A
Antonius_Lupus
Guest
Dear brother and sisters,
I regret to say that I lost a battle with my addiction yesterday and I fell backwards. This time was different though. I am happy (oddly) that immediately after the high passed I was overcome with shame and regret. This helps me to believe that God is at work in me.
That doesn’t, though, make the feeling any better. I felt very sorry and bitter yesterday as carried the weight of my guilt. What bothers me most is that I had been making incredible progress, but yesterday I chose to submit to the temptation. Still this falling was different.
I feel like this time, there is no difficulty in getting back on my feet. I made a mistake yesterday, I failed and died. But unlike before, now I feel hope. I have hope and the assurance that come Saturday when I confess my sins, I will be able to stand again and start over. I don’t doubt God’s Mercy, but I do doubt my own “ability” to receive His mercy. In the end though, I am sorry for what I have done, although, I can’t say the submission was not enjoyable. I am firmly committed to amending my life, although I doubt my dedication.
Hmm, perhaps it is time to stop doubting myself, and instead to trust in the power of my Lover’s work in me.
I write this post primarily to ask for a specific prayer intention: ***Please pray, my brethren in the Faith, that I may be truly sorry and repentant, and that I may make a good confession and be healed. ***
I am so thankful for your prayers.
Peace be unto you!
-Antonius Ioannes
I regret to say that I lost a battle with my addiction yesterday and I fell backwards. This time was different though. I am happy (oddly) that immediately after the high passed I was overcome with shame and regret. This helps me to believe that God is at work in me.
That doesn’t, though, make the feeling any better. I felt very sorry and bitter yesterday as carried the weight of my guilt. What bothers me most is that I had been making incredible progress, but yesterday I chose to submit to the temptation. Still this falling was different.
I feel like this time, there is no difficulty in getting back on my feet. I made a mistake yesterday, I failed and died. But unlike before, now I feel hope. I have hope and the assurance that come Saturday when I confess my sins, I will be able to stand again and start over. I don’t doubt God’s Mercy, but I do doubt my own “ability” to receive His mercy. In the end though, I am sorry for what I have done, although, I can’t say the submission was not enjoyable. I am firmly committed to amending my life, although I doubt my dedication.
Hmm, perhaps it is time to stop doubting myself, and instead to trust in the power of my Lover’s work in me.
I write this post primarily to ask for a specific prayer intention: ***Please pray, my brethren in the Faith, that I may be truly sorry and repentant, and that I may make a good confession and be healed. ***
I am so thankful for your prayers.
Peace be unto you!
-Antonius Ioannes
