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How do you suppress or ward off desire? I grew up in a church that stressed chastity, and for most of my life that was easy – I had weight issues that meant my sexual interest was zero. In recent years, though, I’ve gotten to a healthy weight, and evidently that’s caused a hormonal shift; I’m more aggressive, more energetic, and for the first time, utterly distracted by women. It’s like having a chimpanzee inside me, screeching and flailing, trying to get out. I do my best to stay guarded from desire, but I work in a public place and am constantly around women. I’m pretty good at ‘custody of the eyes’, and I don’t dwell on sexual thoughts, but I’d like to know of ways to diminish physical urges. What’s worked for you guys in the past? Cold showers? Exercise? Prayer?
 
You recognize that it’s a mortal sin, and then move on. 🤷

Pretty much what worked for me.:compcoff:
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Get married and embrace it?
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Yes, this.

Chastity is important, but your interest in women may be a sign that you are called to be married. Sexuality is an important component of marriage.

I have heard that all three things you mention (prayer, exercise, cold showers) work temporarily, though. They’ve been known to work for women, too. (Though sometimes I mop my floor. :p)
 
Potter said:
How do you suppress or ward off desire? I grew up in a church that stressed chastity, and for most of my life that was easy – I had weight issues that meant my sexual interest was zero. In recent years, though, I’ve gotten to a healthy weight, and evidently that’s caused a hormonal shift; I’m more aggressive, more energetic, and for the first time, utterly distracted by women. It’s like having a chimpanzee inside me, screeching and flailing, trying to get out. I do my best to stay guarded from desire, but I work in a public place and am constantly around women. I’m pretty good at ‘custody of the eyes’, and I don’t dwell on sexual thoughts, but I’d like to know of ways to diminish physical urges. What’s worked for you guys in the past? Cold showers? Exercise? Prayer?
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Exercise tends to cause an increase in testosterone, especially from doing squats and deadlifts. You’ll probably feel more desire.

St. Paul says its better to get married than burn with desire. But for someone like me, in which marriage doesnt seem like its going to happen anytime soon, I really have no clue what to do to cope with it. I dont think prayer is going to supress or effect hormones in any way.

Btw, I know what you mean about the inner chimpanzee lol. Its extremely frustrating being a ball of testosterone and walking around turned on all day, every day. If you find anything that works, lete know.
 
Ignore it. It’s worse when you’re married and sleeping next to each other.
 
It is important to recognize the strength of the sexual urges in men and women, that should legitimately come together in the establishment of a family in marriage. This is the natural finalisation of desire, however the middle ground is muddy.
I would suggest you are feeling nothing dissimilar to the feelings of most men, and they seem to be able to control these without too much social mayham or embarrassment.
Finding a good woman is a good start, marriage is a good solution. The middle ground is muddy. Mud requires prayer.
 
pensmama87 said:
Chastity is important, but your interest in women may be a sign that you are called to be married. Sexuality is an important component of marriage
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Because religious and clergy don’t have sexual urges? 😛
 
Lamentation said:
Because religious and clergy don’t have sexual urges? 😛
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If the OP has a vocation, I must have missed it.

But seriously, if he isn’t clergy or religious, and experiences strong attraction to a woman, he might do well to discern if he is called to marry her. 🤷
 
Hubby and I need to abstain for about half the month while using NFP. It’s tough.

We work around it by running. We run anyway but we pick up the pace or distance when I’m ovulating and it’s hardest to abstain.

Prayer does work and I do pray more when it’s harder to abstain but running helps me handle the physical need for my husband.

I also add on more housework and try to keep myself busy throughout the day.
 
pensmama87 said:
Yes, this.

Chastity is important, but your interest in women may be a sign that you are called to be married. Sexuality is an important component of marriage.

I have heard that all three things you mention (prayer, exercise, cold showers) work temporarily, though. They’ve been known to work for women, too. (Though sometimes I mop my floor. :p)
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Not a good primary reason to base a life long commitment on…somehow, “honey, I cannot control my sexual urges, so will you marry me so I have a legitimate outlet?”, Isn’t probably going to go over well.
 
pensmama87 said:
But seriously, if he isn’t clergy or religious, and experiences strong attraction to a woman, he might do well to discern if he is called to marry her. 🤷
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Uhhh, I think he (or I) would have about 20 wives within the next week. For some men, strong attractions are ordinary, everyday things.

I don’t think it’s worth worrying about, OP. Don’t seek out temptation, and pray for help to resist it. Eschew lust, accept attraction. 🤷
 
I think that gist here is that there will always be a need to control your lower passions.

Prayer does work for me, but it takes a lot of it. I think I have a stronger drive than most men. I am in pretty decent shape and getting fat isn’t really an option for me. I had hoped it would get easier in my 30’s, but instead I just got arthritis.

Fasting works better and abstaining from meat on Fridays. The reason it works is because it is an exercise of the will over the lower passions. It trains us to be attuned to God and to be steadfast. I’ve always needed a small thing to cling on to, a saying, or a thought, and it changes with time. Something like the wedding at Cana where Mary told the servants “do whatever he tells you”. Then I wrap myself in that thought and contemplate for a while. It is for me a useful technique for when desire strikes. Also, frequent the sacraments. Confession regularly and Holy Communion more than once a week helps.

I know, it is the same old advice as that for which we should all do all the time. The smaller temptations to other sins haven’t been a problem for me for some time. Not that I am saying this is necessarily a sin, but requires the same control over oneself.
 
Thank you all for the advice so far. I haven’t started dating yet, because at my age (29), it’s harder to find single women with attractive personalities and characters. I’m not currently in discernment for a religious vocation; while I’m often attracted by that, I have a strong desire and hope to be a husband and father one day. I don’t know which path God will lead me down, though.
 
Pray the Hail Mary, whenever you have any thought of lust.

Stay away from alcohol; when self control is compromised it is incredibly difficult to battle lust.

If you feel certain physical effects of lust, or a kind of excited appetite; fasting is a great tool. Throughout history saints have used and advocated fasting as a way of combating lust; Augustine thought there was some connection in bodily functions and the appetites, and in practice it seems to work, even if it is part pseudo-science. After all, the pangs of hunger are a good distraction from lust.
 
Potter said:
How do you suppress or ward off desire? …but I’d like to know of ways to diminish physical urges. What’s worked for you guys in the past? Cold showers? Exercise? Prayer?
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I have not personally tried it, buy I theorize death is the only “works every time” solution.

Desire in and of itself is not the problem, as irritating as it often is.
 
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