Forgiveness & Learning To Let Go

[Ryan29]

When I was eighteen my family was full of chaos. My parents didn’t get along and I had a girlfriend that lived three streets from my house and during the night one Father’s Day I escaped the war of my parents and brother and walked to her house. I had a backpack on my back, I weighed 120 pounds and I was victimized by two persons. They hit me twice and robbed me of my bag, away from home I was left with my wounds. No one helped me, no good samaritan came and no police ever caught those people. I had to walk home paranoid as I wondered with every car that passed if it was those guys coming to “finish the job”. I got home fine, but the lasting anger I still feel today. To be honest, I hate those people, I hate myself for not lifting a finger to tell anyone about it so they could be convicted or at least made an effort to not have to shoulder the weight alone. Yet, my weight is nothing compared to Jesus the cross that he had to bear. Yet, in that bible paralell I would have hated the Romans for putting me in a powerless situation. In my life it makes me not trust people in fear of being victimized again. I have let myself down in not only being victimized before, but feeling powerless to the future too. I know deeply that I have to give up my anger and hatred to feel the everlasting spirit of God. I also fear being vulnerable to the world without my hatred and be a bared soul to the Path of Him. As I am I can’t fully absorb God’s light in my mind and spirit, but I need it to understand the plight of and pain of the individuals that would commit such a random act. How do I go about letting go, forgiving my mistakes and others so I can cast off this painful predictiment. I know that if I continue on this cycle of discontentment and bitterness it will encourage me to think I have all the answers and in my pride I will be further lost. I know I must get passed this purely human trouble to seek further the word and wisdom of the divine Spirit.

I know you will have the answer to steer me onto the right path.

 

[coda]

When I was eighteen my family was full of chaos. My parents didn’t get along and I had a girlfriend that lived three streets from my house and during the night one Father’s Day I escaped the war of my parents and brother and walked to her house. I had a backpack on my back, I weighed 120 pounds and I was victimized by two persons. They hit me twice and robbed me of my bag, away from home I was left with my wounds. No one helped me, no good samaritan came and no police ever caught those people. I had to walk home paranoid as I wondered with every car that passed if it was those guys coming to “finish the job”. I got home fine, but the lasting anger I still feel today. To be honest, I hate those people, I hate myself for not lifting a finger to tell anyone about it so they could be convicted or at least made an effort to not have to shoulder the weight alone. Yet, my weight is nothing compared to Jesus the cross that he had to bear. Yet, in that bible paralell I would have hated the Romans for putting me in a powerless situation. In my life it makes me not trust people in fear of being victimized again. I have let myself down in not only being victimized before, but feeling powerless to the future too. I know deeply that I have to give up my anger and hatred to feel the everlasting spirit of God. I also fear being vulnerable to the world without my hatred and be a bared soul to the Path of Him. As I am I can’t fully absorb God’s light in my mind and spirit, but I need it to understand the plight of and pain of the individuals that would commit such a random act. How do I go about letting go, forgiving my mistakes and others so I can cast off this painful predictiment. I know that if I continue on this cycle of discontentment and bitterness it will encourage me to think I have all the answers and in my pride I will be further lost. I know I must get passed this purely human trouble to seek further the word and wisdom of the divine Spirit.

I know you will have the answer to steer me onto the right path.

God’s mercy for both you and those who hurt you is inconceivable and overflowing. Ask Jesus to fill your heart with love and mercy for those who hurt you-- even if you dont yet want to…As God forgives WHATEVER sins you may commit when you ask Him, He also asks you to forgive WHATEVER others do to you. Please try to forgive them in your heart. Pray the divine mercy chaplet and your heart will begin to open to God’s plan for your own happiness. You are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again by those who attacked you. DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO HAVE THAT POWER OVER YOU! Trust that through Jesus’ suffering ,your suffering is united to His. Offer your pain to Jesus-- His Goodness and Mercy always prevail… I will pray for you in earnest today… Peace to you. p.s. you are already on the right path my friend!

 

[sheila0405]

When I was eighteen my family was full of chaos. My parents didn’t get along and I had a girlfriend that lived three streets from my house and during the night one Father’s Day I escaped the war of my parents and brother and walked to her house. I had a backpack on my back, I weighed 120 pounds and I was victimized by two persons. They hit me twice and robbed me of my bag, away from home I was left with my wounds. No one helped me, no good samaritan came and no police ever caught those people. I had to walk home paranoid as I wondered with every car that passed if it was those guys coming to “finish the job”. I got home fine, but the lasting anger I still feel today. To be honest, I hate those people, I hate myself for not lifting a finger to tell anyone about it so they could be convicted or at least made an effort to not have to shoulder the weight alone. Yet, my weight is nothing compared to Jesus the cross that he had to bear. Yet, in that bible paralell I would have hated the Romans for putting me in a powerless situation. In my life it makes me not trust people in fear of being victimized again. I have let myself down in not only being victimized before, but feeling powerless to the future too. I know deeply that I have to give up my anger and hatred to feel the everlasting spirit of God. I also fear being vulnerable to the world without my hatred and be a bared soul to the Path of Him. As I am I can’t fully absorb God’s light in my mind and spirit, but I need it to understand the plight of and pain of the individuals that would commit such a random act. How do I go about letting go, forgiving my mistakes and others so I can cast off this painful predictiment. I know that if I continue on this cycle of discontentment and bitterness it will encourage me to think I have all the answers and in my pride I will be further lost. I know I must get passed this purely human trouble to seek further the word and wisdom of the divine Spirit.

I know you will have the answer to steer me onto the right path.

First of all, prayers for you are going up! It sounds as if you have some post traumatic stress clinging to you. Because you were so deeply traumatized, it colors the way you view the world even today. Try to find someone that you can talk to about all of this. As for hating the perpetrators, know that forgiveness can take a long time. The fact that you realize your ongoing hatred of them and how it affects your spirituality is a good sign. Try to pray for those people when the thoughts of hatred recur. It is hard to stay angry at someone when you pray for them. Forgiveness is first an act of the will–the feelings will follow. I was molested as a child, and I have been working on the forgiveness angle for some time. But I find that the pain diminishes when I determine not to hold that sin against my molestor. I recognize that Jesus died for that man, as He did for me, and that I must trust in Jesus’ ability to take care of the offender. My job is to practice forgiveness while I am here on earth. FIND A COUNSELOR! You need to work through these issues with a trusted person. You are not alone in this. Pray to God and ask Him to guide you to the right help.

 

[Kathrin]

Hello Ryan,

I think you are already on the right way. Isn’t WANTING to forgive the very very VERY important first step toward forgiveness? A lot of people are still at the stage of “why should I want to forgive them?”. But you, you ask for help to find forgiveness. I think that is wonderful!

but I need it to understand the plight of and pain of the individuals that would commit such a random act.

Again I think this is where forgiveness can really start: By asking WHY somebody did something. By seeing them as people, mere humans who have made a (though very terrible!) mistake.

If we “humanize” our trespassors, we can also try to think about where they might be now. Maybe those guys have long started repenting for what they did. Maybe they have spent years of feeling very guilty.

How do I go about letting go, forgiving my mistakes and others so I can cast off this painful predictiment.

Now about forgiving yourSELF (I know from personal experience that this can be the hardest part)… now, ask yourself, why did you act the way you did (e.g., not saying anything). Was it fear? Was it shame? Whatever it was, you did not do it out of spite or to hurt anybody. Imagine God talking to you, comforting you. Holding you in His big strong arms…of COURSE you can forgive yourself. I don’t think there IS anything much to firgive, actually!
What would you tell a friend who is in your situation? Something like: “Hey, you were scared, you didn’t know what to do, you acted in the best way you could at the time…”

Forgiveness is somehow… something like understanding everything from every possible perspecive. Isn’t it?
So really forgiving oneself and forgiving somebody else isn’t all that different. Who knows what drove those guys… not saying they should just be excused and not be held accountable if they, say, were victims themselves or whatever, but - forgiveness is always possible. especially when there is repentence.

Prayer helps. I like to pray for people who hurt me. Really, I have done that. Somebody robbed me one time and I lit a candle at church for him the same day, after going through all the chaos of having to block my bank card and getting cash without a card on a Sunday… somehow I had actually started feeling SORRY for the guy.
(Maybe also because I know how bad I would feel if I had done something like that!)

I think it is so wonderful that there are people who want to seek forgiveness. People like you. I think this is the beginning of world peace.

Kathrin

 

[FlatAffect]

I have been the recipient of some brutal violence as well. As previous poster indicated, the best thing you can do is pray for your attackers. I know it is hard. The first time I prayed for mine, I just kind of rolled my eyes at God and said, “you know I don’t really mean this!” But the Bible commands us to pray for our enemies. And it took a while but eventually I was able to forgive him. But in the end, I drew closer to God through this experience. Much closer than I ever would have imagined. It’s not easy doing what God commands us to do. But if you trust in Him and His ways, you’ll find the rewards well worth it.
If you continue to hate the people who attacked you, then there will always be some part of you that is separated from Jesus. So you have to learn to love Jesus more than you hate your perpetrators. You are forgiving them in order to draw closer to Jesus, not excusing them for their actions.

 

[Ryan29]

Hello Ryan,

So really forgiving oneself and forgiving somebody else isn’t all that different. Who knows what drove those guys… not saying they should just be excused and not be held accountable if they, say, were victims themselves or whatever, but - forgiveness is always possible. especially when there is repentence.

Prayer helps. I like to pray for people who hurt me. Really, I have done that. Somebody robbed me one time and I lit a candle at church for him the same day, after going through all the chaos of having to block my bank card and getting cash without a card on a Sunday… somehow I had actually started feeling SORRY for the guy.
(Maybe also because I know how bad I would feel if I had done something like that!)
Kathrin

I think you are right, you have such kind wisdom. When I was thinking about your words I remember the last thing I heard from one of them say, he said as he got into the passenger seat, “Oh man, I wonder if we will go to hell for this?!” Then they sped off. I wonder if that was an admission of guilt by incorporating possible spiritual damnation into the situation said something about the person, at least one of them. I will take to what you said and time and prayer will resolve the pain of the past. What scared me most is that if God wasn’t on my side or looking down on me at that time I wonder what more could have happened. I always looked for the silver lining and there actually is quite a bit, things could have been worse, but for a sheltered and overprotected teenager this was a lot. Yet, I have started to pray before bed and talk to God and within the spirit of Jesus’s forgiveness I am starting to feel more comfortable around other people. Its a slow process, but it starts to me with learning to forgive myself and love the person that Jesus loves that’s in me. :yup:

Thanks for all your kind words.:angel1:

 

[Kathrin]

You just reminded me of what I also wanted to say before but then my reply got long and I lost track of everything I wanted to write… But this I think is important too:
It is so easy to get discouraged by bad experiences. And then to think we cannot trust ANYONE anymore. Of course, caution is wise but we need to remember that God is Love and that somewhere deep inside of us there are those seeds of love, and that bad experiences are part of life but: “The past does nto predict the future.” (I forget where i read or heard that, but I like it.)

Kathrin