For Men: Would you be a stay at home father?

[Hermione]

Lilyofthevalley:

Yes, but reluctantly because I don’t want to take away my wife’s intellectual/professional fulfillment​

Stay-at-home mom’s are not intellectually fufilled???

Let me tell you about my own mother. When she was young she was extremely smart. She won math competitions, she got accepted into very competitive programs at colleges, got a degree in engineering etc.

Then she married, had children, and for many years every single day of her life consisited of getting groceries, making food, cooking, doing laundry, taking kids to school etc. etc.

After her children grew up she was not able to go back to the workplace because she forgot a lot of what she learned in college and companies just don’t hire engineers who didn’t work for 20 years.

Right now my mother has a very low self esteem and feels worthless a lot of the time.

My father on the other hand made no such sacrifice and spend his life working a job he enjoyed and coming home to cooked food, clean house, clean clothing, and kids who were taken care of so all he had to do was play fun games with them.

 

[siamesecat]

My moms a stay at home mom and my dad had a high powered job. He was looking to go into businesss so my mom opted to raise the kids. My dad retired @ 45 this year and my mom is looking to go back to work. It was nice having one parent home. I dont think it matters which one. But as someone mentioned, a trend ive noticed in homes where both my friends parents work fulltime, the mom still does all cooking and chores. And even though my dads retired, my mom is still cooking and folding his clothes and it makes me kind of angry. If both are not working, they should split the duties. Ive never learned to cook so if I get married my husband and I are going to be splitting the duties as i plan to have a career as well. The only downside of being a stay at home dad is that its more uncommon, so when they go to PTO meetings or whatever theyre one of the only guys there. But the more dads that take on that role, the less of a problem this will be. Bottomline, one parent should do their best to stay home with the kids, male or female, but both parents should play a large part in the upbringing.

 

[StevenAC]

I would, but only out of neccessity. I believe in old fashioned values about this. I know I am not as patient with my boys or as nurturing as their Mother is. The best I colud envision is shared at-home parenting.

 

[trevor]

Alright, get your rocks at the ready!! The email you have been waiting for.

I can’t speak for everyone of course so let me just say, I got it. You feel that both a husband and a wife should raise a family and earn money together. I got it. I don’t agree with you 100% however, so we will have to agree to disagree.

What is up with the intellectually challenging and interesting jobs? I have read this at least 4 times in seperate posts. Go get one! You do not need anyone’s permission.

Now for the rocks. Today, if a man says that he expects or wants his wife to work at home he is labeled as sexist. If a wife wants to stay at home and raise her children, she has given up her life.

All these are are labels that others apply to them. In the end, these labels mean nothing because people will do what they want to or feeled called to do by God. It’s really quite that simple.

So go get a job. I truly hope it works out for you and that you can have everything you want if that is God’s wish. Don’t get weighed down by what you may consider to be a big conspiracy to keep women in their proper places. There isn’t one, however, there are good and bad people out there.

Peace,
Trevor

 

[Scott_Lafrance]

The entire concept of wasting 50+ hours a week at a cube farm (or whatever) in pursuit of a “career” is so 80s. With all of the potential to work from home, I am surprised that this is still a problem for most families.

 

[SDA2RC]

Hermione:

Right now my mother has a very low self esteem and feels worthless a lot of the time.

My father on the other hand made no such sacrifice and spend his life working a job he enjoyed and coming home to cooked food, clean house, clean clothing, and kids who were taken care of so all he had to do was play fun games with them.

I do not get this… Does your mom have a low self esteem because she did a terrible job raising her kids? Because she hated it? Or because she would have rather been an engineer than a mother?

That is great that your father was able to work a job he enjoyed and provide a home where you could grow up without being shuffled around from babysitter to daycare to nanny, to babysitter your entire lives. Many men are not able to to that, even more men are not able to do it in a job they really enjoy! What a blessing!!

Brandon

 

[john_ennis]

Hermione:

Let me tell you about my own mother. When she was young she was extremely smart. She won math competitions, she got accepted into very competitive programs at colleges, got a degree in engineering etc.

Then she married, had children, and for many years every single day of her life consisited of getting groceries, making food, cooking, doing laundry, taking kids to school etc. etc.

After her children grew up she was not able to go back to the workplace because she forgot a lot of what she learned in college and companies just don’t hire engineers who didn’t work for 20 years.

Right now my mother has a very low self esteem and feels worthless a lot of the time.

My father on the other hand made no such sacrifice and spend his life working a job he enjoyed and coming home to cooked food, clean house, clean clothing, and kids who were taken care of so all he had to do was play fun games with them.

Even as I respect your mother’s sacrifice, and sympathize that she was not able to utilize certain abilities she had, it’s hard to understand how she could feel worthless, or have “low self-esteem.” Does she recognize that she sacrificed herself for her kids? Does she see it as a work of love? Does she see her current state, and any suffering it requires of her, as a continuation of that work of love?

I don’t trivialize what she has been suffering, not at all. In fact, it is because what she did was SUCH a sacrifice, that it seems to me a misunderstanding of it, for her to see it as something to resent.

You might ask her, lovingly, would she feel better about herself if she had only sacrificed a little less for her family?

Peace.
John

 

[goravens]

Scott_Lafrance:

The entire concept of wasting 50+ hours a week at a cube farm (or whatever) in pursuit of a “career” is so 80s. With all of the potential to work from home, I am surprised that this is still a problem for most families.

Both my husband and I would love to be at home with our children especially while they’re young. But he’s a teacher and I’m a social worker - not much chance of working from home in either of those positions. We’re not interested in high-powered careers or living in a cubicle, we just happen to believe that our work is part of our vocations. We very much look forward to having a family, and it is/will be our priority, but we realize that it won’t be simple from either a time or financial perspective. Sometimes it’s just not as easy as people say.

 

[Scott_Lafrance]

goravens:

Both my husband and I would love to be at home with our children especially while they’re young. But he’s a teacher and I’m a social worker - not much chance of working from home in either of those positions. We’re not interested in high-powered careers or living in a cubicle, we just happen to believe that our work is part of our vocations. We very much look forward to having a family, and it is/will be our priority, but we realize that it won’t be simple from either a time or financial perspective. Sometimes it’s just not as easy as people say.

I agree, I just feel that for me personally, being personally responsible for raising my children is my primary vocation. If I can instill the values that allow my 5 kids to make an impact on the world, and they impact others, and so on and so forth, it will be worth it for me. That is why I am not stuck on a particular method for making money. I just choose the way that allows me to make the most amount of money in the shortest period of time without violating my ethical standards, so I can spend more time doing the things that I consider to be of greater value.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I used to work at a Home Improvement chain. I was an assistant reciever. That is I worked in the back of the store (the warehouse) and recieved all the product that came to the store.

One of the guys who worked on the stocking crew partime was a stay at home dad. His wife was a dispatcher at a trucking company so she was a member of the teamsters union.

The people who seemed to have the biggest problem with this and called this guy a loser were all the women.

 

[Steven_Merten]

I am a stay at home dad and loving it!

When I was still single, I met, dated and started talking about marriage with a woman (not the woman I ended up marrying). She became very serious and started talking about her difficult journey through college and then starting her career. She said she was not going to give all this up to stay at home raising kids. I got a big grin on my face. She said, “why are you grinning”. I said, “I believe that it is only natural and her right for the woman to stay at home and raise the kids. However, if the woman chooses not to do so, I would just love to be the stay at home dad.” That went over like a led balloon. I could see in her face that this was a concept that she had never dreamed of in a million years. She soon left me.

I am sure that part of the reason for her leaving was that she had never dreamt of not having a dual income. But I firmly believe their was a bigger loss at stake for her. Mom is the first person a child runs to when they skin their knee. Mom is the primary vision in childhood memories and mom is the first person a fifty year old wants to talk to when they call home. I believe that women have a tremendous biological need to be that person. I believe that when it is the father at home with the children he is not just a stay at home dad but can become “Mom”. I think when the woman above had to choose between the man she loved, career or being mom, it was the man she loved who had to go.

Even my wife spent time at home with the kids to firmly establish in their minds just who mom is before I was allowed to become stay at home dad. There is no denying that there is a special unequaled bond between a child and their mom and we would not have it any other way.

When I tell women that I am a stay at home dad and loving it, I frequently get the response, “Well who wouldn’t.” I have yet to hear the response, “Steve you are such an understanding loving male to allow your wife her personal growth through her career while you stay at home with the kids.”

Peace in Christ,
Steven Merten

www.ILOVEYOUGOD.com

 

[FrankvT]

ByzCath:

I used to work at a Home Improvement chain. I was an assistant reciever. That is I worked in the back of the store (the warehouse) and recieved all the product that came to the store.

One of the guys who worked on the stocking crew partime was a stay at home dad. His wife was a dispatcher at a trucking company so she was a member of the teamsters union.

The people who seemed to have the biggest problem with this and called this guy a loser were all the women.

I find this odd because in my it has been the exact opposite.

 

[TheGarg]

Hermione:

Right now my mother has a very low self esteem and feels worthless a lot of the time.

That is because she needs to hear affirmation from those people who are important to her, about how much she did for her family means to them. A little appreciation goes a long way.

I commend your mom, and any parent that does what she did. If it was easy to be the stay at home parent then everyone would do it. She had the guts to do the job that so many people run from nowadays.

Your perception of her life needs to change, and is part of the problem. I am not being mean, or at least not trying to be, but if this is how you percieve why she is depressed, then you need to change your perception for her sake.
Defend your mother’s devotion, proclaim it to the world! Let it show in your body language when you talk about her. Heck, go get a trophy made for her and let her know that what she did for you and the rest of her family was the most important thing in the world. …that is a good idea come to think of it, im gonna do something like that for my mom this year for mother’s day…

Just a thought.

Peace of the Lord be with you all.

 

[Tietjen]

I served in the Army for 10½ years while my wife’s was a “stay-at-home” mom. She put up with moves all over the world, with my deployments and field exercises not to mention a yearlong separation do to an unaccompanied tour in Korea. During those years, she went back to school and completed her degree in accounting. I left the military eventually because I was missing everything important that was happening with my kids; first words, steps, first day of school, etc. When I left, I got a full time job and attended school fulltime. After earning my degree, she decided to start her career since we were no longer moving every 2 years. Currently, I am the “stay-at-home” dad and she is the wage earner. I can’t say that I like it very much, though I do understand how she must have felt when the Army was always calling me away. She has business trips at least 1 every month, and she puts in 10-12 hour days at work. There are definitely times I resent not her but her job’s demands on her time; but I suppose that’s life. I have, had jobs/careers since leaving the military, but have had to just recently give up the job that I truly loved do to a transfer/promotion that my wife was given. It called for her to move out of state. Therefore, rather than have her turn down the promotion and stifle her career, I choose to give up my career and follow her to her new assignment. Now here I am at home, it’s 4am, and the wife is away on another business trip. I am not working (but I am looking for SOMETHING part-time) opting instead to finish raising the kids (their in high school now). I do all the household things such as the laundry (just started a load), grocery shopping (will be leaving to do that today after the kids get off to school), cleaning, cooking, picking up the dry cleaning, and chauffeuring the kids to and from baseball, etc. Yes, I believe that if a wife/mother wants to work she should. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there wasn’t some amount of resentment on my part given this situation. I’m 40 years old now, and have no career, no pensions, etc. While I find it very important that someone was there at all times to raise the children and take care of the house, I wish there had been a better way to do it. My wife and I are now going through some rough times in the marriage and there is talk of a separation. How does a 40-year-old man who has no career suddenly start over? Had I to do everything over again, I don’t know if I would have ever left the military but the past is the past and I only have today. So, is it okay for a husband to be a “stay-at-home” dad? Yes, but I think that it takes two spouses strong in their faith and in their relationship to be able to do it.

 

[burnside]

I’m a bachelor who had a job i hated and,if i had been married with children,i would have been only too happy to stay at home
and do the housework and look after the children,providing my wife was able to get a more enjoyable job that paid as well.In
addition of course,i have had to do my own housework for years now.
My father outlived my mother by 22 years,but just a few years before my mother died i would have expected my father to die first.His job was to make the ink used to print newspapers.He was breathing this black powder into his system,not eating properly and coughing up black phlegm like i might have expected if he had stayed in his first job as a coal miner.Luckily,
he managed to move into a much healthier job.
The reservations i would have about this arrangement is that,even when a man is bringing in the money,he doesn’t seem to get much choice about what gets bought for the home.On the other hand,i have heard an unemployed man being told by his working wife that he didn’t get to choose as she would be paying the bill.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

How does a 40-year-old man who has no career suddenly start over?​

There are programs which help people in this situations. Local Community Colleges have some good programs and are a good start.

 

[Scott_Lafrance]

Lilyofthevalley:

How does a 40-year-old man who has no career suddenly start over?​

There are programs which help people in this situations. Local Community Colleges have some good programs and are a good start.

By making a decision not to lie down and play dead.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Scott yes. I was responding to another poster, but he should know there are many programs which assist people in his situation. The Community college in his area should help.

 

[AHapka]

Yes, in a heartbeat if my wife was making enough. I find myself looking forward to my days off taking care of my son instead of working a high stress job. I’d be lying if I said I love it, but God gave me this job to provide for my family and I see working at it as bearing my daily cross. The Lord made it abundantly clear to us after Adam’s sin that we would have to work in life, and Jesus made it clear that he didn’t care about our occupation, only our response to him (See Luke 18:9-14).

Andy

 

[Island_Oak]

Kevin Walker:

I have traditional veiws towards the roles of men and women in society, and I stick by them - it is a man’s role to take care of the family no matter what!

So therefore, YES I would be a stay at home father if the situation warranted it.

Fabulous…love it…