For those who married later in life, how did you cope?

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I am wondering this because I worry that i’ll be older (past 30) when i’m married. Just a little background. I’m 24 and i’ve never had a romantic relationship. I’ve been on a few dates. I even tried Catholicmatch, but to no success. I’m giving it up for a bit as of now to focus on being more financially secure, but I’m worried it might take a while. Also, i worry that i’m too awkward to date and at times I’d rather just be single in spite of the loneliness.

Anyway, how did those of you who got married later cope? What tips would you offer to others in your situation? I’ll admit i worry a lot about this, but I guess I just want some peace and I want to find ways to cope with having to wait longer than most for a spouse
 
I believe that your plan to back off for a while is a good one.
The best tip I can give you is to just be yourself. To be happy, loving, caring and secure whether you are married or not. Make friends and enjoy their company. Some day you may find that someone you have been friends with for a long time turns our to the perfect match.

Peace
James
 
I’m 38 and never been married. As my priest told me once though, the best wedding he ever officiated was one between two 40 somethings who’d never been married but God led them to each other. Said it really enforced the real meaning of marriage. This still gives me hope and especially knowing that I truly WANT a devout Catholic woman as my soulmate and helper in my life. You’re still a kid. So relax and wait upon the Lord.
 
Just don’t settle. I guess many people find their best match later in life, but I think it gets harder to find someone. And the older people are when they marry the less likely they are to be an influence of positive change on each other. That’s just my opinion, though. Im sure many late marriages turn out great.
 
WildCatholic said:
I am wondering this because I worry that i’ll be older (past 30) when i’m married. Just a little background. I’m 24 and i’ve never had a romantic relationship. I’ve been on a few dates. I even tried Catholicmatch, but to no success. I’m giving it up for a bit as of now to focus on being more financially secure, but I’m worried it might take a while. Also, i worry that i’m too awkward to date and at times I’d rather just be single in spite of the loneliness.

Anyway, how did those of you who got married later cope? What tips would you offer to others in your situation? I’ll admit i worry a lot about this, but I guess I just want some peace and I want to find ways to cope with having to wait longer than most for a spouse
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My brother didn’t marry until he was in his 30’s and had his first child at 36. (He’s now 49) His wife is 10 years younger than him and keeps him young at heart. I don’t think there was too much to cope with that doesn’t just apply to everyone getting married really. He met his wife when they were in outriggers together. They are now back at that along with their 3 boys and manage their local team together. I think joinings some sort of activity you really enjoy is a great way to meet someone you’ll always have a shared interest with.
 
I was 29 when I married my wife. (She was 26.) That’s not terribly old to get married, but definitely not very young either. The only thing I can say is that if you marry after having been a single adult for quite a while, you are probably more set in your ways. You may have to make more of an effort to be flexible and to compromise with your spouse, not only on big things but perhaps even more importantly on the many little things that come up, especially in regard to sharing a home. Also, if you are blessed with children, you may have a bigger attitude readjustment to make, because children require a lot of sacrifice, and sacrifice is not required as much in the single life. But our marriage has turned out great, and the same can happen for you.
 
Cope with what?

Sorry, not understanding. I was 38 and DH 43 when we married.
 
WildCatholic said:
I am wondering this because I worry that i’ll be older (past 30) when i’m married. Just a little background. I’m 24 and i’ve never had a romantic relationship. I’ve been on a few dates. I even tried Catholicmatch, but to no success. I’m giving it up for a bit as of now to focus on being more financially secure, but I’m worried it might take a while. Also, i worry that i’m too awkward to date and at times I’d rather just be single in spite of the loneliness.

Anyway, how did those of you who got married later cope? What tips would you offer to others in your situation? I’ll admit i worry a lot about this, but I guess I just want some peace and I want to find ways to cope with having to wait longer than most for a spouse
Click to expand...
We were both 32 when we married. We’d been single for long enough to have “sown our wild oats” and we weren’t looking for excitement/thrills/magic moments as much as commitment. My husband had a good career and I was working.

However one caution is that children may not be as forthcoming once you start getting into “advanced maternal age.” Yes, that’s really what it’s called. Saw it on my chart with my first, it shocked me because I sure didn’t feel that I was “advanced age.” But it does make a difference in fertility and risks. Maybe less of a difference if the woman has not used contraception, but I had.

If you were my son, I’d tell you not to just give up on dating, but to remain open to relationships that happen through other channels too. I’d tell you to do as much within your parish young adults group as possible, provided there are young single Catholic women there. Keep up with your Catholic Match account - but don’t start getting too intense with it. Oddly enough, dating is rather like job hunting - it’s a lot easier to find a job when you already have a job. So if you are casually dating, you don’t have that “hungry, desperate” quality about you, as does someone who is unemployed.

Adoration is always my first recommendation when mind and spirit are troubled.
 
Wow these are truly great answers. You all gave great advice. Now its time for me to rip it to shreds;) Just kidding

I totally understand what people are saying about keeping the faith up. I have starting doing things like saying the divine office (in practice for an opportunity I have this summer). I also try to be involved in my parish, but being from a tiny community with mostly older residents there aren’t many young adults, certainly not enough to form a group, but I do look at different ways of meeting people through certain things and I’m becoming much more outgoing (at least in a less goofy way).

I guess what bothers me a little (it used to scare me) is that those married older have problems having kids. I myself am the product of an older marriage (my father was 45, mom was 38) and she had 3 kids. I’m the oldest and I turned out okay, but my brother has Aspergers/autism and my sister has health problems due to my mom being on a heart medication that caused my sister to have a week immune system. Anyway I worry if i’m 35 or older and my wife is, I don’t want those issues. Not that I wouldn’t love my kids, but I want them to be happy.

That being said, i’m not as worried about it. I feel it will just take time. Also, do I just live in a conservative area. Quite a few people I know are married by 23. There are a few of us, but of those of my friends who are still single. One is joining FOCUS, one has just got a GF at 22. One is 27 and to be honest I think he’s scared of relationships (one girl he really liked, he couldn’t approach. He later told me because she was super smart he didn’t know if she’d date him), but most are married. Granted most are devoutly religious so i’m not looking at the whole picture. It just frustrates me because I’m not some guy sowing oats. I’ve been faithful.
 
Adding you to my prayers. Your concerns are all very valid, especially about having kids as you age. My own parents were also not young, and it was almost like having grandparents compared to many people. I was fortunate that I was able to have the 2 sons I did before my system just quit. Starting younger to have kids is usually smarter. But it’s not easy these days.
 
Let God lead you in the direction he wants you to travel.
A good book you might enjoy is Josef Peiper’s Faith, Hope, Love especially the section on Love.—it explains a lot about the effects of romance in the secular world.

FWIW, I met my future bride when she sold me a refrigerator at Montgomery Wards.
 
I did not get married to my wife until I was 30(she was 28). We had 3 boys in five years. I believe that I was more mature and ready for marriage at this age than if I had married in my twenties. I really don’t think our marriage would have made it. My wife and I will celabrate out 25th wedding anniversity next month. So hang in there. Someone will come into your life. Just have faith.
 
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