If someone is guilty of a mortal sin and does not have the opportunity to be absolved by a priest, then he can make an act of perfect contrition. From the Baltimore Catechism:
However, it is difficult to have perfect contrition, so a lot of prayer and penance should be done by the sinner to obtain it.
My situation is this. I have contacted my local Church and spoke to the good Father about getting into the RCIA program. I am unable to drive and have issues that make sitting in anything except a specially modified chair with extra spine support extremely difficult; it can take me three days to recover from sitting in a waiting room chair at a doctor for a couple of hours. It is not that I am not willing to endure pain, it’s just that the pain feeds other issues which I have mostly dealt with as in I have ways to watch for the signs and methods to mitigate the problems but it is best to try and keep it at a level where my normal medications and rest areas can ease problems.
The good Father is more than willing to work with me to do the RCIA program in a way where he or his fellow Priest will visit to work with me to complete the program. I have tremendous motivation as my heart, my mind and my soul tell me that I have found what I have looked for all my life and I will not give up because of mere physical issues.
This has been an extremely busy time for the local Church as they built a new building for their growth and are working hard to pay off the cost and continue their work with so many in need. His Superior from Rome also visited which has also taken his time which has to be so full already that I fear he does not sleep.
In the meantime, I read the Scripture (Catholic Bible) and I pray a lot because I have much to Confess, Repent and ask Forgiveness. It is a long story but suffice to say I kind of awoke from a thirty year nightmare to finally find the real person inside me. No, I have not lost my mind, it has just been a rough four decades plus in more than a few ways. Yes, I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist and because Almighty God and Christ Jesus brought them into my life, I now have a second chance, in effect a new life.
The problem is that I yearn to be in the presence of a true Priest of the Church. I want so badly to be able to go to Mass one day, though they stream it for people with issues like mine, and to receive Communion. I need to be Baptized.
As I said, until we can put together the program for conversion, I pray. I do not know if I am committing a sin by doing this but I ask Christ Jesus to hear my confession since I am unable to Confess to one of his Priests. I Confess, I Repent and I beg Forgiveness for the sins of my life. I know I was ill for many of those years but I do not believe in excuses. Almighty God gave us free will and those sins are mine, not some issues going on in my mind and body. In my heart I feel that if I could get down onto my knees and spend the rest of whatever time Almighty God allots me before he calls me for Final Judgement that it would not be enough to mitigate what I have done in my life. I have blood on my hands and on my soul, not murder and not from combat but real all the same.
If I were to pass tonight, would I have a chance at Redemption and Forgiveness? I know I am not worthy to enter the Kingdom of Heaven but I would be lying if I said my heart and soul hope that I might somehow be near enough to hear the voice of my wife of 35 years when her time comes as she worships Almighty God and Christ Jesus and to feel her presence and that she might feel mine. We have been like one soul ever since the first time she turned around and smiled at me. I can only hope that somehow we might be together even if there is spiritual distance between us.
I apologize if this has been a rambling post. Again, no excuses, but it was a long night and I did not have much sleep; but once I read the original post, I felt compelled to post myself.
May Almighty God and Christ Jesus Bless you and Keep you Always
OAD/Richard