Forgiving and consequences of actions // Speaking with the Bishop

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Good evening people.

Due to parish struggles and me being treated unjustly by our pastor and the deacon, I have contacted the bishop so that he is aware of the situation. He answered me a few days ago and asked for a conversation with me and the other involved parts of the conflict. The conflict has made it more uncomfortable for my family and me to go to Mass etc. in our parish, which is why we go to other parishes and chapels at the time.

The issue about this for me is about forgiving those who were treating me unjustly. I´ve gone to Confession for it, and I want to try to forgive them. At the same time, I should talk to the bishop to make them not be able to get away with what they did and said without any consequences (for the record it´s not about sexual abuse or anything that would have be considered to need judicial attention). I feel like how I was treated are unfair and I want them to need to face the consequences, and make them apologise - and prevent that these things happen later on. I´ve already managed to print all the emails and stuff I need for the conversation, but I feel like I still have some bad feelings towards them. I´m very glad that a priest I slightly know is going to come with me to the conversation. He has been supportive and helpful, and I´m thankful for that.

I want justice but I still need to manage to be able to fully forgive them, even though they haven´t apologized to me. So how do I cope with both bringing this to the attention of the bishop and still not feeding the bad feelings that I have towards them? Are there any sorts of ways I could cope with this in a better way than what I already do?

Please pray for me.
God bless!
 
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Fr. Mike Schmitz on YouTube puts it well. Forgiveness is just saying, “I know that you [the person who wronged me] have taken a lot from me. You owe me X, Y, and Z. But. Just as Christ has released me from my debt of Hell, I release you from what you owe me.”

Just meditate on that as often and as much as you need. It’ll get easier as time passes and the situation is further away.
 
I have found when I forgive, that sometimes I “take it back” and have to do it over again.

Praying for those who have wronged you helps.

And seeking for justice in no way is precluded by or precludes forgiveness.
 
I see, I can relate to that.

I will try to manage to use the conversation with the bishop for a reconzilational purpose instead of trying to get back at them. I guess it´s a more fruitful way to approach it in.
 
Kima said:
I want justice
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This ^ stood out to me. This is too forceful. I see in it a pressumption that you are the correct one. I also see a lack of mercy here. This sort of demand boarders on revenge, if it’s not disguised revenge. I think you need to slow down.
 
When it gets to this point I suppose things have already been very hard and unjust on you.

It’s terrible, managing the expectation of facing injustice having to relieve the whole thing. And managing the meanwhile, when you haven’t gotten any closure. One way, or the other…If you’ve gotten an appointment with the Bishop ABSOLUTELY GO!!

BE AS DISPASSIONATE AS YOU CAN DURING THE WHOLE INTERVIEW, THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN -A USUAL PITFALL- IS TO GET PASSIONATE, THAT GRANTS REASON TO THE OPPOSING PARTY.
 
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1Lord1Faith said:
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Kima:
I want justice
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This ^ stood out to me. This is too forceful. I see in it a pressumption that you are the correct one. I also see a lack of mercy here. This sort of demand boarders on revenge, if it’s not disguised revenge. I think you need to slow down.
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Nope. “I want justice” is a courageous thing to say and entails objectively recognizing justice has not been done.

Pertaining to deny injustice has been done adds to the injustice and is generally called: GASLIGHTING (I see nothing other than gaslighting in your thought process @1Lord1Faith -and your pretension to forcefully impose gaslighting- and little else).

So there you go @1Lord1Faith…Have one on me: 🍻
 
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What helps me when I get that upset over someone doing me wrong, is I ask myself “In a hundred years, will any of this matter?” Typically the answer is “no” which means I have to let it go. In the rare case the answer is “yes” (only one time so far) I invest more soul-searching to figure out how to deal with it. YMMV, but it works well for me.
 
If one is honest. One can relate to not merely a presumption you are the correct one but indeed ARE the correct one. have you never been wronged and knew you were wronged? If not I envy you.
 
JMMJ said:
What helps me when I get that upset over someone doing me wrong, is I ask myself “In a hundred years, will any of this matter?” Typically the answer is “no” which means I have to let it go. In the rare case the answer is “yes” (only one time so far) I invest more soul-searching to figure out how to deal with it. YMMV, but it works well for me.
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I admire this. I actually wish I could do it. But I can’t. It’s my shortfall. I need the person to repent if they harmed me for me to forgive. I know. I know. I have read many saints who have said it is not necessary for forgiveness. But, I honestly believe that the model of forgiveness is one of Christ. Who requires either ignorance (they know not what they do) or repentance. And logically It’s all i’ve ever been able to muster.
 
My motives for developing the strategy were selfish. I realized by holding on and not forgiving, I was cheating myself out of the peace in life I am always wanting.

It is really amazing. I close my eyes and visualize the scales of justice. My peace on one side, and whatever I am so mad about on the other. Then I visualize the peace side being weighed down because it is so abundent, while the madness side floats up (as in it is weightless). For me, it really works! It takes discipline, though, because it is easy to forget to do the exercise. Anyhow, often times the only way I can get the scale to move is to consider the “100 year question”.

Stress is a terrible thing, phsycially speaking, and carrying around anger, disappointment, hurt (or whatever) because someone else was a jerk is really not healthy!
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
. I need the person to repent if they harmed me for me to forgive.
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I put them in God’s Hands and let Him take care of them… One way or the other! I just tell God I’m leaving them up to Him, sometimes over and over, through a period of months or years.

And now that I’ve been Catholic for a while, I see how much God forgives me, and that makes it easier. It is hard, because I want to hang on to that feeling of … being better than them, thinking of them as evil rather than hurt or ignorant, of being righteously angry, etc.

I heard someone say holding back forgiveness is like poisoning oneself and expecting the other one to be harmed.
 
Thank you all for your replies.
I will try to use the appointment to talk about my side of the story, but try to make things okay again if they seem to want to do so as well. I´m trying to become more conciliatory, and I hope that I may use this opportunity to do so.

This whole thing makes it harder for me to approach the parish and arrangements happening there. Not to forget to mention, that I nowadays travel like 45 min for the Sunday Mass I attend, and Confession is going to be less frequent.

I´m praying that I may get rid of the bad feelings towards them that is still left inside of me, and that God may take it away. May God help me forgive, and help me have some closure.
 
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@(name removed by moderator) the hard part about forgiving is when the damages are ongoing…

Because then you’d have to ask:“Please God, give me the spiritual grace to forgive and grant me the temporal graceS to somehow be able to live through this…”
 
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