For clarity in purchasing a house that stretches me to take in my aging parents

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howletus

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I just need advice/prayers. I have watched my parents age and become more sedentary and dependent in the last couple years. My parents are currently renting a house. It’s a nice little house that meets their needs but my mom is struggling to get in and out of the shower because of limited space and hip problems. She has already fallen out of her bed once and is now no longer able to even get in and out of the car without help.
It’s only a matter of time before she falls and hurts herself. What she really needs/wants is a walk in tub so she can bathe sitting down. My dad is also starting to have similar issues. Changes to the house would help them in their day to day life and minimize the chances of them getting hurt but, as they are renting, this does not seem to be an option.
I am single and financially able to purchase a larger home to take them in.
I started looking at houses more out of curiosity and my parents and I never even had the conversion about sharing a home but I knew it was something they would want.
We found a home that gives us our own space and checks all the boxes but it stretches me a bit financially. I would loose my current financial freedom and have to give up some of the things I enjoy. The house originally came off the market right after we looked at it. They got a cash offer.
We just decided that it must not have been meant to be but this started the discussions about me taking them in. We looked at several other homes but none got them as excited as that first one. Then the cash offer on the original home fell through.
Failing to make a long story short here but, after meeting with a realtor I ended up making an offer on the house, contingent upon the sale of my house, just to secure it until we could get the necessary appraisal/inspections done and make a decision. Turns out that the listing agent was the same woman that sold my parents home several years back. She is a Eucharistic minister at one of the local churches we frequent and the seller is also an active parishioner. Maybe the stars were aligning.
In the blink of an eye, my house had a buyer, all the inspections and appraisals are done, and the seller has met me half way on all the issues that arose from the inspections.
The problem is, I just can’t make a decision. Stretching myself financially to take my parents in, purchasing a large house, taking on all that comes with a larger house, and even with the house offering me some things that my current house does not and that I’ve always wanted, I just can’t make a decision and wake up every morning with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that any day the realtor is going to call for a final answer.
I have tried taking this to Mass and before the Blessed Sacrament but no clear answer either way.
There is the excitement of having a big, nice, house but fear seems to be the dominant emotion right now. All the “what ifs”.
Sorry for the rant. Prayers and advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all.
 
In this situation, is there any way for your parents to help you defray the monthly costs? While they are alive they may be able to really made a difference to your budget.

Most people are horrified at the idea of taking money from their parents for “rent” but I think you need to consider it. My grandmother just moved in with my parents. Their house is paid off but they charge her “rent” on paper so they can have money to pay for extended home health aids when they are not home. I would suggest perhaps charging them “rent” and having them pay their share of utilties. I would then create a separate account and deposit all of their “rent” in that so when a disaster struck you would have a buffer.

In addition, if this house has a MIL apartment you can rent it out after they are gone. Around my area a one-bedroom MIL apartment with it’s own entrance and kitchen can fetch near $800, two bedroom MIL apartments go for over 1k a month.

Reality is that you should earn more money as time goes on. Eventually, you should have a buffer.

And should you get married you can decide on circumstances with your wife. Before they were married my uncle bought a house with an MIL apartment for his parents. When his parents passed they planned to rent it out. My grandparents (my aunt is my dad’s sister) offered to pay the rent and move in. At the time they really needed the money as they had 3 young children. Now, the children are grown and they are looking at retirement themselves. My aunt and uncle are in a place where they can take the rent for only a few months out of the year so my grandparents can enjoy life as “snowbirds”. They use the rent to cover the utilities for an empty apartment all winter and to maintain the rest of the house.

Basically, I think you need to have a conversation with your parents about what they can chip in. Even if monthly rent is funneled to a "rainy day fund’ it should ease your mind and give you a cushion.
 
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Prayers that you make the right decision for you and your parents …

Divine Mercy Chaplet

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death,
Amen
🙏
 
For your loving sacrifice…may God guide you to security…
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.
 
Praying that you will be able to discern if it is financially feasible for you to make this extremely important and life impacting decision before you give a final decision.
 
Salutations
I understand. My family came from a culture of taking care of our elders. No nursing homes. There weren’t a lot in 1940’s. I was born 1947.
My GM had NANA(her Mom). My Dad had an elderly Uncle. Then, another Uncle My Aunt took her Mom and Dad. I took my Aunt and Uncle in. They died within 2yrs. (1yr apart). I had my Dad and Mom.
I was a nurse, Drove my husband a little crazy sometimes.
You’ll love being w your parents,again Yes, watching them get more infirmed is sad But you can control that which is in your house better than another state. Scripture says,”TAKE CARE OF YOUR PARENTS, EVEN WHEN THEY GET ADDLE MINDED.”
My Uncle was addle minded. HAHA.
There is some stress w your life being interrupted. But, it may only be for 5 yrs. They have some money coming in. Save it to put towards a helper when they get weaker. Or use it as needed.
Your stress is more on taking on a mortgage and responsibilities that come w a home.
It’s a good time to buy. Interests are around 3.5%.
I got a 2.99% and it is so cool watching the principal go down in 15 yr loan.
But, this house excites you and the spiritual connection for you to get it is cool.
Check on age of roof, hot water heater and air conditioning and heating system. Walk around floors in bathrooms for strong flooring. Look under kitchen cabinets for water damage from sink leak
FEAR NOT, IT IS YOUR FATHERS GOOD WISH TO GIVE YOU THE KINGDOM. …
Your Mom and Dad will want to still do things while able. Coming home to a cooked meal. Maybe help w laundry. Your Dad will putter around.
Get Family Hx from them while alive. Put names on back of old pics.
The bath tub— I just bought a walk in tub. I love it.
It was $19,000.00. I took money out of 401k. They gave many discounts. It cost me$11,000.00.
Keep robe near tub. It takes 2 min to drain and you can’t get out till water is gone. My seat is heated I have lights and spa jets and a bidette. Watch out for bidette. It can squirt straight up and hit ceiling
I can get bath done and put in 20 min. Not relaxing in spa bath. If money is not an issue, go for it.
Or w new mortgage, install safety grips. Shower chair. Put non-slip tape on back of rugs.
Your sanity might be compromised a few days here and there. Develop a good sense of humor.
Their lives were compromised 20yrs, if lucky.
Father. You know what is needed. A good thing is planned but the enemy sent fear on a journey to trouble this person. Send him a happy angel to calm him. Let him appreciate this home he likes and enjoy the few years left w his parents.
In Jesus name
Amen
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
Thank you all for your prayers and advice. I have to make a decision by tomorrow. I went to Mass with my parents this morning and ironically the listing agent was the one that gave us Communion. We started talking outside after Mass. I don’t think she (the listing agent) was even aware that I was having doubts about the house before today as I have kept that between my realtor and I.
I told her it was still just a very difficult decision and I have been taking it to Mass and prayer daily but no lightning bolt or sign one way or the other.
She said that one thing she learned from the Charismatic Renewal was that most times there isn’t a lightning bolt but there are usually doors that close. So the house is still there. I still haven’t made a final decision as of 24 hours before I have to.
This does stretch me financially. I worry about social security being exhausted by the time I retire and this money that I am using to supplement the down payment would be making up for that. No doors have closed on this yet.
As mentioned I am single and always wondered if God was going to call me to the Priesthood or religious life at some point. I may be afraid that in buying a big house and taking my parents in, I am closing the door on another vocation that God may call me to. At 46, I still don’t have a clear idea of what God wants to use me for other than working through me in my current state in life.

Continued prayers that I make the right decision for me and my family and still remain open to a higher calling.

Thank you all. Additional advice and (name removed by moderator)ut is welcome.
 
Salutations Howletus,
One day ago was your last text. You must have made your decision now. There is another alternative—- KEEP LOOKING. Get a more reasonably priced house OR get a cheap one and build a room on it. The good, old Mother-in-Law suite.
Your misgiving could be your financial conscience being free ightener for good reason. Not sure anting house does not mean you don’t want parents. Keep looking. Your parents have income!! Do you include their income??
Senior citizen apts could be your answer. The ones w bingo and hair dressers.
46yo.=vocation??! A friend priest said,”The guest priest spoke of vocation needs.”He said,”WHEN YOU GO TO COMMUNION, ASK IF GOD WANTS YOU TO BE A PRIEST.”
WELL, he did! He started constantly thinking about it. He was obedient. This was nothing he saw for his future. When applicants entered Seminary, they threw their bags down. Tossed stuff around. They all didn’t want to be called.,
May God give you wisdom on this issue. Help him make his parents feel loved and wanted and secure.
Your Word states “You will give us the desires of our heart.” Reveal Your desires in his heart.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
Divine Mercy Chaplet

O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
Thank you all again for your prayers. Believe it or not, I still haven’t made a decision. But the seller is being patient with me, at least last I heard. I am on borrowed time now and the seller has the right to cancel our contract at any time now that we are outside original time frame to make a decision. I don’t know what these demons are that are making it so difficult to make a decision. Fear of regret and/or making the wrong decision has me a bit paralyzed.

Come Holy Spirit and speak to my mind and heart to make and have peace in my decision.
Continued prayers for those here that are dealing with struggles that are far worse than mine. Give me the grace to put this decision in perspective and realize that me and my parents will be taken care of no matter what we decide.

I thank you and pray for you all.
 
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
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