'Forcing' teenagers to go to confession

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Armor_of_Light

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We go to frequent confession. Monthly mostly, but occasionally 6 weeks or so.
Sons (from first marriage and not with us very often) are 14 and 16.

Should I ‘force’ them…that is to say make them…go to confession with the rest of the family?

I have in the past, but stopped making them go about a year ago. I ‘invite’ them to go and they have joined us on a couple of occasions.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have experience with this situation?

Thanks
 
I don’t have experience, but don’t you think that “forcing” anything isn’t the right attitude?
 
Create environment to make them feel the need by themselves.
This will help them to know what it is as to when conscience calls one to do so.
As they get the chance to train their conscience it will be easy for them in the next
time and they wont need you or anyone to remind them of the need for a well trained
conscience will be at work!

All the best!

With Love!
 
Armor_of_Light said:
We go to frequent confession. Monthly mostly, but occasionally 6 weeks or so.
Sons (from first marriage and not with us very often) are 14 and 16.

Should I ‘force’ them…that is to say make them…go to confession with the rest of the family?

I have in the past, but stopped making them go about a year ago. I ‘invite’ them to go and they have joined us on a couple of occasions.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have experience with this situation?

Thanks
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Forcing won’t do any good. In these circumstances it’s best to talk, pray for them and give good example.
I myself go to confession weekly but my wife hasn’t been for ages. We are immigrants in UK and she doesn’t speak good English, which she thinks could be an obstacle. There is one priest who speaks our language who my wife won’t see. All I can do is what I advise you: pray to Holy Spirit, talk to her and give positive example.

God bless!
 
I would make sure they understand the impact of confession and the value of it.

I would then “force them to go” on church designated times. I think the church encourages confession atleast once during advent and lent. I wouldn’t necessarily force them to go more than that.

Teenagers shouldn’t have a “choice” when it comes to mass attendence, confession, CCD, etc. As parents, we hope they want to attend these events, but even if they do not, it is our responsibility as parents to bring our kids up in the faith. Once they move out, we can no longer “force” the issue, but still should encourage routinely frequently the sacraments and adhereing to the teaching of the church. I only have a 1 yo, so what do I really know.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
We go to frequent confession. Monthly mostly, but occasionally 6 weeks or so.
Sons (from first marriage and not with us very often) are 14 and 16.

Should I ‘force’ them…that is to say make them…go to confession with the rest of the family?

I have in the past, but stopped making them go about a year ago. I ‘invite’ them to go and they have joined us on a couple of occasions.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have experience with this situation?

Thanks
Click to expand...
I would invite them to go and then say “we are going out for burgers/ice cream/other afterwards” - this might make it more enticing to a teenage boy.
 
If anyone has their passport kit of Christopher West’s Theology of the Body video supplement package, in there is a quote from Pope John Paul II (I think it was JP2) in the 2nd session about how we must respect the dignity of others by not coercing, but respecting the dignity of their will. We teach why it is right to choose a certain way. There is a certain empowerment if they come to embrace the truth themselves, absent by way of coersion.
 
I would force them to come with you but, I wouldn’t force them to go into the confessional. One must be repentant of the confessed sins for the confession to be of any value.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
We go to frequent confession. Monthly mostly, but occasionally 6 weeks or so.
Sons (from first marriage and not with us very often) are 14 and 16.

Should I ‘force’ them…that is to say make them…go to confession with the rest of the family?

I have in the past, but stopped making them go about a year ago. I ‘invite’ them to go and they have joined us on a couple of occasions.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have experience with this situation?

Thanks
Click to expand...
I work with teenagers. What works is to bring them with you to the place where Confessions are being heard, together with a group of other people who are also intending to go to Confession.

Invite them to sit quietly while you go to Confession, without mentioning any expectations about whether you think they should or shouldn’t go to Confession, or whether you think they will resist the idea.

Sit together as a group with the other people who are also going to Confession, and simply wait quietly while each one goes in turn to Confession. When they see that they are the only ones not going, they quite often will choose to go.

I second the idea of going out some place fun to eat afterwards, as well. They will put up less resistance if you frame it as, “We’re going out for pizza, but first, we’re going to stop in at the Church so that some of us can go to Confession.”

Rather than as, “We’re going to Confession and then as a reward you can have some pizza.” Make the pizza (or whatever) into the main event, and the going to Confession a “side trip on the way.” 😉
 
I don’t see how you can force teenagers into a confessional and force them to say something once there.
 
Zekariya said:
I would force them to come with you but, I wouldn’t force them to go into the confessional. One must be repentant of the confessed sins for the confession to be of any value.
Click to expand...
This is how I handle things. We go once a month, and as long as work or illness aren’t interfering, everybody goes. I don’t tell anyone they have to actually go into the confessional, but they do have to go to church with me. At least one of the kids will go in each time.
 
I don’t really have this problem yet. Only my oldest is a teenager, and she doesn’t resist the idea of confession.

I have two conditions: 1) If you can’t remember the last time you went, then you’re due for another visit. 2) You can go whenever you want, but if you need to go and can’t make it, then don’t get communion until you do make it.

My kids have watched me stay in the pew a couple times. Recently, I meant to go on Saturday, but my boss called and I had to go to work. So, I went to Mass and refrained. My kids did ask, and I told them “I was going to go to confession, but I had to go to work. You’re not supposed to get communion if you need to go to confession. If you need to go to confession, I’ll take you, and I will never ask you why.”

It’s worked so far.
 
Anyway, to go on a workshop with them??? The reason, i mentioned this, is that your children only need to get it how important it is to go. Perhaps pray to find a clever way or for the Holy Spirit to put the right word in your mouth so you can inspire them. Or perhaps also, watch a family movie about the life of a saint. Father Pio movie is incredible. There are a few movies and i like them all.

The answer is NO, you cannot force them, but clearly you must not give up on this.

You cannot force because God doesn’t force us to believe in him, follow his commandments and to take advantage of what the Catholic church has to offer. It is without a doubt a shame that our youth are disconnecting and don’t see the value of this.

Don’t give up and keep trying. Pray most of all and say the rosary. Mother Mary has worked only miracles in my family. Prayer and fasting are more efficient then words.

All the best!
 
Wa_Michael said:
Create environment to make them feel the need by themselves.
This will help them to know what it is as to when conscience calls one to do so.
As they get the chance to train their conscience it will be easy for them in the next
time and they wont need you or anyone to remind them of the need for a well trained
conscience will be at work!

All the best!

With Love!
Click to expand...
Encourage it and show them how it helps them. Use yourself as an example!
 
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