Former-Catholic Communion Etiquette?

[Plebevac]

Hello

I went to church with my aunt today for ash Wednesday, we had been talking about going to church together for months and today seemed nice.

I was raised Catholic, catholic school until 9th grade, had first communion, but chose not to be confirmed. I am no longer religious but consider myself a good person and strive for peace.

So for communion, in the 90s and 00s we were taught if you don’t want to take communion you can still walk up and cross your arms to receive a blessing then go back to the pew. I would normally just stay in the pew and let people in and out easily, but today was ashes during communion so I walked up, crossed my arms to the bread lady, she looked at me weird for a second, then blessed me, and then got my ashes and went back to pew.

Is this bad? Should I not receive ashes either? Should I just stay in pew no matter what? I feel that by crossing my arms and walking up with people that I am showing respect to their religion and also not eating the eucharist. Just curious because I do end up at a Catholic church every now and then. The double communion and ash line at the same time made it extra tricky.

Thanks!

 

[DeniseNY]

the bread lady

What is a bread lady?

 

[Plebevac]

Sorry I should have researched the name first.

Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion

PS: What about wine as well as a non catholic ? Although I probably wouldn’t do it anyways because of the germs . Just curious.

Thanks again!

 

[TheLittleLady]

Ashes are supposed to be distributed apart from Communion.

The “bread lady” is an Extraordinary Minister of the Holy Eucharist, she has been instructed not to give out blessings because that is not what the Communion queue is for. It is over, but, in the future stay in the pew during Communion.

Ashes may be received by even the most hardened atheist. I hope that this time will draw you to the practice of your Faith!

 

[TheLittleLady]

What about wine as well as a non catholic ? Although I probably wouldn’t do it anyways because of the germs . Just curious.

You are Catholic by virtue of your Baptism. You may be a fallen away Catholic, but, you are Catholic.

Both the species of Bread and of Wine are the Holy Eucharist. They may only be received by those properly disposed (Catholic who is not aware of any grave sin).

 

[Plebevac]

Thank you!!

 

[Edmundus1581]

Hello

Welcome

So for communion, in the 90s and 00s we were taught if you don’t want to take communion you can still walk up and cross your arms to receive a blessing then go back to the pew. I would normally just stay in the pew and let people in and out easily, but today was ashes during communion so I walked up, crossed my arms to the bread lady, she looked at me weird for a second, then blessed me, and then got my ashes and went back to pew.
…
Just curious because I do end up at a Catholic church every now and then. The double communion and ash line at the same time made it extra tricky.
…

I would say that you did very well in how you approached this, and it’s not your fault that you ended up a little uncomfortable.

Firstly, on the matter of approaching communion with crossed arms, be aware that here in CAF the subject is an old, thorny issue which gets the same divided response every time. Some will say that it is not permitted and others will say that it’s fine. There is no clear directive from the church on the matter, apart from some countries and dioceses where it is specifically allowed (eg. my link below from the Diocese of Pennsylvania below). It is widely practiced in most parishes and Cathedrals in the west and you can safely assume that it is OK unless informed otherwise (which I’ve only heard of as a very rare instance).

In other words, what you were taught in the '90’s and '00’s still applies, and you did the right thing on Ash Wednesday and should feel free to do so again, or also stay in the pew as you’ve indicated you prefer.

Ashes are supposed to be distributed apart from Communion.
…
Ashes may be received by even the most hardened atheist. I hope that this time will draw you to the practice of your Faith!

Yes, and Yes!

The “bread lady” is an Extraordinary Minister of the Holy Eucharist, she has been instructed not to give out blessings because that is not what the Communion queue is for.

That can’t be assumed at all. It is just as likely that she was inexperienced, has received little instruction, and was momentarily confused by an adult approaching with arms crossed. While EMHC’s are sometimes instructed in how to give blessings, and how not to (ie. don’t bless with the host), I’ve never heard of them being instructed not to give a blessing at all. I guess it’s possible, but certainly can’t be assumed, and the norm is for them to do so.

I’ve been to very traditional parishes in England and Poland and seen adults approach the priest with arms crossed and receive a blessing and without the slightest demurement from the priest.

https://www.dosp.org/worship/wp-con...ary-Minister-of-Communion-give-a-blessing.pdf

 

[Plebevac]

Wow that is very interesting.

Thank you for your thorough response!

 

[graciew]

That was nice that you are your aunt could go together. She must have been so glad .
You did fine…
I just loved it that you considered your aunt’s invitation for Ash Wednesday.
Welcome Taylor !

 

[paperwight]

She may have been temporarily unsure whether you were crossing your arms because you wanted to receive on the tongue.

 

[Kima]

Ashes are for anyone who wants.
Communion are for practicing Catholics in the state of grace (who aren´t familiar of any unconfessed grave sins).

To the Faith in general - feel free to ask questions on this forum, and feel free to PM if you would like to
I will say a prayer for you right now

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Let Taylor be led by Your Holy Spirit. Amen.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I would normally just stay in the pew and let people in and out easily, but today was ashes during communion so I walked up, crossed my arms to the bread lady, she looked at me weird for a second, then blessed me, and then got my ashes and went back to pew.

As someone said above, the idea of whether a person not receiving Holy Communion should go up with arms crossed for a blessing is controversial. Some parishes permit or even encourage it, other parishes do not permit or discourage it. You may also run into some EMHCs or even priests who have not seen someone coming up with crossed arms before and are momentarily startled or don’t know what to do when they see you.

Please be aware that only a priest can bless you. The EMHC cannot bless you. She can ask God to bless you but she cannot confer a blessing herself. If you want to definitely get a blessing with your arms crossed then you need to get in the line with a priest at the front.

Please also be aware that some priests do not like this practice of people coming up with arms crossed for a blessing, so you may run into some less-than-welcoming reactions.

 

[Phemie]

Please also be aware that some priests do not like this practice of people coming up with arms crossed

True. We had a pastor for a couple of years who didn’t even bless little children who accompanied their parents at Communion time. This irritated one parishioner who would always request a blessing and complained that it should be done without having to request it. He just said that Communion time was not the time for blessings. He would happily bless your child outside of Mass if you requested it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think there have been some past threads on here of people who went up for a blessing, didn’t get it, and were upset about it. It usually seems to happen when the people come from some parish or area where the blessings are commonly given and then go to some other parish or area where the priest has different ideas or where the practice is not so common.

Unfortunately, the priest is not required to give them a blessing in the Communion line, so there is some potential for hurt feelings if you don’t know for sure that the priest follows the practice.

 

[tafan2]

First time I have ever heard of ashes being distributed during communion. Very strange.

 

[TomH1]

I was surprised that ashes were distributed during Holy Communion.

As a Catholic who has made their first Communion you can receive Communion if you are properly disposed. By that I mean free from mortal sin. That would entail you having gone to confession and received absolution.

I know it happens in many places but I see no need to go up in the Communion line for a blessing. Everyone at Mass is blessed at the end of Mass by the priest.

An EMHC should not have blessed you. Only a priest can give a blessing.

I hope this will give you the impetus to return to your Faith.

 

[Gorgias]

There is no clear directive from the church on the matter, apart from some countries and dioceses where it is specifically allowed (eg. my link below from the Diocese of Pennsylvania below).

Umm… I think you mean “St Petersburg”. We Catholics in Pennsylvania would be quite surprised to find out that our eight dioceses had been suppressed and replaced with a single state-wide diocese.

on the matter of approaching communion with crossed arms, be aware that here in CAF the subject is an old, thorny issue which gets the same divided response every time. Some will say that it is not permitted and others will say that it’s fine.

Yep. It makes for entertaining reading.

One distinction, though: in this case, it’s not just “can there be blessings at communion time?”, but also “can the laity offer a blessing at communion time?”… and the Church has answered that question “no” (although, not with the force of universal law).

I’ve never heard of [EMHCs] being instructed not to give a blessing at all.

Check out this analysis.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’ve never heard of them being instructed not to give a blessing at all.

In the parishes of my Diocese, these instructions are supposed to be made clear before the commission is issued. We do annual training/re-training so EMHCs are reminded of all of the guidelines. Being on the opposite side of the coin, I have not heard of it being permitted

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Presumably, the EMHC would be trained to say, “May God bless you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit” which I understand is permitted. Laypeople at one parish I attend bless each other that way at the conclusion of a prayer group. The blessing is however coming from God, not the EMHC.
When it’s a priest, he can confer the blessing directly.

 

[graciew]

I do not know if this is permitted or not honestly, probably not like that…I never really paid much attention to what was to be done on the altar because there were enough EMHC for that.
When we did Visitation Ministry , the wording at the end was , if I remember well, “ May God bless us, and protect us, and bring us to everlasting life. Amen”
I do not have the little handbook with me , but the concept was more of an “ us” . Not that we were blessing “ you” .
I do not think though that we are allowed a blessing as EMHC,in fact not… but if I were on a tough spot, I might just say “ May God bless us” without any other physical gesture, than maybe a smile.
I was only a Visitation person not in the altar, as I said,so I am coming out on one limb here…