forgiving yourself

[annabegins9]

I’ve been reading the posts on this forum for a while and I’ve been wanting some advice so here goes… I’ve lied a lot in my life and are truly remorseful for it. I’m pretty sure it had to do with my lack of self-esteem and I’ve gone to confession and spilled my guts about everything… These lies were about silly things that didn’t really hurt anyone but made me think that people would like me better. I’ve done this for a good part of my life and have been trying SO hard not to lie about anything, that I’m over analyzing everything I say to everyone I say it too. I’m so scared of lying again, that I go over in my mind all the conversations I’ve had and wonder if anything I’ve said was untrue or exaggerated. I know that god had forgiven me… but how can I forgive myself and let this go? I struggle with this daily so if anyone has any advice… I’d appreciate it… Thanks…

 

[dashso40]

The hardest thing to do is forgive yourself…A priest once told me to leave all my sins at the foot of the cross…Jesus takes them and forgives you…that’s why He came to us…to save us…confess your sins and live a life that follows Jesus and honestly try not to repeat the same sin…if you do, confess and pray…we all make mistakes…you’re not alone…

 

[withwind]

These lies were about silly things that didn’t really hurt anyone but made me think that people would like me better.

… but how can I forgive myself and let this go? I struggle with this daily so if anyone has any advice… I’d appreciate it… Thanks…

I think it is so important and a blessing to realize this is your daily struggling. I think that it is the sign of changing for the better of you.

Forgiving oneself requires a lot of humility also. For various reasons, one cannot forgive himself because he has a hard time acknowledging or accepting who he was and is. He is still having the desire to want everybody to like him. Another serious thing, he is focusing so much on himself and not on God’s mercy.

I am not saying all the reasons above point to you. Pray that you find peace and free of this guilt - be patient though.

 

[army_girl]

Although I agree with everyone else, my question to you is, why don’t you believe people will like you for who you are. God has made you in his image, so you are beautiful as you are … faults and all! I was brought up to believe that if someone doesn’t like you for who you are then they will never truely be your friend. Forgive yourself and trust that when you become yourself people will not need the lies to like you.
God Bless
Amanda

 

[otjm]

In all seriousness, you ;might want to look into some counseling. It is unlikely you are going to get the help from an internet site, or talking with a friend. It almsot sounds as if you have a tendency towards scrupulosity, or something closely related. Please, look into counseling.

 

[StCsDavid]

As a sales guy, I sometimes struggle with this very thing. Not that I ever lie about what I’m selling, but sometimes I embellish a story just to make it more interesting and make the customer more interested in me. People buy from people they like. For the most part I’ve overcome this temptation, but there are times when I find myself slipping back into the old habits. Recognize that habits are often difficult to break, but the struggle also highlights how much we need a Savior like Our Lord Jesus Christ. Take it in small steps. Tell yourself, “I won’t lie, today” instead of “I’ll never ever lie again as long as I live.” If you make it through the day without lying, praise God for the victory. If you don’t, praise God for the defeat and desire to persevere. Consecrate each day to do the truth.

 

[centurionguard]

What I have to say here is by no means personal. Maybe it’s because I have not been feeling myself lately due to sickness from my acute diabetes with the threat of losing one of my legs and recent overnight hospital stays. I have never been one to think of God as some goody, goody God who will smooth all miseries over in our sufferings. I also have a difficult time believing in miracles although I am not altogether pessimistic in that belief.
Quite bluntly I have to ask where was God’s Mercy when I was tortured, and gang-raped at gunpoint ? Was it a blessing or curse. Where is God’s Mercy when hundreds of thousands of children, women, and men are violently raped around the world every year ?
I see multi-millions of people in this world who have been victims of rape. Where was God in their suffering pain. Many people in this world live in the bondage slavery to suffering not unlike God’s first chosen race held captive by the Egyptians during the time of Moses.
I find myself feeling like Job. Who Am I that I should complain and cry out to my beloved God and tell Him he is wrong doing nothing to alleviate some of the worst sufferings imaginable in this world. Sometimes I do get angry at God. But soon after I find myself cowering in fear and humility feeling guilt that I have raised my voice to God.
My pain runs so deep at times that I have even lost the capacity to cry emotionally.
Sometimes bitterness follows, yet God brings me back to that sense of humility.
And yes; I do thank Him for that. Does it take away the pain in my heart ?
Difficult to say other than when you truly feel you are in a state of humility I can perceive
some indescribable sense of God’s presence. A sense of inner peace that I so wish would last forever. Not sure if I have been able to articulate adequately what some others here might relate to or understand.

 

[Salonika]

annabegins:

I’ve been reading the posts on this forum for a while and I’ve been wanting some advice so here goes… I’ve lied a lot in my life and are truly remorseful for it … I’m so scared of lying again, that I go over in my mind all the conversations I’ve had and wonder if anything I’ve said was untrue or exaggerated.

A suggestion which may be worth trying is as well as recalling when you have not told the truth ALSO recall those times when you have told the truth, especially it situations in which you would have probably lied before or exaggerated. This may give you a feeling of progress.

And remember most habits - good and bad - take time to break, especially if they are long-standing.
annabegins:

I know that god had forgiven me… but how can I forgive myself and let this go? I struggle with this daily so if anyone has any advice… I’d appreciate it… Thanks…

Maybe it would help if you imagined yourself talking with a friend who had the same problem. What would you say to them when they had had a relapse? Would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself? If not, why not?

StCsDavid:

Take it in small steps. Tell yourself, “I won’t lie, today” instead of “I’ll never ever lie again as long as I live.”

Think this is very good advice about living in the moment - can be when our imagination takes over that we start to revert.

You also need people who can help you - please consider spiritual direction (especially as you mention over-analysing and maybe scrupulousity) and/or counselling.

Finally, congratulations on deciding to turn your life around and the progress you have already made. I think you a very courageous and conscientious person - try not to let your conscientiousness slow down or undermine your progress.

Best wishes

Salonika

 

[annabegins9]

I wanted to thank everyone for their replies to my question. I do have a support system that I have confided in consisting of family members and my best friend. I think this is just going to take some time and I’ll take things day by day. Thank you again for all you’re happy thoughts, and god bless all of you too…