For People who think Marriage is needed for Happiness

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Marc_Anthony

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This is reposted from another thread.

My Aunt is in her 50s. She’s had one boyfriend her entire life. Never been married. As far as I know a virgin, although I have no intention of asking.

You couldn’t ask for a better person. She lives in the upper story of the house with my grandmother so she can be close and help take care of her. She’s started her own charity in her area where she takes donated toys and essentials around Christmas and gives them to needy families. She is a devout Christian, and she’s paid for all of us to go see shows (plays) twice (like, 40-90 dollar per ticket shows).

She’s as happy as anybody else I’ve ever seen, and certainly perfectly content. Never, ever, ever ONCE got even the HINT that she has a problem with being single.

It all depends on your attitude. What do you need for happiness? Do you need a “Mrs. Right”? Or do you need to love others, whether it’s in marriage or out of it? Truth is, if you’re not called for it you’re not called for it. But if your focus is on love, not necessarily marriage, then you can and should be perfectly happy.

Now, me: I am 18. I have a girlfriend. But if we were to break up and I never had another girlfriend…I’d be okay with that. There’s more to life. 🙂
 
Sounds like your aunt has a good perspective on life Marc. And you as well! And at such a young age. 👍
I’m also a single woman in my 50’s, have never been married and am happy. Loneliness is not a problem. If I want to see people, I have family and friends. If I want a “date” type of evening out, I have a gentleman friend with whom I have a purely platonic relationship who will go any time I ask.
Blessings to you and your aunt.
 
okay, not to disagree, but what about people who truly feel called to married but it just doesn’t work out? I myself worry about this because i’m not a very attractive guy, and I worry that because of that I won’t be able to live out my vocation, and isn’t the point of living our lives to fulfill our vocation, which in turn makes us happy?
 
benjammin said:
okay, not to disagree, but what about people who truly feel called to married but it just doesn’t work out? I myself worry about this because i’m not a very attractive guy, and I worry that because of that I won’t be able to live out my vocation, and isn’t the point of living our lives to fulfill our vocation, which in turn makes us happy?
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I can’t speak for you, obviously-but if there’s honestly nobody you’re willing to marry/willing to marry you that you’ve met, maybe you’re not called to marriage.

Of course, this is your life, not mine. I just think it’s not so much accepting that you’ll never find somebody rather than accepting that IF you never find somebody you can still live a holy life and be happy.
 
I am learning, slowly, that marriage itself is not needed to be happy. There are many times when I am very, very lonely as of yet. Things are kind of coming to an equilibrium, one day at a time.
 
No matter what road in life we are walking on…one we like and choose…or…one we don’t like and didn’t choose…God is right there next to us…walking with us…we are never alone…and that is the real answer and reason for peace and tranquility in life…we are never alone and he loves us no matter what…until the end of time and into eternity…if we simply have faith and trust in him.

Pax Christi
 
I know many single people who are devout Catholics (one is an Evangelical). They all have a lot going on in their lives and to me they seem perfectly happy. I’m sure they feel lonely at times, but hey, who doesn’t? I surely do on occasion and I’m married. Marriage is definitely not a solution to finding happiness because it brings all sorts of issues and challenges that single people don’t have to deal with. I think that people who have God at the centre of their life are happy because they are filled with love, His love.
 
Marc_Anthony said:
Do you need a “Mrs. Right”? Or do you need to love others, whether it’s in marriage or out of it? Truth is, if you’re not called for it you’re not called for it. But if your focus is on love, not necessarily marriage, then you can and should be perfectly happy.
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Well, I can only be happy with loving myself for so long. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting someone else to love. 😛
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I know many single people who are devout Catholics (one is an Evangelical). They all have a lot going on in their lives and to me they seem perfectly happy. I’m sure they feel lonely at times, but hey, who doesn’t? I surely do on occasion and I’m married. Marriage is definitely not a solution to finding happiness because it brings all sorts of issues and challenges that single people don’t have to deal with. I think that people who have God at the centre of their life are happy because they are filled with love, His love.
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I agree with this, and well said. I think I’d like to be married at some point, but I can’t begin to imagine the kinds of challenges involved.
 
I think it’s apples and oranges really. Some do well and marriage works for them others not so much. I’ve always been single but that wasn’t my first choice. I think many people feel they were called to one or the other and don’t always get their wish and so feel a little empty inside. There’s nothing wrong with being single but most prefer to be married for companionship, children, family…whatever. When you wanted those experiences and relationships in your life and don’t get them it’s hard for folks. :banghead::ouch:
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Marriage is definitely not a solution to finding happiness because it brings all sorts of issues and challenges that single people don’t have to deal with. I think that people who have God at the centre of their life are happy because they are filled with love, His love.
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You are comparing the best parts parts of single life with the worst challenges of married life.

NOT a comparison.

Also, you are defining happiness as “lack of issues and challenges”, which is not even close to what true Godly happiness means.
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
Well, I can only be happy with loving myself for so long. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting someone else to love. 😛
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It’s not about loving yourself but rather living a life of love (and friendship) married or not married.
 
agapewolf said:
You are comparing the best parts parts of single life with the worst challenges of married life.

NOT a comparison.

Also, you are defining happiness as “lack of issues and challenges”, which is not even close to what true Godly happiness means.
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I’m saying I know singles who are happy and married people who are happy. I’m not making a comparison between anything-I myself WANT to be married. But not being married is okay.

Define happiness how you want it, but if you met my Aunt the last thing you’d say is that she isn’t happy-nor is her life easy (when on EARTH did I imply that?).
 
Marc_Anthony said:
I’m saying I know singles who are happy and married people who are happy. I’m not making a comparison between anything-I myself WANT to be married. But not being married is okay.

Define happiness how you want it, but if you met my Aunt the last thing you’d say is that she isn’t happy-nor is her life easy (when on EARTH did I imply that?).
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Uh… why don’t you read what I quoted and was responding to.
 
Marc_Anthony said:
I can’t speak for you, obviously-but if there’s honestly nobody you’re willing to marry/willing to marry you that you’ve met, maybe you’re not called to marriage.
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This is not taking into account our fallen nature and our free will. God can have a plan for a person to be married, but He does not force a person to be married.

Example: boy meets girl. Girl is everything boy could hope for in a mate…except she is rather vain and shallow. Boy hopes girl will mature. Boy considers possible future marriage. Boy courts girl. Girl runs off with new guy she meets. Boy is heartbroken. Pattern repeats till girl runs out of new cute guys to run off with. Girl misses first boy, realizing he was perfect for her had she only seen it.

Another example: boy meets girl. Girl is smitten. Boy is mostly good to girl during courtship, but there are some warning signs. Girl ignores them because she is so “in love”. Boy and girl marry. Husband starts acting like a monster to his wife, confirming the warning signs she chose to ignore.

First example, who is to say that they were not meant to marry each other? Second example, who is to say that they should have married each other?

We have free will and fallen natures. Sometimes we choose to run away fromGod’s plans for us, which He means for our good. Then we make disasters out of our lives and the lives of those who are close to us. We must recognize that our actions can have lifelong or even eternal consequences.
 
If I knew I could handle lifelong celibacy, there’s a chance I’d be wearing a collar by now.
 
Very much this. I have never felt the desire to be married. I find many people cannot understand this. Some even get offended or defensive (primarily young men). Many do not understand how a young woman could have a desire for something other than a husband and children. I have had people assume that it’s some twisted result of “feminism” causing me to hate men and rebel against God’s will for my life. Very few consider that perhaps not all are called to marry.
 
I think it depends on the person. I would love to be the type that could be happy alone. Being married is painful.
 
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