"Forced" Confirmation

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Matt33

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In Confirmation Classes one of the kids asked me if it was right that thier parents were forcing them to be confirmed. we had a long discussion about it in a group setting and many points were made but I am wondering any insights you all might have. I know that many kids have this issue but I see the parents side. (admittadly more than the kids side) Is this a rebellion issue, a poor chatecesis issue, a controlling issue… Many kids in the group seem to not be home taught in the faith.
 
ENGAGE these kids!
Ask them WHY they don’t want to be confirmed?
Ask them WHAT they think confirmation is?
Ask them WHAT they think about their faith and what it means to them?

This is the time to start an engaging conversation about the faith! Break open that Catechism and go in-depth with the teachings of the faith!
Encourage these kids to have real conversations with their parents about the faith.

Are they uninterested because they don’t believe?
Are they uninterested because they just want to rebel or are not intrigued by the class?

I remember being annoyed at religious education because the texts often seemed so childish and uninteresting. They didn’t DIVE into the faith and into the richness of what we believe. They seemed to gloss over words and meanings rather than pierce our hearts. If you’re required to use the texts, then fine… but use them in an engaging manor. Ask the HARD questions - don’t just stick to “glossary terms” and “fill-in-the-blanks” questionnaires.
 
**this is one of many reasons it should be done at baptism:( **
 
The root problem may be that the child has come under the impression (probably from a Protestant friend or relative, since for certain forms of Protestantism, what they call “Confirmation” is their process of “joining the church”) that he has a “choice” in whether to be Confirmed or not. They would get from this the false idea that they are “choosing for themselves whether or not to be Catholic” by choosing whether or not to be Confirmed.

By virtue of his Catholic Baptism, he has to get Confirmed at some point in his life. He has no choice about whether to get Confirmed, and he also has no choice about the fact that he is Catholic.His only choice is whether to be a bad Catholic, or a good Catholic.

However, if he’s not ready to be Confirmed yet (lacks the intellectual capacity to understand the material presented in the process for preparation), then it might be wise to have him wait a year or so before doing it.

Ultimately, it is up to the parents (not the child, not the catechist, not the priest, and not even really the Bishop, although the Bishop has the right to say when and where it will happen) whether to have the child Confirmed, or not, and it sounds here like the parents are choosing to have their child Confirmed.
 
I have no problem with forcing them to take the classes – I forced my son to take them, but I was clear from the beginning that I would not force him to receive a sacrament he didn’t want to receive or didn’t believe in. At the end of the sessions he opted to be confirmed.
 
Matt33 said:
In Confirmation Classes one of the kids asked me if it was right that thier parents were forcing them to be confirmed. we had a long discussion about it in a group setting and many points were made but I am wondering any insights you all might have. I know that many kids have this issue but I see the parents side. (admittadly more than the kids side) Is this a rebellion issue, a poor chatecesis issue, a controlling issue… Many kids in the group seem to not be home taught in the faith.
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in canon law no one who is an adult for the purposes of the sacraments of initiation (over catechetical age, generally 7) can be forced to receive the sacraments and must give their consent and actually ask for the sacrament, be properly prepared and well disposed (including in the state of grace) to receive them.

an interview with candidate, parents, sponsor, catechist and pastor is indicated in these cases as it is the pastor who has the authority to say who will and will not receive at this time. the parents of a teen are well within their rights however in insisting that he complete the class or program, just as they can insist he continue attending school until he graduates. they can also insist on Mass attendance for all in their household, although they cannot force children to confess or receive communion.

IMO it should be part of the sacramental catechesis that both candidates and parents understand what it means to reject confirmation at the time and place the bishop summons the candidates. It is quite simply a rejection of the Faith in which their parents have baptized them and a rejection of the bishop’s authority and therefore of the Church and of Christ himself over their lives.
 
As always, Puzzle Lady is wise.

I’d also suggest you ask the Parents and the teen to read the CCC section on Confirmation. So many do not even really grasp what Confirmation IS.

It begins at #1285

scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c1a2.htm#1285

1285 Baptism, the Eucharist, and the sacrament of Confirmation together constitute the “sacraments of Christian initiation,” whose unity must be safeguarded. It must be explained to the faithful that the reception of the sacrament of Confirmation is necessary for the completion of baptismal grace. For “by the sacrament of Confirmation, [the baptized] are more perfectly bound to the Church and are enriched with a special strength of the Holy Spirit. Hence they are, as true witnesses of Christ, more strictly obliged to spread and defend the faith by word and deed.”

III. THE EFFECTS OF CONFIRMATION
[1302](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1302.htm’)😉 It is evident from its celebration that the effect of the sacrament of Confirmation is the special outpouring of the Holy Spirit as once granted to the apostles on the day of Pentecost.
[1303](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1303.htm’)😉 From this fact, Confirmation brings an increase and deepening of baptismal grace:
  • it roots us more deeply in the divine filiation which makes us cry, “Abba! Father!”;117
  • it unites us more firmly to Christ;
  • it increases the gifts of the Holy Spirit in us;
  • it renders our bond with the Church more perfect;118
  • it gives us a special strength of the Holy Spirit to spread and defend the faith by word and action as true witnesses of Christ, to confess the name of Christ boldly, and never to be ashamed of the Cross:119
    Recall then that you have received the spiritual seal, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of right judgment and courage, the spirit of knowledge and reverence, the spirit of holy fear in God’s presence. Guard what you have received. God the Father has marked you with his sign; Christ the Lord has confirmed you and has placed his pledge, the Spirit, in your hearts.120
    [1304](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1304.htm’)😉 Like Baptism which it completes, Confirmation is given only once, for it too imprints on the soul an indelible spiritual mark, the “character,” which is the sign that Jesus Christ has marked a Christian with the seal of his Spirit by clothing him with power from on high so that he may be his witness.121 [1305](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/1305.htm’)😉 This “character” perfects the common priesthood of the faithful, received in Baptism, and "the confirmed person receives the power to profess faith in Christ publicly and as it were officially (quasi Ex officio)."122
 
jmcrae said:
He has no choice about whether to get Confirmed, and he also has no choice about the fact that he is Catholic.
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This makes the Catholic Church sound like some type of destructive cult. Obviously, every human being (even Catholics!)has free will and in fact CAN choose whether to receive the Sacraments.
 
Thanks for your responses,
I don’t want to speak for this person but in my experience it isn’t a “protestand friend or relative” . It is a unbelief, a commitment to non religion, perhaps a searching of some sort, that these kids struggle with. They aren’t requestion a protestant choice just a “make my own way in this world” choice (usually without any meaningful relationship with God.) This attitude is not helped by our society and if the kids are recieveing little or not in depth instruction from thier parents then it makes our job tougher. however most of the kids in this particular group are very engaged in our conversations, but I think it is my responsibility to find out WHY this young person does not want to be confirmed. We don’t meet again for two weeks.
 
Thomas63116 said:
This makes the Catholic Church sound like some type of destructive cult. Obviously, every human being (even Catholics!)has free will and in fact CAN choose whether to receive the Sacraments.
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Yes, but they won’t stop being Catholic if they don’t have them - and if they later choose to get married or do certain kinds of volunteer work in the church, they will have to get Confirmed, first.
 
Matt33 said:
Thanks for your responses,
I don’t want to speak for this person but in my experience it isn’t a “protestand friend or relative” . It is a unbelief, a commitment to non religion, perhaps a searching of some sort, that these kids struggle with.
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Do they understand that they are Catholic forever, no matter what they choose to do? (That they have already joined the Church, when they were baptized.) And that Confirmation is not meant as a burden, but rather, to make their lives easier?
 
jmcrae said:
Do they understand that they are Catholic forever, no matter what they choose to do? (That they have already joined the Church, when they were baptized.) And that Confirmation is not meant as a burden, but rather, to make their lives easier?
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It doesn’t really matter what they understand. Are they going to be lying when they renew their baptismal promises? I’d much rather have them wait until they can truthfully answer ‘I do’ to “Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth?”
 
Phemie said:
It doesn’t really matter what they understand. Are they going to be lying when they renew their baptismal promises? I’d much rather have them wait until they can truthfully answer ‘I do’ to “Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth?”
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Yes, but we can’t expect them to arrive at that place on their own.

The point of the preparation classes is to help them to reach that point, rather than casting them out into the world and hoping that they encounter this understanding by chance.
 
jmcrae said:
Yes, but we can’t expect them to arrive at that place on their own.

The point of the preparation classes is to help them to reach that point, rather than casting them out into the world and hoping that they encounter this understanding by chance.
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Well, that’s why I insisted on the preparation. If he had said at the end of it “This is nuts, I don’t believe any of it” I would have backed off, preferring not to see him make a mockery of a sacrament.

At that I’m not sure that he received the sacrament for any other reason but to get it over with. It was only 2 or 3 years later that he said “I’m now an adult, I’m no longer going to Mass.” I can only hope that the Holy Spirit he received that day will soon make him see the light because for now he’s not even a C&E Catholic.
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
**this is one of many reasons it should be done at baptism:( **
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I was confirmed, not at my Baptism, but when I was about 9
months old.
Could be that is why I’ve NEVER considered leaving the Church
or had any real doubts, but always a fierce need to defend Her
against anti-catholics and even some cafeteria catholics.
 
TexCatholic4JMJ said:
I was confirmed, not at my Baptism, but when I was about 9
months old.
Could be that is why I’ve NEVER considered leaving the Church
or had any real doubts, but always a fierce need to defend Her
against anti-catholics and even some cafeteria catholics.
Click to expand...
That’s a very good point.

I have also noticed that people baptized within hours of birth (for whatever reason) seem to keep hold of the grace they have been given in the Sacrament. It seems as though the less time you give Concupiscience a chance to lay hold of a person’s darker nature, the more likely it is that the person will make it through this world with their faith intact. 🙂
 
I wish more teens would graciously except being confirmed in the church.
 
Phemie said:
I have no problem with forcing them to take the classes – I forced my son to take them, but I was clear from the beginning that I would not force him to receive a sacrament he didn’t want to receive or didn’t believe in. At the end of the sessions he opted to be confirmed.
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I think this is the best answer. I have a nephew who was actually bribed to receive the sacrament of Confirmation—he didn’t want to go through it, and probably wasn’t ready anyway, but my BIL would have been “embarassed” and thought it would help my nephew to receive the sacrament, so he paid my nephew 200 bucks to go through with it. 😦
 
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