembering you and your boyfriend in my daily prayers. God bless!

I strongly suggest you speak to your priest. As Gliggle said, you have opened Pandora’s box. The slope is very slippery indeed.
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Sweet November,

Welcome to CAF! I hope your time here is fruitful.

Don’t say anything to your boyfriend about seeing him masturbate. He knows that it’s wrong and there’s no benefit in your telling him that you know. It’ll just embarass him or make him defensive. And it’s not anything you should have seen anyway. But do consider that your falling asleep in the same room may have been an occasion of sin for him. Waking up next to a beautiful woman you love and have seen naked is an intimacy that should be reserved for marriage. While it may have seemed innocent at the time, it can be a real struggle for men and women to sleep near each other, especially if you were both tempted to go father the night before.

I think you ought to continue frequenting the sacraments, especially confession, and double your commitment to pray for your boyfriend and your own resolve not to tempt him. But also, seriously consider discussing whether marriage is something you can commit to sooner than your previous time frame. You’re old enough, devoted, committed, and you’d welcome children if they came today. If the only reservation is that you haven’t saved enough money yet, I wouldn’t pospone marriage any longer. See a priest about starting pre-cana and get a jump on premarital counseling.
 
To point out the obvious, men *generally *have stronger sex drives. If you felt tempted, the temptation for him could have been much stronger.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
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I would be visiting a Priest (both of you together) and discuss your future relationship and marriage with your Parish Priest. I do not know your ages and how long you have both known one another, however, if it is a serious relationship and both in your twenties and obviously in Love; I would be looking at becoming engaged while doing pre-marriage counselling through your Parish Priest and the Catholic Organisation that processes these in your region.

In relation to your boyfriend’s own personal night time act; forgive him for this (it is not to do with you personally) and his business with God. End of story. Do not dwell on this. Try and attend Reconciliation on the same day to ensure that both of you attend; to address the sins you have both committed as quickly as possible.

If your Boyfriend is not Catholic, start looking at Conversion and RCIA Classes for him (particularly if both young starting out in life) before any engagement.
 
I am praying for you and your boyfriend.

I agree with others-- please try not to fret too much about his indiscretion. I have heard of people doing this in their sleep, but really it was a mistake. We all make mistakes all day long. I’m sure he’s not proud of this, but you are both struggling right now and sometimes in struggle there are setbacks.

You sound like a loving and sweet couple. Your commitment is sweet and will make for a happier marriage. I did hear of some advice years ago that seemed good-- sometimes it’s best to avoid things that even appear indecent. Maybe separation while sleeping is best until you are married. If it’s safe and reasonable for you to go home, maybe that’s the best course.
 
Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death,
Amen
 
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