For those who had considered religious life, what made you realize it was NOT your calling?

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Did you go through a lengthy discernment process and come to the realization that it was not your vocation? What made you realize this? A “feeling”? Or something more specific?
 
I wanted to be a nun, and based on a couple personality tests I took I apparently have the talent for being one.

Unfortunately, being a nun doesn’t pay well and it just so happens that ineed lots and lots of money.

Now I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not what it looks like. There’s more.
 
I for one was considering the Priesthood. Then, well I found my fiancee. Once see found out that i was thinking to be a priest, she suggested to me to look into being a deacon. (a little background. My fiancee helped me to return to the faith, well before she was my fiancee, the thought of priesthood also before the fiancee part:D.) I guess what I’m trying to get at is, even if the “religious” life is not for you. The church can always use a few good men or women. My beloved future wife/ better half is looking into being an account for the Archdiocese of Chicago. how cool is that. The buttom line the lay ministry can do way more the we give ourselfs credit for.
 
You could say I went through a lengthy discernment process…

I had entered a monastery as a postulant and left after 10 months. I realized that, as Br Steven posts, a new me was being born, but that new identity was fiercely independent and individualistic, not a good fit for community life. After leaving I realize that, in part, the reasons why I thought I needed the community (and oddly why I am now so individualistic) are rooted in issues from my childhood, so everything discernment-wise is on hold indefinitely.

I am fairly certain, however, that I am not called to community life, and probably not religious life. Perhaps the diocesan priesthood, perhaps the single life, but nothing I am going to actively move on right now.
 
I thought about it for a bit in high school, but realized that the passion for it just wasn’t there for me. I thought I could do more for the world as a lay person.

I think you need to ask yourself if you have the passion to be in the religious life. It is really completely different then the lay life.
 
I considered becoming a nun for some years, but I never did anything more than think about it because I didn’t think I ‘good enough’. When a time came in my life when I was living right I thought about it for all of an hour or two, but a little voice in my soul said, “No, keep looking”. As I have recently embraced perpetual virginity I understand that I do have a calling, but at first I misinterpreted what it was.
 
This is a very good question that you brought up.

I had been thinking about it off and on for awhile but I think I was just confused for a long time. I grew up in a verbally/emotionally-abused home, so my self-esteem has been severely damaged. I’ve always been single, and felt maybe I was called into religious life, but then I realized that I was thinking that cause my damaged self-esteem was telling me to choose that cause there’s no way that a guy would ever love me/want to marry me.

I still don’t know how I’m being called. I do know that I need to deal with the psychological baggage that I have, and it’s been a slow/long progress. I’m hoping that once I’ve shedded all this baggage, than I’ll be able to hear what God is calling me to do.

God Bless,

Barbara
 
Admittedly I didn’t consider being a Priest for all that long, because I have always known that I wanted to have a family. If priests could marry, I would be one in a heartbeat.
 
I considered/prayed on it seriously for a couple years, however due to my age (I’m a convert) and health history, found out that it was not a possibility. I haven’t ruled out 3rd Order tho’.
 
I thought about being a priest when I was young, but somewhere along the way, I realized that I like girls way to much to stay out of trouble. Yeah, I know, it sounds pathetic, but that was honestly my deciding factor. 13 years later, I am married with five children, and have found a way for my parish to make use of my military tact (I teach Confirmation kids). I think I did the right thing. 😛
 
ahoyhoy said:
I wanted to be a nun, and based on a couple personality tests I took I apparently have the talent for being one.

Unfortunately, being a nun doesn’t pay well and it just so happens that ineed lots and lots of money.

Now I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not what it looks like. There’s more.
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Being a religious in vows means not being paid at all.
 
What would some of you say to someone who had discerned his calling to the religious life but, right before he was supposed to take his vows, his Superior asked him to wait a year because he’d gotten into an argument with another priest? What would you say to that same young man if, nine months later, he contacted his ex-girlfriend (who he hadn’t spoken to or seen in more than six years) and told her how hard the religious life had been for him, how lonely he was, and that he still thought of her? What would you say to her if she were still in love with him?

How DO you know if you’re called to the priesthood?

Sorry. I hope this comment is not off-topic.
 
jesancy said:
What would some of you say to someone who had discerned his calling to the religious life but, right before he was supposed to take his vows, his Superior asked him to wait a year because he’d gotten into an argument with another priest? What would you say to that same young man if, nine months later, he contacted his ex-girlfriend (who he hadn’t spoken to or seen in more than six years) and told her how hard the religious life had been for him, how lonely he was, and that he still thought of her? What would you say to her if she were still in love with him?
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I would say that this person needs to work with their spiritual director and maybe their formator to figure out what is going on in their discernment.

Which vows, temporary or permanent, was he asked to wait for? My guess that the argument was just a manifestation of something larger that prompted the request to wait but that what ever it is it is not big enough, right now, to ask the man to leave.
How DO you know if you’re called to the priesthood?
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This is something that only an individual can answer for themselves in concert with their spiritual director and formators.

Know one fully knows until they actually receive the Call from the Church through a bishop or religious superior.
 
ByzCath said:
Which vows, temporary or permanent, was he asked to wait for? My guess that the argument was just a manifestation of something larger that prompted the request to wait but that what ever it is it is not big enough, right now, to ask the man to leave.
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He was asked to wait to take his final vows to the Dominican order. To my understanding, when he takes his vows (in November), he will be a deacon working towards being a priest.
ByzCath said:
This is something that only an individual can answer for themselves in concert with their spiritual director and formators.

Know one fully knows until they actually receive the Call from the Church through a bishop or religious superior.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your thoughts. I know you’re right. I guess I just never imagined it would be this difficult for an individual to feel sure of his calling… When you say “the Call from the Church,” does that mean when your religious superior gives you the “go ahead” to take your vows at the appointed time, if you so choose?
 
jesancy said:
He was asked to wait to take his final vows to the Dominican order. To my understanding, when he takes his vows (in November), he will be a deacon working towards being a priest.
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Most likely he will be ordained to the diaconate at sometime following his final vows as a religious can not licitly be ordained when they are not in permanent vows.
Thank you for your thoughts. I know you’re right. I guess I just never imagined it would be this difficult for an individual to feel sure of his calling… When you say “the Call from the Church,” does that mean when your religious superior gives you the “go ahead” to take your vows at the appointed time, if you so choose?
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What happens is that a religious petitions his superior for vows and then after final vows he would again petition for ordination. The superior giving his assent to the petition would be considered the Call. So the superior could assent to final vows but then say no to ordination.
 
I am so scared that God might not be calling me to the priesthood. For so long, I have had a deep yearning to enter the priest hood for about five years now… but I am so worried that one day I might not even be able to make it through the seminary. I can’t imagine myself doing anything other than the priesthood.
 
I am so scared that God might not be calling me to the priesthood. For so long, I have had a deep yearning to enter the priest hood for about five years now… but I am so worried that one day I might not even be able to make it through the seminary. I can’t imagine myself doing anything other than the priesthood.
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“'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, 19 and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” - Matthew 6:25-34, NAB.

“Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” - St. Padre Pio.
 
ByzCath said:
Most likely he will be ordained to the diaconate at sometime following his final vows as a religious can not licitly be ordained when they are not in permanent vows.

What happens is that a religious petitions his superior for vows and then after final vows he would again petition for ordination. The superior giving his assent to the petition would be considered the Call. So the superior could assent to final vows but then say no to ordination.
Click to expand...
Thank you for clearing that up for me. I really do appreciate it. I’m still learning, as you can see.
 
NguyenKimPhat said:
I am so scared that God might not be calling me to the priesthood. For so long, I have had a deep yearning to enter the priest hood for about five years now… but I am so worried that one day I might not even be able to make it through the seminary. I can’t imagine myself doing anything other than the priesthood.
Click to expand...
I am going through a similar struggle. I have been discerning for a number of years, including ten months in a monastery and at the seminary. Coming out I realize that I may not be able to promise obedience given some of my issues.

I am starting to write semi-professionally, but the future holds what it does.🤷
 
I remember a conversation with a Good Shepherd Sister while I was in formation as a Companion, and she mentioned that at one time, women were forced to enter religious life if they were too ugly to get a husband. This was definitely not her, because pictures of her as a novice were pictures where the young woman’s beauty only rivaled that of The Holy Mother. But, I have always struggled with my self esteem in that area & always feared, still do sometimes, that that was the only reason I was seeking the consecrated life. It was the reason for my marriage, which has since been dissolved and annulled. I wanted to have a front for people to see the reason I was not looking for a date or partner. I pray on this everyday.

However, each time I pray the LOH, The Rosary or the Divine Chaplet, each time I read Sacred Scripture and speak with a fellow aspirant to the Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene, I feel the deep love that Our Father has for me. I am comforted. So, when I have doubts, I turn to Our Holy Mother or Him for comfort. It is always there.
 
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