For those who have experienced a loss

[SDMom]

(or have a loved one who has) …

My DH’s grandmother passed away recently. What are some things I can do to help? I console him when he breaks down … anything else that helps?

God bless you …

 

[mammallama]

How long ago did she pass away?

 

[SDMom]

She just passed away this past Sunday and is in another country. He will be leaving soon for the services.

 

[duskyjewel]

Just keep being that safe place he has to land. No judgement, no advice, no “you’ll feel better soon.” Just a completely safe place to break down and be held, to let down all his defenses, all the expectations he has of himself to be strong and “act like a man.”

My DH’s dad didn’t die, but he had a heart attack a few years ago and it shook my husband to the core. This is what I had to do for him… and it was what he needed.

 

[redtech]

just be there for him. Give him space when he wants to be alone but be there when he wants you around.

Maybe a few weeks down the road ask him to tell you stories about her that you’d never heard before.

I agree with PP, absolutely don’t try to rush him through it.

I lost a brother when I was 18. My “loving” boyfriend told me two weeks after that he wanted me to get over it and that he was sick of hearing about it… http://bestsmileys.com/angry1/16.gif It was sort of a blessing though. I had puppy love and it helped open my eyes. I broke up with him the next day. I never realized what a loser he was.

My brother has been gone for 11 years. I would say that I am still grieving. The first 6 years were the worst.

 

[rpp]

Just keep being that safe place he has to land. No judgement, no advice, no “you’ll feel better soon.” Just a completely safe place to break down and be held, to let down all his defenses, all the expectations he has of himself to be strong and “act like a man.”

My DH’s dad didn’t die, but he had a heart attack a few years ago and it shook my husband to the core. This is what I had to do for him… and it was what he needed.

Yep. That is what I needed when my dad passed away a last year. A goo friend of mine (who happens to also be a CAF member) helped me quite a bit.

Now my younger brother’s cancer treatment is not going well and his death is looming. I am not sure how to handle that.

 

[catholic79]

just be there for him. Give him space when he wants to be alone but be there when he wants you around.

Maybe a few weeks down the road ask him to tell you stories about her that you’d never heard before.

I agree with PP, absolutely don’t try to rush him through it.

I agree with all of this.

I lost a brother a little over 5 years ago and dh was just there, there when I wanted company, there (in the next room) when I wanted to be alone. And he talks alot about him to my other siblings (all younger) which is nice too. Its nice to hear things someone else remembers. Maybe when you think it right mention things you remember about her, things she said to you to your DH, and to your kids.

I lost a brother when I was 18. My “loving” boyfriend told me two weeks after that he wanted me to get over it and that he was sick of hearing about it… It was sort of a blessing though. I had puppy love and it helped open my eyes. I broke up with him the next day. I never realized what a loser he was.

My brother has been gone for 11 years. I would say that I am still grieving. The first 6 years were the worst.

I am sorry that you had to hear something like that from someone who you thought cared about you. Death seams to bring out the most interesting sides of people. My grandmother told my mom that she just wanted attention, and that was why she was still sad after a month or so. I am not sure if one ever gets done grieving in this life.

 

[catholic79]

On thing not to do. The next christmas my parents got us (siblings) all ornaments to put on our trees to remember him with. The littlest one (6) did not understand and really thought his brother had come and put the ornaments under the tree but didn’t see/say anything to him. This made for an awful morning.