For Catholic Parents: How were you able to have a positive relationship with children who leave the faith?

[carefullytread]

This is a general question for Catholic parents whose children left the faith, either to join another or stopped practicing. This is often straining on the relationship between the parent and the child, especially when the child’s life choices go against the deeply held beliefs of the parent.

For parents in that situation who have managed to maintain or to recover a good, positive relationship with their children, how did you do it? What helped? Was it something your children did, something you realized yourself, something you did together?

 

[DiZent]

Both of my children married outside the church but did not leave the faith. My daughter-in-law was always drawn to the Catholic church & as she helped the children prepare for their sacraments, she began RCIA & was received into the church this Easter. My son-in-law is agnostic, bordering on atheist. He agreed to let my daughter handle anything having to do with religion and the only time he has set foot in the Catholic church was for the children’s Baptisms. The children have attended religious education - oldest is entering his Confirmation prep year - but they don’t have parental example - my daughter rarely attends Mass. They do have me - but my husband does not attend Mass either another lack of good example.

 

[Trishie]

I see the spirit of God in their generosity and kindness.
Those of my adult children’s who left the faith have unbelief that is honest and sincere, therefore for them to practice religion would be empty hypocrisy.
What they do, is to live good and loving, generous lives.
I see how loving, good and kind they are and remember Matthew 25 verses 31-46.
Jesus, who is Judge of souls, judged those who live practical kindness to others as fit for heaven,
and those who lacked active loving-kindness to others as fitting those people for hell.
Those of my children who no longer believe are generous and kind in many ways, often at cost to themselves.
God sees that and God is their judge, not I.
I simply love them as I always did and always will.

 

[christofirst]

I see the spirit of God in their generosity and kindness.
Those of my adult children’s who left the faith have unbelief that is honest and sincere, therefore for them to practice religion would be empty hypocrisy.
What they do, is to live good and loving, generous lives.
I see how loving, good and kind they are and remember Matthew 25 verses 31-46.
Jesus, who is Judge of souls, judged those who live practical kindness to others as fit for heaven,
and those who lacked active loving-kindness to others as fitting those people for hell.
Those of my children who no longer believe are generous and kind in many ways, often at cost to themselves.
God sees that and God is their judge, not I.
I simply love them as I always did and always will.

A very good response! I ask myself, have I overcome tremendous doubt or apathy to stay faithful? The truth is, I have not. I have always easily accepted the gift of faith, by God’s grace. How then, can I judge my son, whose struggle with faith and understanding I have not experienced? No one forces me to stay faithful, so who am I to try to force my adult son?

I also see the good he does, and I keep in mind all of the many people who have strayed from the faith and then came back at a later point in their lives. I remain confident that God, Who wills the salvation of all, can bring about a conversion or reversion right up to the moment of death. I pray that this will happen sooner rather than later, but I trust in God. My good relationship with my son hopefully mirrors God’s love for him.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Just want to share a resource that might be really helpful - Brandon Vogt’s Return book and, if you get an opportunity to view them, his video series that goes along with it. Our parish had the video series during Lent, and it was great. I don’t even have kids, but I have a lot of extended family who no longer practice the Faith, so I attended to pick up some tips for helping them. It’s a really good series. You can get the book for just $5 shipping.

brandonvogt.com/my-books/

 

[LPS]

You’ve already received good answers.

I try to keep in mind that I also wandered away but the LORD brought me back; that God works in His own time; that they remain beautiful reflections of Him and He is working in ways I cannot see. And, if God allows them free will, I must do the same.

That’s not at all to say that my heart doesn’t ache and that I don’t break into tears as I share my sorrow with God.

But they were His before He shared them with me; the best thing I can do for them is to place them in His hands, pray for them and trust in Him.

Love them. Pray for them.

God bless you.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

My parents and grandparents as well as ourselves had a very multi-denominational experience therefore the former were able to see the good in it when we were at other churches and remain hopeful and patient when we were agnostic or backsliding. Though they didn’t often pray with us, they prayed for us.

 

[Phemie]

It distresses me that my children don’t practice their faith and that my grandsons have not been baptized. DD and DS1 are both in invalid marriages, DD with an Anglican, DS1 with a fellow Catholic who also doesn’t practice. DS2 has lived with two different girlfriends that we are aware of.

None of the three live anywhere near us so whenever I get to spend time with them I treat them like I always have, with love. I’ll invite them to accompany me to Mass when I’m going but beyond that I can only lead by example.

 

[St_Francis]

I pray for them and remember that the better our relationship, the easier their return will be.

 

[Nelka]

My children are only five and sometimes I feel I am doing to little in regards to teaching them other than going to Mass every week.

Tonight I prayed the guardian angel prayer with them and a few nights ago those prayer cards I bought 20 odd years ago came in handy when I gave them ones with angels on them.

I really do pray and hope that they have a strong faith.

 

[bmaj]

This is a general question for Catholic parents whose children left the faith, either to join another or stopped practicing. This is often straining on the relationship between the parent and the child, especially when the child’s life choices go against the deeply held beliefs of the parent.

For parents in that situation who have managed to maintain or to recover a good, positive relationship with their children, how did you do it? What helped? Was it something your children did, something you realized yourself, something you did together?

Many people have given excellent and very helpful responses to your thread. When my son told me he was joining a non-Catholic church, he saw the tears which I couldn’t restrain. I told him that he is always welcome back in the Catholic Church, and he knows how much it hurts me that he has left it. I pray for his return daily, and I try to trust in Our Lord’s love and guidance on this difficult issue for many families. I agree with one of the posters above who indicated that the more we show our unconditional love for our children, the more they will see the love of Jesus through us - which may even bring them back sooner to the Church! If we can also show by example (and words) the immense joy and peace that our religion brings to us, that may give them very good reason to seek it in their own lives while still knowing that we love them, no matter what.

God’s blessings always to you and your family.

 

[dixieagle]

I see the spirit of God in their generosity and kindness.
Those of my adult children’s who left the faith have unbelief that is honest and sincere, therefore for them to practice religion would be empty hypocrisy.
What they do, is to live good and loving, generous lives.
I see how loving, good and kind they are and remember Matthew 25 verses 31-46.
Jesus, who is Judge of souls, judged those who live practical kindness to others as fit for heaven,
and those who lacked active loving-kindness to others as fitting those people for hell.
Those of my children who no longer believe are generous and kind in many ways, often at cost to themselves.
God sees that and God is their judge, not I.
I simply love them as I always did and always will.

Such perfect advice! (So good to see you on the boards, Trishie! I’ve missed your wisdom.)