Forgive, Forget and Choose to keep a safe distance

[bradnation]

Hello all

Here’s the situation. You have been wronged by someone who consitently demonstrates a tendency to do wrong by you and those around them.

My assersion is this. Forgive them. Them put them out of your mind and life. Choose not to have that disharmony in your life. If you meet them you should be kind to them, but you are under no obligation to keep inviting them to wrong you.

The above is stated in conceptual terms.

It could be worded like…

Someone brutalized my child - I forgave them, but certainly am not going to allow them babysit my child again— ever.

or

Someone raped my wife. - I forgave them, but certainly would not invite them to my home.

or even

Someone has repeatedly undermined my relationship with my loved ones. - I forgave them, but choose not to invite them into my life to create more disharmony. I wish no ill will but I would not be acting responsibily to my loved ones or myself by allowing this to continue.

I don’t hate. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I’ve not read anything that says I have to LIKE someone. I should be kind and charitable but not foolish. I have to think further then just if I like or dis-like someone. I have to think of the harm that history has shown would likely be created by that person.

We choose to be “Friends” with people we like. We don’t choose to be friends with people we dis-like. Where’s the wrong in that?

Brad

 

[Huiou_Theou]

Hey Brad,

I can sympathize with the sentiments. St. Paul said ~ Be angry, but don’t sin.

However, when there is sufficient reason for anger – such as repetitive underming of a relationship, threats in a marriage, etc. The line between “Hate” and “anger” becomes extremely difficult to discern.

Biblically, Hate often is simply seperation – rather than maliciousness which is the capital sin of Anger. God can hate, but he is not malicious. eg: Jacob I have loved, but Esau I hated…

The problem that you appear to be articulating is the one where the “other” person will not change their ways. I put up with irritations for years from people, whom I never excluded on that basis – but, yes, when one is confronted with a situation which can place children in danger, or threats to a marriage – eventually there comes a stopping point. Even Jesus left this world, albeit via the cross.

For many, this tolerance “point” is superficially shallow – but for some (like me) the emotional drag and tug and bullying eventually wears out one’s resistance, and the health begins to suffer – at that point there is no choice but to get out of the situation until one’s health returns.

 

[bradnation]

Thank you for sharing your insightfulness.

I hope this doesn’t double post. I hit a key and everything went away…

Back on topic.
Obviously I had a reason for the post. I have been having an extended discussion with someone over the merits vs. the harm of allowing someone who has consistently interjected harm or trouble into the lives of people around him.

I hold the position as previously stated that there comes a time that you must forgive but cease allowing that person to continue to cause discontent and harm in your lives.

My counter part thinks that even though this person has caused harm time and time and time again, some of which is pretty significant, that you must have “closure” by being there friend. I don’t mean friend just as a matter of acquaintance, but actually having intra-personal and family interactions with them. In other words providing them with the means and opportunity to continue to do harm. (Granted I’m not a big believer in the whole concept of “Closure”)

I obviously view the matter quite differently. Forgive and keep a safe distance. I suppose I’m looking for support in my position.

What you said about “Hate” is interesting. I will pursue that further.

 

[Danny_OC]

Hello all

Here’s the situation. You have been wronged by someone who consitently demonstrates a tendency to do wrong by you and those around them.

My assersion is this. Forgive them. Them put them out of your mind and life. Choose not to have that disharmony in your life. If you meet them you should be kind to them, but you are under no obligation to keep inviting them to wrong you.

The above is stated in conceptual terms.

It could be worded like…

Someone brutalized my child - I forgave them, but certainly am not going to allow them babysit my child again— ever.

or

Someone raped my wife. - I forgave them, but certainly would not invite them to my home.

or even

Someone has repeatedly undermined my relationship with my loved ones. - I forgave them, but choose not to invite them into my life to create more disharmony. I wish no ill will but I would not be acting responsibily to my loved ones or myself by allowing this to continue.

I don’t hate. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I’ve not read anything that says I have to LIKE someone. I should be kind and charitable but not foolish. I have to think further then just if I like or dis-like someone. I have to think of the harm that history has shown would likely be created by that person.

We choose to be “Friends” with people we like. We don’t choose to be friends with people we dis-like. Where’s the wrong in that?

Brad

Indeed. Forgiveness is a mandate. Reconciliation (returning to the ordinary) is not.

 

[ALLFORHIM]

Thank you for sharing your insightfulness.

I hope this doesn’t double post. I hit a key and everything went away…

Back on topic.
Obviously I had a reason for the post. I have been having an extended discussion with someone over the merits vs. the harm of allowing someone who has consistently interjected harm or trouble into the lives of people around him.

I hold the position as previously stated that there comes a time that you must forgive but cease allowing that person to continue to cause discontent and harm in your lives.

My counter part thinks that even though this person has caused harm time and time and time again, some of which is pretty significant, that you must have “closure” by being there friend. I don’t mean friend just as a matter of acquaintance, but actually having intra-personal and family interactions with them. In other words providing them with the means and opportunity to continue to do harm. (Granted I’m not a big believer in the whole concept of “Closure”)

I obviously view the matter quite differently. Forgive and keep a safe distance. I suppose I’m looking for support in my position.

What you said about “Hate” is interesting. I will pursue that further.

It is absolutely ok to keep a safe distance from this person.

I have a BIL who fits the bad side of Proverbs to a “T” Sad really.
He is such a HORRIBLE influence on everyone around him. My hubby use to be his best friend/brother but one day,for no apparent reason, he turned on my hubby It was SOOOO AWFUL for the whole family because they hung out together ALL the time. I was happy because he was a bad influence on my hubby but I was sad because it was his brother!! I went to my minister and he told me that just because he is family doesnt mean you cant protect yourself and family from him(I dont mean physical protection-he is not violent)That made me feel better

So we pulled back from him and it has been 3 years. We would only see him at family functions and always be loving and civil and that was it. After family functions I always have to debrief my kids because of the language/behavior and content talked about. It is upsetting I have to do this but they need to know his behavior is unacceptable.

We continue to show him love but from a distance. My hubby says he will not hang out with ever again but he will still be his brother and love him.

God tells us we have to love and forgive, but He also tells us not to associate with evil people as well. We do need to guard our hearts after all against people like this.
I found this bible passage–hope it helps:thumbsup:

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”**
17"Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."[c]
18"I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."[d]
2 Corinthians 7
1Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God**

 

[bradnation]

– Allforhim – Excellent quote!!

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Sometimes things that seem so clear to me are beyond the comprehension of those around me. At times it makes me wonder if I’m the one refusing to open my eyes.

Have blessed day.

 

[ALLFORHIM]

– Allforhim – Excellent quote!!

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Sometimes things that seem so clear to me are beyond the comprehension of those around me. At times it makes me wonder if I’m the one refusing to open my eyes.

Have blessed day.

I couldnt find it and then I asked God to show me where it was and voila I found it

Im glad it helped. God’s word does help

 

[jrabs]

You absolutely pick your friends. We are not obligated to befriend all - and remain friends after ill behavior.

Sometimes the best thing to do is ditch a friend or a relationship that is harmful.