Forgiveness BY HUSBAND

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grandma_glor

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I Was Addicted To Gambling And When My Husband Found Out How Much Money I Spent He Told Me He Would Never Forgive Or Forget.
I Have Been To Counseling ,confession, And Talked With Many Priests. It Has Been Five Years Since I Gambled,but He Repeatedly Brings It Up.
Any Suggestion

Grandma Glor
 
grandma_glor said:
I Was Addicted To Gambling And When My Husband Found Out How Much Money I Spent He Told Me He Would Never Forgive Or Forget.
I Have Been To Counseling ,confession, And Talked With Many Priests. It Has Been Five Years Since I Gambled,but He Repeatedly Brings It Up.
Any Suggestion

Grandma Glor
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I’m so sorry. I know someone like that. She has no idea how her unforgiving attitute affects the whole famlily, her and her husband’s health and certainly their faith and their future.

My assumption is that he was very hurt and wants to hurt you back just as much. Problem is, the more he tries to hurt back the more hurt he feels. It can be a viscious cycle. Love comes from forgiveness. My only recommendation would be Retrouvaille. I’ve heard it has worked for many others.

Peace.
 
I would think that after five years you would be entitled to say, “Yes I did gamble and it was wrong, I’ve confessed and apologised and done everything that I can to make amends. I cannot undo it and I cannot do any more to repair the damage. It has been five years now since this was a problem and we both need to move on. Please do not bring this up again. If you feel that you cannot help bringing it up all the time then you /we need to get some help or counselling because this cannot continue.” If he keeps bringing it up, keep saying, “either you stop bringing this up or we go to counselling”.

It’s not fair to hold absolved wrongs over your head for the rest of your life.
 
Forgive AND forget.

It has been 5 years. I was told long ago that anything that is over 24 hours old, when it comes to arguements and the such, is trash and there is a specific place for trash.

The same thing can be applied here. Not the 24 hour rule, but it has been 5 years, you have taken steps to get past this, now it is time for him to get past it. Time for him to step up and be a man, stop holding this over your head. That is not fair to you, not fair to him, and not fair to the relationship. How many times did Jesus tell us to forgive? 7 times? :nope: 70 times 7 times.
 
Thank You Everyone For Your (name removed by moderator)ut,but My Husband Is From The Old School And I Cacnot Change Him. He Went To Counseling Once Andthe Dr. Asked Him If He Would Accept My Apololiges If I Did It In Front Of Him. His Answer Was No. If I Apologized Once I Must Have Done It A Hundred Times.
Counselor Said No More Apologies.

Grandma Glor
 
grandma_glor said:
Thank You Everyone For Your (name removed by moderator)ut,but My Husband Is From The Old School And I Cacnot Change Him. He Went To Counseling Once Andthe Dr. Asked Him If He Would Accept My Apololiges If I Did It In Front Of Him. His Answer Was No. If I Apologized Once I Must Have Done It A Hundred Times.
Counselor Said No More Apologies.

Grandma Glor
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First of all, I wanted to say that it is hard to read when you capitlize the first letter of each word.

Secondly, I do not know what else to say other than I am sorry that your husband still feels that this is a high school relationship. No matter what has happened, you and your husband have become one flesh. What hurts you, hurts him and vice versa. I am sure, pretty close to positive that he is not perfect and that he has made some mistakes. Do you hold those over his head?

Aside from him being up the gambling and the money, are there any other “hot topics” that you both disagree about? How is your prayer life together? Do you go to church together? What do you both do with your free time?
 
I will be married to him for 49 yrs.in july. i raised my children by myself , he worked away from the day we got married. when we would be invited to different affairs, the only thing he was interested in talking about brick, block,or cement. we never do anything together he does what he likes and i go my way,i attend c hurch alone, my children take me on vacation with them, he is also asked to come but refuses.i was an agoraphobic person for 27 yrs. of my life and it is only within the last 10 yrs, that i learned to drive. thanks to my 3 children who were always there for me,and i also thank OUR GOOD LORD for helping me through this.

grandma glor
 
Thats really sad. 😦 That doesn’t sound like a very happy marriage at all. Does he ever show any affection?
 
grandma_glor said:
Thank You Everyone For Your (name removed by moderator)ut,but My Husband Is From The Old School And I Cacnot Change Him. He Went To Counseling Once Andthe Dr. Asked Him If He Would Accept My Apololiges If I Did It In Front Of Him. His Answer Was No. If I Apologized Once I Must Have Done It A Hundred Times.
Counselor Said No More Apologies.

Grandma Glor
Click to expand...
Does not seem to want an apology. Is he controlling in other areas of the marriage, too? You two seem to have an uphill battle. I’m no doctor and we can’t tell all that is going on from a few posts, but you mustn’t give up. One counsellor isn’t always enough. My suggestion of Retrouvaille still stands. If you can get him to go.

Peace to you and prayers for your husband.
 
Grandma…

When he brings it up again, just smile a big smile and say… you know… it’s been 5 yrs since I have done that, I am soooo proud of myself! Or, bring it up first… dear, we are comming up on the anniversary of my quitting gambling… I think we should celebrate by going out to dinner. Show him how excited you are that you have done so well… he might just catch some excitement, but even if he doesn’t, you should be proud that you faced it and overcame it!
 
I don’t know you or your husband, but from the little you have told us you remind me of my grandparents. Their “marriage” sounds similar to yours. If it is in any way the same, my advice to you would be to stop trying. You can want forgiveness from him until you are blue in the face… but he is not likely to ever give it to you. Stop expecting him to. Forgive yourself. Find joy in the fact that our Lord has forgiven you and loves you so much. I have a sneaking suspicion he is bringing it up because he likes to see you wounded. Don’t give him that satisfaction!!! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. But you have God and you have some great kids!!! Enjoy what is good in your life and try not to let the bad wound you so deeply. And congrats on learning to drive and beating your agoraphobia!!! What a HUGE accomplishment:clapping:
 
He is very controlling. i can’t do anything right.
whatever his side of the family say or do he completely ignores it. not to change the subject but my eldest son when he studied he lay on the floor and had the t.v. on very low. his father told he would never amount to anything.
well he proved him wrong. he became a medical technologist, went into invitro

fertilization,and now he is the chief head physician in internal medicine and works in the hematology and oncology dept.
he did all this with the help of god. my other is a chemist and my daughter has her degree in teaching. god bless all of you for your concern.

grandma glor
 
Glor,
your husband sounds like a jerk. sounds like he’s always been a jerk. why do you think, now after 49 years of jerk-dom that he might be willing or able to forgive?

he’s also a liar. he says you can’t do anything right. but you did. you raised three kids alone. you quit gambling.

whatever it is you want from this guy, you’re not going to get. direct your energies into God-centered, life-affirming, community-building endeavors. don’t discuss. don’t argue. don’t defend yourself. there’s no satisfactory conclusion with him.

pray for his salvation.

i’m glad your dr. son is no longer practicing in-vitro technologies.
 
Well According To Him The Only Good Thing That Ever Came Out Of This Marriage Is Our 3 Children.he Spread The Word About My Gambling As Far As Italy. He Thought By Doing So He Could Forget.
His Family Criticized Me To No End . I Do Not Speak To Them
Right Now He Has Parkinsons Disease ,he Has Macular Degeneration
Diabetes Etc. He Needs Me Now But No Matter What He Still Has Arotten Attitude
Thank You
Grandma Glor
 
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