For those of you who have long term heavy crosses to bear

[Convert_in_99]

How do you keep going on? I just am totally at the end of my rope and have been struggling with thoughts of suicide. I am not going to act on these but I just can’t get strength to keep going.

I’m on three prescription meds for anxiety and depression. I’m on many other meds to help with other health issues. They help some but they don’t give me strength to keep enduring this seemingly endless trial of suffering. There’s nothing more the doctor can do. I feel God is a million miles away, I can’t get through to Him. I cant figure out how to keep going on. I can’t work or take care of the house, I can barely take care of myself. I feel useless, worthless, exhausted beyond belief and empty of all strength through and through. God is so far away. Prayer does absolutely nothing for me save make me more sad and depressed because I feel so estranged from God right now.

How do you keep going without the strength you need from outside sources?

 

[pensmama87]

In addition to the meds for anxiety and depression, do you have regular appointments with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist? Could you up the frequency of those appointments? I know when I was deep in post-partum depression we met very frequently, and then began to space them out…with stern reminders from my therapist to make sure to call if it was too much time, and not to feel like needing to check in more meant that I was somehow failing.

Does your health permit going out with friends or socializing? Do you get to go out with your husband? I keep a list of books to read and movies to see, and then request them at the library. Do you have hobbies or could you start one?

Praying for you as well.

 

[Horton]

I too have a chronic debilitating illness. I stopped working three years ago. I wake up in pain and go to sleep in pain. My illness has what I call waves of intensity. Some days are better than others. Overdoing it will generally send me to bed for a day or two. As it is I spend 12-14 hours a day in bed.

BUT…I offer it up to God. I ask the Blessed Mother to help me deal with it. I go to Mass, attend Church functions, do some volunteering (a couple hours a day, 3 days a week) and spend time with my grandkids.

I get depressed and frustrated. Early on I prayed for God to take it away especially when it became clear I would not be going back to work. Then I prayed for God to just take me, I didn’t want to suffer anymore. Now I just trust. I trust His plan for me is perfect and He will give me what I need to get through it. And I live, live fully. My illness will cause my natural death and that’s ok. It’s not imminent (as far as I know ) so I live.

I do those things that I saved for “some day”. This fall I’m going to Rome, Paris, and London for three weeks. I’m going alone so I can have a bit more control of my days to work with my illness. I’m take three of my grandkids to a monastery for their annual festival this summer.

So wake up everyday, thank God you woke up, offer your day’s works to His glory and live.

 

[pianistclare]

In addition to the meds for anxiety and depression, do you have regular appointments with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist? Could you up the frequency of those appointments? I know when I was deep in post-partum depression we met very frequently, and then began to space them out…with stern reminders from my therapist to make sure to call if it was too much time, and not to feel like needing to check in more meant that I was somehow failing.

Does your health permit going out with friends or socializing? Do you get to go out with your husband? I keep a list of books to read and movies to see, and then request them at the library. Do you have hobbies or could you start one?

Praying for you as well.

All of this ^^^ yes.
Get out of the house.
Get involved with something, anything.
Cleaning the church, feeding the homeless, tutoring a child. Anything.
Don’t stay home alone, whatever you do. It almost NEVER helps anything.
Praying for you. Perhaps read the story of Padre Pio who suffered greatly and was often misunderstood. He’s a great inspiration.

 

[Convert_in_99]

All of this ^^^ yes.
Get out of the house.
Get involved with something, anything.
Cleaning the church, feeding the homeless, tutoring a child. Anything.
Don’t stay home alone, whatever you do. It almost NEVER helps anything.
Praying for you. Perhaps read the story of Padre Pio who suffered greatly and was often misunderstood. He’s a great inspiration.

Most days I don’t have the energy to go out. Let alone volunteer. That’s the problem. I’m just too tired and sore. When i do have some energy finally I use it to do housework. And then I’m totally wiped again. When I’m having a better day than usual I don’t have the luxury to just go somewhere. I have to wait until my husband comes home as we have only one car. Then he will take me to dinner or to get some books at the library or to the store. We don’t have money to go anywhere or go see movies or whatnot. I do make it to church almost every week, but then I come right home and crash.

 

[RPRPsych]

A wise psychiatrist once said: when you feel this way, and think you are reaching the end of your tether, find someone who is in an even worse position than you are, and do something for them. I think he was on to something, though it’s easier said than done.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I too have a chronic debilitating illness. I stopped working three years ago. I wake up in pain and go to sleep in pain. My illness has what I call waves of intensity. Some days are better than others. Overdoing it will generally send me to bed for a day or two. As it is I spend 12-14 hours a day in bed.

BUT…I offer it up to God. I ask the Blessed Mother to help me deal with it. I go to Mass, attend Church functions, do some volunteering (a couple hours a day, 3 days a week) and spend time with my grandkids.

I get depressed and frustrated. Early on I prayed for God to take it away especially when it became clear I would not be going back to work. Then I prayed for God to just take me, I didn’t want to suffer anymore. Now I just trust. I trust His plan for me is perfect and He will give me what I need to get through it. And I live, live fully. My illness will cause my natural death and that’s ok. It’s not imminent (as far as I know ) so I live.

I do those things that I saved for “some day”. This fall I’m going to Rome, Paris, and London for three weeks. I’m going alone so I can have a bit more control of my days to work with my illness. I’m take three of my grandkids to a monastery for their annual festival this summer.

So wake up everyday, thank God you woke up, offer your day’s works to His glory and live.

Your post is most helpful and encouraging to me! It’s nice to have someone who understands. :hug3: I’m sorry you are having a prolonged battle with ill health right now. It’s so hard to just make it day by day sometimes. I see you have great faith in the midst of it. I pray too but feel so estranged from God. Do you feel that way or is it more pleasant and strengthening when you pray?

 

[pianistclare]

Most days I don’t have the energy to go out. Let alone volunteer. That’s the problem. I’m just too tired and sore. When i do have some energy finally I use it to do housework. And then I’m totally wiped again. When I’m having a better day than usual I don’t have the luxury to just go somewhere. I have to wait until my husband comes home as we have only one car. Then he will take me to dinner or to get some books at the library or to the store. We don’t have money to go anywhere or go see movies or whatnot. I do make it to church almost every week, but then I come right home and crash.

Sorry to heat this. But I fear this is exacerbating the problem
You are isolated. Contact the parish or neighbors to tale you for a drive, come over and play cards fo out for a sno cone. You need to be around people or you will fall deep onto depression
We are called to be Christ to others. Tell your pastor that you need help, so they can minister to you.

 

[pensmama87]

Most days I don’t have the energy to go out. Let alone volunteer. That’s the problem. I’m just too tired and sore. When i do have some energy finally I use it to do housework. And then I’m totally wiped again. When I’m having a better day than usual I don’t have the luxury to just go somewhere. I have to wait until my husband comes home as we have only one car. Then he will take me to dinner or to get some books at the library or to the store. We don’t have money to go anywhere or go see movies or whatnot. I do make it to church almost every week, but then I come right home and crash.

Is there room in the budget for occasional household help? Or could you get help (maybe from someone at the parish) with housework? (If you don’t mind salty language, there is a great tumblr you can find by googling “your habitat” that emphasizes non-exhausting housekeeping. That blog was a lifesaver for me when I was low - before I’d depended on the time and ability to do what that blog calls “marathon cleaning,” but it does really wear you out!)

Is there anything within walking distance? Public transit? I don’t know if you are on disability or not, but many areas offer free/reduced fares if you are.

Could you talk to your doctor(s) about physical therapy to increase your endurance and stamina?

Our library has movies, too, and you can put a hold on even new releases. DH and I have actually seen a lot of recent movies this way. There’s also free events put on by our town or surrounding ones - concerts, outdoor movies, lecture series.

I notice you didn’t address my question about therapy…this really is exactly what they can help you with.

 

[pensmama87]

Sorry to heat this. But I fear this is exacerbating the problem
You are isolated. Contact the parish or neighbors to tale you for a drive, come over and play cards fo out for a sno cone. You need to be around people or you will fall deep onto depression
We are called to be Christ to others. Tell your pastor that you need help, so they can minister to you.

Yes!!!

 

[edwest2]

Hi,

I’ve been under treatment for anxiety and depression for a long time. There was a day where God felt far away but I listened to Catholic Radio and the message I got was: “No matter how far away God feels, He will always be with you.” I also began going to support group meetings since I had no obvious physical problems, people could not understand how I was feeling. Fortunately, I could still work. There was a period where I slept a lot. Where I had lost interest in things. But, I had a therapist who saw me at a reduced rate, due to my low income. That helped.

Gradually, I felt a little better and then a little better. I needed, and still need, medication. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but my medication was adjusted. Finally, one doctor hit on the right combination, so I’m doing good - not great - but good. I pray. It does help.

It’s not easy but I found that whatever I could do was whatever I could do. I met one lady who told me: “You’ll get better.” At the time, I found it hard to believe but the more I prayed and the more I persisted, I developed ways to cope.

I pray that God will help you get through this. He’s there - always. Try to find little things to do that you like.

God bless,
Ed

 

[pianistclare]

Yup. Family services through your Diocese should have reduced rate (whatever you can pay, no matter how little) family therapy for you.
Call them first thing Monday morning.
Talk to the priest after Mass.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

Seek out a good friend or counselor.

If I could help you, I would, but I am not sure what your heavy crosses are. Depression is a very heavy cross and often misunderstood.

Oh, incidentally, if you do seek counseling, be aware that your insurance can give you a hard time about claims. I’m only telling you from experience. The counselor you see should be willing to help you even if insurance drags their stubborn feet. They want to keep costs down, you know, and they want all the information they can get before they will approve a claim. It can be frustrating.

In the past, death has been what started deep depression. Losing family members was extremely hard. Losing my dogs was extremely hard. It seems no one gets a free pass in life, and while I don’t think suicide is the answer, I can understand why some people do. In the final analysis, all we have is God. Everything else is temporary.

 

[Horton]

Your post is most helpful and encouraging to me! It’s nice to have someone who understands. :hug3: I’m sorry you are having a prolonged battle with ill health right now. It’s so hard to just make it day by day sometimes. I see you have great faith in the midst of it. I pray too but feel so estranged from God. Do you feel that way or is it more pleasant and strengthening when you pray?

Thank you. I don’t know if your illness is recent or something you’ve been dealing with for a long time. I’m not asking you to post something so personal here. It took more than two years for me to get a correct diagnosis and then several more months to medications right. Some days I just wanted to die. During this time I was diagnosed with Melanoma and all I could think was finally God was answering my prayer. God was faithful and it was caught early and by a completely fluke. Since I had paid out so much in medical that year my insurance was covering all medical 100% so I went in to have some moles removed. The Dermatologist saw the Melanoma. I had never really thought about that spot but it was cancer. It was caught early and successfully treated.

Prayer does make it easier to deal with it. I believe prayer, trust in God, puts me in a place where I don’t focus on me. I don’t feel sorry for myself for being sick. Sometimes I even thank God for my illness. God does not give us more than we can bear and maybe he gave me this because another person would not have been able to bear it. I know I’m babbling and maybe not making much sense, but yes, prayer helps even if I don’t feel like God is hearing me.

I will pray for you.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Most days I don’t have the energy to go out. Let alone volunteer. That’s the problem. I’m just too tired and sore. :

My heart bleeds for you because I know what it is to be totally exhausted and have people tell me to do more. It is not a fun thing to hear

I am not going to tell you anything you don’t already know or haven’t heard a zillion times, but perhaps reading the lives of the saints? Also, if the weather is nice can you sit outside? Fresh air is one of the best things

Angie

 

[Upgrade25]

How do you keep going on? I just am totally at the end of my rope and have been struggling with thoughts of suicide. I am not going to act on these but I just can’t get strength to keep going.

I’m on three prescription meds for anxiety and depression. I’m on many other meds to help with other health issues. They help some but they don’t give me strength to keep enduring this seemingly endless trial of suffering. There’s nothing more the doctor can do. I feel God is a million miles away, I can’t get through to Him. I cant figure out how to keep going on. I can’t work or take care of the house, I can barely take care of myself. I feel useless, worthless, exhausted beyond belief and empty of all strength through and through. God is so far away. Prayer does absolutely nothing for me save make me more sad and depressed because I feel so estranged from God right now.

How do you keep going without the strength you need from outside sources?

I secularized my life and now I pay for it. Stay with God. He will help you in ways that you don’t even see.

 

[CRATUS]

In addition to the meds for anxiety and depression, do you have regular appointments with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist? Could you up the frequency of those appointments? I know when I was deep in post-partum depression we met very frequently, and then began to space them out…with stern reminders from my therapist to make sure to call if it was too much time, and not to feel like needing to check in more meant that I was somehow failing.

Does your health permit going out with friends or socializing? Do you get to go out with your husband? I keep a list of books to read and movies to see, and then request them at the library. Do you have hobbies or could you start one?

Praying for you as well.

I do not know if anything I say will help. I am very sorry. I do not want to say anything to undermine your situation. God be with you.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

How do you keep going on? I just am totally at the end of my rope and have been struggling with thoughts of suicide. I am not going to act on these but I just can’t get strength to keep going.

I’m on three prescription meds for anxiety and depression. I’m on many other meds to help with other health issues. They help some but they don’t give me strength to keep enduring this seemingly endless trial of suffering. There’s nothing more the doctor can do. I feel God is a million miles away, I can’t get through to Him. I cant figure out how to keep going on. I can’t work or take care of the house, I can barely take care of myself. I feel useless, worthless, exhausted beyond belief and empty of all strength through and through. God is so far away. Prayer does absolutely nothing for me save make me more sad and depressed because I feel so estranged from God right now.

How do you keep going without the strength you need from outside sources?

My heart breaks for you. I pray for you often.

I do have some concrete suggestions. Take them or leave the as you wish.
1). Turn off your tv. I know that when we feel down that tv is a comfort but depression works differently than just feeling down. You can feel worse if you “veg” out on tv.
2. Replace tv with Christian music. Now I’m sure you know that I am a liturgical traditionalist and I think modern contemporary Christian music has no place near an altar. But I really enjoy Christian music. So do my kids. It’s very prayerful but most of all it is positive and the djs are positive. Even if you have no energy or are in pain just lie there close your eyes and listen
3. Go to a park. Not to walk around, you may be in too much pain. Find a bench and watch people. All people. Kids, old people, single people married people. Look at them as God would. Watch them live thier lives. Look at them with love, not as people who oppose you but people, broken in thier own way, searching, loving, hurting, all of the human spectrum. Look at them with the eyes of God.
4. Lean on your husband. He loves you. He hurts for you and with you. This is exactly what God joined together as one. If it’s hard to live for yourself, live for him for a while.
5. Don’t give up. Seek treatment but also if things are not working find other treatments and therapies until it does.
6. I know you probably hear this one too much and it makes you want to gag. Pray.
Even if you are mad, even if you are angry at God. Pray, tell Him why you are angry, you are his child, in pain, a dad will understand that you may have to lash out. When I struggled with depression in college, God and I went rounds. He won of course, but I was a feisty one.
7. Remove stress from you life. If that means no Fox News election coverage fine! No CAF modesty threads. Fine. No customer service calls with s utility provider? Make your husband do it!

I will pray for you continually. Know that even if I don’t post, I am still praying for you.

 

[pianistclare]

My heart breaks for you. I pray for you often.

I do have some concrete suggestions. Take them or leave the as you wish.
1). Turn off your tv. I know that when we feel down that tv is a comfort but depression works differently than just feeling down. You can feel worse if you “veg” out on tv.
2. Replace tv with Christian music. Now I’m sure you know that I am a liturgical traditionalist and I think modern contemporary Christian music has no place near an altar. But I really enjoy Christian music. So do my kids. It’s very prayerful but most of all it is positive and the djs are positive. Even if you have no energy or are in pain just lie there close your eyes and listen
3. Go to a park. Not to walk around, you may be in too much pain. Find a bench and watch people. All people. Kids, old people, single people married people. Look at them as God would. Watch them live thier lives. Look at them with love, not as people who oppose you but people, broken in thier own way, searching, loving, hurting, all of the human spectrum. Look at them with the eyes of God.
4. Lean on your husband. He loves you. He hurts for you and with you. This is exactly what God joined together as one. If it’s hard to live for yourself, live for him for a while.
5. Don’t give up. Seek treatment but also if things are not working find other treatments and therapies until it does.
6. I know you probably hear this one too much and it makes you want to gag. Pray.
Even if you are mad, even if you are angry at God. Pray, tell Him why you are angry, you are his child, in pain, a dad will understand that you may have to lash out. When I struggled with depression in college, God and I went rounds. He won of course, but I was a feisty one.
7. Remove stress from you life. If that means no Fox News election coverage fine! No CAF modesty threads. Fine. No customer service calls with s utility provider? Make your husband do it!

I will pray for you continually. Know that even if I don’t post, I am still praying for you.

This is great advice.
I would be happy to have HD and everyone else praying for me.
Try try try not to fall into despair.
Suggestion number 3 is very doable. If a neighbor is going to the market, ask them to drop you by the park, or even a bench at the mall.
Solicit help from real live people and let us all pray for you.

 

[RPRPsych]

My heart breaks for you. I pray for you often.

I do have some concrete suggestions. Take them or leave the as you wish.
1). Turn off your tv. I know that when we feel down that tv is a comfort but depression works differently than just feeling down. You can feel worse if you “veg” out on tv.
2. Replace tv with Christian music. Now I’m sure you know that I am a liturgical traditionalist and I think modern contemporary Christian music has no place near an altar. But I really enjoy Christian music. So do my kids. It’s very prayerful but most of all it is positive and the djs are positive. Even if you have no energy or are in pain just lie there close your eyes and listen
3. Go to a park. Not to walk around, you may be in too much pain. Find a bench and watch people. All people. Kids, old people, single people married people. Look at them as God would. Watch them live thier lives. Look at them with love, not as people who oppose you but people, broken in thier own way, searching, loving, hurting, all of the human spectrum. Look at them with the eyes of God.
4. Lean on your husband. He loves you. He hurts for you and with you. This is exactly what God joined together as one. If it’s hard to live for yourself, live for him for a while.
5. Don’t give up. Seek treatment but also if things are not working find other treatments and therapies until it does.
6. I know you probably hear this one too much and it makes you want to gag. Pray.
Even if you are mad, even if you are angry at God. Pray, tell Him why you are angry, you are his child, in pain, a dad will understand that you may have to lash out. When I struggled with depression in college, God and I went rounds. He won of course, but I was a feisty one.
7. Remove stress from you life. If that means no Fox News election coverage fine! No CAF modesty threads. Fine. No customer service calls with s utility provider? Make your husband do it!

I will pray for you continually. Know that even if I don’t post, I am still praying for you.

Excellent post.