Forgiveness and "replaying"

[GodsLittleChild]

Dear brothers and sisters,

How do we really forgive somebody? Does it take a few tries sometimes? When I believe that I have forgiven someone, sometimes I will still “replay” again and again the event in which they yelled at me with anger. Sometimes the event pops up in my head when I am idle, or when I first wake up the morning…even if it happend months before. And replaying it gets me tense and angry.

I am very sensitive to people being vicious and yelling at me, especially when they were someone who I thought would not do that to me, and they claim to be a person who loves peace. It’s just really hard for me to let go of these events. I try often to think of Our Lord and the offenses he suffered in his Passion and Death, and most importantly, all MY offenses and sins throughout my life.

The Saints are my models for handling contradictions. They handled these things with so much peace, I bet they mastered the ability to not replay things. There is a quote by a saint, who I cannot remember, that goes something like: “When people treat you harshly, consider that you deserve it, for all the sins that you have committed against Our Lord.”

My two questions are:
How do we truly and fully forgive?
How can we get nasty, heated events out of our memory? Or, at least, how can we stop replaying them?

 

[fred_conty]

Dear brothers and sisters,

How do we really forgive somebody? Does it take a few tries sometimes? When I believe that I have forgiven someone, sometimes I will still “replay” again and again the event in which they yelled at me with anger. Sometimes the event pops up in my head when I am idle, or when I first wake up the morning…even if it happend months before. And replaying it gets me tense and angry.

I am very sensitive to people being vicious and yelling at me, especially when they were someone who I thought would not do that to me, and they claim to be a person who loves peace. It’s just really hard for me to let go of these events. I try often to think of Our Lord and the offenses he suffered in his Passion and Death, and most importantly, all MY offenses and sins throughout my life.

The Saints are my models for handling contradictions. They handled these things with so much peace, I bet they mastered the ability to not replay things. There is a quote by a saint, who I cannot remember, that goes something like: “When people treat you harshly, consider that you deserve it, for all the sins that you have committed against Our Lord.”

My two questions are:
How do we truly and fully forgive?
How can we get nasty, heated events out of our memory? Or, at least, how can we stop replaying them?

That is a problem when we “feel” ill disposed to someone. The thought pursues us like a hounddog.

There is a way to get help with this along with other spiritual agrivations that plague us.

There is the Miraculous Medal. The response to that is, “Oh, I’ve heard of that”, or “I’ve had one of those before” and then the brain shuts down.

The real problem with this medal is that it is not properly used and understood.
Here are the words of Mary herself,

“Have a medal struck… All who wear it will receive GREAT graces; they should wear it
around the neck. GRACES will ABOUND for persons who wear it with CONFIDENCE.”

How to use it.
First of all, for all temptations. That means everything is covered. If a person is using
God’s name, or having feelings of ill will, or being tempted to porn, or marriage problems,
or being unkind, or not praying well…, or …, or… Use it saying to Mary, “Mary I thank you for your gift to me, please give me now those great graces you promised.”

She promised those graces, she is immaculate and will keep that promise.

How to understand it.
It is a gift. She went out of her way to give it to us to help us. She wants you to have it and to be there with you to help in all your situations.
Here are the words of Mary herself,

“… it must be given to the whole world and to every person.” (excluding noone)

When you put the blessed medal on, your are in effect saying, “Mary I entrust myself to you, and by wearing this medal I am in the constant act of trusting you for your great graces.”
And in effect she has pledged to give you special consideration.

I honestly don’t know how she could be any more helpful. You are now special for you have accepted her gift.

More than just some thoughts.

 

[LB_in_TX]

Dear brothers and sisters,

How do we really forgive somebody? Does it take a few tries sometimes? When I believe that I have forgiven someone, sometimes I will still “replay” again and again the event in which they yelled at me with anger. Sometimes the event pops up in my head when I am idle, or when I first wake up the morning…even if it happend months before. And replaying it gets me tense and angry.

I am very sensitive to people being vicious and yelling at me, especially when they were someone who I thought would not do that to me, and they claim to be a person who loves peace. It’s just really hard for me to let go of these events. I try often to think of Our Lord and the offenses he suffered in his Passion and Death, and most importantly, all MY offenses and sins throughout my life.

The Saints are my models for handling contradictions. They handled these things with so much peace, I bet they mastered the ability to not replay things. There is a quote by a saint, who I cannot remember, that goes something like: “When people treat you harshly, consider that you deserve it, for all the sins that you have committed against Our Lord.”

My two questions are:
How do we truly and fully forgive?
How can we get nasty, heated events out of our memory? Or, at least, how can we stop replaying them?

Prayer, prayer, and more prayer.

I can certainly relate to your feelings, I think we all should be able to.

I pray daily to overcome events of the past in which I have been hurt emotionally, as well as those whom I have hurt can forgive me.

I believe these memories are a form of temptation to stir us up:

Almighty and most merciful God,
Graciously hear my prayers;
And free my heart from the temptations
Of past memories and evil thoughts; that I may worthily
Become a fit habitation for Thy Holy Spirit.
Amen.

 

[GodsLittleChild]

Fred,

Thank you for reminding me about the Miraculous Medal! Yes, I had heard of it, don’t think I ever had one though. So, I just ordered one!

Prayer and graces are really the answers to our problems, especially spiritual ones.

God love you, and I appreciate your charity in sharing about Our Lady’s Medal with me.

 

[andreashofer]

Dear GodslittleChild,

The word that has has been mentioned and struck me in the other responses was CONFIDENCE.

We Catholics often tend to take God for granted and therefore loose our sincere attachment, probably also loose our compassion, which is the extreme of it.

I think you have already answered your questions by quoting: “When people treat you harshly, consider that you deserve it, for all the sins that you have committed against Our Lord.”

If I take this saying to heart and truly live it I automatically become humble and confident like a little child to his loving Father. Yes, we have fallen short and commited crime, therefore when God forgives us, how much more should we forgive those, who trespass against us.

I invite to read: Matthew 18, 23-35, the parable of the unforgiving debtor

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen

 

[acadian]

I ran across these videos in my internet wanderings.

There are a series of 8 videos that average about 7 minutes each. The priest is very easy to listen to, and knows this topic well, having a brother who was murdered. He covers topics from the “why” of forgiveness to forgiving the living, the deceased, the church, God, ongoing hurts, and ourselves. I never knew there was so much forgiving that needed to be done!

 

[Allegra]

Dear brothers and sisters,

How do we really forgive somebody? Does it take a few tries sometimes? When I believe that I have forgiven someone, sometimes I will still “replay” again and again the event in which they yelled at me with anger. Sometimes the event pops up in my head when I am idle, or when I first wake up the morning…even if it happend months before. And replaying it gets me tense and angry.

I am very sensitive to people being vicious and yelling at me, especially when they were someone who I thought would not do that to me, and they claim to be a person who loves peace. It’s just really hard for me to let go of these events. I try often to think of Our Lord and the offenses he suffered in his Passion and Death, and most importantly, all MY offenses and sins throughout my life.

The Saints are my models for handling contradictions. They handled these things with so much peace, I bet they mastered the ability to not replay things. There is a quote by a saint, who I cannot remember, that goes something like: “When people treat you harshly, consider that you deserve it, for all the sins that you have committed against Our Lord.”

My two questions are:
How do we truly and fully forgive?
How can we get nasty, heated events out of our memory? Or, at least, how can we stop replaying them?

This has been a struggle for me as well, particularly when I’ve been hurt by someone who is clearly not sorry. Sometimes I think it takes alot of concerted effort.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

It is best to nip the though in the bud. When I start thinking about a person who hurt me (and that always leads to me feeling very angry and resentful) I force myself to change the topic, so to speak. I say a prayer and move on. Otherwise I find it impossible to stop and the memory of it consumes me. So, prayer and determination. God bless.

 

[fred_conty]

Fred,

Thank you for reminding me about the Miraculous Medal! Yes, I had heard of it, don’t think I ever had one though. So, I just ordered one!

Prayer and graces are really the answers to our problems, especially spiritual ones.

God love you, and I appreciate your charity in sharing about Our Lady’s Medal with me.

Your welcome. I can say I use it for everything asking Mary all the time in any situation.
She never fails me. At certain times I just hold the medal and ask for what I want. These are spiritual situations not material. It is particularly good in bringing about peace and calm. If my mind has been busy, and then I start to pray and find it difficult to keep my thoughts together in prayer, I use the medal and I am better able to keep my mind on what I need to and it makes a real difference.

I’m telling you so that you will use it in all things to help you. It is for everything that applies to the spiritual order.

It is exactly as she says, that she will obtain graces and answer those that ask.

Just some more thoughts.

 

[odile53]

It’s probably not possible to entirely forget the memory of being treated badly. Memory is a part of our minds, but so are intellect and will. Yes, these things happened. What good does it do to keep replaying it? Replaying won’t change history. It will just make matters worse, similar to, if you pardon the gross analogy, keeping on picking on the scab on a wound. That doesn’t help the wound heal.

When bad memories pop up, we can exercise our wills to remind ourselves that we have forgiven that person, and say a prayer for them. We can use our intellects to see the situation from another perspective, or better yet, to remind ourselves that this incident occurred in the past, and that the present will be wasted if we focus on it. If you think of it, wasting the precious gift of time that God gives us moment by moment in itself is somewhat sinful. Why waste this kind of time and energy on something that is futile?

Then we can exercise our will to use our minds more productively, such as doing something kind for someone else, to recall all the blessings God has given us (some call this making a gratitude list,) to give Him thanksgiving and praise, and to enjoy those blessings here and now.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Personally I don’t like the idea that I “deserve” harsh treatment from others. That may or may not be the case on some scale of justice, but this almost makes it sound like harsh treatment is some sort of evidence about myself. Well, again maybe, maybe not. Yes we are all sinners, but we are not each other’s judge, jury, and executioner, are we?

I’m just not into random self-deprecation. I think we can work with the humbling experiences in our lives without adding on reinforcing a negative self-image.

That said, when people treat me harshly I think of the Beatitudes, and just see it as an exercise for me to learn to take what others say and do without it getting between me and Jesus. Whether I “deserve” it or not, abiding with patience is the key.

So how do you do that? Well, do not accept the judgment of others, for one. If they yell at you, it’s not because you deserve it, but that they need to yell. And the Spirit uses you both to absorb it and to give you material to use to work on your own reactions.

Alan