I’m going to make a suggestion that you get a copy of Ann Voskamp’s 1000 Gifts. It is an excellent book written in a gentle, poetic language that helps us to DAILY look for the good in our lives. It is so easy, especially when we feel like we have been given such heavy crosses, to “not see the forest for the trees.” There is even a reader’s guide available on her website that you could use to help you reflect on each chapter.
Basically, it boils down to this: We are all given 1,000’s of gifts in our lives and can go our entire lives without realizing the gifts we have, even amidst our struggles. I am 1000% guilty of this each and every day. Yes, our pains and our struggles ARE real and often overwhelming and most people can never understand the depths of them, especially some anonymous person on the internet.
Hoosier Daddy offered you some excellent advice. I’ll just add that reading this book could also be a game changer. My final advice would be to possibly pick up a hobby. Find something that you truly have a passion for and look forward to doing it. It could be anything from jigsaw puzzles to knitting to crafting to sewing. I find that when my hands are busy, my mind doesn’t seem to dwell quite so much on the pain and negatives in my life.
Finally, your value and worth in the sight of God is infinite. Please, please, please never doubt that. Sin and suffering came into the world as a result of sin and Satan. God may allow it to refine us and purify us from our world attachments but please don’t view God in a way that depicts Him delighting in our sufferings. That is TOTALLY wrong. No parent delights in their child’s suffering EVER.
Praying for you!
