For purity and reconciliation

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JLCecilia

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Feeling really cruddy b/c I didn’t get to take Communion yesterday. Really needed confession after blowing up on DH Saturday night and of course there’s nothing available Sunday morning and Fr is out all week till Friday. Really need God’s graces b/c I’m dwelling on things I shouldn’t be and can’t stop thinking about them. Just lonely and missing DH and overwhelmed with all of my obligations, I mentally dismiss him and latch on to the least cordial gestures of another to sooth the ache.

St. Michael, pray for me.
 
Praying that the Lord will help you to be open to His graces.

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
Yes, the Lord’s Prayer is so good. The disciples came to Jesus and asked him to teach them to pray, and He said, when you pray, say this… (Luke 11, beginning in verse 1). Like everyone I have had rough spots in my life. Slowly, meditatively praying the Lord’s Prayer has brought me much peace, and reconciliation with Almighty God and my fellows. I then usually slowly and meditatively pray three Hail Mary’s, three Fatima Prayers, and three Glory Be’s. Almost always this leads me to a place of meditation and a “bubbling up”, as of living water, of personal prayers of gratitude (thanking God’s providential grace that I am in the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church, and that I have been “grafted into” the Communion of Saints).

For purity, think on the Holy Virgin Mary. Devote yourself to her, whom God chose to be His great Mother. Ask for her intercession as often as you have spare time. Oh, the love that she has, and her ardent desire to bring us before the blessed Fruit of her womb: her Most Holy Son!

May God richly bless you! (P. S., I also pray the “old” Act of Hope often. As we become familiar with the deposit of Faith we can cling to by the use of prayer, we are enlivened and enriched. St. Paul said, “Pray ceaselessly”, this means, be willing to live in a spirit of speaking to Almighty God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, the great Mother of God, and the Apostles and Saints. If you have a patron saint, make appeals to him or her. Example: “St. Clare, pray for me.” St. James’ Epistle has this encouragement, “The effectual, fervent prayer of the righteous availeth much.”)
 
May Our Lady shower down graces upon you and help you to carry your cross heroically.

Hail Mary…

Amen.
 
I am so sick over this. I am awake all night just playing things out in my head and I’m even hitting the snooze button so I can linger on it awhile longer. I’m thinking about it as I’m making breakfast and even while I’m talking to my children, when I’m doing my chores, at my desk at work. I played it out all during Adoration. I am totally obsessed! I am not loving my husband any more or blessing my marriage with this garbage. I am not even putting up a fight!
 
Thank God for physical suffering: up all night doubled over in pain meant I wasn’t able to just lay there and let my mind wander where it shouldn’t. Not that I hadn’t already earlier in the evening. Another sting though was when I tried to bring it up to DH and he just brushed me off and went on to his study. I was so hurt, it just builds upon the feelings of neglect and nothingness that I’ve allowed to lead me to this sin.

Thank you for your prayers, please keep them up.
 
Actually physically ill over my heartache from emotional neglect. If I so much as bring this up to DH, I can just see him rolling his eyes over me being overly dramatic and emotional and brushing me off. My neediness annoys him. That’s why I hold it in and keep to myself. So frustrating to not have any sort of release. I’m too embarrassed to tell my girlfriends b/c they rave about their husbands.

Since counseling this spring and with him going back to school and having less time for us, I’ve made a point for us to go out on a date every month. Next weekend is our date and I had very specific tasks in mind that we need to accomplish, but now he wants to go with his brother and SIL. Since BIL doesn’t get off work till 6pm, this means dinner only, I’m not going to get anything done and DH and I won’t have alone time to talk. I actually feel robbed that here was my chance to have time with DH and he’s sold it to someone else. He loves getting together w/ his brother and SIL and I normally do too, but when I feel like this, I don’t want to be around ANYBODY. Esp. when my plans are dashed. Guess that’s just selfish.

The cherry on my Sunday was when DS (6yo) could barely make it to his seat without crying yesterday when I picked him up from school. All he wants is to be with me (and I had to go back to work). All 3 of my kids are begging more and more to be with me and DH and he NEVER does anything w/ us as a family. I can’t even get him to eat dinner with us on the weekends.

So sick of all this and we go over it again and again and nothing changes!!!
 
Oh JLCecilia… wish I could offer you a real dry shoulder. I can relate. ((((Hugs)))) I’ll be praying.
 
Thank you Loren. DH was frustrated with my frustration and it’s clear to me that we’re just not communicating with one another clearly. He said that I knew it would be this way going into the whole school thing, but ‘knowing’ doesn’t change the impact when the rubber hits the road. Softens the blow a little, but I’m not sure I’ll ever convince him of my need to be ‘seen’ by him, I mean, really seen. I just feel invisible. He isn’t one to give compliments and I have a great need for affirmation, so I never feel pretty enough or witty or clever or industrial enough. And believe me, I bust my butt and I try so hard to impress him and it seems he doesn’t notice. It actually hurts to get compliments from others b/c it’s only a reminder that HE doesn’t notice me.
 
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